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- Hey everybody, happy Monday.

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Now, today I wanna talk about something

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that I've heard from many[br]of our community members,

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one of which I was[br]talking to exactly today

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saying that a lot of the[br]most common questions

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that she sees in the comments[br]are, how do I help someone?

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If someone that I know in love[br]is struggling with depression

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or self-injury or eating[br]disorders or whatever,

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how do I help them?

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And I know I've talked about this before

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like on live streams and[br]what it really tells me

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is that our community is so great

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and everybody wants to help one another,

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and I love it so much.

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So today, I'm gonna give[br]you some helpful tips

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and ways that you can best assist

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those in your life who may be struggling.

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And my first tip

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is just to be a good friend.

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Even if it's a family member,

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we can still be a friend to them, right?

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That means that we need[br]to call them, text them,

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send them voice memos.

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However you talk to them, do that.

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Check in on them.

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And these calls and text[br]and however you communicate

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doesn't have to be like,

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hey, how's recovery going,

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or hey, are you taking that medication?

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Like, how are you feeling?

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It really is just like,[br]hey, how's it going?

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How are you feeling?

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I'd noticed you've been a little down

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and I want you to know I'm here for you.

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Because the thing that we need to remember

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is that we can't force[br]anybody to do anything.

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It's honestly best if we don't try to push

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our agenda onto them.

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It's better if we just check in.

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We care for them,

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we meet them where they're at.

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We do our best to understand[br]what they're going through

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and assist as much as we can,

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which kinda rolls into my second tip

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which is educate yourself.

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If you know a friend or family member's

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going through depression, let's say,

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find out how that feels for them.

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You can educate yourself on the back end

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like what is depression?

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How is it diagnosed?

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I have videos about[br]that if you're curious.

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What kind of treatment could[br]they get if they want it?

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What could I offer to help them find?

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Is it just a therapist?

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Should they see a psychiatrist?

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Those are all things that we[br]can easily educate ourselves

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through YouTube, through[br]Googling, WebMD, whatever,

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we can find it, and so I would[br]encourage you to do that.

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And then ask them to tell you about it

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if they're comfortable.

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Like what does it mean to them?

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If they're struggling with depression,

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how does it feel?

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Is it just that you're[br]really tired and lethargic

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or you feel irritable and angry?

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Or is it just really hard[br]to concentrate at work?

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Like how does it manifest for them?

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Because like I'm always saying,

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everybody's body is different.

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Everyone's mental illness[br]affects them differently.

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That's why there's a ton[br]of different symptoms

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that we kind of, as therapists, check off.

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They must meet three of[br]these or five of these

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out of like a whole list of 10.

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So ask them how it feels to them first

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before we just assume,

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because we don't want to assume

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that everyone's depression is the same.

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Like I just mentioned it could just be

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I'm really tired and lethargic.

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It could be that I'm[br]super, super irritable

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and angry at people,

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or could it be just[br]concentration difficulties.

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We don't know.

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If we don't ask, we don't know.

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So notice if you're making assumptions

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about their situation[br]and instead ask questions

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and seek to understand.

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And my third tip is

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truthfully to assist[br]in anyway that you can.

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This means that if we're[br]checking in on them,

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tip number one, number two[br]we're educating ourselves,

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and let's say that friend[br]or family member says,

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you know, I would like to see a therapist

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or a psychiatrist or get in to treatment

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whatever it may be, we can help them out.

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That maybe, helping with a co-pay.

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If we're a parent, and this[br]is our child or a friend,

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you could just say, hey, I'm happy to help

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if you the co-pay is like $30.

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I can spot you some if[br]that makes it easier.

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Or you can offer to pay for it in full.

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You can offer to take them there.

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You can offer to help them find someone.

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There are a lot of ways

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that we can assist in the[br]process of their recovery path.

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It's just making sure

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that they're already ready for that step,

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and we're just going to make it easier

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for them to get the help that they need.

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And to that end I wanna talk[br]a little bit about 5150s

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because a member of our community

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just had one of their family[br]members that was 5150ed.

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And I just think it's important

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that we understand that as family members,

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we cannot hold someone against their will.

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We can't put someone in the hospital.

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Only people that can[br]do that are, you know,

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ENTs, therapists,psychiatrist,[br]other doctors,

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other health professionals.

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Those are the ones that[br]can actually 5150 someone.

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And that's really a last resort.

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Like if you've heard me talk about it in,

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I have a video about that, too.

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I'll link it in the description.

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But my video about 5150 is I talked about

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kind of why they exist

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because it is a way to[br]ensure that we are safe,

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meaning we're not gonna harm ourselves

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and we're not gonna harm someone else.

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That's why 5150s actually exist.

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However, I know from personal experience

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with patients in the hospital,

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'cause I used to work[br]where people who came in

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on a 5150 would see me first

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and I have to assess them and decide

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whether we would hold them[br]and see what the doctor

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or clinician was telling me.

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Do my own assessment and them maybe

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send them upstairs to the lock psych ward.

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It can keep us safe for a period of time

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but by and large I find that[br]it's more harm than good.

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Yes, maybe, we were suicidal[br]but it could've helped

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if we had a therapist on board already.

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And they could have an[br]emergency session with us,

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or they could check in on us,

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or we had a family member[br]who would stay with us

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and help talk us through it.

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I know that a lot of people[br]and a lot of clinicians alike

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get really scared with[br]the topic of suicide

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or someone who's homicidal,[br]wanting to hurt someone else.

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But I find that by and large

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most people just need to talk about it.

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Something's happening and[br]they want someone to listen.

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And so that's why those other[br]steps like seeing a therapist,

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getting an emergency session,[br]texting with your therapist,

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checking in, having a family[br]member or friend help us out.

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Like there are all these steps in place.

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Even back at the beginning,

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I usually do like a safety plan[br]with a patient preemptively.

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Then I'll have them[br]sign a no harm contract.

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And so there are all these[br]steps that we put in place

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leading up to the last[br]resort which is a 5150

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because when we put someone on a hold,

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it can, when we're forcing[br]them to do something,

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and we all know that if we decide

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to do something on our own,

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for some reason we're so[br]much more excited to do it.

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However if someone else pushes[br]and tells us we have to,

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we might not like it so much.

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And so just keep that in mind

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when it comes to helping someone else.

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We cannot make those in[br]our lives get better.

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And by forcing them to, like,

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if that's the only conversations we have,

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if we're trying to force[br]them into getting help,

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we'll truly just push them[br]farther and farther away.

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And I'm sure a lot of you[br]watching this video right now

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have been in that situation

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where a parent or a friend has just like

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hounded you about it and you just kind of

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don't talk to them anymore because

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you're not at that place yet.

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And so keep that in mind[br]when you have a friend

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or a family member in your[br]life who's struggling.

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Make sure that you hear them out.

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Let them decide their treatment.

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Obviously, like I said, the[br]5150s exist to keep us safe.

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But there are so many other[br]steps leading up to that

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and we have to just[br]support people check in.

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And I know that a lot of times[br]we can feel really helpless,

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and that's a sucky feeling because

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we want them to get better[br]and we want to help.

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We know that they're struggling.

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Especially if we have a[br]friend who's depressed

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and we know that they[br]have suicidal thoughts.

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We can worry about them.

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But that's why it's important to check in.

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And sometimes just offer to pick up

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take out and come over and sit with them.

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"Let's watch Netflix."

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Not making it a big deal, just be in there

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because if you remember[br]part of our DVT skills,

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one of the things we have[br]to check in on is HALT.

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Are we hungry, angry, lonely, tired?

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That hunger and loneliness, as a friend

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or family member, we[br]can totally help with.

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We can cure it for that[br]chunk of time, right?

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And so just think of the[br]way as you can help those

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that you love gently, kindly,

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by just letting them[br]know that you're there.

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And most importantly that you care

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and support them because we[br]don't wanna push anybody away.

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We want everybody to[br]get the help they need

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when they need it most.

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And I think that applies to all issues,

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whether it's self-injury,[br]eating disorders,

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depression, anxiety.

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I think all of us just need[br]to know that someone's there

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thinking about us, they care about us,

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and they're ready to help when they can.

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But as always I don't[br]have all the answers.

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Those are just my thoughts.

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I would love to hear yours in the comments

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about how someone in your[br]life has successfully

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supported and helped you.

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Or if you're a friend or family member

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of someone struggling,

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what did you do that[br]really worked out well

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and it really helped them.

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I would love for you to[br]share that in the comments

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down below and I will see you next time.

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Bye.

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(calm lounge music)