AttitudeLive - AJs Vision of Motherhood

AJ MacDonald received the prestigious Lesley Pierce Woman of Courage Award. It was for her outstanding work as a mentor and influence on young people. AJ is the mother of two boys, with baby number three on the way… she also has an autoimmune disease that will eventually leave her with no sight.

[Narrator] AJ MacDonald
is expecting baby number 3...

...in just 4 weeks.

She's a confident, practical mom.

But with each child,
AJ has had to adapt...

...and learn new skills.

AJ is going blind.

Oh, I'll stay really close
to Zayb...

...within reaching distance
of his hand.

And I will grab him sometimes
and pull him back by me.

It's scary.
It is hard work.

Yeah, it's not easy.

[Narrator] AJ has the condition
macular edema.

It's a complicated
auto-immune disorder...

...where her immune system
attacks her eyes.

Her sight has gradually
deteriorated.

She's now completely blind
in one eye...

...and only has around 30 percent
vision in the other.

When I look out there
I can just see waves...

...and the beach,
I can't see.

If it's like just Jayden,
and he's coming in close...

...I'll see him.

But, yeah, I can mostly
just see waves.

Who's that?
He's home!

Hi, son!

AJ's oldest boy, Jayden
is eight...

...the same age she was
when she discovered..

...she was losing her sight.

- Hi!
- Mwah!

$$[AJ MacDonald] Like, I don't remember it
being one day I woke up...

...and couldn't see.
It was really slow.

I just remember thinking,
"I can't read that now."...

...or "I can't see that far."

Or I would mistake things,
you know.

I would say...

My stepdad always laughs,
because one time...

...I...there was a white rock
and I said...

..."Oh, look at that duck!"
You know. It was a rock!

And things like that.

And it wasn't like you go
"Oh, I can't see now."

It was, like, just little things
that got worse and worse.

They did surgery on my left eye,
removed the lens, so...

...that there's no sight,
I get light and dark...

...and some shadows.

The other eye, I see
some movement...

...but absolutely no focus.

I can read things,
for a few seconds...

...or for a bit. But then
the focus goes on me.

A short distance, I can see
if I hold things really close...

...to me.

But long distance is really gone.

Within...if people are a meter
away, or two meters...

...I won't know
who the are.

Wee!

[AJ] I don't see my kids' faces
really clearly...

...but I can see where they are.

I can hear them and I know
what they're doing...

I know when Jayden jumps
out of that tree.

I know when Zayb's coming up
from underneath him and that.

Yeah, I listen to them play
and that's...

...that's how I see them play.

[Narrator] Eventually AJ
will lose all her vision.

Surgery is an option,
but it comes with risks.

[AJ] I'm a bit scared about
having surgery...

...especially on my 'good' eye.

Because if it comes out worse,
then you know...

...or do I stay happy
with what it's at now?

Do I try and make it better
and risk it getting worse?

I mean, the risks
are pretty high.

There's definitely a chance
of putting a lens...

...in that left eye, which
would give me a bit more sight.

And also, there's cataracts
in the right eye...

...which is taking away
quite a lot of sight.

Which, cataracts are easy to fix,
but you have to have...

...no inflammation, is what
they call it...

...and that's the condition
that I have.

The uvulitis is what causes
the inflammation.

So, I have to be
on heavy medications...

...for a period of time...

...to make sure there's no
inflammation in that eye.

So they could do that operation.

[Narrator] And with a new baby
on the way...

...AJ has decided to stick
with the status quo.

- Hi!
- Hi! How're you doing?

Good, come in!

[AJ] We've got four weeks to go.

Baby's due in four weeks.

I've got worries, you know,
having a toddler...

...and a new baby, it's going
to be tricky...

...but it's cool.

You know, lots of people do it
and, yeah, I'm excited...

...about it.

Ok, so do you think we should
have a feel and a listen...

...to this little poppet?

- Yeah.
- ok!

[Narrator] Macular edema
is known to be hereditary.

In AJ's case, it simply
developed...

...from the auto-immune
disease.

Ok, they're nice and warm
today!

That's good!

[Narrator] Her eyesight is
changeable.

When she's sick,
she has less vision...

...than when she's well.

Her pregnancy could have
affected her sight...

...but luckily it hasn't.

Either way, I just hope
for a healthy baby.

But yeah, a girl
would be nice.

A girl would be nice,
but three boys...

...would be loud and ruckus
and cool as well.

You know, it will be
what it's meant to be.

[Baby's heartbeat pulses
on ultrasound]

That's a happy baby!

[They laugh]

140s... 150s

And we'll do your
blood pressure.

[Narrator] AJ has a younger
brother...

...living in the same town,
but she's always managed...

...on her own. And doesn't expect
any help with this baby either.

Even though her partner, Lionel,
works long hours...

...often commuting away
from AJ and the kids.

Mum, what's for tea?

- Mince.
- Yummy! Garlic?

- And potatoes.

Yep, garlic.

Do you want to help?

Err, can I go
and play outside?

- Yeah.
- Ok.

[Narrator] Eight year old Jayden
is well aware...

...of mom's limited vision,
and naturally helps her.

But AJ just wants him
to be a kid...

...as much as possible too.

[AJ] He knows my condition.

He knows what my sight's like.

He probably knows better than
anyone, what I can...

...and can't see.

Zayb, what are you doing?

Zayb? What are you doing,
mate?

Can you pass me a potato?
Please?

Ah!

That's been my new year's
resolution....

...to be better in the kitchen
and find ways of doing things...

...you know, like,
with the baking...

...to find ways of doing it.

It's the same with cooking
you find ways of doing it.

It's not always great,
but... you know.

I'm sure my kids probably eat
a bit more dirt...

...on the edge of the potatoes
than other kids, but yeah.

Jayden, can you see
what the dog...

...is choking on, please?

[Jayden] Ok, hang on.

With using knives, it's like
you feel the potato...

...you feel where it is.

And then you know
where to cut.

It's just using intuition
more than your sight.

Things like cooking chicken,
I don't cook chicken...

...if I'm by myself.

I'll cook it if I know Lionel's
going to be home in time.

And then he can check it
make sure it's not pink.

You all right? Come here.

Come on, we're going
to wash the potatoes.

Oh!

Oh, ta. Can you
pick it up?

Here's your grapes.

Oh no.

That's Karen's stuff!

[Narrator] Even though she's
36 weeks pregnant...

...AJ is still helping others
in her community.

She recognizes that her
loss of sight...

...played a part
in tough teenage years.

[AJ] I did drop out of school,
school was hard...

...when you can't read,
you can't see.

You know there's lots of reasons
why kids don't function...

...well in school.

And mine was just
that I couldn't see.

So I dropped out early
and I did get into trouble...

...as a teenager.

And when Jayden was one,
I decided that this...

...wasn't the kind of life
that I wanted...

...to bring my child up in.

Lots of drugs, and yeah,
lots of trouble.

So, I thought, no.
This isn't for my son.

[Traffic noises]

Tell us when we're good, eh?

Jayden's really, really good.

He's been taught road safety
from real young.

And he will cross us
over roads...

...because I actually can't
see the cars.

When it's quiet streets,
I can hear cars...

...and you do know
when the road's clear.

But when it's a really, really
busy street...

...and you've got to look
for a gap and rush over...

...that's...I will walk
a long way...

...to get to a crossing,
and then backtrack...

...if I need to.

- Are we good?
- Yeah.

[Narrator] When AJ was a teenager
nobody helped her...

...with career opportunities
and she became lost.

She had her first baby
when she was seventeen.

In June last year,
AJ graduated...

...with a diploma in
applied social science.

She now works as a social
worker and is studying...

...for her degree.

She works here with young moms
attending a course...

...at the YMCA, and elsewhere
with teenagers at risk.

And she's a youth mentor.

Ok, so are you keen to do
some baking this afternoon?

We're going to bake
for Sandy's farewell, I think.

[Narrator] AJ passes on
the knowledge she's built up...

...through her own experiences.

She's a voice of reason
for the young moms...

...and their babies.

[AJ] And people can be so
judgmental with young moms.

I know what it's like.
I've been there.

And it is tough.
And you do need help..

and you do need teaching
all of that.

And I just, I love
watching them go...

...from being pregnant
to having their babies...

...to just being
beautiful moms.

What happened?

Oh, the slide was
on your toe!

[Baby cries]

[Narrator] Last year AJ
received the prestigious...

...Leslie Pearce Woman
of Courage award...

...for her outstanding work
as a mentor...

...and her influence
on young people.

[AJ] Winning the Leslie Pearce
award was...

...it was huge, really.

Because I'm quite a quiet,
private person...

...and to have it out
in the public...

...that you, you know, I
can't see, um...

...to have it, you know, it was
in a magazine, it was on TV...

...it was kind of this thing
where you have to go...

..."Ok, I'm going to
go public about it..."

"...or I'm going to hide away."

And you had to make that decision
of, "Yeah I want to talk..."

"...about what it's like to be
blind, what it's like..."

"...to bring up kids."

You know, all of that stuff.

I'll bring some food down
actually and just...

...put it on the table
for him.

Ok.

Thank you!

Nice meeting you, Fay.

All right.

[Narrator] AJ knew she needed
qualifications...

...to give herself and her
children a better future.

[AJ] Because for me, I couldn't
just work on a checkout.

I couldn't do admin, I couldn't
do those jobs...

...that we can kind of
walk into.

You know, cleaning....

A lot of that stuff, I couldn't
do, because I couldn't see.

Lots of jobs, you have to
have a driver's license.

And so, for me, it was
what can I do?

What am I good at...

...enough that will counter
the eyesight thing?

So grab out the ingredients
that you need.

Umm.

Ok, guys, take your
butter out...

...and put it in your golden
syrup, pre-melted.

Oh, ok. Uh...

Honey, don't put your butter
in there dry.

[AJ] I taught myself
how to cook.

And I learnt a lot
from friends and family....

...because you need to be able
to cook and feed your kids.

That's something that's really
important with the young moms.

And if I can cook, when I can't
see anything, then they can cook.

Ok, Court, can you
turn this on?

What do you want it to?

Umm, bake 180 degrees.

[Narrator] But even attending
polytech...

...put her out
of her comfort zone.

[AJ] Seven years ago, when I
first started...

...my sight wasn't
that bad...

...so I got to know
my way around.

We count the steps.

You know how many steps
there are.

I think too, you use
your other senses.

And it's not like it's not
a conscious thing...

...that you do.

You sort of, you feel things,
you know that things are there.

When they change stuff
it's hard.

Like, this space was all open
then they put in these...

...lovely gardens.

And that kind of mixes
me up for a bit.

But once you know it,
you know it.

Finding my class was difficult.

Sometimes if we were in
a different classroom...

...and I couldn't see
the number on the door...

...and if I looked in,
I was never sure...

...if it was my class
or not.

[Narrator] With baby number three
on the way...

...she needs to put her studies
on hold, for now.

Oh, come on.
It's time to go home!

Come on!

Good boy.

Thanks, Sandy!

Thank you girls,
see you later!

- Hi! You guys ready?
- Yep!

[Narrator] It's a busy life
and every week...

...Lionel's daughter, Jade,
also comes to stay for the weekend.

Pop in that side.

Pop in your seat.
There's Jaja!

Jayden, Jayden!

Good boy, I'll plug you in.

Have you got your belts on?

[Jade] I've got my belt on.

[Narrator] AJ likes a busy
household...

...but sometimes it's the
everyday practicalities...

...that can get her down.

[AJ] The one thing that gets me
is not being able to drive.

That's the tough thing.

With the kids, with working
and studying and...

...you know, trying to do
all of that...

...it just adds a big extra
pressure onto your day...

...trying to either walk there
or find a ride...

...or if it's raining.

Or just when you need to go
to the shop or something.

You have to pack the kids up
and walk there.

You know, that's a mission.

[AJ] I don't struggle along with
this condition on my own.

I have beautiful friends
and family that support us...

...that love my kids and love
us and help us every day.

There's never a time when I'm
sitting there on my own...

...going "Oh my gosh,
I can't cope with this."

[Narrator] AJ is fiercely
independent...

...but she needs help
with supermarket shopping.

[AJ] I don't think anyone
loves the supermarket that much...

...but for me it is a lot
harder.

I do it with Lionel, or with
my friend, Gina.

[Narrator] She finds the noise
and the maze of shelves...

...disorienting.

[AJ] Lots of people, lots of stuff
and lots of movement.

And that I feel a bit...
I can't see much.

Ok, do you see plums
on there?

Ummm...no!

Ok, go search, push 'P'...

Are pears the same as the
other ones?

Umm...

[AJ] Just trying to get the
cheapest thing...

...you can't see the
small prices is hard.

[Checkout beeps]

Nah.

Oh yeah, it did it,
it did it!

Thank you! You too!

Take the trolley, baby.

Good girl.

[Zayb gurgles]

Change your bum!

Lie down.

[AJ] I worry about other things
like practical things.

Like, I worry that now, I do
a lot of stuff with me...

...and my friend and their child,
you know...

...and now we're not
going to fit in one car!

That's the kind of stuff
I worry about.

I'm going to have three kids
and if I'm with...

...one of my friends who has a kid,
yeah, I won't fit in the car...

...with them.

[Zayb shouts]

[AJ] You know, taking three kids
on a bus is a lot tougher...

...than taking one or two.

So I worry about that kind of
practical stuff...

...but I try not to worry
about the future...

...and whether I'm going to
be able to see them or not.

[Narrator] Baby Eli arrives
right on cue.

Are you hungry?

[Zayb screams]

Quietly!

[Narrator] Having boy number three
brings new challenges.

Don't hit! No hitting, man,
come on!

[Narrator] Life just got
a whole lot busier...

...yet AJ's making light
or her load.

[AJ] It's going to be tough,
I mean, three boys!

It's a lot of testosterone.

I think, yeah, it's cool.

We'll just have to get out
and about...

...take them for walks, it'll be
Zayb that needs to be taken...

...out of the house, and
energized.

He's, oh, he's got a lot
of energy to get rid of.

[Boys shout and play]

[Narrator] Her younger brother Ben
has been helping out...

...while Lionel's away.

I suppose she's come a long way.
AJ has done a lot of things, eh?

And didn't really notice it
at the time.

Because she's sort of,
I don't know...

...never really given her the,
what's the word for it?

- Help me out, man!
- I don't know!

Respect for doing really well
and that.

- Yeah.
- Because she's done a fair bit.

And I've sort of always
just seen her...

...as my sister, AJ.

Like, her eyesight and that
doesn't really come...

...into our lives
when I'm around.

- Woke up.
- Yeah, he's...

[Makes kissing sounds]

You hot?

I'll go check on Zayb.

Can't climb up that fence
any more, so that's good.

Oh!

Man, is it ready?

Yeah, we can serve it up,
man!

Ah, awesome.

Can you grab a tea towel
and put it down?

Oh, it's all right, I'll
put that chopping board down.

Thank you!

Been home bodies since last...
since he was born.

It's good having Jayden
so much older...

...so he's sort of responsible
and Zayb kind of is learning.

Good boy, Zayb.
Go wash your hands.

It's all ready!
Jayden will help you.

Good boy!

[AJ] I haven't been out by myself
with all three of them.

It's been me and Lionel
taking them out.

[AJ] It's going to be hot, ok?

[I don't know] Is that for Jayden?

Ok, you hop over there then.

Auntie will pass that
over the table...

...you hop over there.

All right, are you
getting drinks?

OJ for Zayb.

Let me help you.

[Ben] Do you want to feed
now then?

Right then, your plate,
please.

Here's your fork.

- But not the noodle.
- Careful.

[Conversation fades]

Come on, mate.

Have your bath.

[Narrator] Young Jayden eagerly
takes on the role...

...of mother's helper.

He's her second
pair of eyes.

Son, can you please grab me
a towel?

[AJ] I think that sometimes
happens with kids...

...when you have a disability.

You know, it's things like
"Jayden can you look at this rash?"

"What does it look like?"

"Can you tell me
what it looks like?"

"What does he have in his
mouth?"

Um, just those extra kind of
things that kids don't usually...

...have to worry about.

[Narrator] Eli's been diagnosed
with hip displacia...

...or clicky hips.

It's a relatively common
condition...

...but he has to wear a brace
for the next few months.

[AJ] It is hard with
his brace...

...because I can't bath him
and I've always...

...bathed my babies a lot
in case I've missed...

...a bit of poo, you know?

In case they're dirty
and I can't see it.

And just keeping an eye
on his skin...

...because he can get rashes
and stuff from his brace.

So yeah, that's been tough.

[Narrator] Never one to sit around
for long...

...AJ has already decided
on a new way...

...to support other moms
in her community.

She's training as a breastfeeding
mentor.

[AJ] It's something that they're
putting in place...

...over New Zealand, I think,
to try and encourage...

...or support women
to breastfeed.

Yeah, that's something that I'm
quite passionate about too.

I think if women can get that
support and help...

...that they need and can
do it well...

...then it's an amazing thing.

Yeah, I am an advocate
for breastfeeding...

...but I'm not a pushy
"breast is best" person...

...you know!

I do worry sometimes that
if my eyesight goes completely...

...then how will I cope
with that?

I do sometimes think, y'know,
if I couldn't see my kids...

...I can still see their faces
now and I think...

...that's something that makes me
feel sad, thinking what if..

...I couldn't see
their little facial expressions?

Or see what they're doing.

Zayb is going to climb up
onto the tree!

[AJ] But then I think of the
other side of it...

...and I can still kiss them
and hug them...

...and hold them.

I think I'll always be close
to my babies...

...whether I can see them
or not, I think.

Do you want it
on or off?

[Zayb whinges]

You want it off?