Some People Are Boycotting Bud Light | The Basement Yard #394

Welcome back to the- I'm not even gonna-

(laughing) Come on! Let loose a little
bit

Welcome bck to the Basement Yard-
(laughing)

You know I've gotta get into energy mode
Well, no, no, you don't.

I do! I gotta-

I saw you out of the corner of my eye
doing this

Do it again.
One more time?

Do it again. I'll just start doing
the intro,

and you do what you were doingt

Okay, okay take two, trash-
cut that all out.

no, no, no keep that in

nono cut it all out-
No keep it in!

Joe

Start saying all those racial slurs-
KEEP IT IN!

ok alright,

alright

I said welcome back to the-
and you started doing that

(Laughing) I started crumping!

(Laughing) Stupid fuck

That's my version of crumping

By the way, this?

I don't think that's what they do

I don't - THEY?

I meant like the-
(SHOUTING)

(shouting) The crumping community!
(laughing) The crumping?

(laughing) I just meant like-

The crumping community at large-
Yeah yeah! like

at large-
Are they still out there?

Of course, underground though

I feel like crumping has gone way
underground

(Giggles) Did we talk about
that recently where

it was like

those movies back in the day
were like

gangsters and they

would meet up in a fucking
basement and dance battle?

I-what movie was it
I recently watched?

It wasn't stomp the yard,
it was

it was one of those-
the one with Chris Brown in it

Stomp the (RE?) Yard

Ok Stomp the Yard, ok

and it was like these hardcore
fucking GANG-BANGERS

and they're like I'm gonna
get you on the fucking dance floor

Yeah- And they'll be like

And like do that in front of the
person's face

and they're like fucking
trying to fight em in

the middle of a dance
-Yeah, exactly

Very insane-
Yeah, I don't know

No-one was like
hardcore crumping

where we were from
-Not at all

Um, not even softcore
Um

Softcore crumping?

Watch Beeps
Ope, excuse me

Little bitch!

What the hell was that?
My Apple watch is not

quiet, hooooo boy!

That sounded like you'v--you're
fucking..

Ope, the cake is ready!
(Laughter)

Um, uh, what was I gonna say

Did you know any, like, dancers
growing- I knew one

and i went to a uh
I dated a girl that was like a dancer

Who?

Mutters I'm not gonna

First and last year?

Just one of them?

Forever

Ok (Laughter)
Ok alright that

that narrows it down.
She was dancer?

that narrows it down-
Yeah! She went to dance

Oh I didn't, I don't kow

And it was tough because I
expected like

She was doing a ballet type thing-
The classicals

And then there were other people
that were doing "hip-hop"

RIght

Oh my god

A little, a little weird for me
to s-

Like it's weird to watch people
hip hop dance!

Ok.
In like a serious setting

Oh like, wait it was in the same show?

YES

People did like showcases

It was like ballet and then
let's do hip-hop

Yeah it was like one like they would
do like fucking

you know a song
like a nice, a sweet swan song

Yeah! Something cool
The Black Swan?

Mmm Well, careful.
What's that called?

Is that it?
It is black swan

Er, swan lake is the name of the
show, Black Swan is the movie

Oh ok

Uh-but, and then like the next
they'll be like

"Alright like that was so beautiful!"

And then like next they'll be like
you know, here come white greek

girls from a story of Queens

(Laughter)

And it'll be like fucking-
Hip-hop!

Yeah! Or it'll be like they're
dancing to Furgy

Like Fabulish- or
Furgalishess

Fabulicious

Fabulous was another
song of hers, wasn't it?

Glamorous

(singing) Glamorous

Anyway- I was thinking
(singing) Fabulous

You know why I remember
that song really well?

Welcome back to the
Vash moon

Um- Glamorous?
Yeah, there was

A you.... you and like
THE BOYS

Uh I'm not gonna like this am I?

No you were it- it's just a story

I don't know if you remember it

You and the BOYS

Who are the BOYS?

Uh, Danny, Dom-
Oh the BOYS

Da BOYS!
-Got it

Came to pick me up from school

When I was at back loriet once

It was when that weird rearranged
the letters and was like

(Mocking) "The school of Cool Cats!"

Remember that dumb idiot?
(Laughter) O-K

I dont even

We came to pick you up
You came to pick me up

Cause that was a thing
it's like

You- pick your BOYS up

You pick your BOYS up
from school! -Yeah

It was cute! Yeah.

And then like you could
show off your boys to like

other boys.
-Right

You know and then its-

Like check out my neighborhood boys!

And then it's a meeting of the boys

And isn't- aren't these boys so cool?

But the boys also always kind of
butt heads because it's like

Yo I'm his boy!
I'm his boy!

You're his schoolboy
You're his schoolboy!

I'm his neighborhood BOY!

Yeah yeah yeah!

Uh and we were walking home

And I was listening to the Glamorous
song

Like I think it was playing an actually
on my next tilt

Cause I had it as a ring
Ludicrous was part of a ring-tone

(laughing) You're ring-tone was
Glamorous!?

Take-take it easy

I'm-I'm-I'm

The LUDA part of it

Got it

And he - and and part of it goes

"If you ain't got no money take your
broke ass home"

Yeah- And I remember I was walking
and we were listening to it

And you were like you happened
to be looking at me

So of course I was performing
(Laughing)

And then, I was just like to myself

I was like (singing) if you aint got
no money take your broke ass home

I remember that

And you fucking lost it

Because you smacked your ass so hard

You were like BROKE-ASS HOME
Well, you know

If you go for it you go for it
-I was like shat is this guy doing?

I actually do remember that now

Do you?

I do, us and DA BOYS

It was (exclaims)
DA-DA BOYZ!

I know, uh (laughs)

DA BOYZ!

And how are you doing?

Uh, I'm not, too well actually

Today, this morning, I walked
my dog

And he took a poooop

Again with the poop talk Joey

Ah, it's not my poop it's my dog's poop!

Not very etiquettely sound

Dog's shit

Mhmm

But there's a reason why I'm
bringing it up

So my dog--Every time you bring
up dog shit there's a reason Joey

Just want to make that very clear

(Sighs) Anyway (Laughter)

This morning I was walking my dog
and he poops

And I pick it up

Bare-hand?

Why would I do that

I don't know you're well you're
a little wild lately

No, I might as well be bare-handed

You're bare-knuckle brawler pick
up your dog's shit?

No! I-I put a bag on my hand

Went- Picked it up....

Hole in the bag
(GASP)

Shit hand

I had shit hands
(Laughter)

For the whole walk
How far, how far were you from home?

(Laughter)
Why did you say that?

Um, I was like a block and a half

So you, so what did you do?

I went like this on the concrete
Slaps table

And I was like- I didn't have
a TON of shit on my hand

My question was gonna be like
consistency of the shit

Was it like, did it leave
residue on your hand?

(Affirmative noises)

Visible residue?
Visible

Well- not INVISIBLE?

Well can I ask you a question?
-Ask me

If you had touched it and you're thumb

Or like you're hand had touched it
but it didn't leave poop markings

on your hand. Would you take it
that serious?

Yes

Oh ok good, good good.
I just want to make sure

No I, I, so I wiped my
hand on the concrete

And just walked home like this

Did you scrape-EW-
Did you scrape your hand?

Basically-I didn't, I mean I didn't
rub it against the concrete

So you just walked home like
you were fucking like raising your hand?

Like I'm like scrubbing it for surgery
it's like

But I was very pee-ed off

Oh well I would assume so

Uh, and I just yelled at him

It was your dogs fault

Well it was the bag's fault

But he was the one
-You had to blame an organic being

in the area-
-I had to yeah

Not you

Something with a heart beat was
getting screamed at

and it wasn't gonna be me

(Laughter)

So-
It's his fault

Yeah-

That you were not smart enough
to check the bag first

Well I don't che- it's fresh out
of the pack!

So, sue the company

Now I'm, now you're getting somewhere

Big Billionaire Joe-
Yeah!-

Is gonna sue the company for
everything they're worth

Is gonna sue the doggy bag industry

Because I mean this could be a
huge law suit

You gotta imagine you're not the only
person that's

accidentally raw-dogged a dog's shit!

Yeah I know

You gotta imagine- ah man I had a
good fucking line there

And I FUCKED it up - it's alright

You were gonna say I was, I was
getting raw-dogged?

I was gonna say "Like you weren't the only
one that was raw-dogging your dog's raw"

That was the line you thought that was so
sick?

(Laughter) That was the one?

(Mocking) "You were raw-dogging your
dog's raw"

Yeah well you know you don't win em all

(Mumbling Noises)

To get in the middle of---
yeah that's right

That's exactly the same thing-
Damn that hurts though

Yeah it was not cool and then I
also had this thought too right?

So I got dog shit on my hand and
when I got to my apartment

I went straight to the sink and I like
you know soap and water

Soap and water yeah yeah
I'm washing my hands

Aaand

I then I guess now it hit me

And I'm, (giggles) I remember washing my
hands and going

"Soap is incredible"
(Laughter)

Cause I was going like bro all I have to do
is put this liquid and go like this

and they're CLEAN?

Yeah- did you wash your doorknob?

My doorknob?

Yeah like that you got into your-

Bro the hand stayed in the air

It stayed, it stayed back here
I didn't use it to do anything

You were basically like Kane
looking to fucking choke slam somebody

Yeah, no, um, but, I was like

I was like "Wow"

Like I'm washing my hands and I'm going
like "Wow soap is like nuts"

Like how do we have diseases? If we have
soap it kills the germs!

Well guess what Joey? Things are
stronger than soap.

I don't think so, 99.9 bro?

Alright, lemme ask you a question then

Yeah, well wait hold on
No!

I meant sicknesses-OK-
not like you know

There are certain sicknesses guess what?
stronger than soap

What?

You think if you get fucking like a little
-FLU?

bit of like, you know

STUFF, on ya? Like bad stuff? Ya know?

I'm not gonna say it

Cum?

No, well sure

Wait what were you talking about

I was gonna-there's another one

3 letters in there

Cum

(Giggles) Well no

Blood?

It could be transmitted through blood
as well

You think if people were like

"Let's just wash it with soap we're
gonna be all good"

Oh AIDS

Well n- that's 4 letters

AID?

Something leads into that one

HIV

There it is, ok

(laughing) You had to walk me there
babe

Well I did-
-I know

I led you to the water you were just too
dumb to fucking sip.

I- can you, can-can soap kill
HIV? I don't know

No-uh- Let me watch this

No-nono!
-Nono

I'll do it!
Ok go

No

(Laughing)

No but I'm saying is this

Let's just say you put HIV in like
a petri dish right?

Like we get it, we have it
concentrated right here

And you put a little Meyer's Soap
in there

Ya know like the organic kind that
smells good

Yeah like those Doctor Brenner's ones
that like

That's, that maybe

When you wash your body it's all cold
and clean

Yeah it's like icy hot

Yeah-But if you put that in there
nothing happens?

It doesn't like fight it? There's no
fight?

I-I I would- I'm gonna go a little bit
of a - of a little bit of a stretch here

I'm gonna go on a little bit of a stretch
here

Cause people know how- how
scientifically I guess inept we are?

Yeah-But I'm gonna confidently
say that ain't gonna do it.

No? I don't think so.

I mean I know that you like
if you're transmitting (giggles)

I mean I know that you got it

Once you're- You can't you can't just
drink a bunch of soap

and you fixed your body

Well no I think I believe if I'm not
mistaken I knew someone that worked
uh, at a club

For years and got pricked with a needle

And...
-In a club?

There were like checking bags and
stuff like that

Or they were going in someone's bag
to grab something

Got pricked with a needle
-Just had a needle

It was uh a performer

That clearly had a needle on them
-Ok

This, I don't know why you're making
it seem like this is out of the blue

Who the fuck carries needles into clubs?

People that are addicts Joey

That's what I was getting at!

I was saying like a syringe?
And-and

And there's a, there's to my
understanding

There's a 'cocktail' they call it

Of pills -Yeah- that you could
take every day for like 3 months

That'll completely wipe it
An early detection

What, (Mumbles) Really?

Early detection-my understanding
I don't wanna speak, ya know

But uh yeah so um

What did that have to do with soap?

I don't know if soap is in those
cocktails

I think (Laughter) in truth like
I don't think soap can do it

I'm not saying that it could cure
anything

Can I ask you a serious question?

But like it prevents a lot and then
also think about this right?

Airborne illnesses like the flu

It could stain the air, air particles
whatever

Why haven't we (Laughs) This is
so stupid

Why haven't we made like an air soap?

You know what I'm saying?

I think we have you ever see those
movies where people step into chambers

And it goes "SKSSSSSS"

Yeah but like why isn't it like accessible
Like if-

Let's say I was sick right?

Because Big Soap doesn't want everyone
to be clean

I know that's what I'm saying!
Then-

Then Big Medicine doesn't make their
money Joey!

Well yeah Big Pharma

Big- Whoah- I said Big Medicine
you're going after Big Pharma

That's the same thing

Well yeah, but I don't wanna be
using their actual name

The Government, you know what I'm
saying?

It's like Voldemort - yeah

Don't say their full name
We don't say

They Who Shall Not Be Named

Yeah (giggles)

Um but like you know what I'm saying
like if I had the flu

Like People would just like oh just
leave your windows open it'll clear out

But like what if I had a spray
that I could just spray (laughs)

Well yeah if you had like

So-Air Soap!

If there was just something you
could just like SKKKS

And it just, you're good

Wait why did you shoot into your neck?

I was thinking of-Did you see Glass Onion?

Yes

They do that in that movie do you remember
at the beginning?

Oh yeah that's right

(Grunts) yeah I, I dont'

I'm sure there's something out there but
again Big Medicine, Big Soap

They don't want us to know about it
--I know

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah
-And I really want you to be honest with me

I'm - ok

Do you think like

when, when if you have a tickle
in your throat

Yeah
-A little tickle

I hate that
-I hate it because

Then I'm like I'm dead in a week

Oh no I just, cause I have to cough
forever.
-Oh yeah

You have a tickle in your throat
-Yeah

Do you believe that like drinking like
carbonated beverages does anything
good for it?

I don't know probably.

Because in my head

It hurts when I swallow it

I've convinced myself that

If I have a tickle in my throat
if I just drink a seltzer like

something with a just like a BITE.
-SHARP, something SHARP

It's gonna kill it!

Yeah cause it'll like
-Cause it'll just fuck it up!

Or, it'll scratch it for me

It'll, well, not just scratch it
but like it'll like the bubbles will

lift it and then get it down
and then its gone

Well what do you think a tickle is
that you could lift it?

I don't know-
-It's just a feeling!

But in my head-
-You can't lift a feeling Frank

In my head like if I have a tickle
in my throat I'm like

yo I'm just gonna drink
seltzer and I'll be good

I understand that because I'm
like the bubbles will scratch it for me

Not just scratch it but like they'll
fucking kill whatever's back there

Cause that's a powerful drink!

I don't think there's anything to kill

Well I, I think that-
It's like trying to kill a twitch!

If it's an early onset of a tickle Joey!

If it's an early onset of like a
cold or something

Oooooh-
-You know what I'm saying?

Ok, I said that soap (giggles)

Might be able to like kill a disease

If it's on a table, not if it's in a body

If it's on a table though, put some
soap on it.

You think seltzer's gonna prevent
a cold?

Oh I'm not, I'm not saying I'm smart here

I'm just saying, I'm, I'm asking if you've
ever thought that

I, I don't think about it like like

Stopping a cold-
Because Seltzer

is like you know like, like, like

The Roman soldier of drinks
like it gets in there

and it just fucking clears the way

Yeaaaah

And I'm wondering if you've ever thought
that

Because I've convinced myself that like
if I'm not feeling well

just a bottle of ginger ale will just
do the trick

Well my mom used to say that

like when my tummy was Bo-obly-
-when you got a little tummy upysetty

(Laughs) Why did you do that?

Um I would drink a seltzer and then
I mean I would drink a ginger ale

Well Like-
-And then I just felt the same

Well-well, well no-
What kind of a (Laughing)

Like Schweps and fucking
Canada Dry it's

high fructose corn syrup but

Ginger

As, as a, as a root-

-Right

Does have medicinal properties for like
upset stomachs

Do you wanna hear something really
interesting?

Sure

Two things actually

One, didn't know what an avacodo was
untill I was like 16

Swear to god I'm in the same boat.

Also

-Ginger, like real ginger
-Yeah

24?

(Laughing) -Oh my god that's old Joey
-Old!

-That's, that's 2016
-I like but like

Dude there--Ginger was not around
-Oh

My family never had ginger in the house

Turmeric? 3 years ago.
(Laughing)

Like, these powders as things that
are just like---

You only cooked with salt-
Have you ever seen real tumeric?

-Yeah uh yeah
-Like the root?

Yeah yeah same with ginger

I-I love both of them

I-Bro....

-Very spicy
-Yeah

-It's a spicy meatball-
-Yeah (Laughing)

Well it's because in your house

God Bless your mother

-But you were
-Yeah

Pretty hell-bent on only cooking
with salt and pepper there was no spice

Don't even fucking start this and talk
shit about my

amazing cook mother

Uh-Your mom is legitimately

And I say this with much praise

One of the best cooks I have met in my
entire life (Laughing)

She is really good

Um, But take it easy, alright?

-Yeah
-Um (Laughing)

No I-I didn't... bro avacados?

Came out of nowhere!

-Absolutely out of nowhere!
-Bro!

It was like 2000 and 10?

And people were like -avocados!

And I was like "woah woah woah
where have these been forever"

Dude, later, way later than that

Also, kale

Not a thing

-Kale--Bro I'm conv-
-Kale!

If someone told me kale was invented
in 2017

-I'd be like yep.
-Yeah

- Absolutely 100%
-It's like we just we found it

One day someone just said kale
chips

And I've never heard of kale since

It's insane

And I don't know where it came from

It-it it's Big-Big-Big Salad

Big Leaf!

(Laughing) Big Leaf yeah!

That's what it - Big Leafy Green!

-Big Leafy Green is at it
-Yeah

Oh

Oh

Welp, well Ant's wearing
a dildo on his head (laughing)

-There's all kinds of stuff going on

Can't say dildo now we're
demonetized!

You thought that was gonna
demonetize us?

(Laughing)

Oh Keith's got a purple one!

Keith's got a dildo on his head now

I don't know what's happening outside
on these walls

But this is what goes on

I gotta say I'm actually pretty
proud of Keith for wearing that

because I did not anticipate a
fucking falop-phalic shape

to be anywhere near his mouth

It's not a phallic shape it's a
straight up

rubber dick on his head

Silicone but who's counting?

Silly cone?

Sillicone

I thought you said silly cone (laughs)

-Silly cone!
-Um yeah

Dude I swear to god avocados-

Dude speaking of silicone sorry

Your turn (Laughter)

Go ahead!

Nonono, the floor is yours...
Chief!

It's not even a good story (laughing)

Yeah no no, go! (laughing)

Your turn (laughing)

Um, I was gonna say-
(bursts with laughter)

This is so stu-

-I hate that I'm forced to say it now
-I, nonono now you need

to complete the story so the world can
see what you interupted me for

The silicone it reminded me of

my dad filled in like the cracks of our
window in the bathroom with silicone

and one day I sat there and I just

picked all of it out

and he was mad at at me
and that's the whole story

(Clapping)

Awesome! We are all better human beings
for having listened to that stupid fucking
story

(Laughter)
-Wait to go!

-Go ahead tell me, tell me-
-All I was gonna say was

-Avocado, came out of nowhere
-Yeah

-Kale came out of nowhere
-Yes

Everything being fucking
buffalo chicken flavor

-Came out of nowhere
-MMMMMM

Not complaining about it

But definitely came out of nowhere

Buffalo chicken pizza...

Big blowup, big ol' blowup

Big BLBLOW up?

(Laughs) Big blow up

-They came out of nowhere
-(indiscernible mocking noises)

(Laughing) I had - Dog give
big old bread bowl

What else came out of nowhere back then?

There was so much stuff

Like, that I feel like I wasn't um

Maybe I should open the door and be
like "Hey guys you know it's cool"

-We're recording a show in here
-We're not recording anything you pieces
of fuck!

Real professional podcast you fucking
idiots! (Laughing)

Um, yeah but I don't know

Uh there was other shit that
kind of came out of nowhere

But anyway, this all started
because I grabbed my dog's shit

-Yeah well that's alright
-And

I actually something happened to me
that I think you would really appreciate

You know me Joey

You know me

I show, a part of way I show
love, my love language

Is I make fun of people

We-our friend group

We've been doing it our
(Motorboat noises) lives

We've literally done it for
20 years now

And, I'm a big proponent of like

If you can dish it out you better
be able to take it

Ok

And you've told me before I've
had some

Some clapbacks that hit a little
too close to home

Uhhh yeah

A little (Laughing) sometimes

You're pretty relentless I would say

Well, listen don't poke the king
if you're not ready for the claws

you know what I'm saying?

Not an expression, Frankie, not one!

That's not one

-Don't poke the bear, I'm sorry
-Don't poke the bear

Don't come for the king

If you come for the king you best--

You don't come for the king
if you're gonna miss

(Stammers) Ok yeah

So, I was joking around with Miles yesterday

Yeah

So, Miles, for those you guys that don't
know him, my stepson

Fucking incredible -- such a kind young
man

But, I've always told him like bro listen

If you're gonna like if you're gonna joke
with people

Make sure they can take it

And if they're getting to you like
clap right back at them!

You know what I mean?

Be a little relentless if you need
to be relentless

-Ya know? (laughing)
-You're telling him to do this?

I-Well I'm telling him, I'm
telling him in a responsible setting

Because he's also the sweetest
fucking kid on the planet

He literally one day he caught

There was a fly with a damaged
wing

That I think I actually killed

And, he-he fed it and nurtured
it and then it died and he was

in tears.

He fled a fly?

Yeah, that's how sweet this
fucking kid is

What do you feed flies?

Cantaloupe

Oh it was a fruit fly

No it was a fly, a house fly

-It was- Flies eat anything literally shit
-That's true

-Um, but
-Ok

So one day - er yesterday we were
going back and forth at each other

And he goes

You look like diarrhea

And I'm like I look like diarrhea?

Damn dude that's racist!

Well- ok
(Laughter)

Like you know what? Actually

Ok, I didn't even think about it like that

-"You look like diarrhea"
-Yeah!

And then I'm like "Alright well
you look like" you know "a fart"

And he goes

This is his response he goes

"You look like a fart that just came
out of someone's butt

and is in the wind"

I was like oh that kind of hurt?

(Laughing) -What?
-And then

Yeah well this is the best part

So then I'm like alright

I joke with him

And we were going to see the Mario

-Super Mario Brothers movie
-Uh huh

And I go, "You know who you like?"

"You look like someone that's
not going to the movies today"

And he goes- Bro,
snaps fingers like this

I-I watch his face go like this

He goes -

You know what you look like?

(Laughter)

And I go oh shit!
(Clap)

I didn't-

You know what you like?

Pussy (Laughing)

I go, I go

You know what you look like
you look like someone who's not

going to the movies today

And he goes you know what you
look like?

You look like someone that's not
gonna be a stepdad anymore

(Laughter)

(Laughter)
OH MY GOD

(Laughter)
What?

-I'm like-
(Laughing)

-My mouth drops
-He said that?

Yeah bro!
(Laughing)

My mouth dropped

Becca's mouth dropped

We started dying laughing

And I went up to him and I just

gave him the biggest fattest
wettest dap

Wettest?

I was washing the dishes
(Laughter)

And I said I was like Bro

Fucking good on you dude!

What does that mean is he gonna
like kill you?

I don't know! But whatever
it was, that's what I'm talking like

And that was such a proud dad

That's such a weird thing to be
proud of

-It's like oh you took it too far thank u
-But in that moment

I was like "YESSS"

like I've done something to
this kids life

That's incredible

Bro he fucking like

BANG. Like

(Laughing) -You know what you look like?
-Like

Like fucking like, Hitman sytle

Fucking bullet in the back of
the head

Really wish that went
one more round

Yeah well, no (Laughs)

I said to Becca I-I

Like afterward we were
dying laughing about it

And I was like, "I could've went back"

And she's like "I know"

(Laughing) I could've went back!

Just like, "I'm gonna go have sex
with your mom"

(Laughter)

You know who you look like?

Nah I'm not gonna I can't,
I can't do it

-He might see this one day
-Yeah that's too much

But bro I was so proud in that
moment because

That's so funny

I saw me!

And like it's mome- it's so
stupid but like

it's moments like that

Like as a stepfather

Like all you want to do is
have like an impact

a positive impact on this
child's life

In that moment

Him absolutely tearing
me to shreds

In front of my wife,
also his mom

And my fucking two daughters

-The kid won
-The kid won

And I could-- I couldn't-I went

We went to the movies

I got him anything he
fucking wanted

Yeah he needed to get a
fucking Slushee

I was like - Nah no Slushee
those shits are dogshit

We got Buncher-Crunch

We got FAT-OL popcorn

in the collector's tin

Buncher-Crunch?

He-His choice man

I said I was like "Bro go pick
whatever you want"

Cookie dough though

He picked it

I'm saying, like

What would you get though?

What do you usually get when
you go to the movies?

Milk-Duds

Uh-huh

Or.... Nerd's Gummy Clusters

Those are good

They are back baby!

You don't like the big frozen

The fro- you wanna bring fro- you
wanna bring

ice cream into the movies Joey?

Nonono like the slushies that they have

No, because they're mostly air!

I want a slush puppy

Yeah those are more wet

Yeah!

(Laughter)
-That's where

That's what I want!
(Laughter)

You're head was just bouncing - "yeah!"

That's what I want Joey!

Damn

Oh and by the way

Hypothetically if I were to have
found a slush puppy on ebay

Would we be able to get it in
here in the studio?

Hold on

-Yeah
-Ok

But like
(Laughter)

What did- What is required?

Well- Damn that would be so sick

Yeah!

If we had a slush puppy machine?

I just wanna know like now that
I am the

Chief Fun Officer of Sant A Gauto Studios

Am I allowed to make like stupid

Purchases the way that you do?

(Chuckling) What do I do?

A clock out there that just says
"Irrelevant" or whatever it says

I took- (Laughing)

What does it say?

-It says irrelevant
-Irrelevant yeah

There you go

Um

-No I-
-An espresso machine

that has been used probably 0 times?

No Greg uses that all the time it is

It sounds like a car
(Laughing)

-It literally is that loud
-Ok

Its so loud

Ok (stammers)

Multiple phallic dildo shaped toys

All of these things were free
by the way

That you're naming

The espresso machine?

That was like his Mom's

or something

How does Mom get us a Slush
Puppy machine dawg?

No she had one she was like

gonna get rid of it he's like

"I'll just take it and put it
in the studio"

Oh damn alright well

-Yeah and then the clock
-I just--

I gave to him as a gift

Yeah and then he hated it
because it sucks

Well no it broke

and then he got it fixed

-And then he realized it sucks
-And then (chuckles) And then

He's like "Oh I'm just gonna bring
it to the studio"

I'm gonna just bring it to the studio

Yeah
Yeah

Well, there you go I-I-I had to share
that with you

because that's one of my favorite stories

(Sighs) That is a really good one

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The end of there

The next thing I have written on here
is peanut butter

-Peanut butter, yes
-What was that again?

So

I had a question for you because
(Clears throat)

the TSA, who are the cops in the sky

-Well are they?
-Well...

MMMM They're the cops in the airport

What's it-what does TSA stand for?

T-uhhh

-Travel
-Trav-Travel Security Agency

Safety? Is it safety?

They're not- are they security?
(Stammering)

Travel ssssecurity Agency

-What does TSA stand for?
-Say the exact same thing again?

Yeah (Chuckles)

Transit?
It's gotta be Transit

Transit

Transit?

Not Transit

Travel?

No

Trans is close

Transcontinental

T- No

Traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaansgender
no

Transportation

Transportation...Safety--NO!

Security--Yay--Administration

-Boom
-BAM!

Transportation Security Administration
didn't know that

Recently ruled that

According to them peanut butter
is a liquid

And-And before you say anything

I want to know where you stand

I know that's what you were gonna say

But I wanted to make sure you didn't
interrupt me from introducing this

You feel good?

So.... Joe do you believe that peanut
butter is a liquid?

It's not a liquid.

It's too... thick.

-It's a spread
-How is it not a liquid?

Because it- Because it doesn't run

Yes it does it runs you ever see
hot peanut butter?

Yeah if you heat it up!

Ok welp well there you go Joey!

Liquid!

No!

Liquid!

Is lava a liquid?

It runs

Yeah so does peanut butter

Wha-How did you just oh that doesn't
even make sense what you just said!

Absolutely it does

Lava isn't peanut butter!

Lava, well Lava is not peanut butter

You could take a jar of peanut butter
and do this

How is that a liquid?

Yeah! It's not gonna move but if
you let it sit there it will

It'll poop out

-It's-It's a viscous. It's a thick boy
-Yeaaaah!

-Or girl- or however peanutbutter
-How all of our

-I support every every single way that
the peanut butter identifies itself
-Brothers and sisters of the earth

If you let peanut butter do its thing
it's gonna run

It's not gonna run

It's just a thick liquid - a thickquid

It aint

It is though!

-But like if it's thick enough
-So

So what's a - gimme a classic liquid

Water!

Ok! What's the difference between
water and peanut butter

outside of the thickness?

(Stammers) Every possible property
are different

MMMM Maybe the chemical compositions
are a little different

But that doesn't mean I can't classify
it as a liquid

It can

I just did it

I don't think so

What's next? Jelly's a liquid?

Yes

Is Jello a liquid?
-Yes

It's just a cold liquid that's
gotten hard!

Leave Jello at room temperature
what happens?

It becomes waaateeeerrr

(Stammers) Does it?

Yeah that's why you have to
refrigerate it

When's the last time you made Jello?

St. Patricks Day for me

(chuckles) You made Jello?

It's orange baby

Oh you gotta make green
what are you doing?

Orange is the best flavored
Jello

Mmkay

Um....

-Y-Yeah
-Yeah I know

That's weird - that's probably the only
thing where orange is like superior

MMMM Icepop

Orange Icepop
-No

If you have like those ---
the pushy

Flavor ice?

Flavor ice - orange
-No

Or pink, or lightblue

It's blue and pink

Orange is up there too

EHHHHHHHH

If you have those ones that
look like a double-sided dildo

That you break in the middle

Those are edible?

I thought those were like wax

You like those?

Yeah, cause guess what?

Sugar!

Yeah...

I didn't I didn't know

Not at all

I didn't know

They're too hard to open too

I just I don't like that the little
like one side gets

like the nipple tip.

And you need to like you know like

You know like

It's like birthing an ice pop through this
little fucking orifice

It's not as stretchy as say a 'gina

Yeah exactly 'gina's are super stretchy

I don't know if

I can support your stance on peanut
butter not being a liquid

Because it is a liquid

It is liquified peanuts!

Also how many people are traveling with
peanut butter that this is like an issue?

I-Yeah-People are weird for peanut butter

They love peanut butter!

Peanut butter is one of those things that

like people make it their whole personality

It's a culty condiment

It is a culty condiment it absolutely is

It is a condiment or just like a spread?

I think it's a little bit of both
-I agree

I think condiments and spreads could
be interchangeable

Yes, intersex

There's a fluidity between

-A spectrum

A spectrum that we need to respect
-Yes

That we that yes that we-

I don't have a problem with it!

Me neither

You sure about that?

Yes I'm very sure
-Because you're sitting here

saying that peanut butter can't
identify as a liquid

I-Actually I am saying that
-You are saying that!

-And it's a little-
-But I will say that it begins and ends

with peanut butter and it doesn't bleed
out-

-Jelly is a liquid

Jelly?

Jelly

It's just a liquid that's got a little
lumpies

(Laughter) Got a lumpies?

A lumpy

Um, (clap) peanut-but peanut butter

But-But Peanut!
Peanut butter is way thicker

-Than a jelly
-It is thicker

You're not wrong it's thicker

But you can get some runny
as shit peanut butter

Cause guess what's in peanut butter?
Oil

Yeah

And oil is a liquid right?

Yes

There you go

But it's mixed in

Yeah it's mixed in and that makes it
part of it

They like everyone's like in the party
together which makes peanut butter...

Liquid

Why'd you say peanut bUHtter

Peanut bUHtter

bUHtter (laughter)

Peanut BUHtter

Um......

No I don't (sighs)

Listen I know there's some scientific
answer out there
-Maybe some like

Maybe s- Maybe like the organic ones

-Cause you ever open an organic and
-Like teddy's? it has it all floating at

The top?
-Yeah and you're like this is soaking wet

peanut butter in here
-Yeah I gotta admit I wasn't a big chunky

guy and then I had Teddy's All Natural
and I became a chunky boy

Really?

In multiple ways I became a chunky boy
but like

(chuckles) for that peanut butter

I don't I don't like I'm not crazy about
chunky peen buh

Big PB has a hold- it's being basically
monopolized

(Hiccup) By Skippys and Jiff

Well I usually- I- I mean...

You go - you tell me what you do

I buy like

Wait, just before you say anything
don't tell me you buy the 2 in 1

it's peanut butter and jelly in the same
jar

What am I white trash?

Ok I just wanted to make sure

-Dylan does that confirmed
-Does he really??

Confirmed Dylan's white trash
-EW!

I don't know if he does that I remember
he defended it once

I don't know if he's doing that I might be
making up stuff and misremembering

But nonetheless (laughs)
-We just drop Dylan

I buy like I don't buy the Skippy's or
whatever

I buy like the- just a version of that
just has - literally just peanuts and oil

Yeah you don't buy like you know it's like

Fucking sugar and stuff like that
-Yeah yeah yeah

-I just it's literally peanuts and oil
-That's what-

Yeah, smart, that's what you should do
absolutely

But sometimes you open those and it's
like - UGH - so much oil

I have to say

You ever do almond butter?

Um, no

Bro.... impossible to spread-
it's quicksand!!

Is it really?

Dude literally almond butter is
quicksand

Is it like oobleck when people mix it
together like- fucking like

corn starch and water?
-NO!

And like you hold it here and it's a ball
and then you let go

And it just fucking melts

I used to love that

I-I, me too

Um, no, it's like just fucking
it's, it's, it should be less

like less- That is a solid basically

Really?

Yeah I don't, I'm not crazy about it

I didn't know that alright

Or maybe the one that I got I don't know

Yeah I can't do it I can't do like
the alternatives like

You ever have Ezekiel bread (?)

I'm not eating bread from the Bible
so fucking no

Dude, Ezekiel bread is like what
I imagine a mummy tastes like

Bro my mom once she was like
I'm gonna bring you this really delicious

sprouted bread. And I was just like "Mom
I'm going to secede from the family"

(Laughter)

Don't you fucking ever give me any
disgusting bread that basically

is like chewing sand

Dude I took yeah that's what happened
it's like

I took the bread out of the packaging

Shit everywhere

Yeah I can't do that

There's like seeds and beads
-Listen

And fucking I'm like dust

-What is this shit?
-The soup-Imma

It's bread is bread it's not good for you
because it's bread

But there's, there's, there's a tier
to breads

-Ok
-Yeah

Sour dough is up there

Hell yeah

Italian, seeded italian

MMMM
-Like a fat hard crunchy loaf?

That you break open and it's just
warm and wet

ye-Yeaaaah

I would rather not seeds but I'm
with you

See, ok fine

White bread classic

I haven't had white bread in a while

I love white bread

Like wonder bread?

No but like wonder bread is
high fructose corn syrup in it

So you don't wanna , you don't wanna
mess with it

I know but that's good bread

Uh-Yeah but it's because you're
drinking high fructose corn syrup

(Mocking noises)

You don't want that

You want like-You want like
good white bread

What's good white bread?

Like country style white bread that
you can get from like

a decent farmer's market

White bread that has no problem
with whole wheat bread

Well we want white bread that's
going to be just like

It accepts all other types
-All the other breads

If-If you putted it in the pantry And-

It doesn't think it's better than anyone else
-It's not

It's not on a higher shelf

They all share the same shelf

Exactly

All bread is welcome
-Right

Doesn't collapse under the pressure
of other breads being held up

There is, there is some breads though
that will say

That think they are the superior
bread

Like Texas Toast!

Ohhh God that's bad though
(Laughing)

Damn I haven't had Texas Toast
in a while

Nah Texas toast grilled cheese

where you're basically biting into
a whole loaf?

Yeah you're eating a cake!
(Chuckling)

I'm fucking fine with it

Texas toast bro it's like
fucking a fat fucker like this

Yeah, yeah baby

And then you put like a bunch of cheese
on it, maybe some ham?

I had- I had - I had-

You put ham in your grilled cheese

Nooo, because no

I've had Texas Toast stuffed French Toast

Holy shit!

You ready for what it was stuffed with?

Tell me

Cream cheese

What?

Watch this

Nutella, one more time...

Frosted Flakes

Frankie....

That's why I look like this

(Laughing)

How do you say no to that?

That sounds ridiculous
-It was

Where did you get that? Were you at a
birthday party or something?

(Laughing) you're like a clown show?

(laughing) were you like Chuck E Cheese

Where did you get this thing?

Diary queen?

It's actually at a hotel in Los Angeles
when I got it

You ate that in a hotel?

They had like a breakfast restaurant

(Laughing) You were in Vegas

Yeah! Nono LA, L.A.

Oh L.A. I thought you were in Vegas

Bro if I was in Vegas you best believe

I'm crushing some French Toast

That's the exact cure you need after

Drinking from 10 AM to 4 PM

I went to the buffet once when
I was in Vegas

The amount of eggs I ate was alarming

What are buffet eggs?
Because they're not eggs

I don't know

(chuckling) They are not-
-I'll tell you this

I hate a whole fucking like
-I did too!

A full square foot of them

I kid you not, for some reason they were
giving them away

By the fucking square foot
-Yeah

They'd be like here's a fucking cubic
foot of eggs and I was like

"Woah"

It's like Jesus this is like fucking
I'm picking out carpet

They're good....

....But bad at the same time

-You know what I'm saying?
-Yeah

Also here's I'm gonna ask you a real
question

You go to a nice hotel
-yeah

They have a continental breakfast

Doesn't the cereal taste better from there?

Like in those little packets?

Oh like in the little boxes?

In the little- not just the little boxes
but like

in the little like plastic ones that have
the paper on top?

Doesn't it just taste better in there?

It's It's not that It's the fucking
cold milk

OHHHHHHHH

I love cold milk

Bro, cold home milk-you can't
replace it

DON'T DON'T- Don't with your fucking
-I'm not

High-horse go I'm just ours is just
as good (clap)

If not better!

It's not, you know it!

The only thing that sucks about almond milk
and maybe this does happen but idk

It's almond milk

Nonono, it's good

Like regular milk?

When it's so cold and then you poor it in

And sometimes you get little ice flakes!

Um... that's just called frozen milk
(Chuckles nervously)

I know but sometimes the flakes come out
and like it's really cold today!

(Laughing) I fucking love it bro

Like sometimes I'll have like Cheerios
or something - Honey Nut

And then I'm pouring
-Oh god

Honey Nut Cheerios is a good cereal
don't even fucking get me started here

It is good but like what are you
trying to do like not have a heart attack?

(Laughing)

It's not good for you're cholesterol
-Yes it is!

The regular ones that taste like you're
eating the box

Honey Nut Cheerios is good for cholesterol

I jus bought it the other day because

I was told my LDL's are high

(Chuckles) You think you're gonna change
your life with Honey Nut

Bunch of- Three boxes of Cheerios

(Laughing) 3 boxes?

You're gonna be the spokesman
you're gonna be in the bee costume

going like "I saved my life"

I bought 3 boxes of Cheerios I bought
Fruity, the Berry ones

The apple cinnamon, Woah

Those are MMM no don't buy that!

Whoah
-Get the apple jacks!

And (Stammers) Apple Jacks is not gonna
help me live!

None of them are gonna Frank

None of them are gonna

Just oatmeal baby

I can't do oats,
-Just do it!

Literally Becca made a thing
of oats the other day

And I stared at it and I started to gag

Did I tell you- Dietary fiber

Well you could like replace it with other stuff

Like apples are high dietary fiber I've
been eating apples a lot

Dates

I love dates!

Chia seeds

I don't care for those

Well just put em in a smooth ya don't
even know they're there

Watch this- I still hate them

(laughs) "Watch this"

Don't care for them

But I love cold milk

Cold milk is good

My dad told me a story---

I don't care!

(Laughing)

(Laughing) No my dad

Told me a story that when he was in
high school

And they had football camp, the kids
like

You would have camp or whatever
-Oh no

And then for a water break
-Ohhhh nooo

You would go over and it was like
they had a big thing of water

But they also had a huge steel thing
of ice cold milk

Yeah but no, you know what I'm saying?

But like- OHHH

And I was like at the moment he told me
that

"You're literally disgusting"

You know how much of a try hard
you need to be to be like

I'm not gonna drink water in practice,
Coach! Give me a fucking milk

They were giving out milk like fucking
crazy---Well that's---STRONG BONES

Remember when they sold us that?

Big Milk was telling us it's like
yo you have this you're gonna be

like good for life
-yeah

You're not gonna be in----
-BIG MILK MUSTACHE

Big Milk Mustache was a big-
Stone cold had a Big Milk Mustache

Damn I miss milk

Just come back!

You're one of those freaks that buys
the boxed, fucking, almond milk

Which I can't, I can't support
-Yeah

But I don't really have milk like that
-I don't either

I could just use it for smoothies that's
it

I don't either, we have it in the house a
lot

Because you know the kids take bottles
and like eat cereal and stuff like that

But... I can't... like...

Just eat milk (chuckles) Eat milk?

I know I can drink I can definitely
crush milk

Oh dude you know I used to come back
from the park from when we were younger

And I would just go over and grab a
gallon of milk and just start

chugging it out of the gallon

Oh were you one of those idiots that
opened the fridge and grabbed

the milk gallon or like the carton
of fucking orange juice

and drank out of it?

Yep

That's why you are the way you are

I used to do that all the time

My mom would be livid

You watched way too many like
Mighty Ducks and

Fucking movies in the 90's

Cause that's all they did

They'd get home and they'd just
fucking swing it open

Just grab milk and chug it
-Yeah

I hate that

Can't do it

1 time my mom went to go
grab it out of my hands

Cause I was chugging the milk

She's like "What are you"---

And then I dropped it

Fucking milk everywhere

Her fault!

Yeah I know I blamed her
---You gaslit her

I did I said look what you've done

Look what you've done you and our
dumb ass dog Charlie!

He didn't exist

Oh that's right at the time but like

You were saying like I'm gonna blame
someone else for me fucking up

And you know 15 years or something
Mom

Yeah... and that's kind of what happened

Peanut Butter - Liquid

It's a spread

I don't- Yes it's a spread but liquids can
be spreads!

It's a gray area

It's so is butter a liquid?

No

Butter is a - It's just a hard

It can be though

It's just a it's a harder liquid

Yeah

Ok

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the basically the entire post office
at your finger tips

Um, I was gonna say your fingernails
(Chuckling)

Well those are at the tips
That is true

Um but with Stamps.com

You can not only save time
because you don't have to go to the store

Or like you know whatever

You're also saving money

They have huge carrier discounts
up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates

Plus Stamps.com automatically tells you
your cheapest and fastest shipping options

Um so it is great to if you have a small
business or something like

This is what you're gonna wanna be using

I know a lot of people who use Stamps.com

And I've had them all sign up with our
code as well

But yeah! So sign up with the promo code
BASEMENT for a special offer

that includes a four week trial

Plus free postage and a free digital scale
no long term commitments or contracts

which is good. Uh just go to Stamps.com

Click on the microphone at the top
of the page

And enter the code BASEMENT alright?

So again that is Stamps.com

Click on the microphone at the top of the
home page

And enter the code BASEMENT

And you'll get that 4 week trial
PLUS all the free stuff

Alright so go check out Stamps.com

And we also have Simply Safe here

Simply Safe designed with cutting
edge technology

And backed by 24/7 professional monitoring

It is a home security system

Very easy to set up

It only costs It's like under a dollar
a day

That's how much it costs

And it's gonna keep your home
safe

24/7 professional monitoring
like I said

You can lock your- you can lock
and unlock your doors

Access your cameras

And arm or disarm your system
from anywhere

But it's great and in an emergency

The agents use fast protect technology

To capture critical evidence and verify
if the threat is real

And then they dispatch the proper
authorities on their way

So it's nice to know that someone's
looking after you

And you can customize the perfect system
for your phone- for your home

In just a few minutes, it's
SimplySafe.com/BASEMENT

Go today and claim the free
indoor security camera

PLUS 20% off your order
WITH interactive monitoring

That is SimplySafe.com/BASEMENT

There's no safe like Simply Safe

And lastly here we have
Displate

They have both branded and artistic
artwork

They have over 1 million designs
available for everyone

They're like a one of a kind metal
poster

For your wall

You can create a unique easy safe magnet
mounting system that

only takes 20 seconds

There's no need for drilling in your walls
or anything like that

And they deliver their products worldwide

In only 4-5 business days

It's a perfect alternative for standard
paper posters that often get damaged

And it doesn't leave marks on the wall
which is a huge thing also

And I like convenience to be able to just
Boom put it up there

I love- they also have a lot of cool stuff
on their site, so if you go on their site

I like the ones that's like of animals

They have really nice ones of animals
and like foxes and stuff

That's one of my favorite animals

You can use the link in the description

Or go to Displate.com/BASEMENTYARD

And use the code BASEMENT at checkout
to get 22% off for 1-2 Displates

Or 33% off for 3 or more

Again the code is --
I mean the site is

Displate
D-I-S-P-L-A-T-E

.com/BASEMENTYARD

And use the promo code BASEMENT
at checkout

Ok? So there you go folks

Our next sponsor is Etsy