ASMR | Man on Train, 1890

[whispers]

[murmurs]

Excuse me.

Yes, hello. Sorry, I do beg your pardon.

You do know that this is the, uh,

quiet carriage, yes?

Yes. No, I know you weren't making any noise.

Forgive me for saying so, but you...

Well, look a bit...

Young.

Modern, youthful.

No, no.

You are totally right.

I do apologise for making such a

brash and unwanted judgment.

Please, go about your business.

Can I just say...

Sorry to interrupt.

You do have a rather...

intelligent face,

and a rather...

charming air about you.

Do you get that all the time?

No?

Just me?

A mysterious gentleman on a train?

What is your name, if I may ask?

Well, that's a lovely name.

Very pleased to meet you.

My name is Grant,

Grant Worthington.

Pleased to make your acquaintance.

And where are you off to tonight?

Ah-ha,

London as well.

Long time away from home?

Yes. No, I see.

I see.

Would you like the paper, by the way?

No, I mean...

I've... I've already read it, I'm just...

circling the entertainment.

Yes. No, I mean, it's been a long time

since I've been in London, and I'm

rather keen to see what's on at the theatre tonight.

Do you like the theatre?

Really?

What have you seen?

Ah,

I'm more of a classics man myself.

You must have seen that latest, uh...

What was that? Gilbert and Sullivan?

Operetta, released last year.

Oh, "The Gondoliers".

I think that's on tonight.

Have you seen "The Gondoliers"?

It's supposed to be very good.

No. No, no.

Maybe more of a Shakespeare person.

Too right, old bean. Too right.

I think that... Yes.

Yeah, I've circled it!

Tonight, at the Globe,

they're playing "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

Have you seen that one?

You must!

In my opinion it is his best.

Oh, no.

No, I know people say "Hamlet".

I know people say...

"Macbeth" and various others...

Absolute posh, if you ask me.

No, "A Midsummer Night's Dream" is a lighthearted romp.

Very enjoyable.

Only about...

three hours long.

Which is, you know, in my opinion, fine.

Yes, and it follows two

couples of lovers, you know,

two couples,

as they go through a sort of enchanted forest

and have games played with them by these

manipulative fairies.

It's on tonight at the Globe!

I saw it about five years ago at the Globe.

Oh, go on! It's got Mr. T. Forrest playing Bottom.

Bottom, of course, being one of the Mechanicals.

He plays Pyramus in the final act,

in the "Pyramus and Thisbe".

Absolutely hilarious!

Please, please! I insist!

Go and see it. Shakespeare is

an awfully clever chap.

Very funny, of course.

Very, uh... What is the word?

He's very self-referential.

He, uh, often talks about his own plays

inside of his plays.

Yeah.

Very meta.

Are you sure you don't want to read the paper?

Ah-ha.

I understand.

You think it's dull

to read the paper on a train.

Youths...

I'm kidding, of course. I'm kidding.

I like you, we're friends.

Charming face.

Uh, yes.

I would rather have to disagree.

We can't always be galavanting around,

as I have been.

Many adventures in the past...

couple of months.

You can't always be jumping from hotel

to grand hotel.

Far too ambitious,

far too time-consuming.

No.

Sometimes,

you just need to

sit in the train

and read the paper.

But, you know,

some of the times that I've had in the past two weeks, I tell you!

Last week I was involved in a...

Fight!

Or rather a battle.

Let's call it a battle.

Yes, between me and a, uh, fellow who

looked rather similar to me.

Yes. Oh,

it was epic, I tell you.

Thousands, thousands of people came to watch.

Yes. No, it was only short. It was only about...

ten or so minutes long.

But,

a lot happened. A lot.

You know, got the old blood boiling...

Sometimes you just need a good fight, you know.

Yes. It took it out of me, though,

I must say.

Which is rather why

right now I just need to sit and...

read the paper.

With your lovely self.

Is there anything wrong with that?

No.

Sometimes we all just need to relax.

What have we got here?

Ah-ha,

the headliner, the influenza.

Have you had it?

Have you had the virus?

No, a few people I know have.

Luckily, I've escaped.

It seems to mainly be affecting, uh, the elderly.

Again, I don't know anyone.

It's really torn through Belfast...

I think that London is just beginning to see some increased numbers.

Let me read a bit to you.

Okay...

"Yesterday's returns, taken as a whole,

are more satisfactory than those of Thursday's.

At the Central Telegraph Office, the official return brought up to Thursday night

shows the number of absentees to be 433."

That's quite a few people...

"The number of sick telegraph boys is also diminishing.

The General Post Office employees absent yesterday were 2057,

an increase of 27."

Who would have thought

that a random deadly virus

can just take over the world like this?

Do you follow sports?

The football?

What about the rowing?

I do like a sport of rowing.

"The president of Cambridge University Boat Club states

that the next inter-university boat race,

the Boat Race,

will take place on Tuesday, April 1st at about half past eleven,

as the tide would serve at too early an hour

on the usual day, March 29th.

He also says that no Old Blues

are coming up to assist him on this occasion."

Have you rowed?

I was a handy stroke in my time.

Very handy.

They called me the human clock,

'cause I kept perfect time.

Oh.

What's this?

I seem to have been shot.

Yes.

Yes. No, just out before.

Out in the hallway.

Yeah. I don't really know the gentleman who did it.

Seemed very angry!

He pulled a gun on me and shot me.

No, I didn't do anything!

I was... I was running from him.

I looked rather frightened, if anything.

Yes.

No, it is rather painful.

But, you know...

Stiff upper lip and all that!

Not a snowflake...

Like this generation.

Yes, I do seem to be, uh...

gradually...

losing quite a lot of blood.

But, you know...

Can't have everything in life!

"What doesn't kill you..."

Well...

Uh...

It might...

But we all have to die of something...

It helps to keep pressure on it.

Have you seen "La Traviata",

at the opera house?

You haven't? Oh...

I was in the Traviata, back in the day,

back in my youth...

I played a matador.

You know?

With big shoulder pads and...

red blanket.

"Di Madride noi siam mattatori,

Siamo i prodi del circo de' tori."

Et cetera.

[vocalises]

"E una storia, se udire vorrete,

Quali amanti noi siamo saprete."

And then the, uh...

the females:

"Sì, sì, bravi: narrate, narrate!"

"Ascoltate!"

You absolutely need to.

The Royal Opera House, ah!

Nothing better to do on a Friday night, I tell you.

Where are you off to tonight? Where do you live?

Nine Elms?

It's very close to me,

we should share a carriage.

Yes, I'm, uh... Shaftesbury Avenue.

Actually...

What is the time?

Eleven o'clock.

Okay.

That gives us...

Yeah, it's a few hours until we arrive.

It's quite late.

You might want to get some sleep.

Actually, before you do,

I have rather an odd favour to ask.

If that's okay.

Well, you see...

I'm rather a, uh...

photography enthusiast.

Have you seen one of these before?

It's brand new!

This is from Kodak.

No, they sell the latest in camera technology.

The thing I like about this is

you have rather no idea how to get into it,

were it not for a secret button,

that sits just on the top.

Over here.

And if you press it...

When I find it...

Where is it?

I've lost it...

Come on, secret button, were are you?

It's on the other side.

Secret button?

It just pops right open.

Ah...

Will you look at this...

It's a thing of absolute beauty.

Now...

If we simply slide it out...

It just clicks into place there.

And there we have it.

Brand new

Kodak

camera.

Have you used one before?

No? Well...

This here

is your viewfinder.

So if I look down...

There you go! Hello!

Hello!

I can see you.

Very good, very good.

And...

Down the back here...

I won't open it up, because it's got film in it

and I don't want to, uh, over-expose the film.

But here is where the film goes.

In the little spool thing.

Hm, handle.

Very nice.

A very nice leather handle... It's very well made.

It cost about...

Twenty pounds!

Which is quite a lot, don't you think?

So, here...

We have our

aperture,

so that's how

much light

we let in.

So, let me just show you.

Basically, a wide aperture

means that we let in a lot of light.

Which means that I can afford to be a little less

still when I'm holding it.

Maybe I need to only be still for...

two seconds or so.

Which is as quick as a flash!

Oh, it's gorgeous!

I was going to ask:

do you mind if I take a photograph of you?

It's just that...

You know...

I want to

have this suitcase full of memories.

And you are my latest,

and I do not want to forget this moment with you.

Please, is that okay?

Oh, I don't... I don't mind how you pose.

Yes.

Uh, it... No, uh... I'm still...

Gushing blood.

But

it's best if we try to ignore it, I think.

Okay, so...

Looking at me...

Good, okay.

Yes, posture. Posture!

Wide eyes! Okay, maybe just...

Scrunch your face up!

Really really ugly.

And then, whoosh!

Freshen the expression up.

'cause I know how the eyes can water if you leave them open for too long.

You know.

Okay, so.

Scrunch the face up...

Scrunch!

Yes, really really ugly face.

Mh-hm, and then...

Brighten up and then I'll take your picture.

Good.

When you brighten up the face,

I need you to hold that

for about

ten seconds, okay?

Yes, ten seconds.

Okay, okay.

Are you ready?

Then you're going to scrunch up the face and then

brighten the expression up.

Like I told you.

Yes, okay.

Your what?

What expression are you going to...?

Is it going to be smiling, or is it going to be more like...

Serious?

You know, without any, uh, smile.

Yes, smile! Okay! Yes, good.

And...

Scrunch!

You're not scrunching, scrunch!

Ugly face, come on.

And...

Hold it!

No, you didn't hold it for long enough.

Come on, take it seriously.

And...

Scrunch!

And...

Freshen, go!

Oh!

That...

is going straight...

into my journal.

Can we do one more?

Please! Please, just for me.

And...

Scrunch!

And...

Fresh, freshen up!

Thank you very much. I really appreciate that.

Now, of course, it might come out very blurry, because this train's shaking quite a lot.

But...

I'd quite like to remember that memory, too.

Some people want photographs to be perfect,

absolutely perfect.

Tack sharp!

You know, almost like paintings.

They want them to be full of...

Full of expression.

They want them to be high-resolution and high-quality...

But see,

I would rather just have the memory.

If it's under-exposed, fine.

If it's blurry, fine.

It all tells a story.

Thank you!

Yes. No, there's rather no more to the story. Sorry.

I wish I had a... An epic tale of...

You know, knife fights and

me diving into various carriages to...

You know... Save people from dying and from the various gunshots.

But no...

There wasn't much story to it.

I just went out of my carriage

and then I got shot.

Yes. No, it certainly was not a tale of heroism.

It was literally just...

Bang!

Shot in the stomach.

And then I sat down and started talking to you.

Just...

Random.

Such is the nature of life...

I guess.

All just...

Blinks in and out of time.

Sometimes the most you can do is to

have a nice chat

with a lovely charming-faced person.

And read the newspaper.

Oh...

Painful, though, I have to say.

Don't recommend.

Zero out of ten, would not do again.

You know what?

It's a bit late, isn't it?

You've been very good listening to me waffle.

I wonder

if maybe,

you might want to go to sleep.

Yes?

How about I read you a nice story?

Yeah.

This is one of my favourite books.

It is the Complete Fiction of Grimm's Fairy Tales.

Do you like Grimm?

Who doesn't, right?

Classics!

Let's pick a random one...

Yes, you're still with me.

Good.

Okay.

Why don't you make yourself nice and comfortable

and we'll read, okay?

And thank you again for letting me take your picture.

Okay.

This one's called "The Stolen Farthings".

"A father was one day sitting at dinner with his wife and his children,

and a good friend, who had come on a visit, with them.

And as they thus sat,

and it was striking twelve o'clock,

the stranger saw the door open

and a very pale child dressed in snow-white clothes came in.

It did not look around and it did not speak,

but went straight into the next room.

Soon afterwards, it came back and went out the door again in the same quiet manner.

On the second and on the third day, it came also exactly in the same way.

At last, the stranger asked the father

to whom the beautiful child that went to the next room everyday at noon belonged.

'I've never seen it,' said he,

and neither did he know to whom it could belong.

The next day, when it again came,

the stranger pointed it out to the father

who, however, did not see it,

and the mother...

and the children also all saw nothing.

On this, the stranger got up,

went to the room door,

opened it a little, and peeped in.

Then he saw the child sitting on the ground

and digging and seeking about industriously

among the crevices between the boards of the floor.

But when it saw the stranger, it disappeared.

He now told what he had seen and described the child exactly,

and the mother recognized it and said:

'Ah, that is my dear child who died a month ago."

They took up the boards and found two farthings,

which the child had once received from its mother

that it might give them to a poor man.

It however had thought, "Thou canst buy thyself a biscuit for that!"

and kept the farthings and hidden them in the openings between the boards.

And therefore it had no rest in its grave,

and had come everyday at noon

to seek for these farthings.

The parents gave the money...

at once...

to a poor man...

and after that the child was never seen."