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With his harebrained schemes
and asinine dealings with the gods,
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King Midas ruled the ancient kingdom
of Phrygia with an uneven hand.
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He was known in Greek mythology
as a rogue ruler
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whose antics bemused his people
and distracted the gods.
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Midas spent his days
in a stupor of splendor,
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spoiling himself and his beloved daughter
and gorging himself on feasts and wine.
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Unsurprisingly, he felt
an affinity with Dionysus,
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god of wine, carnival, and performance.
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One day, Midas discovered a satyr
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dozing in his rose garden and drunk
on more than the scent of flowers.
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Midas recognized the satyr
as one of Dionysus’s followers
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and let him nurse
his hangover at the palace.
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Pleased with the king’s hospitality,
Dionysus offered to grant him one wish.
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Midas cast a greedy eye
over his surroundings.
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Despite the luxury in which he lived,
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no amount of precious jewels, finest silk
or splendid decor felt like enough.
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His life, he thought, was lacking luster;
what he needed was more gold.
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The god sent the power to turn anything
the king touched to gold
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surging through Midas.
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Ecstatic, he turned to his possessions.
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At his lightest touch,
the palace walls transformed,
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stone statues shone,
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and goblets glittered.
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He galloped through his home in a frenzy,
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handling each item until
it took on a lustrous sheen.
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Soon the palace heaved with gold,
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and Midas’s delirious
laughter echoed off the walls.
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Exhausted and hungry from his rampage,
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Midas picked up a bunch of grapes from
his newly gilded fruit bowl.
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But he nearly shattered his teeth,
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for the fruit had turned
to metal in his mouth.
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When he picked up a loaf of bread,
the crumbs hardened in his hand.
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Flinging himself onto
his bed in frustration,
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Midas discovered his plush pillows
had morphed into solid gold.
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Hearing his cries of frustration,
his daughter entered the room.
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But when Midas reached out to her,
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he saw with horror that he had frozen her
into a golden statue.
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Horrified at what he had done,
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Midas begged the gods
to rid him of his power.
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Taking pity on the foolish king,
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Dionysus told Midas to wash
his hands in the River Pactolus.
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When Midas reached into the river,
the gold drained from his fingertips.
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Midas returned home
to find his daughter alive
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and his palace back to normal,
and he rejoiced.
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You’d think he would’ve learned
his lesson,
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but just a few weeks later,
Midas blundered again,
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insulting the music and sun god Apollo
when he declared Pan a greater musician.
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Apollo scornfully declared that the king
must have the ears of an ass
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to make such a misjudgment,
and transformed Midas accordingly.
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Once again regretting his behavior,
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Midas kept his hairy ears
hidden in public.
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They were seen only by his barber,
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who was sworn to secrecy during
a very awkward grooming session.
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The barber stifled his laughter
and fought the desire to tell someone,
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yet the secret consumed him.
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One day, he walked outside the city
and dug a hole in the ground.
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Plunging his head into the earth,
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the desperate barber whispered,
“Midas has ass’s ears.”
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Soon after, a clump of reeds sprang up
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in the spot where the barber
had buried his words.
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When the wind blew, they carried the
echoes of his whisper through the breeze:
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"Midas has ass’s ears."
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At the sound, donkeys in the fields raised
their heads in recognition
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and people chuckled to themselves
at the follies of their king.
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With his golden touch and ass’s ears,
Midas was not the most respected ruler.
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And where other leaders were honored
through statues and temples,
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his people remembered him
a little differently:
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in the depths of the glittering river
and the rustle of the Phrygian wind.