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How to love criticism

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    When I was 26 years old,
    barely out of grad school,
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    I was asked to come teach
    a half-day class about motivation.
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    I was excited for it.
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    And then I found out my audience
    would be generals and colonels
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    in the US Air Force.
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    I was way underqualified.
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    And I wanted to back out,
    but it was too late.
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    So I walked in,
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    and I was staring at a room
    full of people twice my age,
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    wearing full military garb
    with all their medals on display.
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    They had nicknames like Gunner,
    Striker and Stealth.
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    By the end of the first hour,
    I felt like I was bombing.
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    And sure enough, in the reviews
    they wrote after class,
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    they bombed me.
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    One wrote,
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    "There was more quality information
    in the audience than on the podium."
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    Another said,
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    "I gained very little from the session,
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    but I trust the instructor
    did gain useful insight."
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    It felt like a punch in the stomach.
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    And I couldn't get it out of my head.
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    So I did what any self-respecting
    organizational psychologist would do:
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    I started studying why it's often
    soul-crushing to receive criticism.
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    And whether we could
    actually learn to like it.
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    (Music)
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    I'm Adam Grant.
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    This is WorkLife, my TED podcast.
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    I study how to make work not suck.
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    Organizations like Google,
    the NBA and the Gates Foundation
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    have invited me in to help
    make jobs more meaningful,
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    teams more creative
    and cultures more collaborative.
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    In this show, I'm inviting myself in
    to some truly unusual places,
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    where they've mastered something
    I wish everyone else knew about work.
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    Today, the art and science of criticism.
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    Thanks to Bonobos
    for sponsoring this episode.
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    Adam Grant: Hey, Kiran.
    Kiran Rao: Hello, Adam.
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    AG: How are you?
    KR: Doing well, and you?
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    AG: Good.
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    This is Kiran Rao.
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    He used to be a manager
    at a financial company.
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    Like most managers,
    he spent a ton of time in meetings.
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    And most of them
    were pretty run of the mill.
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    But there's one meeting
    that Kiran will never forget.
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    Here's Kiran, breaking down
    a recording of that meeting for us.
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    KR: We were in this large white tent,
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    200 people sitting around,
    the top 200 or 300 managers.
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    Audio clip: So the next two sections
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    are going to be about
    practical application.
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    KR: We'd been talking about
    multiple strategic points,
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    and up comes a chart --
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    Audio clip: This is a list
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    of force ranking the people
    in this room by performance.
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    KR: Which was labeled
    "the worst managers."
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    Audio clip: So these are people we love.
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    Some of the people in this room,
    these names, probably shouldn’t be here.
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    KR: And I was number one on the list.
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    Audio clip: I look at this name --
    I hired Kiran.
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    Apparently in his first couple years
    he's not doing that well.
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    AG: Wow. So you're totally
    caught by surprise,
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    You're staring at a room of 200 people,
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    and being told you are the single
    worst manager in that room.
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    KR: That's right.
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    AG: What was that like?
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    KR: It was intense.
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    AG: We'll hear more from Kiran later.
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    But right now, I want you to imagine
    you're Kiran, right in that moment.
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    Think about what happens
    when you get criticized.
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    Like, physically: your shoulders tighten,
    your breath gets shallower.
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    Negative feedback sets off alarm bells.
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    It actually touches a nerve in your body.
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    And psychologically?
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    Your mind races.
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    You start to put up shields
    and mount a counterattack.
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    If you were a peacock, you'd strut.
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    If you were an ape, you'd beat your chest.
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    But humans have another kind of reaction.
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    There was a study a few decades ago,
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    that said our ego can get
    so defensive in these situations,
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    that it becomes its own little
    totalitarian regime.
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    It starts to control the flow
    of information to our brains,
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    the way a dictator controls the media.
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    Think about that.
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    Your own ego is censoring what you hear.
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    But if we never hear criticism,
    we'll never improve.
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    What would it be like in a place
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    where people constantly
    criticize each other --
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    and crave that kind
    of feedback for themselves
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    in order to make everyone better?
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    I've worked with hundreds of organizations
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    and I found only one
    where that's truly the norm.
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    Ray Dalio: You could say to me,
    "Hey, jerk, you're being an asshole."
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    And then we'll say, OK,
    am I being an asshole?
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    AG: This is the guy in charge.
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    His name is Ray.
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    RD: One of the biggest
    tragedies of mankind
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    is people holding in
    their opinions in their heads,
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    and it's such a tragedy because
    it could so easily be fixed
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    if they put them out there
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    and stress tested them in the right way.
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    They would so raise their probability
    of making a better decision.
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    Everybody's giving high fives,
    they're all smiling at each other.
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    But they're not dealing with the things
    they need to deal with.
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    AG: It's incredibly fun
    to think about, like,
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    you can go around calling people assholes
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    and their default response
    is supposed to be, "Tell me more."
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    Is that really how you want
    people to react to criticism?
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    RD: Well, I want to put that
    on the table together and look at that
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    because maybe I'm the one
    who's being a jerk or misunderstanding.
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    AG: In the mid 1970s
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    Ray Dalio started a financial firm
    called Bridgewater Associates.
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    At first, he was working
    out of a barn with his friends.
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    He got really successful, really quickly.
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    And then he got cocky.
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    He placed a bad bet.
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    It tanked his firm.
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    He had to fire his friends.
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    RD: And I was so broke
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    that I had to borrow
    4,000 dollars from my dad
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    to help pay for my family bills.
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    And that was extremely painful,
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    that turned out to be terrific.
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    AG: I'm sorry, you just said
    it was terrific that is was so painful?
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    Because normal human beings
    don't feel that way.
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    RD: I mean, like,
    I was absolutely miserable.
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    But it gave me the humility that I needed
    to deal with my audacity.
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    It made me want to find
    the smartest people I could find
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    who disagreed with me.
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    AG: Ray realized that he crashed
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    because there wasn't anyone
    around to check his ego
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    when he was on top of the world.
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    He only listened to himself
    or people who constantly said yes.
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    Now, he was on his own.
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    RD: So that experience was the one
    that really kind of, drove it home for me.
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    And I say, if you don't look back
    on yourself and think,
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    "Wow, how stupid I was a year or two ago,"
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    then you must not have learned much
    in the last year or two.
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    AG: Ray decided that
    the next version of his company
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    would have a different kind of culture
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    where everyone would be
    brutally honest with each other.
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    And that's what Bridgewater does today.
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    Ray calls it radical transparency.
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    Every criticism, every opinion,
    out in the open.
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    You're comfortable just putting that
    out there, transparently?
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    RD: Why shouldn't we be?
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    AG: Embarrassment, pain,
    you know, ridicule, cruelty.
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    RD: OK, but it's not those
    kinds of things, right?
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    We recognize that it can be
    a difficult moment.
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    Before people come here,
    we ask them do they want to do that.
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    Isn't this good,
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    to make them partners in that
    self-discovery of what is actually true?
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    AG: Bridgewater Associates
    is now considered
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    the most successful
    hedge fund in the world.
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    And Ray believes that culture
    is the driving force behind their success.
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    They manage 160 billion dollars in assets,
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    and Ray has become one
    of the richest people on earth.
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    If you can't tell by now,
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    Bridgewater is also one of the strangest
    workplaces I've ever seen.
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    Feedback is only one piece
    of what makes them different.
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    I'm not here to analyze
    all their practices,
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    dissect their performance
    or suggest you copy them.
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    But I do believe that if we want
    to get better at something,
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    we should go and learn from the extreme.
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    You know, the same way you might try
    and pick up a workout tip
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    from an Olympic athlete.
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    Bridgewater goes
    to the extreme on criticism.
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    They think you can learn
    to dish it out and even crave it.
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    Over the years, they've had some
    high profile senior leaders.
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    Including James Comey,
    the recent FBI director.
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    He even talked about Bridgewater
    at his Senate confirmation hearing.
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    James Comey: I went to Bridgewater
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    in part because of that
    culture of transparency,
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    it's something that's
    long been part of me.
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    AG: Today, about 2,000 people work there
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    and every single one of them is expected
    to put criticism out in the open.
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    Even if the billionaire
    founder is the target.
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    Here's an email Ray got one day
    from a colleague named Jim Haskel.
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    "Ray, you deserve a "D-minus"
    for your performance today.
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    You rambled for 50 minutes.
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    It was obvious to all of us
    that you did not prepare at all.
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    Today was really bad,
    we can't let this happen again."
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    When Jim sent his scathing review,
    Ray decided to get a few more opinions.
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    He asked his colleagues
    to rate his performance that day
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    on a scale from A to F.
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    Then he shared the feedback
    with everyone else.
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    And let me tell you, Ray did not get
    any As for that meeting.
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    RD: I sucked!
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    AG: I think a lot of people
    in that situation
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    would have just sorted
    the conversation out with Jim.
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    And you replied and you said,
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    "Hey, everybody else in the meeting,
    I'm looping you in."
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    RD: No, the whole company.
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    AG: That went to the whole company?
    RD: Yeah.
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    AG: A to F?
    RD: It's very important.
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    AG: This kind of thing is happening
    constantly at Bridgewater.
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    What would you do
    if someone gave you a D-minus?
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    There are actual studies showing
    that when coworkers criticize us,
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    we tend to drop them from our lives.
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    Or at least avoid them at all costs.
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    Instead, we go straight
    to our cheerleaders
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    to complain and get reassurance.
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    Our friends, our favorite
    like-minded colleagues, mom.
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    That's our support network.
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    But there's another kind
    of network that we all need:
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    a challenge network.
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    A challenge network is the group of people
    that you trust to push you to get better.
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    They tell you the stuff you don't want
    to hear, but need to hear.
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    And Bridgewater is one big
    challenge network.
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    RD: I want Jim's critiques.
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    Because I might be inclined to ramble,
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    and because I might be inclined
    to not be prepared.
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    AG: So Ray made a promise to Jim:
    he'd do better the next time.
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    RD: He said, "Listen,
    I can't trust you to do that.
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    And I say, "Great, I can't trust me
    to do that, either."
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    And so as a regular protocol,
    he'll call me up,
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    because he understands
    that it works well for both of us
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    and works well for the company.
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    AG: A challenge network can only
    help you if you're ready to listen.
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    RD: It's particularly important for me
    to be showing anybody what I'm doing,
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    including my failures, my successes.
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    Yes. Why would you not do that?
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    AG: Well, because
    you're afraid of the answer.
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    RD: What are you afraid of?
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    AG: Of the emperor
    being discovered to have no clothes.
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    RD: If your objective is to be
    as good as you can possibly be,
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    then you're going to want that.
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    AG: I think a lot of people
    would rather maintain a sort of,
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    at least the illusion of a decent image
    than to actually improve.
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    RD: But then they care
    more about their image
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    than they care about results.
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    AG: And you're not willing
    to tolerate that.
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    RD: You know, life's much better
    with good results.
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    AG: The idea of criticizing
    each other this openly,
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    might sound terrifying.
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    I get that.
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    In lots of workplaces
    it would be painful at best
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    and abusive at worst.
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    There's a bunch of work
    by economists showing
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    that rankings generally demotivate people.
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    People, even who are the top, are like,
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    "Well, I expected
    to be further at the top."
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    And everybody at the bottom
    doesn't enjoy the experience
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    of comparing themselves negatively
    to everyone else around them.
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    RD: In normal companies,
    I suspect that they don't
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    prepare people, agree on it,
    say, "Is this a good thing?"
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    AG: What about your workplace?
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    What would happen
    if you just decided one day
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    to be radically transparent?
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    It might not go so well.
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    AJ: I was working at "Esquire"
    magazine at the time,
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    and I said to my editor
    in a meeting at one point,
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    "You know what, I really
    would rather be at the "New Yorker,"
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    and if they offered me a job,
    I would take that."
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    And he was stone-faced,
    he did not like it.
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    AG: That's AJ Jacobs,
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    a writer who thinks it's fun
    to live his life as an experiment.
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    For a story he was working on,
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    AJ committed to being 100 percent
    transparent for a few weeks.
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    AJ: If you hate your boss,
    tell your boss, "I hate you."
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    AG: AJ did that
    with everyone he talked to.
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    His mother-in-law, elderly neighbors,
    his kids, his wife's friends.
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    AJ: I was out with my wife
    at a restaurant,
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    and we saw some friends of hers
    that she hadn't seen since college.
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    And they were all excited
    to see her and they said,
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    "Oh, we should all get together
    and have a play date with our kids."
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    And I had to say what was on my mind,
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    which was, "You guys
    seem like nice people,
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    but I really don't want to see you again."
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    And they were ... oh, yeah.
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    They were offended, rightly,
    and my wife was furious.
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    So it was a disaster.
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    I mean, we never did see them again
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    so it is efficient, it was effective.
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    Kim Scott: (Laughter) So in my parlance,
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    saying something like that
    is not radical candor,
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    it's obnoxious aggression.
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    AG: Kim Scott is an executive
    coach in Silicon Valley.
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    She works with CEOs and managers
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    on being radically candid
    in their feedback.
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    KS: Be a kick-ass boss
    without loosing your humanity.
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    AG: I asked Kim how we can all
    get better at providing criticism.
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    And guess what.
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    It's about just blurting out whatever
    pops into your head, like AJ did.
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    KS: The idea of radical candor
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    is that you're caring personally
    about the other person
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    at the same time that
    you're challenging them directly.
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    AG: I guess then,
    how do I get comfortable
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    you know, challenging directly?
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    When I do challenge,
    how do I make sure that I show care?
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    KS: My biggest piece of advice
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    is eliminate the phrase
    "Don't take it personally"
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    from your vocabulary.
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    It's OK if somebody's getting upset
    or having an emotional reaction,
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    it's normal.
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    It is inevitable.
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    What you want to do is you want to react
    with compassion to them.
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    If I had emotional Novocaine,
    I would give it to you.
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    AG: I've seen so many people say,
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    "Alright, I'm really uncomfortable
    challenging directly,
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    and so one of the ways
    I'll show that I care personally,
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    is I'm going to deliver
    a feedback sandwich:
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    you know, open up with some praise,
    and then criticism comes in the middle,
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    and then a slice of praise again,
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    so we start and end on a high note.
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    And the research I've read on this
    is pretty clear in saying
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    this is a bad idea, for two reasons.
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    One, when you lead with praise,
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    they're just waiting
    for the other show to drop.
  • 15:01 - 15:03
    And it seem insincere.
  • 15:04 - 15:06
    And two is that people often
    tune out what's in the middle.
  • 15:07 - 15:11
    And so, what's your preferred alternative
    to the feedback sandwich?
  • 15:11 - 15:14
    KS: I agree, nobody
    really likes a shit sandwich.
  • 15:14 - 15:18
    And so it's important
    for both praise and criticism,
  • 15:18 - 15:19
    but especially for criticism,
  • 15:19 - 15:22
    is to go in being humble.
  • 15:22 - 15:27
    You may be wrong in what
    you're saying and that's OK.
  • 15:27 - 15:32
    One of the most important things
    you can do when offering criticism,
  • 15:32 - 15:34
    is to state your intention to be helpful.
  • 15:36 - 15:38
    AG: There's evidence to back this up.
  • 15:38 - 15:40
    It's something I heard a lot
    at Bridgewater, too.
  • 15:40 - 15:44
    It's easier to take criticism
    when you know it's meant to help you.
  • 15:44 - 15:46
    From the outside, it might sound harsh.
  • 15:47 - 15:48
    But they think it's good for them.
  • 15:48 - 15:51
    KS: If you know that it's healthy,
  • 15:51 - 15:54
    and you've experienced
    firsthand the benefit,
  • 15:54 - 15:55
    you're going to keep seeking it,
  • 15:55 - 15:58
    just like, it still hurts
    sometimes to go running,
  • 15:58 - 16:03
    but I know how important that is
    to my well-being, so I'll keep doing it,
  • 16:03 - 16:07
    even though it's always kind of an effort
    to get myself out the door.
  • 16:07 - 16:09
    I think it's the same with criticism.
  • 16:11 - 16:13
    AG: More on that after the break.
  • 16:14 - 16:16
    This is going to be
    a different kind of ad.
  • 16:16 - 16:18
    In the spirit of exploring
    creative ideas at work,
  • 16:18 - 16:21
    we're going to take you
    inside Bonobos, our sponsor.
  • 16:35 - 16:39
    Like everyone else on earth,
    I hate calling customer service.
  • 16:39 - 16:41
    It's hard to get a human on the line,
  • 16:41 - 16:44
    and if you do, they're usually
    stuck reading from a script.
  • 16:44 - 16:47
    If you want to get anywhere,
    you have to ask for the manager
  • 16:47 - 16:49
    over and over and over.
  • 16:49 - 16:52
    But that's not how things work at Bonobos.
  • 16:52 - 16:56
    They make great fitting men's clothes,
    and if you call them with a problem,
  • 16:56 - 16:59
    you get a real person
    empowered to actually help.
  • 16:59 - 17:01
    Bonobos calls them Ninjas.
  • 17:01 - 17:06
    Kelsey Nash: My actual title is Creative
    Customer Engagement Lead.
  • 17:06 - 17:09
    I'm on the management team of the Ninjas.
  • 17:09 - 17:11
    AG: This is Kelsey Nash.
  • 17:11 - 17:13
    He and all the other Ninjas at Bonobos
  • 17:13 - 17:16
    have something pretty rare
    in the world of customer service.
  • 17:16 - 17:17
    Freedom.
  • 17:17 - 17:21
    KN: Every Ninja is empowered
    to take care of a customer
  • 17:21 - 17:24
    in the moment, in whatever way
    that they think is necessary.
  • 17:24 - 17:28
    There's no real sending it
    up the ladder and down the ladder
  • 17:28 - 17:29
    to find a resolution,
  • 17:29 - 17:32
    like, "We'll call you back
    within 24 to 48 hours."
  • 17:32 - 17:35
    So every day, we ask Ninjas,
  • 17:35 - 17:37
    "What would you want
    if you were the customer?
  • 17:37 - 17:38
    How would you feel?"
  • 17:38 - 17:41
    AG: Which can lead to some
    surprising interactions.
  • 17:41 - 17:43
    Like one Kelsey handled himself.
  • 17:43 - 17:47
    KN: There was a guy named Derek
    and he wrote in and he said,
  • 17:47 - 17:50
    "I had a fire at my house,
  • 17:50 - 17:53
    and one of my favorite
    flannel shirts was damaged.
  • 17:53 - 17:56
    Do you know of some way
    to recuperate this or repair it,
  • 17:56 - 17:59
    I see you don't really have any
    on the website anymore."
  • 17:59 - 18:01
    AG: Kelsey at Bonobos
    wrote back right away.
  • 18:01 - 18:03
    KN: "We're happy to replace your shirt,
  • 18:03 - 18:05
    I'm so sorry about that,
    is everybody alright?"
  • 18:05 - 18:08
    He wrote back and said,
    "Actually, everybody's fine,
  • 18:08 - 18:12
    except our 15-year-old dog
    was trapped in the house
  • 18:12 - 18:16
    and we lost our dog
    and that's been the only thing."
  • 18:16 - 18:19
    AG: Kelsey heard that
    and went into Ninja mode.
  • 18:19 - 18:23
    KN: I got online and I found
    his dog on his Instagram account.
  • 18:23 - 18:27
    So I got a picture of the dog,
    I commissioned this portrait
  • 18:27 - 18:32
    and then I got a couple flannel shirts
    and I sent it to the guy.
  • 18:32 - 18:34
    Derek (on the phone): I'm not
    an emotional guy,
  • 18:34 - 18:37
    but with all that has happened
    it was still very fresh,
  • 18:37 - 18:39
    I definitely cried
    when I saw the painting.
  • 18:39 - 18:42
    AG: When I heard this story,
    I had to get Derek on the phone.
  • 18:42 - 18:45
    Derek: You know, you're kind of
    in a desperate situation.
  • 18:45 - 18:50
    Just any glimmer of something nice
    happening to you at that point
  • 18:50 - 18:52
    goes a long, long way.
  • 18:53 - 18:56
    What they did wasn't necessary,
    they didn't have to do it,
  • 18:56 - 18:59
    other than they thought
    it was the right thing to do.
  • 18:59 - 19:03
    KN: What we pride ourselves on,
    above everything, is that we're human.
  • 19:03 - 19:07
    Like, we deal with every contact
    on a one-to-one basis:
  • 19:07 - 19:10
    as a human answering a phone call,
    talking to another human like,
  • 19:10 - 19:12
    yeah, let's work this out.
  • 19:12 - 19:13
    AG: Which is what you need sometimes.
  • 19:14 - 19:17
    It clearly meant something to Derek,
    who recently started a new job.
  • 19:17 - 19:21
    Derek: The only picture I've put up
    on the wall so far is that painting
  • 19:21 - 19:24
    and it's right above my desk
    on the wall above the window.
  • 19:25 - 19:28
    When I walk in the door every morning,
    that's the first thing I see.
  • 19:29 - 19:30
    AG: Bonobos makes great clothes,
  • 19:30 - 19:34
    but my favorite part is that I don't
    have to leave my house to get them.
  • 19:34 - 19:35
    I hate going shopping
  • 19:35 - 19:38
    almost as much as I normally hate
    calling customer service.
  • 19:39 - 19:41
    Ordering on the Bonobos
    website is super easy.
  • 19:41 - 19:45
    They ship fast and if it doesn't fit,
    you can always call Kelsey.
  • 19:45 - 19:47
    You know, just to talk.
  • 19:47 - 19:50
    Try it today at bonobos.com/TED
  • 19:50 - 19:52
    and you'll get 20 percent
    off your first order.
  • 19:52 - 19:56
    That's bonobos.com/TED
    for 20 percent off.
  • 20:05 - 20:08
    When I was in college,
    I was a springboard diver.
  • 20:08 - 20:10
    I was learning a new dive:
  • 20:10 - 20:12
    two and a half flips with a twist.
  • 20:13 - 20:16
    When I tried it out in a meet,
    I thought it went OK.
  • 20:17 - 20:19
    Then I saw the judges' scores:
  • 20:19 - 20:23
    two, two and a half, and zero point five.
  • 20:24 - 20:27
    I don't think I'd ever even
    seen that score before.
  • 20:28 - 20:30
    Anyway, when you're flipping
    and twisting in mid-air,
  • 20:30 - 20:33
    you can't always gauge
    your own performance.
  • 20:33 - 20:36
    And I think big parts of our
    work lives are like that, too.
  • 20:36 - 20:38
    We're so immersed in the situation,
  • 20:38 - 20:41
    that we can't see ourselves objectively.
  • 20:41 - 20:45
    At that diving meet there were multiple
    judges who all saw the same flaws.
  • 20:46 - 20:49
    When I watched the video
    afterward, I saw them, too.
  • 20:49 - 20:51
    I'd executed a near-perfect belly flop.
  • 20:54 - 20:55
    If you've ever played sports,
  • 20:55 - 20:57
    you know the value
    of reviewing the game tape
  • 20:57 - 21:00
    with coaches and colleagues
    who keep you honest.
  • 21:00 - 21:03
    Why don't we do the same thing at work?
  • 21:04 - 21:05
    At Bridgewater, they do.
  • 21:06 - 21:09
    They're so obsessed
    with radical transparency,
  • 21:09 - 21:12
    that they record video or audio
    of almost every meeting.
  • 21:13 - 21:15
    If that sounds a bit like
    Big Brother is watching,
  • 21:15 - 21:16
    well, he is.
  • 21:17 - 21:20
    But here's the difference --
    everyone is watching.
  • 21:21 - 21:23
    They're constantly going back
    to the tapes to learn.
  • 21:23 - 21:26
    This is what radical
    transparency sounds like.
  • 21:26 - 21:29
    Here's Ray Dalio, the founder,
    talking with a colleague.
  • 21:29 - 21:32
    RD: No, I'm not saying
    all your advice is bad.
  • 21:32 - 21:35
    Colleague: Well, it sounds like
    you think it's bad.
  • 21:35 - 21:37
    RD: Some of it is bad.
  • 21:37 - 21:38
    All he's saying to you.
  • 21:38 - 21:42
    You need to display that you know
    that you don't know.
  • 21:42 - 21:44
    AG: In too many workplaces,
  • 21:44 - 21:46
    people keep those comments
    behind closed doors.
  • 21:47 - 21:49
    Jen Healy: In general
    hierarchical structures
  • 21:49 - 21:51
    you don't tell people
    what you actually think.
  • 21:51 - 21:53
    AG: Jen Healy is a manager at Bridgewater.
  • 21:53 - 21:56
    JH: You're always managing
    other people's perceptions of you
  • 21:56 - 22:00
    and what they of you
    and trying to butter people up above,
  • 22:00 - 22:03
    trying to make sure that they
    don't think anything is going wrong,
  • 22:03 - 22:04
    that you have all the answers.
  • 22:04 - 22:08
    AG: Radical transparency is designed
    to solve for a deadly sin of work life:
  • 22:08 - 22:09
    office politics.
  • 22:09 - 22:12
    In too many places,
    what happens in the meeting
  • 22:12 - 22:16
    doesn't matter nearly as much
    as secret alliances and conversations
  • 22:16 - 22:17
    after the meeting.
  • 22:17 - 22:20
    JH: And so, you're able
    to just say what you think
  • 22:20 - 22:22
    and also be held accountable
    if what you're thinking is bad.
  • 22:22 - 22:25
    AG: But for it to work,
    you need all of your colleagues
  • 22:25 - 22:28
    to get past their knee-jerk
    reactions to criticism.
  • 22:28 - 22:30
    Which isn't easy, especially at first.
  • 22:30 - 22:34
    Eileen Murray: When I first became
    acquainted with Bridgewater,
  • 22:34 - 22:35
    you know, I wasn't enamored.
  • 22:35 - 22:37
    AG: This is Eileen Murray.
  • 22:37 - 22:40
    EM: When I first came up
    to Bridgewater for a meeting,
  • 22:40 - 22:42
    I guess it was a management
    committee meeting
  • 22:42 - 22:44
    and someone was being probed,
  • 22:44 - 22:48
    basically asking people questions
    until you get to a logical answer
  • 22:48 - 22:49
    as to what might be going on,
  • 22:49 - 22:51
    and I was like, "I can't wait
    to get out of here,
  • 22:51 - 22:53
    I think I'm going to put my hair on fire.
  • 22:53 - 22:54
    These people are crazy."
  • 22:55 - 22:57
    AG: But now, Eileen is one
    of the company's two CEOs.
  • 22:57 - 23:01
    Along the way, she came to hear
    the criticism as tough love.
  • 23:01 - 23:04
    Kind of like what you’d get
    from your family.
  • 23:04 - 23:06
    EM: I have a younger sister
    who says things to me
  • 23:06 - 23:08
    that I sometimes can't believe I tolerate,
  • 23:08 - 23:11
    but I tolerate it because
    she's trying to make me better.
  • 23:12 - 23:16
    And so once I understood the intention
    was to understand what people are like,
  • 23:16 - 23:19
    for the purpose of them
    understanding what they're like,
  • 23:19 - 23:23
    so that, you know, you basically
    are aware of what you do well,
  • 23:23 - 23:26
    you're aware of what you don't do well,
    so you can do things better in life.
  • 23:26 - 23:28
    RD: It's a little bit like Navy SEALs.
  • 23:28 - 23:31
    Take the Navy SEAL,
    put them in the cold water.
  • 23:31 - 23:34
    If that's a difficult moment,
    let's practice that, right?
  • 23:35 - 23:39
    AG: Every day at the firm is a new
    encounter with your challenge network.
  • 23:39 - 23:41
    You learn to seek out
    your trusted critics,
  • 23:41 - 23:43
    which means you've opted in.
  • 23:43 - 23:47
    And little by little, you get
    more comfortable hearing hard truths.
  • 23:48 - 23:50
    Unless you don't.
  • 23:50 - 23:54
    About a third of Bridgewater's new hires
    leave in the first year and a half.
  • 23:55 - 23:59
    It was right at that year-and-a-half mark
    that Kiran Rao, the guy you heard earlier,
  • 23:59 - 24:03
    found himself being told
    he was the company's worst manager
  • 24:03 - 24:05
    in front of 200 of his colleagues.
  • 24:05 - 24:08
    Kiran might have been prepared,
    but it still hurt.
  • 24:09 - 24:14
    KR: I was probably turning as red
    as my Indian complexion allows me to.
  • 24:14 - 24:16
    And I was describing it as like, basically
  • 24:16 - 24:19
    dressing for the beach one day,
  • 24:19 - 24:22
    in flip-flops and your swimwear
  • 24:22 - 24:26
    and you swing your door open,
    and you're in a full-force winter storm.
  • 24:26 - 24:29
    AG: The thing you need
    to understand about Kiran
  • 24:29 - 24:32
    is that before Bridgewater,
    he'd already had a successful career.
  • 24:32 - 24:33
    Actually, several.
  • 24:34 - 24:37
    He was a doctor and worked
    with the World Health Organization.
  • 24:37 - 24:39
    He was a principal in a consulting firm.
  • 24:39 - 24:42
    And he worked at a successful
    investment firm.
  • 24:42 - 24:45
    He had never failed like this before.
  • 24:45 - 24:49
    But what happened next was something
    I've never seen anywhere else.
  • 24:50 - 24:52
    Are you embarrassed, you know,
    hide from everyone,
  • 24:52 - 24:54
    how did you move forward?
  • 24:55 - 24:56
    KR: No, I felt great.
  • 24:57 - 24:58
    AG: I'm sorry, what?
  • 24:58 - 24:59
    KR: I felt great.
  • 24:59 - 25:01
    AG: Do you realize
    how strange that sounds?
  • 25:02 - 25:03
    KR: It does.
  • 25:03 - 25:05
    AG: You can hear this
    in the tape of the meeting,
  • 25:05 - 25:07
    right after he found out his ranking.
  • 25:07 - 25:08
    KR (on tape): I'm Kiran Rao,
  • 25:08 - 25:11
    by now probably notorious/famous
    number one on the list.
  • 25:11 - 25:13
    (Laughter)
  • 25:14 - 25:15
    I think it's a great list.
  • 25:15 - 25:17
    And I agree that I'm in that spot.
  • 25:18 - 25:21
    This leaves me more energized versus not.
  • 25:22 - 25:25
    I get energy from it and I look forward
    to helping or leaving,
  • 25:25 - 25:26
    whichever is the right answer.
  • 25:27 - 25:29
    AG: So are you just
    a glutton for punishment?
  • 25:29 - 25:30
    (Laughter)
  • 25:31 - 25:32
    KR: It's just data.
  • 25:32 - 25:36
    It's just data, objective data
    about what I'm like.
  • 25:36 - 25:40
    I would rather know how bad the bad is,
  • 25:40 - 25:42
    and how good the good is
  • 25:42 - 25:44
    so I can do something with it.
  • 25:44 - 25:48
    AG: I think a skeptic, particularly one
    with my training, might say,
  • 25:48 - 25:51
    this is just cognitive
    dissonance reduction.
  • 25:51 - 25:55
    So you're like, this felt really bad,
    but I decided to stay
  • 25:55 - 25:59
    and so it must have taught me something,
    I must have grown from the experience,
  • 25:59 - 26:01
    otherwise, like, how the hell
    do I justify this?
  • 26:01 - 26:04
    Do you ever wonder whether
    you're just kind of rationalizing
  • 26:04 - 26:06
    the unpleasant experience?
  • 26:06 - 26:07
    KR: No.
  • 26:07 - 26:11
    But Bridgewater is not about
    those dramatic moments, right.
  • 26:11 - 26:15
    The real challenge for people
  • 26:15 - 26:18
    to figure out if they're fit
    for the culture or not,
  • 26:18 - 26:20
    is not the dramatic moments,
  • 26:20 - 26:22
    it's the daily experience of it.
  • 26:22 - 26:23
    Right?
  • 26:23 - 26:29
    That drama is incidental to the real work
    of getting to know yourself.
  • 26:30 - 26:34
    I do believe I've experienced deep,
    fundamental change at Bridgewater.
  • 26:35 - 26:37
    AG: It is interesting,
    because it almost sound like
  • 26:37 - 26:41
    you're trying to rewire
    or override an instinct.
  • 26:41 - 26:44
    KR: When I have somebody
    tell me I did something badly,
  • 26:44 - 26:46
    my ego kicks in, right,
  • 26:46 - 26:50
    and so my composure
    starts to become worse and worse.
  • 26:51 - 26:53
    "That is so wrong,
    how can that possibly [be] true,
  • 26:53 - 26:57
    I've done all these things in my life
    and how could I be that person?"
  • 26:58 - 27:00
    AG: That's what I call proving mode.
  • 27:00 - 27:03
    It's the primal, emotional reaction.
  • 27:03 - 27:04
    The lower-level you.
  • 27:04 - 27:07
    But your brain has another
    higher-level setting.
  • 27:07 - 27:08
    Its improving mode.
  • 27:09 - 27:11
    That's your inner Olympic diver.
  • 27:11 - 27:13
    Who wants to know
    exactly how good you are,
  • 27:13 - 27:16
    and every single thing
    you can do to get better.
  • 27:17 - 27:20
    Improving mode means
    you're always a work in progress.
  • 27:20 - 27:22
    At Bridgewater, the thinking is,
  • 27:22 - 27:24
    that if you're exposed
    to feedback all the time
  • 27:24 - 27:27
    you get better at hearing
    that improving voice.
  • 27:27 - 27:29
    KR: There is a much softer voice, right.
  • 27:29 - 27:33
    The logical person inside me who's saying,
  • 27:33 - 27:35
    "Yeah, it's been a rough year.
  • 27:35 - 27:38
    It hasn't been such an impactful year.
  • 27:38 - 27:40
    Kiran, you aren't really
    accomplishing your goals.
  • 27:41 - 27:43
    That's not so surprising."
  • 27:43 - 27:45
    The difference, though,
    is that those two voices
  • 27:45 - 27:48
    are very different
    in amplitude at that moment.
  • 27:49 - 27:51
    The low-level me screaming,
  • 27:51 - 27:53
    the upper-level me is whispering.
  • 27:53 - 27:54
    AG: Interesting.
  • 27:54 - 27:57
    So the two yous will always
    still be battling at some level.
  • 27:57 - 27:59
    KR: I think so.
  • 28:00 - 28:03
    And to me, the beauty is
    I can see that now.
  • 28:03 - 28:05
    It used to take me a month or two
  • 28:05 - 28:09
    to recognize that
    and come back to an even keel.
  • 28:09 - 28:12
    And with Ray, it takes a microsecond.
  • 28:12 - 28:15
    RD: Yes, it's almost exactly that quick.
  • 28:15 - 28:19
    I go, "Damn, I wish I would have..."
    whatever that thing is,
  • 28:19 - 28:22
    and simultaneously, "Where's the lesson?"
  • 28:22 - 28:24
    And I think it's a habit.
  • 28:25 - 28:26
    AG: OK, that's weird.
  • 28:27 - 28:30
    Ray is suggesting he doesn't just
    feel less pain than the rest of us,
  • 28:30 - 28:32
    when he gets criticized.
  • 28:32 - 28:34
    He's trained himself
    so that the pain signal
  • 28:34 - 28:37
    is actually followed by a pleasure signal.
  • 28:37 - 28:39
    Over years of seeing
    that negative feedback
  • 28:39 - 28:41
    leads to positive outcomes,
  • 28:41 - 28:44
    he sort of seems to enjoy hearing it now.
  • 28:44 - 28:48
    RD: When you're getting criticism,
    how do you feel about it?
  • 28:48 - 28:51
    AG: So I think overall ...
  • 28:52 - 28:54
    I don't think I enjoy it most of the time,
  • 28:54 - 28:55
    but I crave it.
  • 28:55 - 28:58
    I started teaching
    and was terrified of public speaking.
  • 28:59 - 29:01
    I remember one of the feedback forms said
  • 29:01 - 29:02
    that I was so nervous,
  • 29:02 - 29:05
    that I was causing the students
    to physically shake in their seats.
  • 29:05 - 29:08
    At the time, I was like,
    "Uh, I don't want to be that person."
  • 29:08 - 29:11
    But I need the feedback
    in order to not be that person.
  • 29:12 - 29:14
    I think it was easier to take
    because I asked for it.
  • 29:14 - 29:18
    I don't think I take criticism so well
    when somebody just springs it on me
  • 29:18 - 29:21
    and I don't feel like
    I've opted in to it first.
  • 29:22 - 29:23
    RD: That's beautiful, right?
  • 29:23 - 29:25
    And it's totally understandable
  • 29:25 - 29:28
    that when it's sprung on you
    it takes you by surprise,
  • 29:28 - 29:30
    you know, because it's
    an amygdala response.
  • 29:30 - 29:34
    And the amygdala is the fight or flight
    and it is a very short-term thing.
  • 29:34 - 29:38
    But in some period of time,
    that's going to fade
  • 29:38 - 29:41
    and then if at that moment you reflect,
  • 29:41 - 29:45
    pain plus reflection equals progress.
  • 29:46 - 29:51
    Because the pain is signaling you
    that something is wrong,
  • 29:51 - 29:54
    the reflection helps
    to produce that learning.
  • 29:54 - 29:58
    And if you do that over a period of time,
    you can't help but learn.
  • 29:59 - 30:00
    AG: That's the goal.
  • 30:01 - 30:02
    But if you're like most people,
  • 30:02 - 30:05
    reflection gets hijacked
    by your inner dictator.
  • 30:05 - 30:08
    Who immediately goes
    into denial and attack.
  • 30:09 - 30:11
    We need a way to take
    a more honest look in the mirror.
  • 30:12 - 30:14
    In the moment, that's hard to do.
  • 30:14 - 30:18
    So in psychology, we have a fun way
    of making you a little more aware
  • 30:18 - 30:20
    of how you appear to others.
  • 30:21 - 30:25
    Imagine that you're sitting at a computer
    to take a timed, multiple-choice test.
  • 30:25 - 30:28
    The instructions say to answer
    question after question
  • 30:28 - 30:30
    until a timer goes off.
  • 30:31 - 30:32
    But what we haven't told you
  • 30:32 - 30:34
    is that we're recording your keyboard.
  • 30:34 - 30:38
    So if you submit an answer
    after the timer, we know you're cheating.
  • 30:39 - 30:43
    It turns out, you're significantly
    less likely to cheat
  • 30:43 - 30:45
    if there's a mirror in the room.
  • 30:45 - 30:49
    It reminds you to reflect
    on how your behavior will look to others.
  • 30:50 - 30:54
    At Bridgewater, Ray is constantly
    trying to look in the mirror,
  • 30:54 - 30:57
    so he can see himself
    the way others see him.
  • 30:57 - 31:00
    Psychologists often talk
    about a second score.
  • 31:00 - 31:02
    The idea being that you can't control
  • 31:02 - 31:04
    your unprepared, long-winded
    meeting performance,
  • 31:04 - 31:06
    the D-minus is done,
    that already happened.
  • 31:06 - 31:08
    The only thing you can do then is say,
  • 31:08 - 31:10
    "Alright, I can't control
    that first score,
  • 31:10 - 31:14
    I can control the second, which is
    how well did I take the first score."
  • 31:14 - 31:16
    Even if I got a D-minus
    for my performance,
  • 31:16 - 31:19
    I can get an A-plus for how
    I took the feedback of my performance.
  • 31:19 - 31:22
    Do you give yourself those kinds
    of explicit evaluations?
  • 31:22 - 31:23
    RD: Everybody gives those.
  • 31:23 - 31:25
    AG: If people know
    they're being evaluated
  • 31:25 - 31:28
    on how well they learn
    and how well they take feedback,
  • 31:28 - 31:30
    then there's no stable image
    to protect anymore.
  • 31:30 - 31:32
    RD: Well put, it's a good point.
  • 31:32 - 31:34
    AG: A second score.
  • 31:34 - 31:36
    Every time I get feedback,
  • 31:36 - 31:39
    I rate myself now
    on how well I took the feedback.
  • 31:39 - 31:41
    That's a habit we can all develop.
  • 31:41 - 31:44
    When someone gives you feedback,
    they've already evaluated you.
  • 31:45 - 31:48
    So it helps to remind yourself
    that the main thing they're judging now
  • 31:48 - 31:50
    is whether you're open or defensive.
  • 31:50 - 31:53
    You don't always realize
    when you're being defensive.
  • 31:53 - 31:55
    So call on your challenge network.
  • 31:55 - 31:57
    Ask them to give you a second score, too.
  • 31:57 - 32:00
    "How did I come across
    when you gave me feedback?"
  • 32:00 - 32:03
    And then really listen to what they say.
  • 32:04 - 32:06
    And respond by saying thank you.
  • 32:08 - 32:10
    The best way to prove yourself
  • 32:10 - 32:13
    is to show that you're willing
    to improve yourself.
  • 32:14 - 32:15
    Just ask Kiran.
  • 32:15 - 32:19
    KR: It's funny, I called my wife
    on my way home and said this happened,
  • 32:19 - 32:23
    they put up the list of the worst managers
    at Bridgewater and I was number one.
  • 32:23 - 32:27
    And I had an amazing, energizing day ...
  • 32:28 - 32:29
    And it felt great.
  • 32:29 - 32:32
    And she said, "That's wonderful,
    Kiran, I'm proud of you."
  • 32:32 - 32:33
    AG: She said she was proud of you?
  • 32:33 - 32:35
    For being the worst
    manager at Bridgewater?
  • 32:35 - 32:37
    KR: No, for looking in the mirror,
  • 32:37 - 32:39
    for not cringing from what I look like,
  • 32:39 - 32:42
    for being able to see reality
    for what it is.
  • 32:43 - 32:45
    And I probably reached home by then.
  • 32:45 - 32:46
    It's a short commute.
  • 32:53 - 32:56
    AG: WorkLife is hosted by me, Adam Grant.
  • 32:56 - 32:59
    The show is produced by TED
    with Transmitter Media
  • 32:59 - 33:00
    and Pineapple Street Media.
  • 33:01 - 33:04
    Our team includes Colin Helms,
    Gretta Cohn, Gabrielle Lewis,
  • 33:04 - 33:06
    Angela Cheng and Janet Lee.
  • 33:06 - 33:10
    This episode was produced by Dan O'Donell
    with help from Julia Alsop.
  • 33:11 - 33:14
    Our show is mixed by David Herman
    with help from Dan Dzula.
  • 33:14 - 33:16
    Original music by Hahnsdale Hsu.
  • 33:17 - 33:19
    Special thanks to our sponsors:
  • 33:19 - 33:23
    Bonobos, Accenture,
    JP Morgan Chase and Warby Parker.
  • 33:23 - 33:25
    Next time on WorkLife,
  • 33:25 - 33:27
    we're going inside the writer's room
    at The Daily Show
  • 33:27 - 33:30
    to find out how they do
    creative work under the gun.
  • 33:30 - 33:34
    Man 1: The first draft is not
    meant to be the last draft.
  • 33:34 - 33:37
    Man 2: Yeah, that's why
    they call it the first draft.
  • 33:37 - 33:39
    Man 1: That was the big part
    of the naming process.
  • 33:40 - 33:41
    AG: That's next time on WorkLife.
  • 33:41 - 33:43
    In the meantime thanks for listening.
  • 33:43 - 33:46
    And if you like what you hear,
    rate an review the show.
  • 33:47 - 33:48
    It helps other people find us.
  • 33:49 - 33:50
    See you next week.
  • 33:55 - 33:58
    Ray, this has been fun and interesting
  • 33:58 - 34:00
    and thought-provoking as always.
  • 34:00 - 34:03
    RD: So, now what criticisms do I get?
  • 34:03 - 34:05
    AG: Oh, I have to criticize you?
  • 34:05 - 34:06
    RD: Yeah.
  • 34:06 - 34:08
    AG: Do we have time for this?
  • 34:09 - 34:13
    You stay at the level
    of abstract concepts and ideas
  • 34:13 - 34:17
    as opposed to moving down into
    sort of, the experiences that you've had,
  • 34:17 - 34:20
    the stories that you can tell,
  • 34:20 - 34:23
    the emotions that are part of that
    that really bring your ideas to life.
  • 34:23 - 34:27
    If you brought more
    of the concrete, the emotional in
  • 34:27 - 34:29
    along with the abstract conceptual,
  • 34:29 - 34:31
    I think your communication
    would be more effective.
  • 34:33 - 34:35
    RD: Well, thank you.
Title:
How to love criticism
Speaker:
WorkLife with Adam Grant
Description:

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Video Language:
English
Team:
closed TED
Project:
TEDTalks
Duration:
34:39
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to love criticism
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to love criticism
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to love criticism
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to love criticism
Krystian Aparta accepted English subtitles for How to love criticism
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for How to love criticism
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for How to love criticism
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for How to love criticism
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