If you're still struggling with consent,
just imagine instead of initiating sex,
you're making them a cup of tea,
You say, "Hey, would you like a cup of tea?"
And they go, "Oh my god. Fuck yes!
I would fucking love a cup of tea! Thank you!"
Then you know they want a cup of tea.
If you say, "Would you like a cup of tea?"
And they're like, "Uhh... I'm not really sure.
Then you could make them a cup of tea, or not,
but be aware they might not drink it.
And if they don't drink it, then-
and this is the important part-
DON'T make them drink it.
Just because you made it
doesn't mean you are entitled
to watch them drink it.
And if they say, "No, thank you."
Then, don't make them tea,
at all.
Just don't make them tea.
Don't make them drink tea.
Don't get annoyed at them
for not wanting tea.
They just don't want tea, okay?
They might say, "Yes, please!
That's kind of you.
And then when the tea arrives,
they actually don't want the tea at all.
Sure, that's kind of annoying,
as you'd gone all the effort of making the tea,
but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea.
They did want tea; now they don't.
Some people change their mind
in the time that it takes to boil the kettle, brew the tea
and add the milk.
And it's okay for people to change their mind.
And you are still not entitled
to watch them drink it.
And if they're unconscious, don't make them tea.
Unconscious people don't want tea.
And they can't answer the question:
"Do you want tea?"
Because they're unconscious.
Okay, maybe they were conscious
when you asked them if they wanted tea
and they said yes,
but in the time it took you
to boil the kettle, brew the tea,
and add the milk, they are now unconscious.
You should just put the tea down.
Make sure the unconscious person is safe.
And this is the important part again:
Don't make them drink the tea.
They said 'yes' then, sure,
but unconscious people don't want tea.
If someone said yes to tea,
started drinking it,
and then passed out before they've finished it,
don't keep on pouring it down their throat.
Take the tea away, make sure they're safe.
Because unconscious people don't want tea.
Trust me on this.
If someone said yes to tea
around your house last Saturday,
that doesn't mean they want you
to make them tea all the time.
They don't want you to come around at their place
unexpectedly and make them tea
and force them to drink it, going,
"But you wanted tea last week!"
Or to wake up to find you pouring tea
down their throat, going,
"But you wanted tea last night!"
If you can understand how completely
ludicrous it is to force people
to have tea when they don't want tea,
and you're able to understand
when people don't want tea,
then how hard is it to understand it
when it comes to sex?
Whether it's tea or sex,
consent is everything.
And on that note,
I'm going to go make myself a cup of tea.