How Can You Help Someone With A Mental Illness? | Kati Morton

- Hey everybody, happy Monday.

Now, today I wanna talk about something

that I've heard from many
of our community members,

one of which I was
talking to exactly today

saying that a lot of the
most common questions

that she sees in the comments
are, how do I help someone?

If someone that I know in love
is struggling with depression

or self-injury or eating
disorders or whatever,

how do I help them?

And I know I've talked about this before

like on live streams and
what it really tells me

is that our community is so great

and everybody wants to help one another,

and I love it so much.

So today, I'm gonna give
you some helpful tips

and ways that you can best assist

those in your life who may be struggling.

And my first tip

is just to be a good friend.

Even if it's a family member,

we can still be a friend to them, right?

That means that we need
to call them, text them,

send them voice memos.

However you talk to them, do that.

Check in on them.

And these calls and text
and however you communicate

doesn't have to be like,

hey, how's recovery going,

or hey, are you taking that medication?

Like, how are you feeling?

It really is just like,
hey, how's it going?

How are you feeling?

I'd noticed you've been a little down

and I want you to know I'm here for you.

Because the thing that we need to remember

is that we can't force
anybody to do anything.

It's honestly best if we don't try to push

our agenda onto them.

It's better if we just check in.

We care for them,

we meet them where they're at.

We do our best to understand
what they're going through

and assist as much as we can,

which kinda rolls into my second tip

which is educate yourself.

If you know a friend or family member's

going through depression, let's say,

find out how that feels for them.

You can educate yourself on the back end

like what is depression?

How is it diagnosed?

I have videos about
that if you're curious.

What kind of treatment could
they get if they want it?

What could I offer to help them find?

Is it just a therapist?

Should they see a psychiatrist?

Those are all things that we
can easily educate ourselves

through YouTube, through
Googling, WebMD, whatever,

we can find it, and so I would
encourage you to do that.

And then ask them to tell you about it

if they're comfortable.

Like what does it mean to them?

If they're struggling with depression,

how does it feel?

Is it just that you're
really tired and lethargic

or you feel irritable and angry?

Or is it just really hard
to concentrate at work?

Like how does it manifest for them?

Because like I'm always saying,

everybody's body is different.

Everyone's mental illness
affects them differently.

That's why there's a ton
of different symptoms

that we kind of, as therapists, check off.

They must meet three of
these or five of these

out of like a whole list of 10.

So ask them how it feels to them first

before we just assume,

because we don't want to assume

that everyone's depression is the same.

Like I just mentioned it could just be

I'm really tired and lethargic.

It could be that I'm
super, super irritable

and angry at people,

or could it be just
concentration difficulties.

We don't know.

If we don't ask, we don't know.

So notice if you're making assumptions

about their situation
and instead ask questions

and seek to understand.

And my third tip is

truthfully to assist
in anyway that you can.

This means that if we're
checking in on them,

tip number one, number two
we're educating ourselves,

and let's say that friend
or family member says,

you know, I would like to see a therapist

or a psychiatrist or get in to treatment

whatever it may be, we can help them out.

That maybe, helping with a co-pay.

If we're a parent, and this
is our child or a friend,

you could just say, hey, I'm happy to help

if you the co-pay is like $30.

I can spot you some if
that makes it easier.

Or you can offer to pay for it in full.

You can offer to take them there.

You can offer to help them find someone.

There are a lot of ways

that we can assist in the
process of their recovery path.

It's just making sure

that they're already ready for that step,

and we're just going to make it easier

for them to get the help that they need.

And to that end I wanna talk
a little bit about 5150s

because a member of our community

just had one of their family
members that was 5150ed.

And I just think it's important

that we understand that as family members,

we cannot hold someone against their will.

We can't put someone in the hospital.

Only people that can
do that are, you know,

ENTs, therapists,psychiatrist,
other doctors,

other health professionals.

Those are the ones that
can actually 5150 someone.

And that's really a last resort.

Like if you've heard me talk about it in,

I have a video about that, too.

I'll link it in the description.

But my video about 5150 is I talked about

kind of why they exist

because it is a way to
ensure that we are safe,

meaning we're not gonna harm ourselves

and we're not gonna harm someone else.

That's why 5150s actually exist.

However, I know from personal experience

with patients in the hospital,

'cause I used to work
where people who came in

on a 5150 would see me first

and I have to assess them and decide

whether we would hold them
and see what the doctor

or clinician was telling me.

Do my own assessment and them maybe

send them upstairs to the lock psych ward.

It can keep us safe for a period of time

but by and large I find that
it's more harm than good.

Yes, maybe, we were suicidal
but it could've helped

if we had a therapist on board already.

And they could have an
emergency session with us,

or they could check in on us,

or we had a family member
who would stay with us

and help talk us through it.

I know that a lot of people
and a lot of clinicians alike

get really scared with
the topic of suicide

or someone who's homicidal,
wanting to hurt someone else.

But I find that by and large

most people just need to talk about it.

Something's happening and
they want someone to listen.

And so that's why those other
steps like seeing a therapist,

getting an emergency session,
texting with your therapist,

checking in, having a family
member or friend help us out.

Like there are all these steps in place.

Even back at the beginning,

I usually do like a safety plan
with a patient preemptively.

Then I'll have them
sign a no harm contract.

And so there are all these
steps that we put in place

leading up to the last
resort which is a 5150

because when we put someone on a hold,

it can, when we're forcing
them to do something,

and we all know that if we decide

to do something on our own,

for some reason we're so
much more excited to do it.

However if someone else pushes
and tells us we have to,

we might not like it so much.

And so just keep that in mind

when it comes to helping someone else.

We cannot make those in
our lives get better.

And by forcing them to, like,

if that's the only conversations we have,

if we're trying to force
them into getting help,

we'll truly just push them
farther and farther away.

And I'm sure a lot of you
watching this video right now

have been in that situation

where a parent or a friend has just like

hounded you about it and you just kind of

don't talk to them anymore because

you're not at that place yet.

And so keep that in mind
when you have a friend

or a family member in your
life who's struggling.

Make sure that you hear them out.

Let them decide their treatment.

Obviously, like I said, the
5150s exist to keep us safe.

But there are so many other
steps leading up to that

and we have to just
support people check in.

And I know that a lot of times
we can feel really helpless,

and that's a sucky feeling because

we want them to get better
and we want to help.

We know that they're struggling.

Especially if we have a
friend who's depressed

and we know that they
have suicidal thoughts.

We can worry about them.

But that's why it's important to check in.

And sometimes just offer to pick up

take out and come over and sit with them.

"Let's watch Netflix."

Not making it a big deal, just be in there

because if you remember
part of our DVT skills,

one of the things we have
to check in on is HALT.

Are we hungry, angry, lonely, tired?

That hunger and loneliness, as a friend

or family member, we
can totally help with.

We can cure it for that
chunk of time, right?

And so just think of the
way as you can help those

that you love gently, kindly,

by just letting them
know that you're there.

And most importantly that you care

and support them because we
don't wanna push anybody away.

We want everybody to
get the help they need

when they need it most.

And I think that applies to all issues,

whether it's self-injury,
eating disorders,

depression, anxiety.

I think all of us just need
to know that someone's there

thinking about us, they care about us,

and they're ready to help when they can.

But as always I don't
have all the answers.

Those are just my thoughts.

I would love to hear yours in the comments

about how someone in your
life has successfully

supported and helped you.

Or if you're a friend or family member

of someone struggling,

what did you do that
really worked out well

and it really helped them.

I would love for you to
share that in the comments

down below and I will see you next time.

Bye.

(calm lounge music)