George Carlin-Christian hats and religion

Every religion has its own rules about hats. (subtitles by Nomaly)

I started to question all this stupid hat shit when I was a kid

When I was a kid, I was a Catholic, at least until I reached the "age of reason"

okay, so I was a Catholic for about 2, 2 and a half years, something like that

and during that time, one of the things they told us was

that if a boy or a man went into a church, he had to remove his hat

in order to honor the presence of God

But, they had already told me God is everywhere,

so I used to wonder, well if God is everywhere, why would you even own a hat?

why not show your respect, don't even BUY a fucking hat

and just to confuse things further, they told the women exactly the opposite

Catholic women and girls had to cover their heads when they went into church

same as in certain temples, Jewish men have to cover their heads in those temples

In those same temples, Jewish women not allowed to cover their heads

so try to figure this shit out

Catholic men and Jewish women, no hats.

Catholic women and Jewish men, hats

somebody's got the whole thing totally fucking backwards don't ya think?

And what is this religious fascination with headgear?

Every religion's got a different fuckin hat

Did you ever notice that? The Hindus have a turban, the Sikhs have a tall white turban

Jews have a yamulkah, Muslims have the the Qafiah, the Bishop has a pointy hat on one day,

and a round hat on another day

Cardinal has a red hat, Pope has a white ha--why's everybody got a fucking hat?

One of 'em takes it off, the other group puts them on

Personally I would never want to be a member of any group, where you either have to wear a hat, or you can't wear a hat

I think...

I think all religions should have one rule and one rule only: hats optional

that's all you need to run a really good religion

Here's another one of these civic customs, swearing on the Bible

you understand that shit?

They tell you to raise your right hand and place your left hand on the Bible, does this stuff really matter?

which hand? Does God really give a fuck about details like this?

Suppose you put your right hand on the Bible, you raise your left hand, would that count?

Or would God say, "Sorry, wrong hand, try again."

And why does one hand have to be raised? What is the magic in this gesture?

This seems like some sort of primitive Voodoo mojo schtick.

Why not put your left on the Bible, let your right hand hang down by your side? It's more natural

or put it in your pocket.

Remember what your mother used to say? "Don't put your hands in your pockets" Does she know something we don't know?

Is this hand shit really important?

But let's get back to the Bible, America's favorite national theatrical prop.

Suppose the Bible they hand you to swear on is upside down, or backward

or both. And you swear to tell the whole truth on an upside-down backward Bible

would that count?

Suppose the Bible I hand you is an old Bible, and half the pages are missing. Suppose all they have is a Chinese Bible

in an American court. Or a braille Bible and you're not blind.

Suppose they hand you an upside-down backward Chinese braille Bible with half the pages missing.

At what point does all this stuff just break down and become just a lot of stupid shit that somebody made up?

They fuckin made it up folks. It's make believe. It's make believe, now

alright, okay

Let's leave the Bible aside, we'll get back to the science fiction reading later