0:00:03.965,0:00:08.539 Breaking Bad Habits 0:00:08.539,0:00:14.441 (Questioner) I'm very glad to see you again.[br]Thank you for all the help that you've been 0:00:14.441,0:00:20.249 providing to me and a lot of people. [br]Definitely your wisdom is 0:00:20.249,0:00:31.117 very well accepted. I'm doing pretty good [br]lately and at times I feel a lot of equanimity, 0:00:31.117,0:00:38.626 really a lot of peace [br]but there's always a voice behind like that. 0:00:38.626,0:00:49.170 I'm afraid to go back to my habits [br]and even that I improve a lot 0:00:49.170,0:00:56.754 there are still moments that [br]I fall back and it's with less intensity. 0:00:56.754,0:01:05.896 But there's a certain kind of frustration [br]when that happens, 0:01:05.896,0:01:12.627 the practice has been incredible.[br]How can I explain maybe 0:01:12.627,0:01:22.548 most of my mental afflictions has been [br]at ease a lot? A lot of work definitely is 0:01:22.548,0:01:34.342 by going and reflecting and I feel much [br]better. Now that I'm feeling equanimity, 0:01:34.342,0:01:40.871 I've been possibly a few weeks feeling very [br]good. There's always a nervousness 0:01:40.871,0:01:50.546 that I'm going to fall to my habitual patterns [br]and in some way I think a little negative 0:01:50.546,0:01:58.323 thinking, but it is so difficult to break [br]these habitual patterns. 0:01:58.323,0:02:03.480 Why is it so difficult? [br]Simply simply asking, 0:02:03.480,0:02:15.240 (Sunim) Has your relationship [br]with your daughter improved a lot or 0:02:15.240,0:02:21.980 have you been able to let go of the issues [br]that was hanging over that relationship? 0:02:21.980,0:02:24.150 (Questioner) Yes. 0:02:24.150,0:02:31.160 (Sunim) That's great. [br]Let me ask you a question. 0:02:31.160,0:02:49.456 So what would it be easy? [br]Which one would be easier 0:02:49.456,0:02:56.505 trying something for the first time and [br]succeeding at it or maybe going back to 0:02:56.505,0:03:02.380 something that you have succeeded [br]before and trying it again and succeeding? 0:03:02.380,0:03:11.511 Sometimes it's more difficult to go back [br]and review all these patterns and negative 0:03:11.511,0:03:19.013 stuff. Sometimes it's a little easier but let's [br]call it easier to go through new things. 0:03:19.013,0:03:31.523 But still there's some difficulty in that too [br]but it's a better outcome in some way. Yes 0:03:31.523,0:03:39.950 (Sunim) So you had to deal with [br]a lot of issues before, right? 0:03:39.950,0:03:50.510 Then you say you've gotten better a lot.[br]You can maintain ecuanimities 0:03:50.510,0:03:53.951 and you went through a lot of [br]practice, effort to get there. 0:03:53.951,0:04:09.460 So even if what you are concerned [br]comes true and you go back to 0:04:09.460,0:04:14.825 what you experienced previously,[br]even so would you be better off knowing 0:04:14.825,0:04:20.190 what you know and having the capacity [br]you do or you'd be just as worse as before. 0:04:20.190,0:04:24.739 (Questioner) I'm better off knowing [br]what I know. Now definitely, 0:04:24.739,0:04:31.294 I'm much better off and in some ways [br]very glad that whatever I did 0:04:31.294,0:04:39.651 to overcome this mental attachments [br]so glad that I went through the work 0:04:39.651,0:04:44.049 because I definitely feel [br]that I'm better off like this. 0:04:44.049,0:05:33.411 So, the point I'm trying to make refeel [br]is that you started off at minus 10 0:05:33.411,0:05:39.181 for example and then you worked [br]yourself all the way up to plus 10. 0:05:39.181,0:05:43.836 Even if you relapse, right as you are [br]concerned, you won't relapse all the way 0:05:43.836,0:05:47.531 to minus 10 right [br]you'll relapse maybe to minus 5. 0:05:47.531,0:05:54.927 So, if you stay, if you restart that minus 5, [br]then getting to plus 10 or even 15, 0:05:54.927,0:05:59.052 it is going to be an easier journey.[br]So, what I'm trying to say is that 0:05:59.052,0:06:05.153 even if you relapse that it's not as bad as [br]previously and you have already built 0:06:05.153,0:06:11.411 that capacity to bring yourself back up.[br]So there's no reason for you to be concerned 0:06:11.411,0:06:31.458 Obviously you want to be [br]as mindful as possible of yourself. 0:06:31.458,0:06:37.171 You do not relapse to minus 10 or [br]negative regions. But having said that, 0:06:37.171,0:06:41.508 you should not be scared of relapsing [br]because now have proven to yourself 0:06:41.508,0:06:43.325 that you can come back. 0:06:43.325,0:06:50.234 So, I'm saying that [br]you should not be scared. 0:06:50.234,0:06:54.143 One you won't relapse. 0:06:54.143,0:07:04.610 Even if you do, it's going to be easier for you [br]to come back, so there's no big problem. 0:07:04.610,0:07:15.710 Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that [br]there's nothing there for you to be afraid of. 0:07:15.710,0:07:23.092 (Questioner) Thank you Sunim. [br]I really get the point. 0:07:23.092,0:07:31.883 You are right and positively, there's, I cannot [br]say that it's greediness but definitely 0:07:31.883,0:07:39.928 I understand by experience now that even [br]when I relapse in some kind of a mental 0:07:39.928,0:07:47.581 affliction or attachment to these habitual [br]patterns, the intensity is much more or less. 0:07:47.581,0:07:54.549 I definitely agree with you that from [br]minus stand possibly I work up to 10. 0:07:54.549,0:07:59.456 I agree you are right.[br]I have already experienced that. 0:07:59.456,0:08:03.605 It's good that you mentioned[br]because I do fall but I don't feel 0:08:03.605,0:08:09.619 that I fall that deep anymore. [br]So it's good to know. Thank you very much. 0:08:09.619,0:08:30.284 The fear comes because you are [br]attached to that state of positivity. 0:08:30.284,0:08:35.187 You should just observe that you are [br]in a good state and you are maintaining 0:08:35.187,0:08:40.110 equanimity in peace of mind [br]instead of being attached to that state. 0:08:40.110,0:08:47.690 Our mind is always dynamic.[br]It's always moving. 0:08:47.690,0:08:55.370 Just because you are in a good state now [br]you can't try to grab onto it. 0:08:55.370,0:09:06.079 All you can do is just observe it [br]as it fluctuates, moves in dynamic ways 0:09:06.079,0:09:20.550 The fear comes from your attachment [br]and desire to hold on to that good state. 0:09:20.550,0:09:31.700 The first thing you need to do is not attach [br]yourself to obsess over the current. 0:09:31.700,0:09:40.850 Second, it is for you to realize [br]that even if you go back, 0:09:40.850,0:09:44.660 it's not something for you to be afraid of.