Oh, huh! Good evening gentlemen!
No, No, No! That's no problem. Come in please.
Although, shhh, although, perhaps we could just keep that delightful singing down a little bit.
Ohhhh, dear! Obviously, plenty of refreshment at the football game.
Oh no, come in! Do...
Oh, no, no! That table is reserved which is also a table for two people.
Ah, perhaps, perhaps this table might be more suitable for... nine!
If you'd like to step this way gentlemen, please.
Ohhhh, dear! Here let me help you up, Sir! Ah, no, no, it is a tricky bit of floor that.
Ahhhh, deceptively flat and unimpeded.
If you'd like to take a seat. Ah, yes, perhaps on the chair.
There we are, right!
What would anybody ...Quiet, Shhh, Quiet Quiet, gentlemen, please quiet!
What would anybody like to drink?
9 pints of lager!
18 pints of lager.
18 pints of lager!
Now, you just like to take a menu. Let's just pass those round.
There and one for you, Sir.
Oh, dear, there we go, straight on to the floor.
Let me pick it up for you. Huh, and again!
I'll tell you what. Try and grip it sir.
Either side, between the thumb and the forefingers.
If you grip, it won't always fall on the floor.
I'll tell you what, why don't we just put it on the table.
Here, let me rest it against your friend's head.
There we are! There, that should be fine.
Right, now what would anybody like to eat?
Umm, oh, ahhh! It is a lamb dish, sir. Ah yes! Marinated lamb in coconut with a
cream sauce. Very nice! Ummmm no, not [slang - beeped out] hot!
[Audience laughs continuously]
Ahhh, no. It is aaahhhhh, how can I put it.
It is a ummm... It is a medium spiced dish.
Ohhh, ohhh, in that case, no in that case you want the Bombay Duck, hmmm!
No, no! Duck! No, no, Duck, the Duck with a Duh...oh it was your little joke, haha!
Very funny!
Well done, well done everybody on that one That was very good...Ummm, no..
No, it is the Sheekh kabab [Indian meat dish] That is like two little turds...
[Audience laughs hysterically in unison] Ummm, the Shami kabab is the sort of a
mince and onion rissole, a bit like cow dung. Sir, yes...
[Audience continues to laugh] but in smaller portions , OK?
Huh, Rajiv! Thank you! If you'd like to put the drinks down.
Well, can we move your friend here. We'll perhaps if we just roll him
That's a good idea. Perhaps we just roll him out of his cutlery
and into the mango chutney. Don't worry, he will be fine there.
Thank you, Rajiv! [Waiter imitating a quick Indian accent]
[Audience laughs out loud in unison again] Now, would anybody like any raitha?
That's a kind of a yogurt dip sort of onion cucum.. Yes, look I think we better
wake up your friend here.
Well no, he's not just having a little nap. He is having a little nap, face down
in a pitcher of beer. [Audience laughs out loud in unison]
He is going to drown. Ah haha, well but ohhhhhh, dear!
No, No, don't worry Sir! Much better out than in.
[Audience laughs out loud in unison] Don't you worry about it.
Don't you worry about a thing. Ahhh just leaves all the more room for
your chicken curry. Thank you very much!
[Audience keeps laughing] Ahhh, do you know what your friend here
might like to eat? Hellooooo! What would you like to eat?
A hot dog! Okay, I will see what I can do.
So, let me just drawback on this piece. We want a cucumber raitha, an onion raitha
a paperback raitha, [Audience laughs out loud in unison]
but I am presuming that's a joke. [Audience keeps laughing]
Ahhhhh, four meat curry, one Bombay Duck, four rice, four Shami Kabab, and a hot dog
And anything else for starters?
Just some poppadoms and salad and yogurt and shit [emphasized]
[Audience laughs out loud in unison] Okay, I will see what I can do!
Although I am not sure you will be needing that last item as you all seem quite full enough
of shit already. Rajiv, Rajiv! Come on.
[The waiter leaves the stage Audience clapping in admiration]