Stress - Overreaction to Life | Ajahn Brahm | 9 March 2018

Worrying never stops bad things from happening, but it stops you from enjoying the present moment. Ajahn Brahm teaches us how to relax and not overreact to stressful situations. Please support the BSWA in making teachings available for free online via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/BuddhistSocietyWA

Copyright Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Some people going outside some people coming inside

Usually I try and make a quick estimate how many people go out and how many people come in

The moment is I'm at a loss

More people have gone out that come in

Maybe my charisma is not working today. Maybe I spent it all in Hong Kong and Singapore

He

Okay, yes few more coming in but of course many people actually watch these talks on online

So many people actually go overseas or watch you online

Which is very wonderful that we can share all of these talks

And online is much easier because if you're watching at home online if you don't like it you can always delete

But here you're not allowed to delete me. You're stuck with me for the whole 45 minutes

so

here we go I

Do have a fan oh

It doesn't work

Hey, hey

Okay

So

These talks on a Friday night as I often say you don't try and plan them just let them happen

And it's just know people say some things just

Beforehand or the last hour or two and it's just an obvious topic which keeps coming up and up and up and up

and the one today is you know the old one about stress I

Don't know why people are stressed out

We're stressing out about

Can't you this is your weekend? You don't have to work I do

That just come back for 11 days just working my butt off in Hong Kong

I shouldn't have any but left after all the hard work I do

But it's still there my nose to the grindstone. She know she should be flat by now and

Always accepting all these offers

Just say that as soon as you come back

There you have to just don't get some physiotherapy on your arm because people always twisting my arm to do this and to do that

but oh

Come on relax

Because a lot of times that you understand that you know you should be stressful

The amount of work you do, but you don't have to be

The stress has got nothing to do with how much work you have

It does nothing to do with all the problems you have in your life. It's nothing to do with all of this

It's not the world which is stressful

It is the way we look at it

This is a wonderful thing which you know a basic teaching and understanding you can learn

It's not the world is out to get you

It's just that sometimes. We don't understand and we react in a way, which is causes things to be worse

so

Instead of learning just to over react to life

because that's what an

inflammation and inflammation

no either of the immune system or an inflammation because you have a wound and

inflammation of your head because you know somebody said something you don't like or your

Expectations don't be met or people keep shouting at you and criticizing you all of those things

It's an overreaction to life

So we learn

Hopefully places by this just how number one to overcome stress

lower your

expectations

Simple things

when you go over to

one of the places I was over in Hong Kong

They're talking about how the children committing suicide. They're in these universities

Because now this is next to China in Hong Kong and it's a very very demanding

culture trying to get jobs trying to survive, and if you do think you live in a stressful environment in Perth

This is my heaven

Compared to the stresses, which people sometimes have to deal with in those countries

At least we have space at least we have a beach many beaches you know in a place of like Perth

But in some of these places or it's just really really tough

Wow

So first the voice because everybody wants, you know you have to succeed in life you have to get someone life

You have to be somewhere in life

That's what people think especially in the Chinese culture where your parental expectations are very high

And you do have this idea of filial piety you just want to look after your parents

But sometimes we don't know how to achieve that

So I was just saying that some of the some of the experiences which I remembered growing up

One of those experiences would haven't really mentioned that much all these memories keep coming back every now and again

You know that's when I was about 11 years 10 or 11 years of age

You know my primary school. I managed to get on the school football team

and

I was so proud of getting on the school football team playing on a Saturday morning, and when I told my dad

I'm on the school football team. He said you are wonderful when you're playing Saturday mornings

Is it aha I have to work on a Saturday morning, and if it it eleven-year-olds?

You're so crestfallen when he got on

The school's he was only at school football team primary school

But you felt me something and yet dad couldn't come to see you. Oh, that was so disappointing, but he had work to do

So you can imagine my delight?

When you had already started playing the soccer game the kickoff had already happened, and I turned around and there was my father

He was on the touchline cheering me on oh that meant so much to me

And then I asked him after the game said how come you managed to come here? I thought you had to work

And he said yes, I did have to work

But I know he was always very sick, so I told my boss

The doctor had asked me to have a series of injections every Saturday morning

He lied he wasn't a very honest man, but he was so kind and

I'll give him that

You know he was putting his job at risk to see his son play football

and

That meant so much to me

And that was the kindness he

education which I got from him

Disability to sacrifice because being with your family is so important but some of us think oh now

We've got to get you a really good education

and if and if you don't pass those exams

Then you have tuition

extra homework

keep keep

Pushing for the academic achievements and so you know we just do things all upside down

Do you really need academic achievers to get anywhere in life look at me? I got lots of academic

Achievements, and I haven't got anything in life. I live in a small cave I haven't got a house and got a car

I don't have any holidays

Honestly, I don't have holidays when I go to Hong Kong. It's teach teach teach work won't work

I don't sort of you know have any any

superannuation to worry about

You know if I lost my job in the Buddhist light at West Australia. I'll be on the street. I've got

No health insurance

Got nothing

except

beautiful memories of a kind father

kind friends

Kind people kind monks kind kids

Thank you and that is my inheritance

And so sometimes when we wonder about the stresses in life we get stressed out because we're searching for the wrong things in life

There we sometimes we should stop every day. What do anyone a

little question like that

Right now. What do you want in I?

Want to be rich come on that's never gonna happen, and if you are rich

That's not that is sometimes people saying oh

I win the lottery then I can I can do this and go there I can pay off all my debts

I can just you know what they say they say a compartment. You know that you've got powers

I know you've got powers, so just know a few numbers. That's all I wanna

palpable

They sometimes they are for these things. I'm not gonna be really really careful

Because I don't know what it is. I don't know why but sometimes when good lucks

They forget to keep but it is this was of this blessing once a

Friend of mine here. He said the friend of a friend one of the people who came here very often

And he's moved out of Perth now. He said one of his friends was opening up a small business

Can I come and bless the business for him and of course you know just a blessing is just just giving you extra energy?

You know making you feel good

Just like you know the your honor the grounds of the football stadium or the cricket pitch and you cheer on your team

Just my father cheered me on when I was playing soccer that meant a lot to me that made lifted up my spirit

So I decided to go and chant for this business

But you know I do get very busy sometimes and sometimes

I forget to ask what type of business is it and this was a lottery store I

Won't say which which

shopping center this was in but I went there just opening out first time and I

Really gave it a big full blessing

ajahn brahm superpower

And it was only about a year later two years later. I

read in the West Australian Saturday edition clue to get the Saturday paper here to find out what's going on and

There was a big article about this

the most

successful lottery outlet in Australia

And I realized oh my goodness the one that I blessed I

better not bless anymore

mother

But when people do get rich, what do you do with the wealth? It's just a

Lot of times you know that wealth

destroys your happiness

it doesn't actually just make you more happy I

Have lived I have visited. It's part of my job, and if an interesting life is a monk

Sometimes you go and see these incredibly wealthy people politicians

CEOs well the last time I went was in Hong Kong go to LinkedIn so now I've been to LinkedIn Facebook

Google what else is there must be a few others, which I'm supposed to do sorry Twitter. Yeah

Isn't Twitter part of I know that?

Donald Trump uses my Twitter a lot too much, but you know it is treatable

Okay very good

Bad jokes walk because

It's stupid

but anyway

Let's go to all these places meet always interesting people and what happens

Is sometimes some of these people and mega wealthy?

Billionaires

you know once I was I was at Parliament House in in Canberra a

state dinner with Queen Elizabeth the second Wow

And I went to the toilet like you have to do in the men's toilet in the urinal next to me

Was Lachlan Murdoch?

And I thought oh, I should have bought a donation envelope for the Buddha Society of Western stupid yeah

But I didn't have one with me, but anyway

So

You meet all this and there's one fellow. I just remember just going to give him in a blessing and his mansion

It was over in Kuala Lumpur somewhere

I won't say which guy this is I went to his mansion and there were guards with machine guns the guy

You know he was a private person just a tycoon

Guards at his gate huge

Huge walls see CCTV ninety-three two seats CCC saw something TVs and

guards everywhere

And I thought this is like going in a prison

And it was like a prison

He reminded me of a prison, so these guys are very very wealthy actually lived in their own private prisons

And they couldn't go anywhere by themselves

Always had to have somebody take them around

Bodyguards everywhere and so what type of life is that?

And I just remember growing up small. What was it called it's a council flat?

for really poor people in a part of London

Which I never knew that this was so many migrants went to my little primary school

No, there's Africans

I was member luahn ever he was from to make us somewhere really nice friend

There was people over from

from Sri Lanka

Can't remember this guy's name now, but all these are from Eastern Europe and from Asia

All these are people I didn't know

That in migrant areas were usually the poor areas

But they were my friends

and

My best friend it was a son of a milkman

So it's not exactly the highest-paid job in the world but he was my friend my mate

I just remembered to spending so many times. You know enjoying each other's playing soccer

But I also remembered my little apartment

You know this I'm not quite sure how you can how you can define this?

but and it was only just

Three or four rooms really small and I had to live in the same bedroom with my brother

And sometimes my parents would actually do have one of these

Make your beds

It was just that latter was the sulfur which converted into a badass only place. They could really sleep very very small

But it was small

It was so wonderful

Because I had to go up with my brother. I had to get on with him

Yeah, we would argue we would fight

But one thing I had learned is how to love somebody

how to the other thing I always remember was my parents

they were just no ordinary people they would argue and

Sometimes they would fight and sometimes they wouldn't speak to each other

In such a small house that couldn't last that long and

The kids were around as well. We'd start teasing white is speaking to daddy mummy come on mummy. You can say sorry

And eventually they would make up

they would hug, and they would kiss in front of my brother and I

know such a special moment I

Learned because it was such a small apartment. I learned that we do argue. We do have differences of opinion

and as we seen things from a different angle, but

Because we had no choice

We're too poor to afford a lawyer

So yeah, it's a makeup

We wish from head

But I saw them just kissing and hugging and saying sorry I learned such a wonderful teaching from that doesn't matter who's right and wrong

Which is actually a no?

We've got to live together so we kiss and make up and we enjoy each other's company, so small houses are really really important

So one of the reasons we have problems and stress

You know in a place like Perth our houses are too big?

Simple thing put more people in the house

Good then you learn how to get on together and have this beautiful

Family people you can rely upon maybe you can talk with

Know sometimes people I sit there Friday evening people talk about this. I talk about that

I don't know really what you're talking about, but I pretend to so yeah really that happened Wow yeah, I know sometimes

That's all people need just to be written know recognized and to be

received some kindness

some love and some respect

and that's what you learn living in a small place, but

You notice again. I was reminded of this tale because I just sang over a had dinner

I got lunch rather before 12 now

And you know that I would do remember once that there must have been at nine or ten or eleven that my we were

Legitimately poor because my father put a 1 pound note on this shelf above the coal fire

They didn't have electric fires

just have coal now to keep you warm during the really freezing winters and

This mother was sitting down their kids were myself and my brother doing homework or something

I don't know how this happened, but a gust of air

Just took that one pound note and it fell into the fireplace

and started burning

And my father just tried to get it out. He burned his hand and my mother's just started crying. Oh weeping

That was so much for them

So it also taught me now as a monk

Sometimes I give my other monks a bit of a hard time

No, you know. I've got to get a final

Okay, when this party at that project because I remember this how much money meant when I was really young so

Wonderful thing to them, but he didn't need the money because head is beautiful love and it wasn't stressful

My father did have time

to actually to watch his son playing soccer

They did have time just to talk with you and to be with you that is what we're missing

That's one of the reasons. We don't have what we do have too much stress in as well

Because we don't have each other

We actually just divided big houses number one means all in different rooms

How many people just share rooms these days even husbands and wives sometimes that they sleep in different bits

Even they have different rooms sometimes different houses

What's going on?

and then

Here you don't have anyone to argue with you don't have anyone to talk with either

So some of the reasons we have this stress over here is this and we're so divided and separated out

And because we have big house and you have to work so hard to pay the bills and so because we pay some bills

We don't have time to meet with one another this is a vicious cycle

so much work needs to be done to pay bills pay rates pray this pray that and just

For a big house where we don't see each other if we were living in the same house

We don't see each other because we're so busy even on a weekend

What are you doing this weekend how much stuff have you got to do. Can you just chill out this weekend?

No, why not?

It's your weekend. You're not supposed to work

So

our

lifestyle

These days it's always doing stuff so

much stuff there we get tired and stressed and

We think we have to get stressed in order to relax

Sometimes we work so hard so when this is done when I pay off the mortgage when my kids leave home

When the work is done on a Friday

Then when I pass my exams when I get the results from my my tests

On Thursday, well what if it is?

well

Then I'll be happy

And I sometimes you really really wonder when don't let people ever relax

This is I do travel around a lot

this is a saying which I often have just been to Hong Kong Kowloon Charton all over the place and

Singapore as well. These are supposed to be major

cities, but in all these places you go, and see it's very rare to see a human being

All you ever see is human goings and doings never actually being here and enjoying this moment a

Weekend just more work on a different type of work

So if you really want to overcome the stress of your life

You have to realize that

You're addicted to stress you're afraid of not doing stress you think that maybe if you relaxed everything will go wrong in your life

You know it doesn't go wrong. You just you don't have heart attacks

It doesn't go wrong. It just means you have more time with the people you love and care for it

Doesn't go wrong. Yes other people think you're really weird

Why is it? You've got two weeks lot of dangers staying at home?

Where are you going on the long weekend?

Nowhere I'm just being here

You're crazy go down to Margaret River go down to Bunbury go down a bodhinyana monastery

See the the monks a sa atm

We're doing that for

If you really want to see it with video it for you

So you can see it home. I can't understand where people travel about people ask me

There's mostly actually the Thai people for they're here. No ok good. They asked me before I left. They said you're going to Hong Kong

We're going to Hong Kong for you going shopping

Shopping or do you want to go shopping for?

Do you like going shopping

Why?

Not number one. I'm a monk number two. I'm a man so shopping to me. It's just I just know just weird

But you know you have to go through these airports

And then the airport just shopping centers these days you can't bypass them

Anyway all these things which I remember just walking just in Hong Kong and all the shops which I saw we're either

Closed shop mostly women's clothes shoe shops or food

And I said well, where's the monks shops?

you know can I get a verse such robe a

Gucci beanie

They didn't have any mug shops there

How many clothes you need a

nice thing of

Living a simple life. It just great being a simple mark

Just this is actually just this is my baggage

Thank you. It's about what?

About taken out I don't know if I'm taken up about this every time I come back to Perth Airport is brilliant

The guys know me there

No, they call me, Abba

So the guy this afternoon said Abba you you're back again. He said you should have your own aircraft by now

He told me this afternoon

And I said if I had you'd be out of a job

He said oh yes true, so I offered go they just walk the stroll through

You know because you haven't got enough to search

So its simplicity is a way to overcome stress

But why do we have so much stuff just in case we worry so much about the future what might happen

Yeah, what might happen you don't have to worry about anything

Because again, I think last two weeks ago and especially just last week because

Chinese year of the dock

So I have to quote the great American philosopher

Snoopy

And it's true mean these little animals that that sort of stuff you get from

The cartoons are just simple

Profound and everybody could understand it you just want you know just just read Nietzsche ki

Or Wittgenstein and it just screws up your head. They're always up to after a while, but anyway

Snoopy it's

Really profound and easy to understand one of the things he said which I was talking about which he said that

worrying about things

Never stops bad things happening

She worried about you. Don't worry about it bad things happen anyway, but it stops you enjoying the present

What are you worrying about thing? You're destroying your weekend

destroying being here

So it's not

The fact you've got lots of things to worry about

Other people do the worrying for you. Why not that's what the government is for to do the worrying

Your job is just to do is enjoy. That's what you pay your taxes for

so

You refuse

to worry on the weekend or

If you'd have a weekend jobs then no don't worry on Monday or Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday, whatever

So you know that reminds me with that story?

These things come up monks know all these stories and listen if you complain about

Me telling the same stories over and over and over again. I have to hear them more than anybody

So I know these stories, but anyway, so this is the the the migrant who came to Australia

And even though he was well educated had a lots of

Qualifications and when you come to a place like Australia your qualifications don't mean anything

And I'm bit worried about that

Because you know now you have to have a qualification

to teach mindfulness you

Got to be accredited

You got to go to a course and get a certificate

So it's only a matter of time when I won't be allowed to teach meditation because I haven't gone through a course

I've taught the people who teach the courses, but I haven't done the course myself

It's really weird this would be

This actually happened I remember

It's not here this evening yeah. He was the the chief

Psychiatrist some years ago over. It's great as hospital

You know one of our members here, and he told me this story that I've in Sydney University

I think he was not the same as Western Australia Western Australia is we're smart. I've been Sydney's absolutely

Ridiculous, they had this teacher this expert this professor of psychiatry

Coming over to Sydney University to lecture for one year

But because he was teaching

Psychiatry he had to be a member of the Royal College of Psychiatrists

Which means that his?

qualifications in the United States counted for nothing

He had to do an exam here in Sydney in Australia, so he could teach

And they gave him two books to study on which they would test him

And when they gave him this two books the first one he told his lamina. What's this? He said well

You've got to study it whose name is on that

It's me I wrote that book

He still had to study it and pass it I think he passed the exam on his own book that's gonna happen to me

I'm sure to be able to teach in this joint you're gonna have to mindfulness bliss and Beyond and stuff like that open the door

Of your heart, they're gonna. Give me a test on it. I wrote the Philippian thing, but anyway

That's the stupidity of our world these days, but anyway. Let's go back to the

stressing out

but just all these things that you know that so we

The future we can't plan and the past oh come on

Why do we linger on the process what causes our stress?

Remember stress

Is like the guitar string?

Pull on both directions to have stress. You've got to have something pulling it

if you let go

Nothing is pulling

Things relax, and there's no stress anymore

So what actually is pulling you?

making you feel stressed

It's fear

Mostly of the future

What might happen?

What will people think of me?

That's one of the great experiences. I had coming to Australia as a monk

Was how many years ago now?

33 34 years ago and 34 years ago now coming to Australia. It was actually waste that time

So norm is coming out of that time my 34th anniversary here in Australia when you first came here

No people took one look at you. They'd never seen a Buddhist monk in the streets

So sometimes they wanted to know what you're wearing that for

But I still remember the first place before we got this place here in no no Maura

We had a little house in for Magnolia Street in North Perth and I was working so hard

We would work over in Bodeen Jana monastery serpentine five days a week and on the weekend. We go to this little house

which was you could actually sleep there and

You could have a hot shower

Over there in banja animosity you get buckets and throw them over from the dam

Throw them over yourself in the evening to wash

And it was so cold

The wind was blowing the world it was chilly

And you you really knew how to wash away quickly

for anyhow on the weekend on

Sunday night on Monday morning we pack up water

We got all of the stuff to take down to the serpentine the monastery where we built it

And I still remember just packing up on Sunday afternoon evening

Putting out this beacon of the old combi van savvy couple years all those were really really good

We packed up so much stuff in that

Compound I remember going to the old wood yard at Jared oh

You have a big timber yard there. We get the timber toss snow fresh sawn

We go around the back way the long way around because our little van was so

overloaded right

And the inside there absolutely jam-packed

On the roof as well really high if ever you seen I remember seeing on the only the rows I think in Indonesia

the mr. Bean

sketch we had a little carnie packed everything really up the top there that was like us I

Remember after we packed all this in our combi van the head of the timber mill said you guys must do a lot of pray?

To get that back to where you belong

And it was true, but anyway when we were packing up in North curse

This little 14 year old girl came out roughly about 14

She was visiting her grandma in the house next door and she came up and looked at me with

All the disgust only a teenage girl can actually give

She had her hands on her hips

and look me up and down I

Can't do disgust, but you know really yeah, and he said looked at me and said you're dressed like a girl

That's sick

She was really trying to upset me because I can see her point you know you're wearing a skirt

And a bald head, but girls don't wear board heads. I'm uh sort of beanie on or something, but anyway

She was really disgusted authoress was so funny

So anyway, it is we were just know having tutors or the other time when I was visiting a cousin

Know that cousin eight. He came here to visit many years ago in stoke-on-trent. That's where he lived and so

During their spending time with your loved ones with your friends, so instead of staying in here

We meditate we went for a walk walk on a Sunday morning as a beautiful day walking down the streets

And I don't know what it is about me must have some sort of charisma, but people were supporting at me and smiling and laughing

And I just making people laugh as a great as a great skill

But it was actually more people pointing and laughing at me than usual

And so I didn't really want to know what was going on well

You know one badly dressed or something or but no

They were just laughing at me all the time and then when we turned a corner

I found out why there's this big billboard a big sight the circus was in town

And they thought I must have been one of the clowns

And I did what make people happy is fine by me

So anyway just sometimes what do people think of you

Do you really care what?

Is your boss think of you

What is your your friends think of you and sometimes? We just so?

afraid of our

Reputation what other people think of us that we have to be fashionable we have to have good clothes

We have to just know fit in

As another little memory of mine when I was really into rock music when I was young and used to have these big

concerts remember going to the the Isle of Wight

rock festival

1970

So the famous rock festival and I had to be cool, so I had green velvet jeans

When I went down there I found I thought I was being rebellious, I thought I was being individual

I thought I was just just rebelling

against convention setting a new style

And when I went down there I found thousands of other people had green velvet jeans

It is another type of uniform

so

Instead of worrying what other people think of you

You can actually be free of that

Be someone who is at peace with yourself

too much that people are worried about

their appearances

Or again, how they come across to other people?

the goodness sake what other people like

Is not your hairstyle

You know this used to be really weird and now it's really common, so how many people copy monks

Where no

We some of us have patches

You know you've got patches in your robe haven't you there are lots of crutches in Israel you see we've really fashionable

Fashion leaders trendsetters, but anyway

Anyway, it is because we don't really care or worry what other people think of us we can relax

We should be happy we can be at peace and that is why people

like hear

What people like to to hang around with is that people are relaxed?

Confident at peace with themselves at ease with themselves

So if you want to be fashionable if you're gonna be attractive he one of people that think well of you

relax

Be confident smile more

so

Such a simple teaching even last night

Somebody was saying she's heard me in Singapore

They heard me giving all these talks, but still she's anxious and depressed and sometimes that she sleeps in in the morning

Because she's afraid of getting out of bed and going to work

It's so easy solution just because is simple does not mean it doesn't work

Simple powerful

Because this is what I was taught for two years by a meditation teacher when I was still a student

Said when you get up in the morning, what do you do?

And go to toilet great. Is there a mirror in your toilet of course there's a mirror in the toilet and my teacher?

Toby I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and

smile at yourself

And I told my teacher get real. I'm a student. You know you look at teenagers or 20 year olds

What do they look like in the morning?

Really grumpy miserable me

Especially they've been drinking alcohol staying up late at night like I used to do it no Stace

I said sir if I looked at myself in the mirror in the morning first thing. I probably scream

And he said smart yourself

Impossible and that's when he told me things this great teacher

simple

Two fingers and push up

That's what he taught me

So I did that for two years

Two years I followed that and every morning

You got up there and looked at the mirror

Impart to fingers up and this saw this stupid young man

Smiling making a face in the mirror and when you when you do that. You know if I make a face. Yeah, it's working

You're smarting now

You do that to yourself everybody don't need anybody and then after a while you smile smile smile. I started laughing at myself

I laughed at myself

every morning for two years

And this is kind of stuck now

Which means that yay didn't feel good

He felt tired bit of a hangover busy day social life

But Isis Mart every morning that was incredible for making you healthy

Incredible for attracting really hot girlfriends

It was a lot people smiley it was great for passing exams

It was even great. I learned this okay when I was playing sports

I did actually play sport every now and again

I don't know why I did this actually because they had to know the in Cambridge have the boats the ACE I

Never did the boat race that was just too ridiculous

You know you don't that was just too full on but disorderly racing

And just me in the boat and a race in pulling the soil a long way and after a while

It was really hard, and I wasn't really in certain to getting fits

You noticed it's a bit of fun, but as an exercise but not super fit

So no what happened there was a little coach the coach was on his bicycle had a megaphone. He shouted out at me

He said you're making an ugly face smile and when you're really struggling physically of course you do make ugly faces

And I learned something great from that coach worthwhile all of that. You know doing the the training for rowing in an eight

And what I learned that when you smile the?

Or is so easy to pull I've got a boost of energy

Paint has dissipated. I smiled and the oil had more energy and

That was such an important at all teaching ask any psychologists that even doctors

I don't know. How it works if you've got a really really hard walk your cycling. You're running. You're exercising. You're

Working to snoo have a really important meeting smile

And then your boss will not know what you're up to

Smart over that he thinks damn him he knows something I don't what's the answer?

That's my thing it's so important so easy that takes away your stress

Even little things like doing exams and tests interviews you smile

Because people like people who smile it if you're hiring somebody

You're gonna employ somebody at work. Are you gonna employ someone who's just got a miserable face a sourpuss

You've got enough of them back at home when you're at work you guys

You as somebody is uplifting smartie and it changes a whole

Workplace and you don't get so

stressed because

When you are smarting enjoying this moment

You don't have to worry about what's gonna happen in the future

This is something which the Buddha said the only reason why you think about the future is because you're not enjoying the present

If you can even just be and enjoy this moment which you have right now

Smile at it

You don't need to worry about the future

Worrying about the future is not being responsible. It's actually escaping

Because you're not here you're not enjoying this moment

And some won't be well you know this moment is not really good

I got aches pains things are going wrong doesn't matter. This is all you've got

So when you're worried

When all the worry about the future doesn't stop bad things happening. He just stops you enjoying

What you already have right now?

Snoopy

Elgin

Snoopy the great master

Who lived in little dog house?

Ate out of a bowl I live in a bigger house not that much bigger called a cootie or a cave

But I eat out of a bowl just like Snoopy and I go for a walk every Saturday morning

It's called arms round

But this is actually how we can overcome the stress in life, it doesn't mean that you have to do

I'll give up your job

Doesn't mean you have to give up your partner doesn't mean you have to give up your kids and no

Ordain them listen. We know what people do I saw through this scam is a scam

Because well, it's not really a scam, but I call it a scam

Because when it came the holiday times in places like Malaysia

sometimes in Thailand

They would get their children to actually spend two or three weeks in a monastery

Ordaining as a novice monk or even novice nuns

Wonderful thing so we could take your children two or three weeks

They ordained as a novice we trained them

Discipline them feed them, and they come home much nicer kids

At the same time you've got two or three weeks. We can go on a holiday or visit your homeland

Knowing that your children have really well looked after you don't have anything to our

free child care

So we have to look after your little work all the different monsters, but

They're very nice little kids, but anyway, so

Why do you just stay with the people you're always there good enough for your kids

Spend time with them. Just like my father spent time with me just watching a football match

It's amazing just how I remember death

And as I cherish that

These are the things which you teach your children

The things which you learn from your partner your knife

You don't look at what goes wrong, and I think of all the times you had a wonderful evening

If you've got a partner and you've had a wonderful time together

Please keep thinking about that. Why why did that work? Why did you have a wonderful time with her or him?

When it all goes wrong, please forget about that

Because you learn from successes not learn from mistakes

This is an important part of him having no stress

But apparently I know teachers if businesses go all this business is not just LinkedIn and Google and other stuff

But you know what happens is that when anything goes wrong?

We keep on having meeting after meeting after meeting it went wrong it shouldn't have gone wrong

Why did it go wrong? You're to blame out no your mistake out you know when things go wrong just

Forget about it

Don't blame anybody, but when things go right

There is when to have the meetings

why did it go right and who was responsible me me me me yeah and

We learn for what goes right in life we learn not from stress

But those moments when you don't have stress

When they were a beautiful evening a beautiful day a beautiful weekend

We learned

Not from the negative from the positive

Which is one of the reasons? Why somebody once asked me what I did more. What did that talk?

What's the difference between letting go and letting be?

Letting go is just letting go of complaining and controlling letting go of fear

When you let go of all of that what's left. That's when you let things be

But sometimes we just look at let it be

Just let this weekend be

And if you are peaceful happy

if you smile are your kids

instead of complaining about them spend time with a

Connect with them connect with yourself connect whether weekend

Connect with your body so I can feel healthy connect with your mind it needs peace in his rest

then you find it'll be so efficient in this world you get so much done but

Without any stress I

Am a high achiever muck

There's so many organizations is not just put us aside in Western, Australia

Just over in Hong Kong. It's called Biff

bodhinyana International Foundation and the people they're called b'fer's I

Made the bigness

And they're doing really amazing this is how much?

Stuff which I do over there how many people come to the talks in the newspapers and just some videos and goodness knows in

universities and

Where were sudoko not just linked in the fallen correspondents Club. It's really cool

What is people just they keep coming back and?

you enjoy yourself, and you give and it works and

Singapore's two groups over there Brom sent him

a Buddhist fellowship

They're flourishing

There are how many toes how many people who had talked last night that to 3,000 people I?

Know wondering this was on a Thursday

Night in Singapore they disc so buddy

They were giving up that their evening meal straight from work straight to the talk for three hours. They were there

amazing just

So I have all that responsibility

All those groups

group over in England

Group over with I've got the brown Center

You know Blum Society in Colombo, I got the a bicycle. Let's see my group over in, Indonesia

those different things a si Australia Sangha Association

Monks and nuns in from all over all traditions over

in

Coming this weekend. You've got the Buddha Society Victoria

That's from the spiritual adviser so many advisers so many things to do

But do I look stressed

So

Yes my Lyle

So sometimes I get tired, but even just coming over a long flight not that well. I had to get out early in the morning

to actually get the plane, I just come back here and

Then this is how you deal with?

life both stress both ends loose

Happy smiling and resilience

Something like that goes wrong. You don't get angry when this guitar string has no tension

Subject hits it something goes wrong

You get fired by the police

somebody hits your car

people say things you don't want you get a letter from the

Police or and letter from the tax office or saga when things go wrong

It's only because we're so stressed. We've got no resilience

Guitar string fully stretched Bing, but it makes a really high-pitched really nasty sound you have no stress at all

guitar string fully loose

ping

Doesn't make any noise at all

You don't react

When you're relaxed

When you're tense

When it is so tight one more thing one more thing you just say one more thing and then you explode

that is where I enter :

from stress

To anger will destroy so much from anger

So much of our friendships ourselves even our world

so de-stress easy and

the photo is coming with the

the

The pad and the microphone so I know so he doesn't stress out will finish now

So let's have some questions so side to side to side - here we go

So

That's how to de-stress okay, let's see what complaints we got over here

Probably from all the psychiatrist's of stress therapists, I'm putting them out of business

From Stephanie. What is the best way to overcome panic attacks?

I have suffered 18 years my entire life has been this and it saddens me greatly

Firm panic attacks one of my friends who was a monk many years ago. He was in the US Marines in the Vietnam War

He had because he was shot in the back of the head

And had some brain damage

Otherwise is a wonderful monk very kind, but he had epileptic fits because of the injury being shortened though in a head

how he dealt with his epileptics have hits similar way to overcome the panic attacks

Because he was aware

Mindful he could actually catch those fits

Earlier and earlier and earlier he could see the signs. He could be aware to see how it works because

The fits never just came out of the blue

they had the

introduction of the little bits getting more tense more tense he could actually feel it coming

It took for a couple of years before he could catch it early enough

He could take another path

Relax used to go to his room darken the room just lay down and just relaxed as much as he could and then

after a while no more epileptic fits

He used mindfulness to see the whole process of a fit happening even panic attacks

They don't just come out of the blue you may think they do

if you're more aware you can actually see the process when they start to build and build and build and build and

If you can catch them early

You can find another path

So you don't go down that same habitual routes of panic attacks

That's one of the great things about awareness

It gives you the feedback

It gives you alternatives, so you're not just a creature of habit. You could explore and do things differently

From the Philippines

What if

What if the stress you're experiencing is coming from the president of your country and his supporters I

Tried not to be involved, but I can't stand not to care

Well even our Buddha Society of Western Australia. We have a precedence

well

He's a good read

so the stress of your

country if there's something to do

Then do it give everything you've got

Don't wanna go okay stressed so but if there's something you can do then do it

Yeah, but that's what kids are like you know that kids are like that same as presidents

Was they say the old saying about politicians are like newborn babies

They have all like the nappies of newborn babies they have to be changed regularly

For that that's your the exception

Yeah

But anyway

You from the if you this is a

poem from William Blake

This is a read on purpose as

different parts as

Part of that poem Oh from quote to see a world in a grain of sand to heaven in a wild flower hold infinity in

The palm of your hand eternity in an hour that is really about mindfulness and the joy of it, but also

he wrote that vengeance to the tyrant fled and

caught the tyrant in his bed and

slew the wicked one's head and

Became a tyrant in his stead

And I was just in a seventeenth-century

That's what happens people go into such politics

Especially presence of country and men's people actually go into that position. They go in there trying to do some good

But sometimes the old saying of power collapse

Absolute power corrupts absolutely that was Lord Acton because that was you know he apparently that in the

Suburb where I grew up that was actually where and I was accent and there was he had his big mansion there

But now it's a long time ago, but that's power

collapse yeah

but if

You use violence

And you get angry and stress to try and get rid of those presidents

You become the same

They bring you down to their level

That's been our history of our world

Overthrowing tyrants, and then we installed another tyrant

Is there another way?

From the USA corner bosom our stress and trauma forms of spiritual

pathology or something needs to be acknowledged and contemplated first

How does one come to trigger that guys that are simply suppressing the difficult emotions?

This is just like mistakes in life often say this you have not each miss gate mistakes

You're not even first of all forgive them

You don't make the mistake another reason for feeling bad about yourself

Which is where we get suppressing from knowledge yet forgive it this. No. There's nothing wrong with this nothing evil

It's not against the precepts - but it's not against the law don't get put in jail for being stressed

You get put in hospital

so first of all you acknowledge it and

Forgiving it. It's means you. Just don't punish punishment is one of the terrible things which causes more stress in this world

He someone asked me in Hong Kong. Do you believe in punishment? I said just know

a

Really absolute definite answer which was quite shocking to them

what about really bad people the punishment just makes them worse and

When I was punished or died all I learned when I was punished at school for making a mistake

Was to make sure I don't get caught next time

It was just like learn how to be more smart and sneaky

So quite um there were from the acknowledgement

Forgiven, it's part of life to make mistakes and even stress and trauma

Mistakes happen in life. There's no the the the dogshit for the mango tree

but

We learn from it. It's a learning which is a growth in spirituality

Stress and trauma it happens we have to learn from it not

contemplated

contemplate too much thinking

explored

Understood

Really just walk on right into

so we understand how it works just like sit with that panic attacks or with a guy with who had the

epileptic fits

explore it

Understand there and what you have understand it you have powerful

It's not the best metaphor, but in the Chinese art of war

Know the enemy know thyself

Thousand battles fought thousand battles, won

Now it's a military thing but his reasoning became famous because that is about our life

We got like stress trauma

our enemy

So know the enemy know yourself

Thousands bet battles won

So a thousand battles fought a thousand battles won. That's how we overcome these things through wisdom through understanding

but not contemplating contemplating thinking thinking goes around it so I can a

Moon a satellite it orbits the problem it things around things

To actually explore you have to go into

No not

Escaping from it. They're going towards it

So anyway any questions from the floor

Great oh there was one was it. No. Yeah, okay? I

Just want to ask you a little bit more about forgiving yourself from mistakes from the past like

I

Know it mistakes from the past are just so much fun

Honestly because when we mention our mistakes people remember then it's good fun people look what's the nice?

as many mistakes

When I was doing a funeral service I got Chinese

Culture in my mind right now

Because of just being a Hong Kong so when I was in

Was first came over here there was Chinese Buddhist family and

somebody

Not you know wasn't Chinese this was actually Sri. Lankan. I remember now this one of the Sri. Lankan men who comes here

They said one of their family had died and they were doing the funeral service

In Raqqa B. Road as a funeral parlor there, so I went over there and you know just

Started a service welcome everybody maybe in a funeral services were welcome everybody welcome

everybody and it's a

to do the Buddhist funeral service for

The the mother of my friend over here, so R and Jane or something

Whose mother just passed away

And that's just how I started and that point this old lady at the front stood up

Interrupted me and she looked at me and said it's not me who died it's my husband

I'm still alive nothing wrong with me

And that was the end of being serious about being

70 it's wonderful you're making mistake like that and I know you don't heard the joke about you know the funeral

Directors, you know who couldn't find the gravesite

They lost the plot

For that actually happened to me once I think in Guildford Cemetery and

As we're doing the procession from the gates

and when they were going and

just now we're going in the front end and the hearse was following myself and the funeral director and the northern mourners behind and they

Were going and I said, no. This is a long way. He said you know. I don't know where it is

And we looked over there maybe about 300 meters away and that people were waving at us there's over here

It has happened I

Remember just all these great jokes about funerals one of the friends over in Sydney

He was a funeral director before and he said sometimes sometimes. They actually do

Go to the wrong cemetery

So you know they've got no two funerals one is they a Fremantle one is up in a row when they arrive there

They should be a few at Fremantle. Yeah, you should be up in away

Well that's when they had to collect the bodies

You know it's it, and so just to be able to to get enough. You know to make it worthwhile

They had had to be three

three bodies in the back of the hearse one

So just taking it to the funeral parlor not there to the funeral well

They took it there know some of the people you know a bit sort of you know just

overweight and had three really heavy people and

so the poor hearse

It was actually so heavy in the back the metal of the front back bumper was actually scraping on the bitumen

And you can't actually stop and unload somebody and pick him up later, so they're in big trouble there

Or the other guy. They install this was in New York or San Francisco somewhere

You know they have these these lanes for two or more people

You know so you know the because so many people drive their cars only a single person in the car

And that's what causes also traffic and so some jurisdictions. They have lanes especially two or more people and

Then

policeman stopped a funeral hearse

there's only one driver in there and

the actually the driver took the police to court he

Said well, I had the guy in the back that makes two

Whom he lost his case some judges don't have a sense of humor, but anyway, okay, so hopefully that answers the questions

It's getting a bit late, so I'm just this so now

Is basically the bottom of the stack and then we can actually go and do whatever we need to do

[Chanting]