The Social Shari‘ah: Directives Relating to Parents [46/49] | Javed Ahmad Ghamidi

Mizaan- Javed Ahmad Ghamidi

The Social Shariah,
Part- 46

All praise is due to Almighty Allah,
And may the peace and blessings of

Almighty Allah be upon his trustworthy
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh),

I seek refuge with Allah from the
accursed Satan,

In the name of Allah,
most gracious and merciful.

Ladies and Gentlemen, In 'Mizaan', Part 2,
we are discussing Social Shariah.

This is the second part
of this series.

This matter is clear from every
aspect that,

the Shariah of Islam has established
marriage as the foundation of society.

As a result of this, the most significant,
valuable and divine relationship on earth

is the relationship of parents.

How we should behave with our parents,
ethically speaking,

has already been discussed in the chapter
on morality.

Here, certain legal aspects of this will
be understood.

I have made the 14th and 15th verse of
Surah Luqmaan as the introduction

to this topic. Surah Luqmaan is
the Quran's 31st Surah.

Wa wassainal insaana bi waalidaihi
hamalat hu ummuhoo wahnan ‘alaa

wahninw wa fisaaluhoo fee ‘aamaini
anishkur lee wa liwaalidaika

ilaiyal maseer Wa in jaahadaaka ‘alaaa an
tushrika bee maa laisa laka bihee ‘ilmun

falaa tuti’humaa wa saahib humaa
fid dunyaa ma’roofanw

wattabi’ sabeela man anaaba ilayy;
summa ilaiya marji’ukum fa unabbi’ukum

bimaa kuntum ta’maloon.

It has been translated as:

And We enjoined man to show
kindness to his parents,

with much pain his mother bears him
and he is not weaned before

he is two years of age. We advised him,
be grateful to Me and to your parents.

To Me shall all things return.
But if they press you to serve besides Me,

that of which you have no knowledge,
do not obey them.

Remain kind to them in this world,
and turn to Me with all devotion.

To Me you shall all return, and I will
declare to you everything you have done.

I have written that all divine
revelations instruct man to show kindness

to their parents.
i.e., In Islam, being kind to parents

has always been the utmost standard
of ethical behavior.

No one should be worshiped besides Allah,

and parents should be treated with
kindness.

These are the most important commands
in the religion of Islam.

Therefore, all messengers have
instructed the same.

All divine scriptures have also
emphasized it.

All divine scriptures instruct man to
show kindness to the parents.

Various verses of the Qur’ān also
direct the believers,

to be kind to their parents.

In the 23rd and 24th verse of the
Surah Bani Israel,

the 8th verse of
Surah Ankabut,

and the 15th verse of Surah Ahqaf,
this topic is stated in these verses

by using the same terms
approximately speaking.

The verse which i have used as the
introduction to the topic of

directives relating to parents,
that verse is the 14th and

15th verse of Surah Luqman.

These verses have also more or less
emphasized the same thing in similar words

The above quoted verses however
specifically determine the limits of

good behavior with the parents.

i.e., as long as the ethical instruction
was in consideration.

a man was enjoined
to show kindness to his parents,

show kindness to your parents,

and in order to show kindness,

a man is made aware of what is the role
of parents in his upbringing,

what hardships they go through.
And as a child, if you indeed have some

humanity, what should be your
behavior towards your parents.

With respect to ethics,

like I said, this topic has been discussed
in Surah Bani Israil, Surah Ankabut

and Surah Ahqaf.

All of these verses, from an ethical
point of view, have stated the importance

of this, and narrate Almighty Allah's
instructions, warn people,

and raise awareness among them.

And the importance of showing
kindness,

to parents which is present in
human nature has been mentioned ,

and we are also being reminded of it.

In the verses of Surah luqman,
some limitations have been appointed,

and this is the difference on the
basis of which I have selected these

verses for this discussion.

i.e., in case of morality,

only principles will be under discussion,
and in case of laws, the limitations,

warnings, and terms and conditions
are discussed.

This difference should be considered

i.e., one being a law which can be passed
on state level,

that has its own limitations,

but when Almighty Allah states that

something is shariah and the other
is hikmah.

I have mentioned it earlier and explained
with evidences that the whole content

of Islam, everything included in this
religion has been divided into two parts,

Hikmah which means faith and virtues,
that is the true religion,

and Al-Kitaab i.e., upon which laws
are based.

So, what is the thing that
sets law apart?

The answer is that law is
based on ethical values but

what law does is that it confines it.

Let's understand this by using
an example.

The Quran has mentioned it in many
instances that adultery is a great sin.

People are told 'la taqrabuz-zina',
do not even go close to it.

This is a moral instruction,
a fundamental principle,

it is the foundation that withstands
the religion of Islam.

But when Quran states in Surah Nur
that the sinner will be punished

for his acts in a certain way,
or be dealt with in a particular manner,

it will be a part of the law or shariah.

I have contemplated this difference
in the entire book,

that what things should
be discussed under the rubric of ethics,

and they have been discussed under
the same.

Therefore, showing kindness to parents
has also been discussed,

in terms of moral values in that part.

Here, some of its limitations are
discussed,

and that is the reason i haven't
spoken about it under that topic,

I have included it here,

i.e., in the series of law, which is in
Al-Kitaab.

This has been mentioned in the second
part of Mizaan, which is social shariah,

for which I was giving this
explanation.

The above quoted verses however
specifically determine the limits of

good behavior with the parents.

The details of this directive as stated
in these verses are:

i.e., the verses mentioned above from
Surah Luqman, the 14th and 15th verse,

their translation has already
been mentioned,

the limitations which has been fixed
in those verses,

now I'm going to discuss them
in the manner of laws.

The details of this directive as stated
in these verses are:

1. It is the parents who bring into
existence a new life and

become the means to nourish it.

It is an indisputable fact.

No doubt, the care and affection
of the father is quite a lot,

however the hardships a mother
encounters in bringing up the child

starting from her pregnancy,
to childbirth and then breast-feeding

the child are unmatched and
no child can repay her

for this great service.

i.e., in these three stages,

from pregnancy to childbirth,

a mother braves through a life & death
kind of a situation,

and then for two or more years she
breast feeds the child,

and even after that she plays a
significant role in nurturing the child.

It is the parents who bring into
existence a new life and

become the means to nourish it.
No doubt, the care and affection

of the father is quite a lot,
however the hardships a mother encounters

in bringing up the child starting from her
pregnancy, to childbirth and

then breast-feeding the child are
unmatched and no child can repay her

for this great service.

If a person is courteous, and he hasn't
contaminated his natural disposition,

he has not changed for the worse,

he has not detached himself in the pride
of adolescence from the past or present,

then he would never suggest something
different from what has been advised.

On these very grounds, the Prophet (pbuh)
has regarded the right of the mother

as three times that of the father.

In the narrations of Sahih Al-Bukhari
and Sahih Muslim,

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) answered a
question in such a way,

that it was made clear that the rights
of the mother far surpass,

the rights of the father.

Consequently, the Almighty exhorts man
to be the most grateful to his parents

after his Lord.

i.e., no doubt you have to be partial
towards your mother,

however both of them
should be given their due.

The care and affection of the father
is no less, his role is also significant

in a child's life.

He does everything
to support his family financially,

sometimes even starve himself
to provide resources for his children.

Consequently, the Almighty exhorts man
to be the most grateful to his parents

after his Lord.

This gratitude must not be expressed
merely by the tongue.

Its essential corollary is that it should
manifest in good behavior towards them.

Listen to each and every word of this
with attention.

Its essential corollary i.e., the Quran
presented this as the first preposition,

it begins its argument from here,

that the most important virtue among
people is gratitude.

There is a narrative which states
'man lam yash kurunnasa lam yash kurullah'

i.e., if a person is ungrateful to
to other people who have been kind to him

in this world, he won't ever be grateful
to Allah as well.

It is known that, philosophically,
the foundation of the entire religion

is based upon the emotion of gratitude.

i.e., when i look at myself, and when I
observe the surrounding world,

and acknowledge the presence of my Lord,

gain knowledge about Him,

and get introduced to Him as
the true benefactor,

for this the feeling of gratitude
is manifested in me and,

this same feeling of gratitude should be
towards your parents as instructed

by the Quran.

However, everyone should
understand, this does not mean that,

you just say sometimes that i am grateful
to my parents,

it should not be expressed merely in
words,

one should act upon it and behave
in a certain manner.

This gratitude must not be expressed
merely by the tongue.

Its essential corollary is that it should
manifest in good behavior towards them.

He should respect them and
never become fed up of them.

He must not utter a single word
of disrespect to them.

Instead, he should be soft, sympathetic,
loving and obedient to them.

i.e., even if the parent's behavior is bad
towards the child,

or the parent is being unjust to
the child,

the child should be soft, sympathetic,
and obedient to them.

He should listen to them and

be caring and affectionate to them
in the tenderness of old age.

The parents need their children the most
after they have fallen,

into the tenderness of old age.

An infirmity manifests in them that makes
them act like children.

So during that time, it is important to
take good care of them,

spend some time with them,
be affectionate to them,

and take their hard work and pains
into consideration.

It has been stated in the
Surah Bani Israil:

Wa qadaa Rabbuka allaa ta'budooo
illaaa iyyaahu wa bilwaalidaini ihsaanaa

immaa yablughanna 'indakal kibara
ahaduhumaaa aw kilaahumaa falaa

taqul lahumaaa uffinw wa laa tanharhumaa
wa qullahumaa qawlan kareemaa

Wakhfid lahumaa janaahaz zulli
minar rahmati wa qur Rabbir hamhumaa

wa qur Rabbir hamhumaa kamaa
rabbayaanee sagheera

Rabbukum a'lamu bimaa fee nufoosikum;
in takoonoo saaliheena fa innahoo

kaana lil awwaabeena Ghafoooraa.

This is from the 17th Surah, Bani Israil,
and above quoted verses are the

23rd, 24th and 25th verse of this surah.

And your Lord has enjoined you to
worship none but Him,

i.e., when only He is the one true God,

then only he should be worshipped and
served.

And your Lord has enjoined you to
worship none but Him, and

to show great kindness to your parents.
If either or both of them in your presence

i.e., the reason why I mentioned that we
should show great kindness,

is because of how the Quran has
composed this verse.

i.e., the Quran has concealed the verb,
but kept the noun.

Instead of Ahsinu bil waledainy ihsaana,
wa bil walidainy ihsaana is there.

The people who know the arabic language,
will understand,

that there is an element of hyperbole in
this verse.

And your Lord has enjoined you
to worship none but Him, and

to show great kindness to your parents.
If either or both of them attain old age

in your presence,
show them no sign of impatience.

This sentence in arabic that do not show
a sign of impatience to your parents,

this means that if a parent says something
to his son, the son will shrug and

respond rudely.

The Quran instructs that things should
never reach this point,

one should not behave like this,

the behaviour towards your parents should
be loving, affectionate, kind,

and sympathetic.

If either or both of them attain old age
in your presence,

show them no sign of impatience,
nor rebuke them.

Why is this thing being said and
why is it that only the rights of parents

are being discussed with respect to
this law and not the children.

If you give it some thought
you will get know that,

the parents have such extraordinary
Instincts in them that,

they do not need to be instructed
through religious texts.

Almighty Allah's method is such, that in
instances where things are clear,

and instincts are intensely strong,

the possibility of violating a law
is much less,

it is left to the person's wisdom and
nature.

i.e., It is obvious that
parents will raise their children,

nurture them, guide and
educate them,

and they will do anything that's
in their control.

Generally, these things are expected.

But when parents become old,
an important test comes into picture,

i.e., children have passions,
exigencies,

they have their
own needs,

and when parents have also fallen
into the tenderness of old age,

they might not make sense sometimes,

it is possible that sometimes
they might be unjust to their children,

it is also possible that sometimes
they might not react calmly,

i.e., there are thousands of problems
that come into consideration,

for this very reason, this chapter
is being discussed in Social Shariah,

because there is a possibility
of contravention here,

here instincts are not so strong
anymore.

This becomes a matter of rationale and
wisdom,

So there is a possibility that
something might go severely wrong.

So know the rights of your parents,
show kindness to your parents,

and it's limitations are being stated,
and it is being explained in detail,

so that a child can understand
when his parents become old,

what kind of situations he would encounter
during which he should show kind, loving,

and sympathetic behavior towards them.

If either or both of them attain old age
in your presence,

show them no sign of impatience,
nor rebuke them,

but speak to them kind words.

Treat them with humility and tenderness.

i.e., just like we have a connection of
devotion with Allah,

and a connection of humility
with Allah,

the same kind of humility should be
shown to parents as well.

We should bow with humility in front
of our parents.

i.e., when a person attains puberty,
they start to behave arrogantly.

This should not happen while dealing
with parents.

But speak to them kind words.

Treat them with humility and tenderness
and say,

'Lord, be merciful to them the way they
nursed me when I was an infant.'

This is a very special and
gracious prayer.

There is a teaching concealed
in this prayer.

It reminds a person of the rights of his
parents that are incumbent upon him,

and the old age of his parents reminds him
of his childhood.

This method of reminding and
giving an advice is very profound.

The dua is: 'Lord, be merciful to them the
way they nursed me when I was an infant.'

i.e., clearly when parents will be
in the tenderness of old age,

they might sometimes do something
that will antagonize their child,

it is possible that the child might
respond with rudeness sometimes,

or might react to their unjustness
in a certain way.

So, the child is being reminded about
how he behaved in his childhood,

i.e., your parents took care of you
when you were a child,

you were stubborn and sometimes did not
obey your parents, you were weak,

you used to wake up your parents
when they were tired and asleep.

In order to guide, educate and
nurture you, your parents have put their

own lives at risk.

So, for this very reason, you
should also pray,

that like they nurtured you during
your childhood,

Allah should also look favourably upon
them.

Your Lord best knows what is in
your hearts.

If you remain obedient, He will forgive
those who turn to Him.

In this profound and pleasing style,

which the Quran has used to
draw our attention,

with respect to our behavior towards the
parents.

This was the first directive.

Now, the second one is:

In spite of the status that Islam
confers upon parents,

i.e., first the subject has been
introduced,

and we are being reminded of the favour
our parents do us.

Hence, observe the verse which we have
used as the introduction to this chapter.

Wa wassainal insaana bi waalidaihi
hamalat hu ummuhoo wahnan 'alaa wahninw

wa fisaaluhoo fee 'aamaini.

i.e., first the beneficence of our parents
has been emphasised,

Its your mother who has kept you in her
womb for a period of nine months,

and then went through a lot of trouble
while breastfeeding you for two years,

In spite of the status that Islam
confers upon parents,

they do not have the right,

i.e., first their status was fixed,

then the same was stated,

the ethical values were made clear,

that is the beauty of the
entire society,

and people were instructed how
they should treat their parents

and what should be their behavior
towards them.

After stating the above,
now what is being said is that,

In spite of the status that Islam
confers upon parents,

i.e., this is the favour of our parents,

one should be grateful to them for this,

one should always pray for them,

one should never show disobedience,
no matter how insignificant,

nor rebuke them,
and never disrespect them in any way.

It is their right.

But even after having such a status,
in spite of that..

In spite of the status that Islam
confers upon parents,

they do not have the right to force
their children to baselessly associate

someone with the Almighty.

Here, it is clear that in this verse
polytheism is being mentioned,

that is because the people who are being
addressed,

this issue is the bone of contention
among them.

But as a result this principle emanates,

that the rights of Allah, take precedence
over the rights of the parents.

i.e., the first and foremost right that
should be fulfilled is the right of Allah.

Therefore, if someone is obligated to do
something which deals with Allah

and his religion,

his parents can't
force him to show disobedience to Allah.

Keeping their rights aside, and their
love,

and showing hospitality towards them,
and also gratitude towards them,

but when Allah's rights come into picture,
it is the highest of all.

On what basis have the rights
of the parents been established?

They has been established because they
brought us into this world,

they nurtured us, they guided and
educated us, they took good care of us

when we were weak.

Likewise, the right of Allah,

He is the reason of the existence of this
entire universe, He gave a life to us,

gave us the capability of understanding,

and promised that an eternal life is
awaiting us.

He filled this world with all sorts and
kinds of blessings and favors.

Count them if you can, a verse in the
Quran states,

Wain tauddoo niaamata Allahi la tuhsooha,

which means, You cannot count
the favors of Allah,

So the one true benefactor should take
precedence over everything else.

We should to be grateful to Him most of
all.

Consequently, the Quran has made this
thing clear that in case of the parents,

Allah instructs you about the rights
of your parents,

how you should treat your parents,
what should be your behavior towards them.

But this does not mean that
if your parents force you to baselessly

associate someone with Almighty Allah,

or do not let you fulfil
the rights of Allah,

No, the parents do not have these rights.

The Prophet (pbuh) has said that
showing disobedience to parents

is the greatest sin after polytheism.

The Prophet (pbuh) has stated this
and,

these are the narratives from
Sahih Al- Bukhari and Sahih Muslim,

their reference is mentioned in the
footnotes below.

However, the above quoted verses
of Surah Luqman say that

the children should openly disobey
their parents with regard to polytheism

and should follow the way of those
who follow Allah.

i.e., your exemplar, your leader,
your mentor, your teacher,

should be only those people
who follow and obey Almighty Allah,

and call you towards Him.

Parents are worthy of showing kindness,
they deserve to be treated with kindness,

and this right of theirs' should
be fulfilled.

But they do not have the right to take
place of a cleric or a guide.

They should not be the one to say
that,

you can or cannot fulfill
the rights of Allah.

When you know Allah's rights,

they would be given precedence over
everything else.

And showing kindness to parents
is also one of Allah's rights.

He has given this as a directive,

and it has been mentioned in
various verses in the Quran.

Prophet (pbuh) has said that showing
disobedience to parents

is the greatest sin after polytheism.
However, the above quoted verses of

Surah Luqman say that the children
should openly disobey their parents

with regard to polytheism and should
follow the way of those who follow God,

i.e., the prophets, the righteous,
those scholars who have the

true knowledge of religion,
they should tell people about

Allah's rights, they should tell people
about Allah's command,

they should inform people about the
religion, these people should be followed.

Any calls to evade the Almighty must not
receive any positive response

even if it is the parents who are
giving the call.

Any calls to evade the Almighty,
i.e., even if parents who have been

given such a status, ask you to leave
the way of Allah,

and show disobedience to Him,

they must not receive any
positive response.

Laa ta'ata fil maasiah innamal
ta'ata fil ma'aruuf.

No one can be obeyed if he calls to
disobey the Almighty,

one can only obey what is virtuous.

It is a hadith mentioned in
Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim.

It's reference has also been mentioned
in the footnotes.

The same principle has been mentioned
in this,

i.e., in the way of Allah's disobedience,
neither can the parents be obeyed,

nor a leader,
or head of the society,

or the scholars,
or preachers,

or guides.

Within the circle of Allah's obedience,
people will be respected, and honoured,

and listened to.

The Prophet (pbuh) has stated this
on the same basis.

Consequently, all other directives of the
Almighty Allah shall also be considered

subservient to this directive, and
one cannot disobey these directives

if the parents ask them to do so.

i.e., the Prophet (pbuh) has also,
granted that polytheism was mentioned,

but it was given a form of a principle,
and that is correct,

that is because the circumstances against
which this has been stated,

that makes it clear, that the actual thing
to take into consideration is,

that where Allah's right is in question,

and the demands of His worship
are at stake,

and the demands of His obedience are at
stake,

nothing else will matter in such
circumstances.

The third limitation:
Even if the parents force their children

to commit a sin as heinous as polytheism,

i.e., if the parents are old, or there are
differences of opinion over something,

one being that they are instructing to
indulge in polytheism,

which is the greatest sin of all,
they are supporting polytheism.

They want their children
to follow this path.

These were the circumstances during
that era.

This happens nowadays as well.

i.e., the parents have undertaken certain
religious things with respect to a

particular context and they think of it
as a part of religion

and then want their children to
follow the same.

Even if the parents force their children
to commit a sin as heinous as polytheism,

they must always be treated
in a befitting manner.

i.e., on one hand it has been stated
that the right of the parents

is very significant, but they do not
have any right when it comes to

disobeying Almighty Allah.

And on the other hand, it has been
instructed that

even if the parents are teaching their
children to disobey Allah,

making them follow the path of polytheism,
and are persistent about it,

in spite of all these things,
they must always be treated with kindness.

Their needs should be met
met as far as possible and

a prayer of guidance be continued
to be made for them.

This is what the words
'Wa saahib humma fiddunya ma'aruufa'

(remain kind to them in this world)
of the verse quoted above entail.

i.e., in the Quran, where it has been
mentioned that do not obey your parents

when they force you to follow polytheism,
do not obey them when they tell you to

disobey Almighty Allah, with this it has
also been mentioned that,

with respect to worldly affairs,
? be affectionate and kind to them.

The children may have a right to disobey
their parents if they insist upon

upon disobedience to the directives
of religion but they must still

not be slack or indifferent in any way
to their duty towards their parents.

i.e., even if the parents are forcing
their child to disobey Allah,

and forcing him to commit a sin
which is the greatest of all,

he must still show kindness
to his parents.

The last part of the verses
caution both the child and the parents,

The last part of the verses caution both
the child and the parents,

one day he has to return to the Almighty
to give an account of his deeds.

This is Quran's special approach,

i.e., you can observe that it first stated

what your parents do to nurture you,
then it stated that consequently it is

necessary to be grateful to them,
then it instructed what should be the

behavior towards the parents for same,
determined certain limits of good behavior

and then it warned them that,
'summa ilayyi marjiukum

fa unabbiukum bimaa kuntum ta'amaluun.
This is the last part of the verse.

The last part of the verse caution
a person that one day

he has to return to the Almighty
to give an account of his deeds.

This is usually how Quran warns people.

One day we have to return to our Lord,

a day has been ascertained for us
when we will have to answer,

Whenever He commands to do something,
or whenever he guides us,

He always draws our attention
to this fundamental fact,

this is the base of the invitation to
Islam.

i.e., the hereafter, the day when we
will have to give an account of our deeds,

the day when we will meet our Lord,
in preparation of this.

The last part of the verses caution
a person that one day

he has to return to the Almighty
to give an account of his deeds,

Summa ilayyi marjiukum fa unabbiukum
bimaa kuntum ta'amaluun.

While commenting upon this part of the
verse, Imam Amin Ahsan Islahi writes,

this addresses,

i.e., the verse mentioned above,
summa ilayyi marjiukumm,

one has to return to Almighty Allah,

This part of the verse addresses
both the parents and the children

and carries both a warning and
an assurance.

It carries both the aspects,
a warning and an assurance.

The implication is that one day,

each person will have to return
to the Almighty.

Whatever he would have done
would be brought before him.

A believer should keep this in mind
while living his life.

i.e., My deeds are being compiled,

each and everything is being put on
record,

ma yalfizu min qawlin illa ladayhi
raqeebun ateed,

Man does not utter any word except that

with him is an observer prepared
to record.

His deeds, his intentions, everything
will be brought before him on that day,

Until a person does not comprehend the
enormity of this fact,

he cannot truty follow through on the laws
of shariah,

nor can he fulfill the objectives of this
system.

Whatever he would have done
would be brought before him.

If some parents had violated the rights
given to them regarding their children

by making them deviate from
the path of the Almighty,

they will have to face punishment
for this attitude and

if children duly recognized the rights
of the Almighty together with those

of their parents as well as remaining
steadfast in following the obligations

these rights entail, they will be
rewarded for their perseverance.

I say this saying of mine, and I seek
forgiveness from Allah for me and for you.