Not Commiting to One Church

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#church #relationship #conflicts

Ven. Pomnyun's Answer to “Not Commiting to One Church”
Selection from Casual Conversation with Ven. Pomnyun Sunim (Dec. 10, 2023)

Question:
The church I used to attend split into two different churches after conflicts arose among believers. My friend keeps asking me to attend one of the new churches. However, I don't want to go because I prefer not to tie myself down to one religion.

<Not Commiting to One Church>

(Questioner) Hello Sumin,
I watch your video.

I can guess how busy you are every day.

I have been going to church for
over two years after moving to a new area.

I went with a friend. But this Spring,
there was a conflict in the church

and the church split into two sides.

And half of the people left and
they opened a new church.

One or two of the members close to me
kept on telling me to come visit their church.

They asked me to come just once but
I know that that one time is just the beginning.

The "attend that church."

I do not belong to any church and

now I am satisfied with Happy School and teachings

and I am learning well.

If people telling me to come to church I feel bothers me,

please tell me how can I manage my mind calm.

The more I learn about Buddha's teachings,

the more I reflect on myself and become humble.

And so I love it.
I don't want to go to church.

(Sunim) It's your choice.

It's okay for you not to go to church.
There's absolutely no problem.

Or you can just choose one of the two churches and go there occasionally,

or you can go to both churches.

You don't have to tie down to one church,

nor do you have to deny both churches.

You can just be free.

The more you study Buddhism,

you also have to open your minds up to other religions like Christianity.

The same thing with Islam.

I'm not saying that you have to like it,

because each religion and
tradition has its own unique nature.

But it's up to you because you're free to choose,

not because you don't like the other traditions,

but you're free to choose whatever draws you.

Basically this is not a problem of your friends

or your former church goers telling you
or asking you to come visit their church.

It's the problem that you don't want to hear them, that invitation.

The same thing when you get invited to a party,
you want to go, you don't want to go.

Or your family member asks you to do something you don't want to do,
you just don't want, sometimes.

You resist, you're hesitant because you're always calculating,

what if I say no, I might lose that relationship, or something.

It might cause a loss to me.

But after all, they have the freedom to invite you to their church,

and you have the freedom to not go.

So just as your freedom is precious to you,
their freedom is precious to them.

(Questioner) I understand what you're saying.

I didn't say 'don't tell me come to your church'
but I just say, refuse nicely.

Okay maybe next time, not this moment

I don't feel like to go right now, maybe future,

I think about it.
I all the time say that.

I went to church since I immigrate to USA on and off over 25 years.

If I attend one time they right away welcome me,

they are kind extremely
and then they are looking for

what would you like to do
and then oh, let's study Bible study

Why don't you join this volunteer
Why don't you join like a chorus?

And they asked me more and more and then
see you next Sunday

and then they asked more and if I just go one time and stop

to me, it's foolish because I know I'm not going to go.

So I just don't want to start go to church.

And the reason the split is too sided is very complicated.

They are 45 years of one church member but one issue they make split.

So I'm just tired of what they're doing.

Yesterday they were like all church member, we're family and brother and sister

and then after conflict it's become enemy

I don't want to involve that both church. I don't want to go to church.

Since I learned the Buddha's teaching,
I'm very joyful and find a more peaceful mind.

Even I attended the church over 20 years, I never had that feeling.

So I don't want to go there.

I want to just keep continue learning Buddha's teaching.

I think that's more fit to me my personality, character and quiet peaceful

and I just want to stick with this side.

(Sunim) It's a good thing that studying Buddha's teachings brought you peace in your mind.

But you have not really truly studied deeply yet

because you still feel tension from watching the conflict within the Church.

Conflicts and divisions is a natural phenomenon.

Now you see two different sects emerging from the same Judeo Christian tradition.

And from within the Christianity itself

you see the schism between the Catholicism and Protestantism.

And within the same Protestantism,
you get Presbyterians, you get Baptists,

Episcopalians, you get all different sects.

You feel discomfort because
you were there at the church when it was one,

then it split into two

but somebody else who joined the church after it split

will not share the same discomfort.

We have a lot of divorced couples who are raising kids

who get divorced even after having kids and raising kids by themselves.

So we see separations and divisions, conflicts everywhere.

So why is that a special problem?

It's almost as if you're acting like little kids

who are seeing their parents divorce and opposing and being resentful

that the parents are divorcing

although parents themselves might have a good reason to separate.

The same thing with North and South Korea.

Regular ordinary people actually have no reason to suffer the separations

but the separation does serve a purpose for the ruling elite.

So if you actually ask the leadership of your church

whether you want to ask the deacons or actually ask the minister,

they will have reasons to separate.

So you feel discomfort over the split of the church

because you're not a deacon or a minister
not because you have this peace in your heart.

So basically there's no problem here.
Whether that church splits or not is their work,

it's their scope, their decision ,

whether you go to that split church or not is your decision.

We have thousands of Korean American churches in the US today

and all these churches are probably split from each other.

and even that church that you went to, probably resulted from

somebody else actually splitting off from another church.

So basically there's absolutely no problem here.

Just stick to your own studies.

Let their problems be their problems.

(Questioner) One big thing that bothers me,

the reason split is previously,

my church belonged to United Methodist in New England area,

the regulation and policy is the pastor is sent by union,

but the pastor is a gay pastor.

So that's why we split. Half member, we don't want to accept the pastor.

The other half is okay,
but to me God loves everybody.

The gay pastor and straight pastor is all the God's children.

But in the church members those split,

that's comedy to me.
It's very difficult to me.

(Sunim) There are plenty of reasons.

People make huge things out of the littlest thing, in Korean history, actually

the whole kingdom almost collapsed because of political dissonance

having to do with the split on how long you should be in mourning,

how long you should be wearing your shroud to mourn a loved one.

Whether it's three months, 6 months or 9 months.

That was a huge political scandal almost brought down the kingdom.

So discussion or splits or differences of opinion

over a pastor being gay or not that
merits a discussion, or a potential disagreement.

And this issue actually not just roiling one small church.

It is actually splitting huge denominations,

as well as, it's still an issue in American politics today.

No, I'm not saying that division or schism is a good thing.

Same thing like parents have a reason to divorce from each other,

but from a child's perspective,
they don't understand why.