The Adventurous Adventures of One Direction

*Watch in HD, y'all.* The evil Lord Faptaguise is back! And he has a plan so dastardly, only one hero can stop him! Well, five heroes. ONE DIRECTION! Join 1D on their wildest adventure yet, as they save the world from doom and discover the true power of friendshiphood.

Hi. My name is Mark.

You know, there's a lot of One Direction fan fiction out there,

but it seems like all the stuff I've read is written by girls.

Which is great, you know, I'm not knocking girls.

They're...girls.

But, I just thought it was about time there was some 1D fan fic written by a dude.

Which...I'm one - dude.

So, that's what I did.

And then, I animated it.

Good morning. Y'all ready to order?

I'll have the French Toast, please.

I'll have the sausage biscuit, please.

I'll have the tacos, please.

Harry!

What? It's my favorite food!

Tacos are not for breakfast!

They are now. Introducing Tac-O's.

It's meat-, cheese- and lettuce-flavored O's

in a tortilla bowl.

That's disgusting.

It even makes the milk tastes like tacos.

That's even disgusting-er.

That's not even a word.

Hi guys.

[ALL] Hello, Zayn.

Whoa, new hairdo!

Yeah, what'ya think?

It's...uh...

It's...quite steep.

Bit like a...ski jump.

Which I guess is what you were going for?

[PHONE RINGS]

1D! Come in, 1D!

Oh look! A call from Psymon.

It's an emergency, boys!

Report to 1D HQ ASAP.

No time for breakfast, lads.

The world needs our help!

One Direction, thanks goodness you're here!

What seems to be the trouble, Psymon?

It doesn't look good, boys.

What doesn't look good? Oh, Zayn's new hairdo?

Niall! -[LAUGHS] What?

I will mess you up!

Mess me up? Oh, like your hairdresser messed up your hair?

Oh, it is ON!

Oh! Ow! Ow! Stop it! Oh!

It's on like Donkey Kong. -What?

Boys! Boys! The world is in it's hour of need.

We cannot afford to squabble over [ ].

Why, what's up, Psymon?

Yeah what's up, besides Zayn's hair?

'cause that's really up, isn't it?

It's like weeeesh!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Reports are coming in all over town.

Pussycats are going missing by the thousands!

Oh, no! What a catastrophe!

Or should I say, CAT-astrophe?

Ooh! -No, you shouldn't. -[FALSETTO] OK.

We just need to get out there and help people find their pussycats.

It may not be as simple as that.

We have reason to believe Lord Faptaguise is behind this.

[ALL] Lord Faptaguise?

But we defeated him in the Battle of Zindalor.

Well, he's back!

And we all know how much Lord Faptaguise hates pussycats.

So the pussycats didn't just go missing, they've been kidnapped.

Or, should I say, CAT-napped?

cat-, catnipped, yes?

No.

[FALSETTO] Sorry.

So, where is Lord Fapatguise?

His dreaded tank fortress, the Rap-o-Sphere has been spotted

on the outskirts of town...

Good.

...heading East.

Toward the Dimensional Gate.

Yes! We must act swiftly!

If the Rap-o-Sphere escapes to another dimension

with the pussycats on board, we will never see them again.

So, what's the plan?

Liam, Niall and Zayn: you three must infiltrate the Rap-o-Sphere

and found your way to the Control Room.

It no doubt will be heavily guarded by guards.

Niall and Zayn, you must eliminate them,

allowing Liam to gain access to the Control Room.

Easy! -Piece of pudding! -What?

Liam, once inside the Control Room,

you must hack into the Security Terminal,

and open the prison cell doors.

Hey! I'm on it like Donkey Konit.

What? No, wait. What?

Just open the cell doors?

But who's going to round up all the pussycats

and get them out of there?

Yes, all the pussies. That's where you come in, Harry.

You're telling me.

You must go deep into the Marmitian Swamp,

and seek the help of an old knight named Paul.

He will teach you the ancient art of retrieving pussycats.

I don't need help, I can do it alone.

No you can't, Harry. That's why you and Louis

will seek out Sir Paul together.

Only with teamwork, can you save all the pussycats -

including your own!

Oh no, Molly! Did they get Molly?

I thought his name was Dusty?

Depends which web site you read.

Molly? NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Nice.

Thanks, but Fapatguise, he stole my pussycat!

Now, it's personal.

Or, should I say, pussy-nal?

Oof! [FALSETTO] My balls!

Whew, we made it inside the Rap-o-Sphere!

Now to make our way to the control room.

This place is a maze, how are we going to find it?

Easy, just follow the pipes along the ceiling.

Duh, it's like you've never been inside a Rap-o-Sphere before!

Nerds.

Right, the old knight lives in solitude deep within this swamp.

He lives alone? So that makes him... a stag-knight!

That's your worst one yet.

Oof! Now come along

[FALSETTO] We've been - [NORMAL VOICE] ahem, we've been walking for ages.

Are you sure we're going in the right direction?

Well, we're following the map!

I think we're going the wrong way.

What, do you think I can't read maps?

That, or you're holding it wrong.

What, with my hands? That's how most humans hold things.

But I guess you wouldn't know anything about that.

What, are you saying I'm not human?

I don't know, why don't you ask your four nipples what they think?

Maybe those will give you a clue.

That's it, I'm going this direction.

Harry, come back! We can't go in two directions. We have to go in one direction.

Not anymore, I can save the pussycats myself.

I don't need some old knight to help me, and I certainly don't need you!

Fine. (X12)

Woah, those guards look dangerous.

I'm not so sure we can take them out.

Maybe you and Nile can distract them, you know, dress up like girls or something.

I mean, at least that works in cartoons.

What do you think Nile?

Already there.

Hey there big boys.

Wow, check it out.

Nice

I love dancing skirts.

Like I need help getting pussycats out of the ratosphere.

Wow, baby

Hey there big boy.

Hello.

I'm Harry.

I'm a news reporter.

I am doing a story on the missing pussycat.

Oh I'm gonna save them.

You are? Oh you must be very brave.

Uh-hum, I'm brave.

Well it sounds like we could help each other out.

I would love to exchange fluids. Hihihi.

I mean information.

Perhaps over dinner?

OK

How about some Tacos?

Ok this must be it.

Who goes there?

It is I, Louis, of One Direction.

Greetings.

I am sir Paul, of the Beatles.

The Beatles.

But I am in need of your help, Sir Paul.

Pussycats all over the land have been captured

and legend has it that you hold the key to retrieving them.

Aah, I know what you're looking for.

Now that I haven't used in a long time.

What? What is it?

What you seek is the pussymagnet.

Behold!

Nice

So how do you turn it on?

One does not simply turn on the pussymagnet.

It is activated by a series of tones, you know

like the

allow me to demonstrate

She was just seventeen

you know what I mean

Woah-woa-woa

Paul

What do you mean?

I don't know, John wrote that bit

And the way she looked

Was way beyond compare

So how could I dance with another?

Wow, that really works!

Hitting the high note at the end is the key.

Well I'll try

though I bet Harry could hit it

Harry? Is he a friend of yours?

Yeah

Or... he used to be.

We had a bit of a falling out.

Well you know you can't pull this off on your own.

It's like I always said: I get by with a little help from my friends.

I thought that song was about drugs, though

Shhhh

Don't speak, Harry, don't speak

But I'm crazy about you

I know, Harry, but I must order now —

Three tacos, please

Hard or soft shell?

What do you think Harry?

Hard, a good shell is hard to find, and a hard shell is good to find.

Oh, Harry. You always know what to say.

Hey, Tac-Os are my favorite food.

But y'know, I have never been to Taco Bell before.

Then, this is your first time?

Uh-huh

Then, you really must try the Nacho Bell Grande.

Oh. One Nacho Bell Grande, please?

Hey, what do you call a Bell Grande that isn't yours?

Nacho Bell Grande. [kick] Ooh.

Can we get those tacos to go, please? We have a date.

at the Rap-o-Sphere

So, you two from around here?

Oh, no. I'm from Ireland, and Zayn is from a wee little town in England called Dumbhairshire.

Neil, I will slap you silly.

Bring it

[Ow]

Hey, you're not cross-dressers. You are just dressed up as cross dressers.

Yeah, Neil?

RUN!

Seize them!

Zayn, here, let's take this elevator.

[presses button] AHHHHHHH!

[Garbage chute] The garbage chute, what a wonderful idea!

What a wonderful smell you've discovered!

Don't be a *

This is a Unix system. I know this. I should be able to override the security.

system that opens up the prison doors and lets those pussy-cats loose.

Yes!

Oh, I'll open that door like Donkey Conks 64.

Louis, Harry, the prison door is open. It's up to you know to save the pussy cats.

And make it fast!

Not so fast!

You! Take pretty boy here down to the Torture-ratorium, for a nice acid bath.

I'm sure Lord Faptaguise would enjoy seeing you burn alive to death.

Take him away!

And, you, close the prison door.

Dude, this is a Unix system. I don't know this.

[scary music]

Wow. If this isn't Liam, of 1D.

It is.

It is Liam of 1D.

Well, not for long

Oh, for long, and longer

You will not dip me into a pit of acid, Faptaguise, because I have powerful friends?

You mean, like this one?

Harry?

Liam!

If it isn't Harry?

It is.

Well done, May.

May? I thought your name was June!

April!

Whatever!

Yes, it's true.

My name is May, and I am Lord Faptaguise's henchwoman sent to capture you.

You liar!

No, I really do work for him!

No, I don't mean you're lying right now. I just mean, generally.

Oh, ok!

OK!

OK! Tie him up, and hang him from the ceiling

as well

He and his friend can burn in the pit of acid together.

Oh, but frisk him first,

and make sure he doesn't... Whoa. Actually let me do it!

[perverted laughter]

OH! Faptaguise. I just now got that!

Any weapons on him?

No, just this taco!

Dispose of this!