1 00:00:02,407 --> 00:00:07,207 2 00:00:07,698 --> 00:00:10,708 Oh, huh! Good evening gentlemen! 3 00:00:10,708 --> 00:00:13,678 No, No, No! That's no problem. Come in please. 4 00:00:13,678 --> 00:00:17,588 Although, shhh, although, perhaps we could just keep that delightful singing down a little bit. 5 00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:21,810 Ohhhh, dear! Obviously, plenty of refreshment at the football game. 6 00:00:22,303 --> 00:00:24,663 Oh no, come in! Do... 7 00:00:24,663 --> 00:00:30,743 Oh, no, no! That table is reserved which is also a table for two people. 8 00:00:30,855 --> 00:00:36,008 Ah, perhaps, perhaps this table might be more suitable for... nine! 9 00:00:36,008 --> 00:00:37,308 10 00:00:37,308 --> 00:00:39,758 If you'd like to step this way gentlemen, please. 11 00:00:39,758 --> 00:00:47,078 Ohhhh, dear! Here let me help you up, Sir! Ah, no, no, it is a tricky bit of floor that. 12 00:00:47,078 --> 00:00:53,708 Ahhhh, deceptively flat and unimpeded. 13 00:00:53,708 --> 00:00:59,039 If you'd like to take a seat. Ah, yes, perhaps on the chair. 14 00:00:59,039 --> 00:01:03,199 There we are, right! 15 00:01:03,199 --> 00:01:06,779 What would anybody ...Quiet, Shhh, Quiet Quiet, gentlemen, please quiet! 16 00:01:06,779 --> 00:01:10,779 What would anybody like to drink? 17 00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:13,679 9 pints of lager! 18 00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:18,339 18 pints of lager. 19 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,220 18 pints of lager! 20 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:28,180 Now, you just like to take a menu. Let's just pass those round. 21 00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:30,820 There and one for you, Sir. 22 00:01:30,820 --> 00:01:34,410 Oh, dear, there we go, straight on to the floor. 23 00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:38,410 Let me pick it up for you. Huh, and again! 24 00:01:38,410 --> 00:01:42,410 I'll tell you what. Try and grip it sir. 25 00:01:42,444 --> 00:01:45,654 Either side, between the thumb and the forefingers. 26 00:01:45,654 --> 00:01:47,624 If you grip, it won't always fall on the floor. 27 00:01:47,624 --> 00:01:50,214 I'll tell you what, why don't we just put it on the table. 28 00:01:50,214 --> 00:01:54,214 Here, let me rest it against your friend's head. 29 00:01:55,879 --> 00:01:58,359 There we are! There, that should be fine. 30 00:01:58,499 --> 00:02:01,659 Right, now what would anybody like to eat? 31 00:02:02,609 --> 00:02:07,469 Umm, oh, ahhh! It is a lamb dish, sir. Ah yes! Marinated lamb in coconut with a 32 00:02:07,469 --> 00:02:14,829 cream sauce. Very nice! Ummmm no, not [slang - beeped out] hot! 33 00:02:14,829 --> 00:02:16,829 [Audience laughs continuously] 34 00:02:16,829 --> 00:02:21,199 Ahhh, no. It is aaahhhhh, how can I put it. 35 00:02:21,468 --> 00:02:26,538 It is a ummm... It is a medium spiced dish. 36 00:02:27,508 --> 00:02:31,328 Ohhh, ohhh, in that case, no in that case you want the Bombay Duck, hmmm! 37 00:02:31,508 --> 00:02:40,538 No, no! Duck! No, no, Duck, the Duck with a Duh...oh it was your little joke, haha! 38 00:02:43,008 --> 00:02:44,658 Very funny! 39 00:02:45,193 --> 00:02:49,993 Well done, well done everybody on that one That was very good...Ummm, no.. 40 00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:57,239 No, it is the Sheekh kabab [Indian meat dish] That is like two little turds... 41 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,610 [Audience laughs hysterically in unison] Ummm, the Shami kabab is the sort of a 42 00:03:00,777 --> 00:03:04,778 mince and onion rissole, a bit like cow dung. Sir, yes... 43 00:03:04,778 --> 00:03:07,938 [Audience continues to laugh] but in smaller portions , OK? 44 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:11,138 Huh, Rajiv! Thank you! If you'd like to put the drinks down. 45 00:03:11,138 --> 00:03:15,508 Well, can we move your friend here. We'll perhaps if we just roll him 46 00:03:15,508 --> 00:03:19,508 That's a good idea. Perhaps we just roll him out of his cutlery 47 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:22,954 and into the mango chutney. Don't worry, he will be fine there. 48 00:03:22,954 --> 00:03:27,044 Thank you, Rajiv! [Waiter imitating a quick Indian accent] 49 00:03:27,044 --> 00:03:29,054 [Audience laughs out loud in unison again] Now, would anybody like any raitha? 50 00:03:29,054 --> 00:03:35,144 That's a kind of a yogurt dip sort of onion cucum.. Yes, look I think we better 51 00:03:35,144 --> 00:03:37,264 wake up your friend here. 52 00:03:37,264 --> 00:03:41,724 Well no, he's not just having a little nap. He is having a little nap, face down 53 00:03:41,724 --> 00:03:44,154 in a pitcher of beer. [Audience laughs out loud in unison] 54 00:03:44,154 --> 00:03:48,694 He is going to drown. Ah haha, well but ohhhhhh, dear! 55 00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:52,694 No, No, don't worry Sir! Much better out than in. 56 00:03:52,694 --> 00:03:55,644 [Audience laughs out loud in unison] Don't you worry about it. 57 00:03:55,644 --> 00:03:58,904 Don't you worry about a thing. Ahhh just leaves all the more room for 58 00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:02,904 your chicken curry. Thank you very much! 59 00:04:02,904 --> 00:04:06,084 [Audience keeps laughing] Ahhh, do you know what your friend here 60 00:04:06,084 --> 00:04:13,054 might like to eat? Hellooooo! What would you like to eat? 61 00:04:13,093 --> 00:04:18,993 A hot dog! Okay, I will see what I can do. 62 00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:25,153 So, let me just drawback on this piece. We want a cucumber raitha, an onion raitha 63 00:04:25,257 --> 00:04:31,737 a paperback raitha, [Audience laughs out loud in unison] 64 00:04:31,737 --> 00:04:35,867 but I am presuming that's a joke. [Audience keeps laughing] 65 00:04:35,867 --> 00:04:40,777 Ahhhhh, four meat curry, one Bombay Duck, four rice, four Shami Kabab, and a hot dog 66 00:04:40,777 --> 00:04:44,443 And anything else for starters? 67 00:04:44,443 --> 00:04:50,183 Just some poppadoms and salad and yogurt and shit [emphasized] 68 00:04:50,183 --> 00:04:56,178 [Audience laughs out loud in unison] Okay, I will see what I can do! 69 00:04:56,178 --> 00:05:03,628 Although I am not sure you will be needing that last item as you all seem quite full enough 70 00:05:03,628 --> 00:05:06,368 of shit already. Rajiv, Rajiv! Come on. 71 00:05:06,368 --> 00:05:10,528 [The waiter leaves the stage Audience clapping in admiration]