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- [Shannon] So, four years ago today,

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I uploaded the first "So You Wanna Be A Film Nerd" video,

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which was the first StrucciMovies video essay,

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and the first video on this channel.

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I was working a video production job at the time,

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and vaguely knew that I was gonna be laid off,

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and the first day I found out my layoff date,

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I wrote the essay,

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and the day after that

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I cut it and I put it up.

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For something like that--

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I definitely made it in response to

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"I'm being laid off from this job,

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"what am I gonna do next?"

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Four years is a long time.

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I know I've been through a lot

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and changed a lot in the past four years,

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and, of course, the channel has changed plenty as well.

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Fake Friends 2 is very different

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from anything I had made before

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in scope and in tone,

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and while it's only about half a year old,

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putting it out doubled my subscriber count

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and almost tripled my Patreon pledges,

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which I'm all still adjusting to.

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That one video took me from

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"Oh no, do I have to eventually give this up,

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"and get, like, a real job

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"at Starbucks or something?

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"Am I wasting my time?

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"Am I deluding myself?

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"Is this just a glorified hobby?

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"Will I ever get past this level

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"of working so hard--"

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A lot of the videos I made I was making--

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the longer videos averaged out

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to maybe two or three dollars an hour, if that,

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for the work that I put into 'em.

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To, all of a sudden,

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"Oh, I guess this is a career

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"and not a hobby"

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which as been a huge boost for me psychologically,

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and has already massively changed my life

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and my outlook,

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and it gives me so much excitement

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and hope for the future

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of what I'll be able to do with this channel

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and with my work in general.

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A lot of viewers interpreted the Fake Friends series

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as me hating fans

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or the idea of having fans,

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or me being super resentful of my audience,

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but that's pretty far from the truth

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of how I feel about my audience

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and how I feel about my platform.

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I positioned Burnham and McLoughlin as antithetical,

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but they aren't really 100% antithetical.

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Burnham, as presented in his specials and music,

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doesn't straight up hate his fans.

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He hates the parasocial,

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exploitative aspect of the relationship

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and how much validation

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he still continues to draw from it.

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Particularly his Kanye song:

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"Part of me loves you,

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"part of me hates you,

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"part of me needs you,

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"part of me fears you"

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through a layer of Auto-Tune

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for ironic detachment,

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seems to me to be a perfect distillation

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of that internal conflict.

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Someone antithetical to Jacksepticeye

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would straight up hate fans

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and feel no guilt when exploiting them,

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as many people on this platform do,

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whereas Burnham cycles through

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those conflicted feelings.

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I used those clips to really hammer home

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the idea of that conflict

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because it was how I felt,

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and how I continue to feel as well.

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I don't derive validation from my view counts

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or how many comments I get or whatever,

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and I'm lucky that I don't

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because I'd have a very low opinion

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of myself if I did,

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but I have always taken

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a lot of self-worth

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from how much I feel I can help other people,

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or what impact I'm having

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on the world around me.

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There's always an element, for me,

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of "what am I doing here,

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"how can I justify what I'm doing here,

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"what am I failing at,

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"what could I be doing better?"

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And the response to the Film Nerd

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and Fake Friends videos

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and some of my other videos got,

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people saying I made them totally rethink

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their relationship with media

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and the internet

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and helped them realise they were in a bad situation,

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people saying I helped them

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rethink bigoted language,

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people saying I made them more excited

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and less elitist about art,

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specifically film.

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I'm not trying to self-aggrandize,

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at all, trust me,

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and I know I could do better

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and have the potential to do better

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and everything,

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but every single one of those comments

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has been tremendously meaningful to me,

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honestly some of them made me cry,

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and I take my platform

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and its impact

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and the responsibilities I have

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very seriously,

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and the idea of teaching someone

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something helpful

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or improving someone's life in some way,

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or making someone more aware

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or more empathetic,

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is the highest accomplishment I can imagine

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for my work to have.

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And I just wanted to say, sincerely,

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thank you

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to anyone who has ever let their guard down

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and engaged with my work in that way,

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or who has supported or encouraged my work

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or left a thoughtful comment,

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whether in agreement

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or with constructive criticism,

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everyone who said I mumbled

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and talked too fast

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in my old videos was right

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and I should've listened to them sooner (laughs),

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because I am grateful.

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I'm not entitled to this job

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or to this platform

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and I am so incredibly lucky to have it,

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and I am often blown away

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by the support I've gotten.

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And this includes other creators, too,

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people who have been so kind to me

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and so accommodating to me,

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and who have shouted out my work

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or have been a part of my work

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or have had me work with them,

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and just the fact that I can sit here

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and write a review

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for an obscure Korean fantasy webcomic

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about a skeleton,

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and people will,

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instead of laughing me off of the platform,

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enjoy it and be on board

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and respond to it,

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is absolutely wild,

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and I don't ever want to lose touch

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with how lucky I am

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and how weird and fortunate

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my life and situation are.

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I'm still not your friend,

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and I still don't want comments on my appearance

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or on who I'm dating

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or who I'm friends with,

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that's weird.

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Especially for someone who is just naturally shy

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and wary of attention,

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having an audience is weird

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and scary

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and uncomfortable.

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I get a lot more death and rape threats

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or, like, pseudo death and rape threats,

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and just generally weird, disturbing messages

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than I let on that I get,

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and I basically have since I started,

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that's what being a woman on YouTube is,

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but I still really love what I do

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and I'm happy to do it,

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and it's made possible by my audience.

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I've been putting my writing and drawings online

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since I was in elementary school,

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and putting my videos online

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since I was probably in middle school,

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and I was often shouting into a void

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and getting mostly mean, dismissive feedback,

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if there was feedback at all,

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but I kept doing it

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because I love making art for the sake of making art,

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and I would make it either way,

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regardless of if anyone paid attention.

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The fact that I got my start

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making AMVs that nobody watched

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and did that for years

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before ever editing a video essay

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is proof of that.

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But because of the support I've gotten,

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I'm able to make art for a living,

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and the potential for what I'm able to do

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is so much wider,

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and that's-- I can't--

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I don't even know how to internalize that,

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or my gratitude in relation to that,

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or the feedback that I get,

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or the kindness and patience

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that people show me,

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it's just, it's really incredible,

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it's really crazy!

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I've been asked what my end goal

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or my dream job

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or whatever is a few times,

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when I've been interviewed

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or when I've been on podcasts

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or whatever,

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and while I would love

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to also do work in TV or feature film,

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the answer has pretty much always been:

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This. YouTube.

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But maybe with more money

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so that I can do more. (laughs)

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Which is becoming--

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that's actually becoming a reality now,

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which is really wild,

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and I'm so happy that I get to do what I want

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and talk about what I care about,

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and that people are open to responding to it,

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no matter how heavy

0:05:58.046,0:05:59.147
or weird it gets.

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I still have my boundaries,

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I'm gonna do what I want

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whether or not people respond to it,

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people definitely prefer

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some videos more than others,

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but I dunno,

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I debated on what I wanted--

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I knew I wanted to do a video

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for my four year anniversary,

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I thought about what I wanted to do

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and I just wanted to--

0:06:12.524,0:06:14.450
not necessarily directly at people

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who criticize Fake Friends

0:06:15.947,0:06:16.922
and say I hate my audience

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cos I think that's a bad faith interpretation,

0:06:18.964,0:06:20.197
but I did just want to reassess

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that I am grateful

0:06:21.428,0:06:22.859
and that I do appreciate it,

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and that I don't think I'm entitled

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to a thousand dollars a video

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which is, uh, a lot of money,

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or that I'm entitled

0:06:27.893,0:06:29.071
to all of the very supportive,

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very vulnerable comments that I get,

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of people who--

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it's hard to leave a comment

0:06:34.153,0:06:35.494
saying that something changed your life

0:06:35.494,0:06:37.291
cos you might just get some responses

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calling you a loser or whatever,

0:06:38.791,0:06:40.005
it's hard to be vulnerable in that way,

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the internet discourages people

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from being vulnerable in that way,

0:06:42.774,0:06:44.604
and the fact that people reach out anyway

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because they want want to express

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that the work that I made helped them

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or changed them,

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it's really wild,

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so thank you!

0:06:50.400,0:06:51.305
I'm gonna keep doing this

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as long as I can,

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maybe Patreon will collapse,

0:06:54.154,0:06:55.523
maybe YouTube will get shut down

0:06:55.523,0:06:57.710
cos there's so much horrible stuff on the platform

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and advertisers seem to be pulling out,

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but for now,

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I'm gonna keep doing it,

0:07:01.845,0:07:04.420
and, um, now I'm just rambling.

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I am, of course,

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working on more reviews

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and more video essays,

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I always say that,

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and I'm working on more short films,

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Critical Bits has been going really well,

0:07:12.212,0:07:13.731
Critical Bits has been going super well,

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I know that it's very different

0:07:14.760,0:07:16.660
from what my YouTube audience is accustomed to,

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but it's been such a great creative outlet

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and I've really enjoyed having the opportunity

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to kind of start over with a fanbase,

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with more boundaries

0:07:23.132,0:07:25.483
and with a character that people can focus on,

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versus people being weird

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and focusing on me.

0:07:27.796,0:07:30.260
We're actually-- we're about to have Jack Packard on

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from Red Letter Media,

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that'll be late March

0:07:32.428,0:07:33.949
when that episode comes out, I think.

0:07:33.949,0:07:35.069
Jack's been very-- a bunch of people

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have been very supportive of the show.

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- Thanks for listening to our dumb (bleep) show.[br](laughing)

0:07:39.800,0:07:40.602
It was crazy

0:07:40.602,0:07:41.953
whenever you tweeted about us,

0:07:41.953,0:07:43.315
cos I was like "why is he doing this?"

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- [Shannon] Obviously there's a horrible dark side

0:07:45.703,0:07:46.581
to the internet

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and to being a content creator

0:07:48.386,0:07:50.963
and to putting yourself out there,

0:07:50.963,0:07:52.813
and so many dangers about

0:07:52.813,0:07:54.079
seeking that kind of validation,

0:07:54.079,0:07:55.562
and empty validation and everything,

0:07:55.562,0:07:57.212
but this year so far,

0:07:57.212,0:07:59.142
it's been so fun,

0:07:59.142,0:08:00.239
and just awesome,

0:08:00.239,0:08:02.243
and I have so much cool stuff

0:08:02.243,0:08:03.667
that I'm excited to put on the channel,

0:08:03.667,0:08:04.452
and so much cool stuff

0:08:04.452,0:08:05.595
that I hope to make in the future.

0:08:05.595,0:08:08.495
I think I've said this outside of Youtube,

0:08:08.495,0:08:09.687
but for Fake Friends 3

0:08:09.687,0:08:11.360
I want to make a real documentary

0:08:11.360,0:08:12.999
with interviews of people,

0:08:12.999,0:08:13.916
hopefully academics,

0:08:13.916,0:08:14.906
maybe some content creators,

0:08:14.906,0:08:16.413
maybe some bigger name people,

0:08:16.413,0:08:17.889
I want to actually go out and film

0:08:17.889,0:08:18.868
and record interviews,

0:08:18.868,0:08:20.332
that is not within my scope yet,

0:08:20.332,0:08:21.397
I think just as soon as I realized

0:08:21.397,0:08:22.714
I was making more money

0:08:22.714,0:08:24.010
my plans for it got way bigger

0:08:24.010,0:08:24.975
and now I'm not going to settle

0:08:24.975,0:08:26.242
so it might take a while to make it.

0:08:26.242,0:08:28.143
I'm so excited that that's even a possibility

0:08:28.143,0:08:29.183
and it just--

0:08:29.183,0:08:30.350
thinking of the person

0:08:30.350,0:08:31.813
that I was in 2015

0:08:31.813,0:08:32.979
when I started this channel,

0:08:32.979,0:08:34.926
I'm a much happier person now

0:08:34.926,0:08:36.580
and I believe in myself

0:08:36.580,0:08:37.985
and the work that I'm doing a lot more,

0:08:37.985,0:08:39.673
and I'm a much more confident person.

0:08:39.673,0:08:40.403
And I complain a lot,

0:08:40.403,0:08:41.476
and there's a lot to complain about

0:08:41.476,0:08:42.919
with harassment and everything,

0:08:42.919,0:08:45.044
but I for real am really happy

0:08:45.044,0:08:45.740
and really grateful

0:08:45.740,0:08:46.547
and really excited

0:08:46.547,0:08:49.248
over the next couple of years.

0:08:49.248,0:08:51.290
I really sincerely would be happy

0:08:51.290,0:08:52.614
to just keep doing this forever.

0:08:52.614,0:08:55.048
I don't need to transition into television

0:08:55.048,0:08:56.116
or whatever,

0:08:56.116,0:08:58.657
or transition into feature filmmaking

0:08:58.657,0:08:59.862
with wide distribution

0:08:59.862,0:09:01.508
to feel validated

0:09:01.508,0:09:02.913
because, like I said,

0:09:02.913,0:09:05.412
I get validation when I feel like

0:09:05.412,0:09:07.469
my work has meant something to someone

0:09:07.469,0:09:08.911
and so many people have been so kind

0:09:08.911,0:09:09.865
in their responses,

0:09:09.865,0:09:12.261
so I'm really happy, for now.

0:09:12.261,0:09:13.752
I'm really happy with the work that I do

0:09:13.752,0:09:15.193
and with its potential,

0:09:15.193,0:09:16.664
and I had a script and I've just gone off of it

0:09:16.664,0:09:18.997
and I'm just rambling, um,

0:09:19.477,0:09:20.334
yeah.

0:09:21.879,0:09:23.059
So, thanks!