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If you're still struggling with consent,
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just imagine instead of initiating sex,
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you're making them a cup of tea,
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You say, "Hey, would you like a cup of tea?"
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And they go, "Oh my god. Fuck yes!
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I would fucking love a cup of tea!
Thank you!"
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Then you know they want a cup of tea.
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If you say, "Would you like a cup of tea?"
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And they're like,
"Uhh... I'm not really sure.
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Then you could make them
a cup of tea, or not,
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but be aware they might not drink it.
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And if they don't drink it, then-
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and this is the important part-
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DON'T make them drink it.
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Just because you made it
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doesn't mean you are entitled
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to watch them drink it.
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And if they say, "No, thank you."
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Then, don't make them tea,
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at all.
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Just don't make them tea.
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Don't make them drink tea.
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Don't get annoyed at them
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for not wanting tea.
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They just don't want tea, okay?
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They might say, "Yes, please!
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That's kind of you.
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And then when the tea arrives,
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they actually don't want the tea at all.
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Sure, that's kind of annoying,
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as you'd gone all the effort of
making the tea,
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but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea.
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They did want tea; now they don't.
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Some people change their mind
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in the time that it takes to
boil the kettle, brew the tea
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and add the milk.
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And it's okay for people to change their mind.
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And you are still not entitled
-
to watch them drink it.
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And if they're unconscious, don't make them tea.
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Unconscious people don't want tea.
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And they can't answer the question:
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"Do you want tea?"
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Because they're unconscious.
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Okay, maybe they were conscious
-
when you asked them if they wanted tea
-
and they said yes,
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but in the time it took you
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to boil the kettle, brew the tea,
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and add the milk, they are now unconscious.
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You should just put the tea down.
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Make sure the unconscious person is safe.
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And this is the important part again:
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Don't make them drink the tea.
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They said 'yes' then, sure,
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but unconscious people don't want tea.
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If someone said yes to tea,
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started drinking it,
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and then passed out before they've finished it,
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don't keep on pouring it down their throat.
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Take the tea away, make sure they're safe.
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Because unconscious people don't want tea.
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Trust me on this.
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If someone said yes to tea
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around your house last Saturday,
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that doesn't mean they want you
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to make them tea all the time.
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They don't want you to come
around at their place
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unexpectedly and make them tea
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and force them to drink it, going,
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"But you wanted tea last week!"
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Or to wake up to find you pouring tea
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down their throat, going,
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"But you wanted tea last night!"
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If you can understand how completely
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ludicrous it is to force people
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to have tea when they don't want tea,
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and you're able to understand
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when people don't want tea,
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then how hard is it to understand it
-
when it comes to sex?
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Whether it's tea or sex,
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consent is everything.
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And on that note,
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I'm going to go make myself
a cup of tea.