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- Hey everybody, happy Monday.

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Now, today I wanna talk about something

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that I've heard from many
of our community members,

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one of which I was
talking to exactly today

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saying that a lot of the
most common questions

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that she sees in the comments
are, how do I help someone?

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If someone that I know in love
is struggling with depression

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or self-injury or eating
disorders or whatever,

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how do I help them?

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And I know I've talked about this before

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like on live streams and
what it really tells me

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is that our community is so great

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and everybody wants to help one another,

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and I love it so much.

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So today, I'm gonna give
you some helpful tips

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and ways that you can best assist

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those in your life who may be struggling.

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And my first tip

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is just to be a good friend.

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Even if it's a family member,

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we can still be a friend to them, right?

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That means that we need
to call them, text them,

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send them voice memos.

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However you talk to them, do that.

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Check in on them.

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And these calls and text
and however you communicate

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doesn't have to be like,

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hey, how's recovery going,

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or hey, are you taking that medication?

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Like, how are you feeling?

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It really is just like,
hey, how's it going?

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How are you feeling?

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I'd noticed you've been a little down

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and I want you to know I'm here for you.

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Because the thing that we need to remember

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is that we can't force
anybody to do anything.

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It's honestly best if we don't try to push

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our agenda onto them.

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It's better if we just check in.

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We care for them,

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we meet them where they're at.

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We do our best to understand
what they're going through

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and assist as much as we can,

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which kinda rolls into my second tip

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which is educate yourself.

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If you know a friend or family member's

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going through depression, let's say,

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find out how that feels for them.

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You can educate yourself on the back end

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like what is depression?

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How is it diagnosed?

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I have videos about
that if you're curious.

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What kind of treatment could
they get if they want it?

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What could I offer to help them find?

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Is it just a therapist?

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Should they see a psychiatrist?

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Those are all things that we
can easily educate ourselves

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through YouTube, through
Googling, WebMD, whatever,

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we can find it, and so I would
encourage you to do that.

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And then ask them to tell you about it

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if they're comfortable.

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Like what does it mean to them?

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If they're struggling with depression,

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how does it feel?

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Is it just that you're
really tired and lethargic

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or you feel irritable and angry?

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Or is it just really hard
to concentrate at work?

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Like how does it manifest for them?

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Because like I'm always saying,

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everybody's body is different.

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Everyone's mental illness
affects them differently.

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That's why there's a ton
of different symptoms

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that we kind of, as therapists, check off.

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They must meet three of
these or five of these

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out of like a whole list of 10.

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So ask them how it feels to them first

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before we just assume,

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because we don't want to assume

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that everyone's depression is the same.

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Like I just mentioned it could just be

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I'm really tired and lethargic.

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It could be that I'm
super, super irritable

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and angry at people,

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or could it be just
concentration difficulties.

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We don't know.

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If we don't ask, we don't know.

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So notice if you're making assumptions

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about their situation
and instead ask questions

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and seek to understand.

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And my third tip is

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truthfully to assist
in anyway that you can.

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This means that if we're
checking in on them,

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tip number one, number two
we're educating ourselves,

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and let's say that friend
or family member says,

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you know, I would like to see a therapist

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or a psychiatrist or get in to treatment

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whatever it may be, we can help them out.

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That maybe, helping with a co-pay.

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If we're a parent, and this
is our child or a friend,

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you could just say, hey, I'm happy to help

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if you the co-pay is like $30.

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I can spot you some if
that makes it easier.

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Or you can offer to pay for it in full.

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You can offer to take them there.

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You can offer to help them find someone.

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There are a lot of ways

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that we can assist in the
process of their recovery path.

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It's just making sure

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that they're already ready for that step,

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and we're just going to make it easier

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for them to get the help that they need.

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And to that end I wanna talk
a little bit about 5150s

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because a member of our community

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just had one of their family
members that was 5150ed.

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And I just think it's important

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that we understand that as family members,

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we cannot hold someone against their will.

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We can't put someone in the hospital.

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Only people that can
do that are, you know,

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ENTs, therapists,psychiatrist,
other doctors,

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other health professionals.

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Those are the ones that
can actually 5150 someone.

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And that's really a last resort.

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Like if you've heard me talk about it in,

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I have a video about that, too.

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I'll link it in the description.

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But my video about 5150 is I talked about

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kind of why they exist

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because it is a way to
ensure that we are safe,

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meaning we're not gonna harm ourselves

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and we're not gonna harm someone else.

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That's why 5150s actually exist.

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However, I know from personal experience

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with patients in the hospital,

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'cause I used to work
where people who came in

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on a 5150 would see me first

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and I have to assess them and decide

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whether we would hold them
and see what the doctor

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or clinician was telling me.

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Do my own assessment and them maybe

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send them upstairs to the lock psych ward.

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It can keep us safe for a period of time

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but by and large I find that
it's more harm than good.

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Yes, maybe, we were suicidal
but it could've helped

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if we had a therapist on board already.

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And they could have an
emergency session with us,

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or they could check in on us,

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or we had a family member
who would stay with us

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and help talk us through it.

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I know that a lot of people
and a lot of clinicians alike

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get really scared with
the topic of suicide

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or someone who's homicidal,
wanting to hurt someone else.

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But I find that by and large

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most people just need to talk about it.

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Something's happening and
they want someone to listen.

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And so that's why those other
steps like seeing a therapist,

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getting an emergency session,
texting with your therapist,

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checking in, having a family
member or friend help us out.

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Like there are all these steps in place.

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Even back at the beginning,

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I usually do like a safety plan
with a patient preemptively.

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Then I'll have them
sign a no harm contract.

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And so there are all these
steps that we put in place

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leading up to the last
resort which is a 5150

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because when we put someone on a hold,

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it can, when we're forcing
them to do something,

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and we all know that if we decide

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to do something on our own,

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for some reason we're so
much more excited to do it.

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However if someone else pushes
and tells us we have to,

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we might not like it so much.

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And so just keep that in mind

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when it comes to helping someone else.

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We cannot make those in
our lives get better.

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And by forcing them to, like,

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if that's the only conversations we have,

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if we're trying to force
them into getting help,

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we'll truly just push them
farther and farther away.

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And I'm sure a lot of you
watching this video right now

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have been in that situation

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where a parent or a friend has just like

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hounded you about it and you just kind of

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don't talk to them anymore because

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you're not at that place yet.

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And so keep that in mind
when you have a friend

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or a family member in your
life who's struggling.

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Make sure that you hear them out.

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Let them decide their treatment.

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Obviously, like I said, the
5150s exist to keep us safe.

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But there are so many other
steps leading up to that

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and we have to just
support people check in.

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And I know that a lot of times
we can feel really helpless,

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and that's a sucky feeling because

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we want them to get better
and we want to help.

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We know that they're struggling.

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Especially if we have a
friend who's depressed

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and we know that they
have suicidal thoughts.

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We can worry about them.

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But that's why it's important to check in.

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And sometimes just offer to pick up

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take out and come over and sit with them.

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"Let's watch Netflix."

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Not making it a big deal, just be in there

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because if you remember
part of our DVT skills,

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one of the things we have
to check in on is HALT.

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Are we hungry, angry, lonely, tired?

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That hunger and loneliness, as a friend

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or family member, we
can totally help with.

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We can cure it for that
chunk of time, right?

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And so just think of the
way as you can help those

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that you love gently, kindly,

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by just letting them
know that you're there.

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And most importantly that you care

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and support them because we
don't wanna push anybody away.

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We want everybody to
get the help they need

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when they need it most.

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And I think that applies to all issues,

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whether it's self-injury,
eating disorders,

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depression, anxiety.

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I think all of us just need
to know that someone's there

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thinking about us, they care about us,

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and they're ready to help when they can.

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But as always I don't
have all the answers.

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Those are just my thoughts.

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I would love to hear yours in the comments

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about how someone in your
life has successfully

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supported and helped you.

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Or if you're a friend or family member

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of someone struggling,

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what did you do that
really worked out well

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and it really helped them.

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I would love for you to
share that in the comments

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down below and I will see you next time.

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Bye.

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(calm lounge music)