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- [Shannon] So, four years ago today,
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I uploaded the first "So You Wanna Be A Film Nerd" video,
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which was the first StrucciMovies video essay,
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and the first video on this channel.
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I was working a video production job at the time,
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and vaguely knew that I was gonna be laid off,
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and the first day I found out my layoff date,
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I wrote the essay,
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and the day after that
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I cut it and I put it up.
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For something like that--
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I definitely made it in response to
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"I'm being laid off from this job,
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"what am I gonna do next?"
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Four years is a long time.
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I know I've been through a lot
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and changed a lot in the past four years,
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and, of course, the channel has changed plenty as well.
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Fake Friends 2 is very different
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from anything I had made before
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in scope and in tone,
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and while it's only about half a year old,
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putting it out doubled my subscriber count
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and almost tripled my Patreon pledges,
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which I'm all still adjusting to.
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That one video took me from
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"Oh no, do I have to eventually give this up,
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"and get, like, a real job
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"at Starbucks or something?
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"Am I wasting my time?
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"Am I deluding myself?
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"Is this just a glorified hobby?
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"Will I ever get past this level
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"of working so hard--"
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A lot of the videos I made I was making--
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the longer videos averaged out
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to maybe two or three dollars an hour, if that,
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for the work that I put into 'em.
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To, all of a sudden,
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"Oh, I guess this is a career
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"and not a hobby"
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which as been a huge boost for me psychologically,
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and has already massively changed my life
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and my outlook,
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and it gives me so much excitement
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and hope for the future
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of what I'll be able to do with this channel
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and with my work in general.
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A lot of viewers interpreted the Fake Friends series
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as me hating fans
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or the idea of having fans,
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or me being super resentful of my audience,
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but that's pretty far from the truth
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of how I feel about my audience
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and how I feel about my platform.
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I positioned Burnham and McLoughlin as antithetical,
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but they aren't really 100% antithetical.
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Burnham, as presented in his specials and music,
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doesn't straight up hate his fans.
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He hates the parasocial,
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exploitative aspect of the relationship
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and how much validation
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he still continues to draw from it.
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Particularly his Kanye song:
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"Part of me loves you,
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"part of me hates you,
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"part of me needs you,
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"part of me fears you"
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through a layer of Auto-Tune
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for ironic detachment,
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seems to me to be a perfect distillation
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of that internal conflict.
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Someone antithetical to Jacksepticeye
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would straight up hate fans
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and feel no guilt when exploiting them,
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as many people on this platform do,
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whereas Burnham cycles through
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those conflicted feelings.
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I used those clips to really hammer home
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the idea of that conflict
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because it was how I felt,
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and how I continue to feel as well.
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I don't derive validation from my view counts
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or how many comments I get or whatever,
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and I'm lucky that I don't
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because I'd have a very low opinion
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of myself if I did,
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but I have always taken
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a lot of self-worth
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from how much I feel I can help other people,
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or what impact I'm having
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on the world around me.
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There's always an element, for me,
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of "what am I doing here,
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"how can I justify what I'm doing here,
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"what am I failing at,
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"what could I be doing better?"
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And the response to the Film Nerd
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and Fake Friends videos
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and some of my other videos got,
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people saying I made them totally rethink
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their relationship with media
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and the internet
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and helped them realise they were in a bad situation,
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people saying I helped them
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rethink bigoted language,
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people saying I made them more excited
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and less elitist about art,
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specifically film.
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I'm not trying to self-aggrandize,
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at all, trust me,
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and I know I could do better
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and have the potential to do better
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and everything,
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but every single one of those comments
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has been tremendously meaningful to me,
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honestly some of them made me cry,
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and I take my platform
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and its impact
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and the responsibilities I have
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very seriously,
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and the idea of teaching someone
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something helpful
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or improving someone's life in some way,
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or making someone more aware
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or more empathetic,
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is the highest accomplishment I can imagine
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for my work to have.
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And I just wanted to say, sincerely,
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thank you
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to anyone who has ever let their guard down
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and engaged with my work in that way,
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or who has supported or encouraged my work
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or left a thoughtful comment,
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whether in agreement
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or with constructive criticism,
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everyone who said I mumbled
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and talked too fast
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in my old videos was right
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and I should've listened to them sooner (laughs),
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because I am grateful.
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I'm not entitled to this job
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or to this platform
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and I am so incredibly lucky to have it,
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and I am often blown away
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by the support I've gotten.
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And this includes other creators, too,
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people who have been so kind to me
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and so accommodating to me,
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and who have shouted out my work
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or have been a part of my work
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or have had me work with them,
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and just the fact that I can sit here
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and write a review
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for an obscure Korean fantasy webcomic
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about a skeleton,
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and people will,
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instead of laughing me off of the platform,
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enjoy it and be on board
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and respond to it,
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is absolutely wild,
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and I don't ever want to lose touch
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with how lucky I am
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and how weird and fortunate
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my life and situation are.
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I'm still not your friend,
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and I still don't want comments on my appearance
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or on who I'm dating
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or who I'm friends with,
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that's weird.
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Especially for someone who is just naturally shy
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and wary of attention,
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having an audience is weird
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and scary
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and uncomfortable.
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I get a lot more death and rape threats
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or, like, pseudo death and rape threats,
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and just generally weird, disturbing messages
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than I let on that I get,
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and I basically have since I started,
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that's what being a woman on YouTube is,
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but I still really love what I do
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and I'm happy to do it,
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and it's made possible by my audience.
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I've been putting my writing and drawings online
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since I was in elementary school,
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and putting my videos online
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since I was probably in middle school,
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and I was often shouting into a void
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and getting mostly mean, dismissive feedback,
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if there was feedback at all,
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but I kept doing it
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because I love making art for the sake of making art,
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and I would make it either way,
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regardless of if anyone paid attention.
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The fact that I got my start
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making AMVs that nobody watched
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and did that for years
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before ever editing a video essay
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is proof of that.
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But because of the support I've gotten,
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I'm able to make art for a living,
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and the potential for what I'm able to do
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is so much wider,
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and that's-- I can't--
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I don't even know how to internalize that,
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or my gratitude in relation to that,
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or the feedback that I get,
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or the kindness and patience
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that people show me,
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it's just, it's really incredible,
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it's really crazy!
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I've been asked what my end goal
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or my dream job
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or whatever is a few times,
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when I've been interviewed
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or when I've been on podcasts
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or whatever,
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and while I would love
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to also do work in TV or feature film,
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the answer has pretty much always been:
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This. YouTube.
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But maybe with more money
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so that I can do more. (laughs)
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Which is becoming--
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that's actually becoming a reality now,
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which is really wild,
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and I'm so happy that I get to do what I want
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and talk about what I care about,
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and that people are open to responding to it,
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no matter how heavy
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or weird it gets.
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I still have my boundaries,
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I'm gonna do what I want
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whether or not people respond to it,
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people definitely prefer
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some videos more than others,
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but I dunno,
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I debated on what I wanted--
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I knew I wanted to do a video
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for my four year anniversary,
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I thought about what I wanted to do
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and I just wanted to--
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not necessarily directly at people
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who criticize Fake Friends
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and say I hate my audience
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cos I think that's a bad faith interpretation,
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but I did just want to reassess
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that I am grateful
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and that I do appreciate it,
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and that I don't think I'm entitled
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to a thousand dollars a video
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which is, uh, a lot of money,
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or that I'm entitled
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to all of the very supportive,
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very vulnerable comments that I get,
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of people who--
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it's hard to leave a comment
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saying that something changed your life
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cos you might just get some responses
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calling you a loser or whatever,
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it's hard to be vulnerable in that way,
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the internet discourages people
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from being vulnerable in that way,
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and the fact that people reach out anyway
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because they want want to express
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that the work that I made helped them
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or changed them,
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it's really wild,
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so thank you!
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I'm gonna keep doing this
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as long as I can,
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maybe Patreon will collapse,
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maybe YouTube will get shut down
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cos there's so much horrible stuff on the platform
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and advertisers seem to be pulling out,
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but for now,
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I'm gonna keep doing it,
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and, um, now I'm just rambling.
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I am, of course,
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working on more reviews
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and more video essays,
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I always say that,
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and I'm working on more short films,
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Critical Bits has been going really well,
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Critical Bits has been going super well,
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I know that it's very different
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from what my YouTube audience is accustomed to,
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but it's been such a great creative outlet
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and I've really enjoyed having the opportunity
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to kind of start over with a fanbase,
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with more boundaries
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and with a character that people can focus on,
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versus people being weird
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and focusing on me.
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We're actually-- we're about to have Jack Packard on
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from Red Letter Media,
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that'll be late March
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when that episode comes out, I think.
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Jack's been very-- a bunch of people
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have been very supportive of the show.
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- Thanks for listening to our dumb (bleep) show.
(laughing)
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It was crazy
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whenever you tweeted about us,
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cos I was like "why is he doing this?"
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- [Shannon] Obviously there's a horrible dark side
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to the internet
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and to being a content creator
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and to putting yourself out there,
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and so many dangers about
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seeking that kind of validation,
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and empty validation and everything,
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but this year so far,
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it's been so fun,
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and just awesome,
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and I have so much cool stuff
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that I'm excited to put on the channel,
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and so much cool stuff
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that I hope to make in the future.
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I think I've said this outside of Youtube,
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but for Fake Friends 3
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I want to make a real documentary
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with interviews of people,
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hopefully academics,
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maybe some content creators,
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maybe some bigger name people,
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I want to actually go out and film
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and record interviews,
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that is not within my scope yet,
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I think just as soon as I realized
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I was making more money
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my plans for it got way bigger
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and now I'm not going to settle
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so it might take a while to make it.
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I'm so excited that that's even a possibility
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and it just--
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thinking of the person
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that I was in 2015
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when I started this channel,
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I'm a much happier person now
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and I believe in myself
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and the work that I'm doing a lot more,
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and I'm a much more confident person.
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And I complain a lot,
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and there's a lot to complain about
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with harassment and everything,
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but I for real am really happy
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and really grateful
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and really excited
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over the next couple of years.
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I really sincerely would be happy
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to just keep doing this forever.
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I don't need to transition into television
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or whatever,
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or transition into feature filmmaking
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with wide distribution
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to feel validated
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because, like I said,
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I get validation when I feel like
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my work has meant something to someone
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and so many people have been so kind
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in their responses,
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so I'm really happy, for now.
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I'm really happy with the work that I do
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and with its potential,
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and I had a script and I've just gone off of it
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and I'm just rambling, um,
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yeah.
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So, thanks!