0:00:02.407,0:00:07.207


0:00:07.698,0:00:10.708
Oh, huh! Good evening gentlemen!

0:00:10.708,0:00:13.678
No, No, No! That's no problem.[br]Come in please.

0:00:13.678,0:00:17.588
Although, shhh, although, perhaps we could[br]just keep that delightful singing down a little bit.

0:00:17.810,0:00:21.810
Ohhhh, dear! Obviously, plenty of[br]refreshment at the football game.

0:00:22.303,0:00:24.663
Oh no, come in! Do...

0:00:24.663,0:00:30.743
Oh, no, no! That table is reserved which is[br]also a table for two people.

0:00:30.855,0:00:36.008
Ah, perhaps, perhaps this table might be[br]more suitable for... nine!

0:00:36.008,0:00:37.308


0:00:37.308,0:00:39.758
If you'd like to step this way gentlemen, please.

0:00:39.758,0:00:47.078
Ohhhh, dear! Here let me help you up, Sir![br]Ah, no, no, it is a tricky bit of floor that.

0:00:47.078,0:00:53.708
Ahhhh, deceptively flat and unimpeded.[br]

0:00:53.708,0:00:59.039
If you'd like to take a seat.[br]Ah, yes, perhaps on the chair.

0:00:59.039,0:01:03.199
There we are, right!

0:01:03.199,0:01:06.779
What would anybody ...Quiet, Shhh, Quiet[br]Quiet, gentlemen, please quiet!

0:01:06.779,0:01:10.779
What would anybody like to drink?

0:01:10.779,0:01:13.679
9 pints of lager!

0:01:15.249,0:01:18.339
18 pints of lager.[br]

0:01:18.840,0:01:21.220
18 pints of lager!

0:01:23.000,0:01:28.180
Now, you just like to take a menu.[br]Let's just pass those round.

0:01:28.220,0:01:30.820
There and one for you, Sir.

0:01:30.820,0:01:34.410
Oh, dear, there we go, straight on[br]to the floor.

0:01:34.410,0:01:38.410
Let me pick it up for you.[br]Huh, and again!

0:01:38.410,0:01:42.410
I'll tell you what. Try and grip it sir.[br]

0:01:42.444,0:01:45.654
Either side, between the thumb and[br]the forefingers.

0:01:45.654,0:01:47.624
If you grip, it won't always[br]fall on the floor.

0:01:47.624,0:01:50.214
I'll tell you what, why don't we just put[br]it on the table.

0:01:50.214,0:01:54.214
Here, let me rest it against your friend's head.[br]

0:01:55.879,0:01:58.359
There we are![br]There, that should be fine.

0:01:58.499,0:02:01.659
Right, now what would anybody like to eat?

0:02:02.609,0:02:07.469
Umm, oh, ahhh! It is a lamb dish, sir.[br]Ah yes! Marinated lamb in coconut with a

0:02:07.469,0:02:14.829
cream sauce. Very nice![br]Ummmm no, not [slang - beeped out] hot!

0:02:14.829,0:02:16.829
[Audience laughs continuously]

0:02:16.829,0:02:21.199
Ahhh, no. It is aaahhhhh,[br]how can I put it.[br]

0:02:21.468,0:02:26.538
It is a ummm...[br]It is a medium spiced dish.

0:02:27.508,0:02:31.328
Ohhh, ohhh, in that case, no in that case[br]you want the Bombay Duck, hmmm!

0:02:31.508,0:02:40.538
No, no! Duck! No, no, Duck, the Duck[br]with a Duh...oh it was your little joke, haha!

0:02:43.008,0:02:44.658
Very funny!

0:02:45.193,0:02:49.993
Well done, well done everybody on that one[br]That was very good...Ummm, no..

0:02:50.069,0:02:57.239
No, it is the Sheekh kabab [Indian meat dish][br]That is like two little turds...

0:02:57.400,0:03:00.610
[Audience laughs hysterically in unison][br]Ummm, the Shami kabab is the sort of a

0:03:00.777,0:03:04.778
mince and onion rissole,[br]a bit like cow dung. Sir, yes...

0:03:04.778,0:03:07.938
[Audience continues to laugh][br]but in smaller portions , OK?

0:03:07.938,0:03:11.138
Huh, Rajiv! Thank you![br]If you'd like to put the drinks down.

0:03:11.138,0:03:15.508
Well, can we move your friend here.[br]We'll perhaps if we just roll him

0:03:15.508,0:03:19.508
That's a good idea.[br]Perhaps we just roll him out of his cutlery

0:03:19.574,0:03:22.954
and into the mango chutney.[br]Don't worry, he will be fine there.

0:03:22.954,0:03:27.044
Thank you, Rajiv![br][Waiter imitating a quick Indian accent]

0:03:27.044,0:03:29.054
[Audience laughs out loud in unison again][br]Now, would anybody like any raitha?

0:03:29.054,0:03:35.144
That's a kind of a yogurt dip sort of[br]onion cucum.. Yes, look I think we better

0:03:35.144,0:03:37.264
wake up your friend here.

0:03:37.264,0:03:41.724
Well no, he's not just having a little nap.[br]He is having a little nap, face down

0:03:41.724,0:03:44.154
in a pitcher of beer.[br][Audience laughs out loud in unison]

0:03:44.154,0:03:48.694
He is going to drown.[br]Ah haha, well but ohhhhhh, dear!

0:03:48.694,0:03:52.694
No, No, don't worry Sir![br]Much better out than in.

0:03:52.694,0:03:55.644
[Audience laughs out loud in unison][br]Don't you worry about it.

0:03:55.644,0:03:58.904
Don't you worry about a thing.[br]Ahhh just leaves all the more room for

0:03:58.904,0:04:02.904
your chicken curry.[br]Thank you very much!

0:04:02.904,0:04:06.084
[Audience keeps laughing][br]Ahhh, do you know what your friend here

0:04:06.084,0:04:13.054
might like to eat?[br]Hellooooo! What would you like to eat?

0:04:13.093,0:04:18.993
A hot dog![br]Okay, I will see what I can do.

0:04:18.993,0:04:25.153
So, let me just drawback on this piece.[br]We want a cucumber raitha, an onion raitha

0:04:25.257,0:04:31.737
a paperback raitha,[br][Audience laughs out loud in unison]

0:04:31.737,0:04:35.867
but I am presuming that's a joke.[br][Audience keeps laughing]

0:04:35.867,0:04:40.777
Ahhhhh, four meat curry, one Bombay Duck,[br]four rice, four Shami Kabab, and a hot dog

0:04:40.777,0:04:44.443
And anything else for starters?

0:04:44.443,0:04:50.183
Just some poppadoms and salad and[br]yogurt and shit [emphasized]

0:04:50.183,0:04:56.178
[Audience laughs out loud in unison][br]Okay, I will see what I can do!

0:04:56.178,0:05:03.628
Although I am not sure you will be needing that[br]last item as you all seem quite full enough

0:05:03.628,0:05:06.368
of shit already.[br]Rajiv, Rajiv! Come on.

0:05:06.368,0:05:10.528
[The waiter leaves the stage[br]Audience clapping in admiration]