Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Civil Forfeiture (HBO)

John Oliver: The police.

They protect us.

They serve us.

And they provide us with an endless source

of T.V show one-liners.

Clip1: Rock, paper, scissors, gun.

Clip2: Well, I'm no Serena Williams,

but I know one thing;

it's all in the wrist.

Clip3 (Officer): Who'd want to cut your penis off?

Suspect: Take a number.

John Oliver: Okay. [laughing]

Now, you laugh but admit it.

You want to watch the rest of that episode

right now.

[laughing]

Now look.

Public trust in the police is one of the

most vital elements in a civilized society

but for many Americans, that trust has

been undermined by a procedure called

civil forfeiture.

Now, I know it sounds like a

Gweneth Paltrow euphemism for divorce,

but incredibly its actually even worse

than that.

Ezekiel Edwards: Civil Asset forfeiture is

really a mechanism by which the state and

federal government can seize people's

property without having to convict them of

a crime.

Most people can't afford to hire a lawyer

to challenge it.

It's really legalized robbery by law

enforcement.

John Oliver: Think about it.

That is a tough crime to report to

the police.

Give me a description of what the guy

looked like.

Well, to be honest, he looked a lot like

the guy currently asking me what the

guy looked like. [laughing]

And if you think this sounds bad,

just wait until you see how it looks.

Because the Washington Post recently

published a major investigation featuring

stories like that of this man who was

driving from Michigan to San Francisco with

$2,400 in cash that his dad had lent him

to start a new job when he was pulled over

in Nevada.

Matt Lee: I gave him my license and

registration, and then as he was looking

at that information, he asked me how much

money I was traveling with.

Narrator: Lee told him about the money

that his Dad give him which he kept in the

trunk.

Matt Lee: He told me to turn on my air

vents on high and roll up my windows

and get out of the car because he was

going to run a canine around it.

Narrator: Dove didn't find drugs, but he

did find the $2400.

Matt Lee: He said, "Now, I am going to

keep the money because I have concluded

through my investigation here that you are

traveling from Michigan to California to

purchase drugs.

John Oliver: Wow.

There is so much wrong there,

including the fact that any policeman

who genuinely believes that you need

to travel from Michigan to California to

purchase drugs needs to be introduced

to the concept of the University of Wisconsin Madison.

[laughing]

Okay.

It’s right there.

And the problem is, stories like that

are surprisingly common.

In fact, since 9/11 under just one program

police have taken $2.5 billion in the

course of over 61,000 seizures of cash

alone from people who,

and this is the mind-blowing part,

were not charged with a crime.

That is the sort of police behavior that

we laugh at other countries for,

along with their accents and silly hats.

[laughing]

The way Civil Forfeiture generally works

is if the police believe they have a

preponderance of the evidence that

suggests your property was

or could be used in a crime,

they may confiscate it.

And it gets even weirder.

Sarah Stillman: Many folks are unfamiliar

with the idea of Civil Forfeiture which is

actually a case brought against,

directly against, a piece of property

where you don’t need to be proven guilty

of a crime for your goods to

be taken away.

John Oliver: Exactly, you don’t need to

be charged with a crime because

it’s not you that’s on trial,

it’s your stuff.

That’s why these cases have historically

had eye-catching names such as,

and all of these are real,

“United States v. Eight Thousand Eight Hundred

and Fifty Dollars in United States Currency”

[laughing]

“United States v. An Article Consisting

of 50,000 Cardboard Boxes More or Less,

Each Containing One Pair of Clacker Balls”

and “United States v. Approximately

64,695 Pounds of Shark Fins”

which must have been an amazing court case.

And do you see those shark fins

in the room right now?

Yes, there they are, there they are!

[laughing] Let the record show that

the witness has pointed at roughly 65,000

pounds of shark fins. Guilty, guilty!

And it’s also worth noting that your

possessions generally have fewer

protections under the law than you do.

Scott Bullock: Under Civil Forfeiture

laws your property is guilty until

you prove it innocent.

John Oliver: How can that be possible?

[laughing] At this point, I’m surprised

that objects don’t have their own

civil rights leader.

Like Martin Scooter King,

or Harvey Carton of Milk. [laughing]

Now, to be fair, civil forfeiture laws

have had some positive consequences.

They’ve crippled powerful drug-trafficking

organizations, thwarted criminals,

and returned billions of dollars

to victims. The problem is, that many

police departments are allowed to keep

most or all of the money they seize.

Knowing that starts to make you wonder

about the motivations of these

kinds of questions:

Clip: “Is there any large amounts of cash

in the vehicle?”

“Are there any large sums of money

over $5,000 in cash in the vehicle?”

“How much money you got?”

“Any large amounts of US currency in there?

John Oliver: I’ll take whatever cash

you got in there and ah

is that a slurpee in the cup holder?

What flavor? [laughing] Grape?

Nevermind. You know what? I will take it.

I’ll take it. The question,

do you have cash in the vehicle is

surprisingly common in traffic stops.

The police are prepared to overcome

any language barrier to ask it.

Clip: “tenny mucho mucho dinero

in su trucky-trailer” [laughing]

John Oliver: Let’s be clear, he just said

“tenny mucho mucho dinero in su trucky-trailer”

which sounds like an alien's first

attempt to communicate with humans after

crash landing in a Taco Bell.

[laughing]

In fact, let’s all just pause for a

moment to enjoy that sentence

because every single word of it is funny.

First, tenny, pronounced incorrectly.

Mucho, one of the few words he knows

in Spanish. Mucho, repeated word.

Deniro, a famed actor.

In, a rapid shift to English.

Su, rapid shift back to Spanish.

Trucky-trailer, trucky-trailer. [laughing]

Now It’s magnificent. That is magnificent.

It’s a work of art. [applause]

Now this happened in Tennessee,

a state where local law enforcement

authorities are allowed to keep as much

as 100% of the proceeds from

civil forfeitures.

A local news investigation found

multiple troubling cases of people

having money seized such as George Rebee

who had $20,000 seized after he was

stopped for speeding.

The police officer argued it was drug

money despite the fact that Rebee

had a pretty good explanation.

George Rebee: I told him that I had active

bids on eBay, that I was trying to buy

a vehicle and they just

didn’t want to hear it.

Narrator: In fact, Rebee had proof on

his computer, but the (?) officer

drew up a damning affidavit citing his own

training that common people do not

carry this much US Currency.

Clip: “...and did he tell you that

he was trying to buy a car?”

Officer: “He did.”

Reporter: “But you did not include that

in your report.”

[laughing] Officer: “If it’s not in there,

I didn’t put it in there”.

“So why would you leave that out?"

Officer: “I don’t know”.

John Oliver: What do you mean

you don’t know? I’d expect a better

answer from a police officer than

a four-year-old who just spilled grape

juice on the couch.

What happened to your drink?

I don’t know. I don’t know.

If it’s not in my glass, it’s not in my glass.

I don’t know. I don’t know. [laughing, applause]

And look, it’s not always just a

roadside stop.

In 2008 police raided the

Contemporary Art Institute of Detroit

during it’s “funk night” because it didn’t

have a liquor license seizing 44 cars

under the argument that

“simply driving vehicles to the location

of an unlawful sale of alcohol was

sufficient to seize a car”

which means you may as well seize

any car driven by any teenager on prom

night because they are all going

Chad’s place. Chad’s got the hook up.

We actually managed to get the security

video of that Detroit raid and you can

see the police burst in and arrest people

with the disco lights still swirling in

the single funkiest shake-down

in human history. [laughing]

They each had to pay $900 to get their

cars out of the impound with the

exception of the one person who’s car

was actually stolen from the lot to

which it had been towed,

which seems like the sort of thing

the police should be investigating if they

weren’t too busy raiding art

gallery funk nights.

And at this point, you may be thinking,

well sure the police departments are

getting a lot of money from seizing stuff,

but I’m sure there are limitations on how

they can spend it.

Well, allow me to take you to a 2012

Columbia Missouri Citizen Police

Review Board hearing.

Clip: How do you decide forfeiture funds?

Police Chief Ken Burton: “You know,

it’s usually based on a need.

Um Well, I take that back.

Review Board: “I would imagine you sign

off on...”

Ken Burton: “Yeah, there are some

limitations on it.

You know, it’s um actually there’s not

really on the forfeiture stuff.”

John Oliver: Actually, there’s basically

no limitations at all.

Come to think of it, there’s well,

we’re essentially Gods. We're gods.

We’re like the anti-Spiderman,

great power no responsibility. [laughing]

I can’t believe this hasn’t come up before.

And look his honesty was not over.

Ken Burton: We just usually base it on

something that would be nice to have,

that we can’t get in the budget for instance.

Though, yeah, we try not to use it for things

that we need to depend on because we need

to go ahead and have those purchased.

But, it’s kind of like pennies

from heaven ya know, it gets you a toy

or something that you need is the way

that we typically look at it.

John Oliver: That’s right. That’s right.

They buy toys with "pennies from heaven."

Well, they should know those pennies

may not be falling from

heaven so much as from the pockets of

the people they are holding upside down

and shaking. And in terms of what kinds

of toys police departments buy,

that really depends.

For instance, in Massachusetts,

one DA’s office used forfeiture money to

buy their own Zamboni even though,

all this is noted, “we could not determine

where this machine was located or the

law-enforcement purpose it serves.”

Although that last one is obvious.

Just think about it.

If you are robbing a bank and the police

pull up in a Zamboni, you’re going to give

yourself up just out of sheer curiosity.

[laughing]

And in Texas, one DA’s office had an

even more imaginative idea,

and I’ll let a concerned citizen at a

a public hearing tell you all about it.

Clip: With or without a law degree,

everyone here knows that purchases of

kegs of beer, margarita machines,

and bottles of Crown Royal for office

parties, as was done in Montgomery County

don’t qualify as expenses

for official purposes.

John Oliver: That’s true.

In Texas they bought a margarita machine.

They were literally using this money as

their own personal slush fund. [laughing]

It’s perfect, the analogy is perfect.

And look, look.

If the police need money for equipment,

we should clearly be giving it to them.

And if they need money for margarita

machines, they should be (Bleep) paying

for that themselves. [laughing]

But, these civil forfeiture laws have

warped law enforcement priorities and

perception and nowhere is that more

clear than Philadelphia.

Video Clip, CNN: Philadelphia officials

over a 10 year period have seized more

than 1,000 houses, about 3,300 vehicles,

and $44 million in cash in civil forfeitures.

John Oliver: Holy shit.

Usually when someone describes something

taking 3,000 vehicles and 1,000 houses,

they're talking about a (bleep) hurricane.

Now, one of those houses belongs to the

Sourovelis family and the reason for that

seizure seems a little harsh from the outside.

Clip, CNN: Police arrested their

22-year-old son Yianni on drug charges,

$40 worth of heroine, and claimed he was

selling drugs out of the home.

Police and prosecutors came armed with a

law suit against the house itself.

John Oliver: Exactly, because remember

The parents aren’t on trial, the house is,

which is clearly ridiculous.

The only drug-containing house that needs

a law suit against it is this one.

[laughing] You’re on the edge.

You’re on the edge, House.

You’re this close.

You’re this close to loosing your job.

[laughing and applause]

You’re good, dammit. You're good, House.

But you're close, House. You're close.

You're good but you're so close.

But you're so good, House.

And once their house was seized,

the Sourovelis’ got to experience the

final problem with civil forfeiture.

Recourse can be incredibly difficult.

Clip, CNN: Here in Philadelphia if you

have your property taken, you can come

here to city hall and go to courtroom 478

and try to get it back. The problem is,

the people that are taking the belongings

are also the ones calling the shots

inside the courtroom.

The Sourovelis’ showed up to courtroom 478

ready to plead their case to a judge.

Instead, they say they faced a prosecutor

from the DA’s office.

John Oliver: That’s right.

Their first step in challenging the police

seizing their property was in a courtroom

without a judge hearing their case.

How can you even still call that a

courtroom? If you take all of the doctors

out of a hospital and replace them with

otters, that’s no longer a hospital.

[laughing] It's better. It’s much better,

but it’s not a hospital. I love it,

but it’s not a hospital.

In fact, recourse is so difficult that

most people who have lost stuff to

civil forfeiture, just choose to walk away

rather than fight.

So at this point it should seem obvious

that the bad may be starting to outweigh

the good with civil forfeiture laws.

So we’ve really got two choices.

We can take a hard look at reforming them

or at the very least we need to reform our

network cop dramas to make them a lot more

representative of what is actually happening.

[laughing]

Clip: Narrator: Coming soon. Law & Order.

Civil Asset Forfeiture Unit.

Get ready to go inside the thrilling world

of civil forfeiture.

Knock knock. Freeze, police!

Hands on the ground; get off the sofa.

Keep ‘em where we can see ‘em.

You’re under arrest.

Man: What for? You guys got nothing on me.

Not you, the sofa.

Narrator: Coming this fall, a procedural

about law enforcement’s shadiest procedure.

Officer: Rough night huh?

Ah, well it’s about to get a lot rougher.

What’s $2,500 in cash doing hanging out

in somebody’s glove box huh? Answer me!

Narrator: These cops are determined and

they won’t stop until they get everything.

Every...last...thing.

Officer: You’re dirty right?

Drug deal, guns, what is it?

I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me!

I’m gonna beat the shit out of ya.

Officer: Detective Bovatchi, Civil Forfeiture Unit

Narrator: Brace yourself for heart

pounding take downs.

Officer: Resisting arrest?

Send in back up! Send in back up!

Narrator: The defendants are inanimate,

but the drama is anything but.

Officer: Frisk ‘em.

Officer: There is a pile of silver dollars next

door that says you did it.

You will lose, and I will win.

Officer: Stay on the streets too long,

the city leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

Officer: Hey, I know what’ll get it out.

[laughing, applause]

Narrator: Law & Order.

Civil Asset Forfeiture Unit.

Officer: I’m going to crumple you up

until you look like a cat’s asshole.

[applause]