Why you feel what you feel | Alan Watkins | TEDxOxford
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0:08 - 0:09Good afternoon.
-
0:09 - 0:12It's a real pleasure
to do another TED Talk. -
0:12 - 0:16And today I'm going to talk
to you about you. -
0:17 - 0:19And share with you, hopefully,
-
0:19 - 0:23an idea that's really made
a massive difference in my life -
0:23 - 0:26and hopefully could make
a massive difference in your life too. -
0:27 - 0:30I've spent my life, really,
studying human beings. -
0:30 - 0:32When I was a kid,
I was the youngest of four, -
0:32 - 0:35so I spent a lot of time
just watching my brothers and sisters -
0:35 - 0:38and seeing the mess
and the challenge that they got into, -
0:38 - 0:40and trying to clock how I avoided that.
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0:40 - 0:43Then I had the great fortune
of training as a physician, -
0:43 - 0:45and some of you may know
-
0:45 - 0:49that medical training
is the most incredible opportunity, -
0:49 - 0:52because you get up close
and personal with human suffering -
0:52 - 0:55on every single level, on a daily basis.
-
0:56 - 0:59I've been in a room where people
have died right in front of me, -
0:59 - 1:01and it's a really profound moment.
-
1:01 - 1:04I've also been in a room
where life has come into the world; -
1:04 - 1:09I've delivered a number of children,
including three of my own four boys, -
1:10 - 1:11one of whom is at the back -
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1:11 - 1:12Hi, son.
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1:12 - 1:15(Laughter)
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1:15 - 1:18(Son from the audience) Hi, dad!
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1:19 - 1:22So medical training,
a fantastic experience. -
1:23 - 1:26I became a researcher,
initially anemologist, -
1:26 - 1:29and studied right down to the nano detail
-
1:29 - 1:33of how our white blood cells
roll along the inside of our blood vessels -
1:34 - 1:35and with really clever adhesion molecules
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1:35 - 1:39stick and kind of squeeze out
between the endothelia cells -
1:39 - 1:40and fight infection.
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1:40 - 1:44More recently as a neuroscientist.
So right down at nano level. -
1:45 - 1:47And also at a much bigger scale.
-
1:47 - 1:51I had the good fortune of working
with CEOs and leaders around the world -
1:51 - 1:53in some of our biggest companies
and multi-nationals, -
1:53 - 1:56looking at the hidden social dynamics
and the networks that exist -
1:56 - 2:00that determine whether a company
succeeds or fails. -
2:00 - 2:01As you heard,
-
2:01 - 2:05I've worked with elite athletes,
helping them to win gold medals. -
2:05 - 2:08I've read a lot, learned a lot.
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2:08 - 2:12And through all that time,
one question kept bothering me, -
2:12 - 2:14sort of eating away at my brain.
-
2:14 - 2:15And that question was:
-
2:15 - 2:22if you could teach yourself,
your children, or anybody one thing, -
2:23 - 2:24what would it be?
-
2:24 - 2:25What would that one thing be?
-
2:26 - 2:27You can only teach one thing
-
2:27 - 2:29of all the things
I've learned and understood, -
2:29 - 2:31and it's that that I want
to share with you today. -
2:31 - 2:33What is that one thing?
-
2:33 - 2:37I can tell you it's not "Eat an apple";
that's not what it is. -
2:37 - 2:39We're going to talk about that.
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2:39 - 2:43But before, I want to return, just,
to really the story of you. -
2:43 - 2:45I don't know whether you remember,
-
2:45 - 2:49but there was a time
before you knew you existed. -
2:49 - 2:52For some of you that was probably
last Friday night, after a skinful. -
2:52 - 2:53(Laughter)
-
2:54 - 2:56But as we all grow up,
there's a moment in our life - -
2:56 - 2:59and this is a really
beautiful moment if you witness it - -
2:59 - 3:01where you can see, about one year old -
-
3:01 - 3:05it might happen a bit sooner, a bit later,
but roughly about one year old - -
3:05 - 3:08where a child realizes they exist
as a physical entity. -
3:09 - 3:12It's that moment where they look
in the mirror, and they kind of go, -
3:12 - 3:14"Oh, that's me!"
-
3:14 - 3:15They move their hand
and that hand moves, -
3:15 - 3:17and they realize that that's them.
-
3:17 - 3:20So they have a physical
awareness, if you will. -
3:20 - 3:23But they haven't yet developed
an awareness of their emotional self, -
3:23 - 3:25which is why you get the terrible twos.
-
3:25 - 3:27So when a two-year-old is hungry,
-
3:27 - 3:30the world is hungry
and why aren't we eating? -
3:30 - 3:35So there's that kind of intensity,
that egocentricity in a two-year-old. -
3:36 - 3:38That's where they kind of get
to test the power. -
3:38 - 3:39So in the supermarket,
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3:39 - 3:43it's "Mom, mom, that that, me, me,
food, food, me, me, me, food," -
3:43 - 3:46and they kind of bother you
to a great extent. -
3:46 - 3:50And then again, it's witnessable,
this moment where they suddenly realize -
3:50 - 3:53that not only are they
physically separate from you, -
3:53 - 3:56but their emotions
are not your emotions. -
3:56 - 3:57You may have witnessed this
-
3:57 - 4:01with a child walking down
the aisle in the supermarket, -
4:01 - 4:05eyes, streaming red,
bawling in frustration and rage -
4:05 - 4:07that they can't get what they want,
-
4:07 - 4:10and then looking at you
completely baffled, -
4:10 - 4:11like: "Why aren't you crying?"
-
4:11 - 4:14"We're hungry;
we want those chocolates." -
4:14 - 4:15(Laughter)
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4:15 - 4:17There's that bafflement in their eyes,
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4:17 - 4:19that sort of thousand yard stare.
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4:19 - 4:23And that's the emergence
of the awareness of the emotional self, -
4:23 - 4:25separate from the parent or the caregiver.
-
4:25 - 4:27So that's a sort of second level up,
-
4:27 - 4:30but it's not until they get
to three to six years old -
4:30 - 4:32that they get into the "conceptual self,"
-
4:32 - 4:35and part of that emergence
is a sense of identity. -
4:35 - 4:37So it's what you would know
as consciousness, -
4:37 - 4:39is they start to become aware -
-
4:39 - 4:42not only that they're physically,
emotionally separate, -
4:42 - 4:44but they've got an identity.
-
4:44 - 4:46And it blossoms between
three and six years old. -
4:46 - 4:48One of the things that happens
-
4:48 - 4:50in the emergence
of conceptual self is language. -
4:50 - 4:54So language is essentially a concept:
it's a noise to represent something. -
4:54 - 4:57So the emergence
of conceptual self happens, -
4:57 - 4:59and we start to label our universe -
-
4:59 - 5:03you know, cat, dog, bat, ball,
window, floor, and so on. -
5:03 - 5:06So the world starts to make sense
and we start to be able to navigate. -
5:06 - 5:08Children between the age
of three and six -
5:08 - 5:11learn about six new words
every single day. -
5:11 - 5:13There's phenomenal
language acquisition going on. -
5:13 - 5:15But only from the fourth level,
-
5:15 - 5:17which is called concrete consciousness,
-
5:17 - 5:21they start to learn
the rules that govern the concepts. -
5:22 - 5:23Then it all starts to make sense:
-
5:23 - 5:25why is a dog a dog and a cat a cat?
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5:25 - 5:27Why is a mummy a mummy
and daddy a daddy? -
5:27 - 5:28What's the rule?
-
5:29 - 5:31It's in that between
six and nine years old -
5:31 - 5:33that the fun starts to happen.
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5:33 - 5:35So if you speak to a seven-year-old,
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5:35 - 5:38you can start to have fun
by playing against the rules - -
5:38 - 5:40you know, look at that cat
going woof-woof? -
5:40 - 5:41No!
-
5:42 - 5:45Cats go meow! They don't go woof-woof.
-
5:46 - 5:49And it makes them laugh
because you're playing against the rules. -
5:49 - 5:52There's this whole
rule emergence that occurs -
5:52 - 5:54in a child between six and nine.
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5:54 - 5:57And then that's where most people
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5:57 - 5:59stay ...
-
5:59 - 6:02(Laughter)
-
6:03 - 6:05Most of the people
you're going to meet, 20, 30, 40, -
6:05 - 6:07on the inside: nine!
-
6:07 - 6:09(Laughter)
-
6:10 - 6:11See it in accompanies all the time:
-
6:11 - 6:14toys out of the pram,
behaving like children. -
6:14 - 6:15It's very common.
-
6:15 - 6:18There is an attempt,
usually in the early teenage years, -
6:18 - 6:21to get beyond that concrete self,
to get beyond the rules, -
6:21 - 6:23which is why you get teenage conflict.
-
6:23 - 6:26You'll see it, and parents
try to suppress this, -
6:26 - 6:27like it's a bad thing.
-
6:27 - 6:29It's a developmental stage!
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6:29 - 6:32You shouldn't be suppressing this stuff;
they're testing the rules. -
6:32 - 6:33So this battle ensues:
-
6:33 - 6:37you told me to be home at ten,
I want to be home at 11. -
6:37 - 6:39You told me to be honest;
you're not being honest, -
6:39 - 6:41and the fight breaks out.
-
6:41 - 6:43And they have their whole
turbulent teenage years. -
6:43 - 6:47Regardless of who wins that battle,
whether it's mom or dad or the child, -
6:47 - 6:50it bubbles along for a few years.
-
6:50 - 6:52Now eventually,
regardless of who wins the battle, -
6:52 - 6:55they leave home - hopefully.
-
6:55 - 6:58(Laughter)
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6:58 - 7:01(Applause)
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7:02 - 7:04They go! Right?
-
7:05 - 7:09But then a much bigger parent
called society comes in -
7:09 - 7:11and imposes its rules.
-
7:11 - 7:13So a lot of people go back
into the concrete, -
7:13 - 7:17not like transferred but back
in the concrete following a set of rules, -
7:17 - 7:19that we start to believe
that we've got to get a degree, -
7:19 - 7:23we've got to get a job,
a relationship, a car, a house, -
7:23 - 7:27we've got to get all these things
to be a good corporate citizen. -
7:27 - 7:30So we start to follow the rules,
and we enter a company, -
7:30 - 7:33and we start to work our way
up the career ladder, -
7:33 - 7:34following the rules.
-
7:35 - 7:38So a lot of people you'll encounter
are back in that concrete, -
7:38 - 7:40their life become stereotypical.
-
7:40 - 7:42You'll see people talk about this:
-
7:42 - 7:44"That's not how we
do things at this company. -
7:44 - 7:47You'll be the Chief Executive,
I'll be the Chief Financial Officer. -
7:47 - 7:49That's how we do it around here."
-
7:49 - 7:51It's a set of rules
that we're all following, -
7:51 - 7:54and we're often not even
aware of those rules. -
7:54 - 7:56And that will often happen
for the rest of your life; -
7:56 - 7:59you don't even realize
you're running the rules. -
7:59 - 8:02By the way, these rules weren't given
to you with your permission; -
8:02 - 8:05they were just imposed
by parents or society. -
8:06 - 8:07We're not even aware of it.
-
8:08 - 8:10If you're lucky, you have a crisis.
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8:11 - 8:12At some point in your life,
-
8:12 - 8:15something terrible happens
to get you to question the rules. -
8:15 - 8:17Now, most people this never happens to -
-
8:17 - 8:20or if it does, it doesn't
cause them to question. -
8:20 - 8:22That might be the loss of a loved one,
-
8:22 - 8:25the loss of a relationship
or something terrible happens, -
8:25 - 8:27usually, most commonly, in midlife.
-
8:28 - 8:31Then you enter the stage
what we call "the disease of meaning," -
8:31 - 8:32is it starts to occur to you
-
8:32 - 8:35there's something wrong
with the picture of your life. -
8:35 - 8:39I've been following all these rules,
and it hasn't delivered. -
8:39 - 8:41I thought if I was
a good corporate citizen, -
8:41 - 8:45and I got a good job, and a good house,
and paid tax and all of that stuff, -
8:45 - 8:47I would be happy and blissful forever;
-
8:47 - 8:48and I'm not.
-
8:49 - 8:52That's the disease of meaning,
and that is real pain. -
8:52 - 8:55If that happens in a religious context,
people call it purgatory. -
8:56 - 8:58I mean, literally, it's hell on earth.
-
8:58 - 9:01So people get into this state
and often they lash out, -
9:01 - 9:04they become unpleasant
and negative and so on, -
9:04 - 9:06because they're basically in pain.
-
9:06 - 9:08Now there are two strategies to that pain.
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9:08 - 9:10First strategy - much loved by students -
-
9:10 - 9:12anaesthetic.
-
9:12 - 9:14(Laughter)
-
9:14 - 9:17Because if I can blot
out the meaning of life, -
9:17 - 9:19that kind of existential question -
-
9:19 - 9:21if I'm wasted on a Friday night,
-
9:21 - 9:25I don't have to think
about what's the meaning of all this. -
9:25 - 9:27It just goes away as a question.
-
9:27 - 9:31So then some people do this every night,
some people every weekend, getting wasted, -
9:31 - 9:33either through alcohol and drugs.
-
9:33 - 9:35But the problem is
when the hangover wears off, -
9:35 - 9:38the question returns; it's still there.
-
9:39 - 9:41You can't answer it.
-
9:41 - 9:43If you're smart, you realize
anesthetics won't help you. -
9:43 - 9:46So you get into the second strategy,
which is distraction. -
9:46 - 9:49There are lots of different
types of distraction. -
9:49 - 9:52That distraction can simply be
that you become a gym bunny. -
9:53 - 9:55Let's pump some iron.
-
9:55 - 10:00Because when I'm feeling the burn,
I don't have to think about the question. -
10:00 - 10:04So I become "the body beautiful,"
stuck at the gym the whole time, -
10:04 - 10:07getting the kick
on the endorphins and so on. -
10:07 - 10:10But you realize that, actually,
when you get away from the gym, -
10:10 - 10:12the question is there again.
-
10:12 - 10:14So the gym doesn't solve it.
-
10:14 - 10:16So you might use
a very common strategy: -
10:16 - 10:18sex ...
-
10:18 - 10:19Right?
-
10:19 - 10:22Because while I am engaged
in the intimacy of the sexual union, -
10:22 - 10:25I don't have to think about the question,
because I'm too busy doing this. -
10:25 - 10:27(Laughter)
-
10:29 - 10:32But you may have noticed
that when the act is over, -
10:32 - 10:35that bloody question comes back again.
-
10:36 - 10:39So some people go even more nuts:
I'll have sex with two people, -
10:39 - 10:40(Laughter)
-
10:40 - 10:41then a whole crowd -
-
10:42 - 10:46desperately trying to get away
from this question that's bothering them: -
10:46 - 10:48the meaning of their life.
-
10:48 - 10:52So if sex doesn't work -
and it doesn't, ultimately - -
10:52 - 10:54then you get into materialism: shoes!
-
10:54 - 10:56I'll go and buy some shoes.
-
10:57 - 10:59Or a car, or a house, or a yacht.
-
10:59 - 11:01So we get into materialism,
-
11:01 - 11:04or some people that we see,
very common in industry, workaholism - -
11:04 - 11:05they become work-addicted.
-
11:05 - 11:08Because while I am working
that hard, having to do stuff, -
11:08 - 11:10I don't have to think about the question.
-
11:10 - 11:12None of that solves the problem.
-
11:12 - 11:14Because we mistakenly believe
-
11:14 - 11:17that the problem is out there
and the solution is out there, -
11:17 - 11:19whereas the real problem is in here.
-
11:19 - 11:24You cannot solve your sense
of emptiness, or your unrest, -
11:24 - 11:26with an external solution
outside of yourself. -
11:26 - 11:29So stop looking out there,
you have to look in here, -
11:29 - 11:33and particularly to look
at your own emotional experience. -
11:33 - 11:37Now, most people go through their life
completely unaware of emotions, -
11:37 - 11:39particularly us fellows, right?
-
11:39 - 11:42If somebody mentions the word "emotions,"
we run for the hills! -
11:43 - 11:47Emotions are just energy in motion,
they're composite biological signals: -
11:47 - 11:50the signals made up
of all the pounding heart rate, -
11:50 - 11:52the sweaty palms,
the tension in the muscles -
11:52 - 11:54or whatever is going on biologically,
-
11:54 - 11:59it's stereotypical energetic patterns -
energy in motion, they are e-motions. -
11:59 - 12:02Now, we all have emotions,
every single second of every single day, -
12:02 - 12:03even us fellows.
-
12:03 - 12:06Feelings, however,
are something entirely different. -
12:06 - 12:09Feelings are the awareness
in our mind of the energy. -
12:09 - 12:12So the energy is always there
but we don't necessarily feel it, -
12:12 - 12:14and that's where we're stuck -
-
12:14 - 12:19is we haven't really learned
to understand our own emotional life. -
12:19 - 12:20So we go through our life
-
12:20 - 12:22believing how we're feeling
on a moment by moment basis -
12:22 - 12:24is down to somebody else.
-
12:24 - 12:25We actually say this:
-
12:25 - 12:28"You annoyed me,"
"You made me unhappy," -
12:29 - 12:32"You did it to me,"
and we point the finger at other people, -
12:32 - 12:35believing other people are
the cause of our own unhappiness. -
12:35 - 12:36So newsflash:
-
12:37 - 12:39nobody's doing it to you.
-
12:40 - 12:42Nobody's making you feel these things.
-
12:42 - 12:43I mean, what do you think that happens
-
12:43 - 12:46when you get frustrated
with somebody else? -
12:46 - 12:49Did they come up to you
and inject you with frustration, -
12:49 - 12:51with the chemicals of frustration?
-
12:51 - 12:54Did they create the electrical
signals of frustration, -
12:54 - 12:56the pressure waves, the sound waves?
-
12:56 - 12:58No. You did that.
-
12:58 - 13:02You created that inside yourself
in response to their poor behavior. -
13:04 - 13:07So, if you can accept
that you're doing it - -
13:08 - 13:10it's not them, it's you -
-
13:11 - 13:15that simple truth takes you
from what we call the victim position, -
13:15 - 13:19and it crosses the threshold to ownership.
-
13:19 - 13:22That's the most important transition
you'll ever make in your life. -
13:22 - 13:25So to help you navigate that,
-
13:25 - 13:29first and foremost, you have to understand
where am I in the universe of emotions. -
13:29 - 13:32If I asked you to write down your current
emotions and gave you five minutes, -
13:32 - 13:34you'd have a list of things,
-
13:34 - 13:37and then we said, OK,
put your hands up who's got how many, -
13:37 - 13:39and we did a test of how many you got,
-
13:39 - 13:42the average in a room like this
would be about ten or twelve. -
13:43 - 13:47There are 34,000 emotions
that you can experience. -
13:47 - 13:50Most people go through life
with ten or twelve. -
13:50 - 13:53And just to try to help you navigate,
I'll show you an app that we've built -
13:53 - 13:57to help people know where they are
in the universe of emotions. -
13:57 - 14:01So we've plotted
all these emotions on a map, -
14:01 - 14:03and this map shows you the axes.
-
14:03 - 14:09So, to the top of the axis
in the universe of emotions, -
14:09 - 14:12we've got the ones that are,
sort of, more energy, if you like, -
14:12 - 14:15and to the bottom the ones
that are more relaxed. -
14:15 - 14:17To the left the ones
that are more positive -
14:17 - 14:19and to the right the ones
that are more negative. -
14:19 - 14:23So you can see that we've plotted
maybe the 20 commonest emotions there, -
14:23 - 14:26and as I'm talking to you, right now,
you're somewhere on this grid. -
14:26 - 14:30You're somewhere in the universe
experiencing one of these planets, -
14:30 - 14:34and we can bring in the next 100 emotions,
-
14:34 - 14:37we can bring in the next
200 emotions, the next 1,000. -
14:37 - 14:41So we've built this app to try
and crowd source with you all 34,000, -
14:41 - 14:44we've built it with
just 2,000 as a starter. -
14:44 - 14:49And you can enter into
one of the 64 galaxies that exist -
14:49 - 14:51and start to navigate round
-
14:51 - 14:55and see where you are in relation
to some of the other emotions, -
14:55 - 14:58because if you don't know
where you are, you're lost. -
14:59 - 15:02Now, you'd never get control
of your own state, -
15:02 - 15:06and it's really important for your health,
for your well-being, for your success, -
15:06 - 15:07whatever you're doing,
-
15:07 - 15:09whether you're a sportsperson
or a business leader, -
15:09 - 15:12that you can start to control
your own emotional state -
15:12 - 15:14of what's going on for you.
-
15:14 - 15:15If you don't know where you are,
-
15:15 - 15:17how can you possibly
control any of this stuff? -
15:17 - 15:19The answer is you can't.
-
15:19 - 15:23So the start of the journey
is even knowing which planet are you on. -
15:24 - 15:27This is designed to help you,
and you can see in the top corner there, -
15:27 - 15:31it shows you roughly where you are
in the universe, at any point in time. -
15:31 - 15:35Now, we can zoom in
into one of these 64 galaxies -
15:35 - 15:38and look at a specific solar system.
-
15:38 - 15:41So, where do we go into? Maybe, Sociable.
-
15:41 - 15:42We can see.
-
15:42 - 15:45So let's zoom in
to the solar system of Sociable -
15:45 - 15:48and start to see
what planets are around you. -
15:48 - 15:50If you want to move
from Sociable to something else -
15:50 - 15:54and then gradually navigate yourself
to a different part of the universe, -
15:54 - 15:55you can see where you are.
-
15:56 - 15:59Most importantly,
you can track where you are, -
15:59 - 16:01so you can enter some notes.
-
16:01 - 16:04You visit the planet of,
I don't know, Popular. -
16:04 - 16:06I felt popular today.
-
16:06 - 16:09People came up and gave me
various messages, and I felt popular. -
16:09 - 16:13And you could enter
how popular you felt or you didn't feel -
16:13 - 16:15and actually keep an audit trail,
-
16:15 - 16:17and you can socialize this
with your mates. -
16:17 - 16:23You can either share it on Facebook
or tweet it or Gmail it -
16:23 - 16:28and see, well, who else
is in the solar system of Sociable -
16:28 - 16:30or even on the planet Popular -
who else is out there. -
16:30 - 16:32And I can track,
-
16:32 - 16:34as it does with these audit trails,
of where I've been. -
16:34 - 16:37So this is your start point,
starting to get a grip -
16:37 - 16:40of do you even know
which planet you're on, -
16:40 - 16:44which are the nearest planets
and how you can start to move around, -
16:44 - 16:47start to get some navigational capability
within that universe. -
16:48 - 16:51So the first thing is you've got
to learn navigational potential, -
16:51 - 16:55and this is designed to help you build
your emotional repertoire. -
16:55 - 16:57So you're not just stuck
with twelve emotions, -
16:57 - 16:59or in some people frankly:
-
16:59 - 17:00two!
-
17:01 - 17:05I feel "yuck" or "OK,"
the only two motions they've got. -
17:06 - 17:08So you've got to build a repertoire,
-
17:08 - 17:10and what you discover
as you start to build a repertoire, -
17:10 - 17:14some emotions are
better antidotes than others. -
17:14 - 17:17So you can start to navigate around.
-
17:17 - 17:18The second maneuver,
-
17:18 - 17:21once you've started
to navigate around the universe, -
17:21 - 17:24is really, once you get
to a more constructive planet, -
17:24 - 17:28there's no right and wrong,
but is this emotion really serving you? -
17:28 - 17:30When you get
to a more constructive planet, -
17:30 - 17:32can you stay there?
-
17:32 - 17:35And that really requires you
to do a separate maneuver, -
17:35 - 17:36it's called Mastery,
-
17:36 - 17:40where you actually take the emotion
which is subject to you - -
17:40 - 17:45it's a subjective experience,
below the level of your real awareness, -
17:45 - 17:48you're sort of subject to it,
i.e. it's got you. -
17:48 - 17:52So if you've got anger,
if anger is going through your system, -
17:52 - 17:54if you're on the planet of Anger,
-
17:54 - 17:55it's got you.
-
17:55 - 17:57You haven't got it; it's got you.
-
17:57 - 18:00The way to get control over it
is to objectify it. -
18:00 - 18:02Like, "Oh, it is anger."
-
18:02 - 18:04So you take it out
as a subjective experience, -
18:04 - 18:06and you objectify it.
-
18:06 - 18:08And if you can objectify it,
you can get a grip of it. -
18:09 - 18:11If you can do that
with your positive emotions, -
18:11 - 18:14then you can move yourself
over to the positive side of the universe -
18:14 - 18:16and stay there.
-
18:16 - 18:21So you really don't have to feel anything
you do not want to feel. -
18:22 - 18:25Misery is optional,
you don't have to feel that. -
18:25 - 18:28But if you haven't got control,
-
18:28 - 18:29then who has?
-
18:29 - 18:32And the answer is usually
somebody outside of you. -
18:32 - 18:33So I'd really encourage you,
-
18:33 - 18:35if you want to transform
your life forever - -
18:35 - 18:39because, ultimately,
emotions will predict your health, -
18:39 - 18:43they'll predict your performance,
your wellbeing, your sense of fulfillment, -
18:43 - 18:48they'll determine your ability
to make effective decisions, -
18:48 - 18:51emotions drive all of that,
your motivation and so on. -
18:51 - 18:54If you don't know about them
and have control over them, -
18:54 - 18:56it's a little bit of a lottery as life.
-
18:56 - 19:01So if you go away after today,
and ask yourself one question: -
19:01 - 19:03what planet am I on?
-
19:04 - 19:06And what planet would I like to be on?
-
19:06 - 19:09And start to work to be
on the planet that you want to be on -
19:09 - 19:12rather than wherever life has pushed you.
-
19:13 - 19:16Imagine a world where all of us
-
19:16 - 19:19could be on the planet
we wanted to be on, -
19:19 - 19:21or navigate around
that kind of solar system -
19:21 - 19:23or the galaxies that we
wanted to experience. -
19:23 - 19:25Imagine a world
-
19:25 - 19:30where, when you go to the bar to chat up
that attractive person at the bar, -
19:30 - 19:32you didn't need four pints
of Dutch courage -
19:32 - 19:33before you could go there.
-
19:34 - 19:37Imagine you could just do that yourself.
-
19:37 - 19:38Imagine a world
-
19:38 - 19:42where you didn't need to feel anxious
going into an exam or a job interview, -
19:42 - 19:46where you didn't need
to feel terrified coming on stage. -
19:46 - 19:49Imagine a world where your children,
on the receiving end of bullying, -
19:49 - 19:51didn't feel terrified or bullied.
-
19:52 - 19:57If you could control your emotions,
you can change your life completely. -
19:57 - 19:59So I'd really encourage you
-
19:59 - 20:03to start wondering about
what planet you're on -
20:03 - 20:05and start putting
yourself in the universe, -
20:05 - 20:09in that part of the universe
where you really want to live your life. -
20:09 - 20:10Thank you very much.
-
20:10 - 20:13(Applause)
- Title:
- Why you feel what you feel | Alan Watkins | TEDxOxford
- Description:
-
Understanding why you feel what you feel is one of the most important aspects of human development. After understanding comes control. When you control your emotions through vertical development, you can be more successful and happy. We’ve all seen adults behave like children and "throw their toys out of the pram" if they don’t get their way. An inability to control emotions prevents us from growing up and becoming mature successful human beings.
Dr. Alan Watkins, a founder of Complete Coherence, introduces the key phases of human development and explains why poor emotional control is holding back progress. He asks us to imagine a world where we never have to feel anything we don’t want to feel; where we have complete control of what we feel and when we feel it.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 20:19
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Peter van de Ven edited English subtitles for Why you feel what you feel | Alan Watkins | TEDxOxford | |
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Peter van de Ven edited English subtitles for Why you feel what you feel | Alan Watkins | TEDxOxford |
Peter van de Ven
Post-edit (thanks Eric!):
1:23.10 anemologist --> an immunologist
"He originally qualified as a physician, has a first class degree in psychology and a PhD in immunology."
http://coherence-book.com/about-the-author/