-
-
Oh, huh! Good evening gentlemen!
-
No, No, No! That's no problem.
Come in please.
-
Although, shhh, although, perhaps we could
just keep that delightful singing down a little bit.
-
Ohhhh, dear! Obviously, plenty of
refreshment at the football game.
-
Oh no, come in! Do...
-
Oh, no, no! That table is reserved which is
also a table for two people.
-
Ah, perhaps, perhaps this table might be
more suitable for... nine!
-
-
If you'd like to step this way gentlemen, please.
-
Ohhhh, dear! Here let me help you up, Sir!
Ah, no, no, it is a tricky bit of floor that.
-
Ahhhh, deceptively flat and unimpeded.
-
If you'd like to take a seat.
Ah, yes, perhaps on the chair.
-
There we are, right!
-
What would anybody ...Quiet, Shhh, Quiet
Quiet, gentlemen, please quiet!
-
What would anybody like to drink?
-
9 pints of lager!
-
18 pints of lager.
-
18 pints of lager!
-
Now, you just like to take a menu.
Let's just pass those round.
-
There and one for you, Sir.
-
Oh, dear, there we go, straight on
to the floor.
-
Let me pick it up for you.
Huh, and again!
-
I'll tell you what. Try and grip it sir.
-
Either side, between the thumb and
the forefingers.
-
If you grip, it won't always
fall on the floor.
-
I'll tell you what, why don't we just put
it on the table.
-
Here, let me rest it against your friend's head.
-
There we are!
There, that should be fine.
-
Right, now what would anybody like to eat?
-
Umm, oh, ahhh! It is a lamb dish, sir.
Ah yes! Marinated lamb in coconut with a
-
cream sauce. Very nice!
Ummmm no, not [slang - beeped out] hot!
-
[Audience laughs continuously]
-
Ahhh, no. It is aaahhhhh,
how can I put it.
-
It is a ummm...
It is a medium spiced dish.
-
Ohhh, ohhh, in that case, no in that case
you want the Bombay Duck, hmmm!
-
No, no! Duck! No, no, Duck, the Duck
with a Duh...oh it was your little joke, haha!
-
Very funny!
-
Well done, well done everybody on that one
That was very good...Ummm, no..
-
No, it is the Sheekh kabab [Indian meat dish]
That is like two little turds...
-
[Audience laughs hysterically in unison]
Ummm, the Shami kabab is the sort of a
-
mince and onion rissole,
a bit like cow dung. Sir, yes...
-
[Audience continues to laugh]
but in smaller portions , OK?
-
Huh, Rajiv! Thank you!
If you'd like to put the drinks down.
-
Well, can we move your friend here.
We'll perhaps if we just roll him
-
That's a good idea.
Perhaps we just roll him out of his cutlery
-
and into the mango chutney.
Don't worry, he will be fine there.
-
Thank you, Rajiv!
[Waiter imitating a quick Indian accent]
-
[Audience laughs out loud in unison again]
Now, would anybody like any raitha?
-
That's a kind of a yogurt dip sort of
onion cucum.. Yes, look I think we better
-
wake up your friend here.
-
Well no, he's not just having a little nap.
He is having a little nap, face down
-
in a pitcher of beer.
[Audience laughs out loud in unison]
-
He is going to drown.
Ah haha, well but ohhhhhh, dear!
-
No, No, don't worry Sir!
Much better out than in.
-
[Audience laughs out loud in unison]
Don't you worry about it.
-
Don't you worry about a thing.
Ahhh just leaves all the more room for
-
your chicken curry.
Thank you very much!
-
[Audience keeps laughing]
Ahhh, do you know what your friend here
-
might like to eat?
Hellooooo! What would you like to eat?
-
A hot dog!
Okay, I will see what I can do.
-
So, let me just drawback on this piece.
We want a cucumber raitha, an onion raitha
-
a paperback raitha,
[Audience laughs out loud in unison]
-
but I am presuming that's a joke.
[Audience keeps laughing]
-
Ahhhhh, four meat curry, one Bombay Duck,
four rice, four Shami Kabab, and a hot dog
-
And anything else for starters?
-
Just some poppadoms and salad and
yogurt and shit [emphasized]
-
[Audience laughs out loud in unison]
Okay, I will see what I can do!
-
Although I am not sure you will be needing that
last item as you all seem quite full enough
-
of shit already.
Rajiv, Rajiv! Come on.
-
[The waiter leaves the stage
Audience clapping in admiration]
