-
When I was 26 years old,
barely out of grad school,
-
I was asked to come teach
a half-day class about motivation.
-
I was excited for it.
-
And then I found out my audience
would be generals and colonels
-
in the US Air Force.
-
I was way underqualified.
-
And I wanted to back out,
but it was too late.
-
So I walked in,
-
and I was staring at a room
full of people twice my age,
-
wearing full military garb
with all their medals on display.
-
They had nicknames like Gunner,
Striker and Stealth.
-
By the end of the first hour,
I felt like I was bombing.
-
And sure enough, in the reviews
they wrote after class,
-
they bombed me.
-
One wrote,
-
"There was more quality information
in the audience than on the podium."
-
Another said,
-
"I gained very little from the session,
-
but I trust the instructor
did gain useful insight."
-
It felt like a punch in the stomach.
-
And I couldn't get it out of my head.
-
So I did what any self-respecting
organizational psychologist would do:
-
I started studying why it's often
soul-crushing to receive criticism.
-
And whether we could
actually learn to like it.
-
(Music)
-
I'm Adam Grant.
-
This is WorkLife, my TED podcast.
-
I study how to make work not suck.
-
Organizations like Google,
the NBA and the Gates Foundation
-
have invited me in to help
make jobs more meaningful,
-
teams more creative
and cultures more collaborative.
-
In this show, I'm inviting myself in
to some truly unusual places,
-
where they've mastered something
I wish everyone else knew about work.
-
Today, the art and science of criticism.
-
Thanks to Bonobos
for sponsoring this episode.
-
Adam Grant: Hey, Kiran.
Kiran Rao: Hello, Adam.
-
AG: How are you?
KR: Doing well, and you?
-
AG: Good.
-
This is Kiran Rao.
-
He used to be a manager
at a financial company.
-
Like most managers,
he spent a ton of time in meetings.
-
And most of them
were pretty run of the mill.
-
But there's one meeting
that Kiran will never forget.
-
Here's Kiran, breaking down
a recording of that meeting for us.
-
KR: We were in this large white tent,
-
200 people sitting around,
the top 200 or 300 managers.
-
Audio clip: So the next two sections
-
are going to be about
practical application.
-
KR: We'd been talking about
multiple strategic points,
-
and up comes a chart --
-
Audio clip: This is a list
-
of force ranking the people
in this room by performance.
-
KR: Which was labeled
"the worst managers."
-
Audio clip: So these are people we love.
-
Some of the people in this room,
these names, probably shouldn’t be here.
-
KR: And I was number one on the list.
-
Audio clip: I look at this name --
I hired Kiran.
-
Apparently in his first couple years
he's not doing that well.
-
AG: Wow. So you're totally
caught by surprise,
-
You're staring at a room of 200 people,
-
and being told you are the single
worst manager in that room.
-
KR: That's right.
-
AG: What was that like?
-
KR: It was intense.
-
AG: We'll hear more from Kiran later.
-
But right now, I want you to imagine
you're Kiran, right in that moment.
-
Think about what happens
when you get criticized.
-
Like, physically: your shoulders tighten,
your breath gets shallower.
-
Negative feedback sets off alarm bells.
-
It actually touches a nerve in your body.
-
And psychologically?
-
Your mind races.
-
You start to put up shields
and mount a counterattack.
-
If you were a peacock, you'd strut.
-
If you were an ape, you'd beat your chest.
-
But humans have another kind of reaction.
-
There was a study a few decades ago,
-
that said our ego can get
so defensive in these situations,
-
that it becomes its own little
totalitarian regime.
-
It starts to control the flow
of information to our brains,
-
the way a dictator controls the media.
-
Think about that.
-
Your own ego is censoring what you hear.
-
But if we never hear criticism,
we'll never improve.
-
What would it be like in a place
-
where people constantly
criticize each other --
-
and crave that kind
of feedback for themselves
-
in order to make everyone better?
-
I've worked with hundreds of organizations
-
and I found only one
where that's truly the norm.
-
Ray Dalio: You could say to me,
"Hey, jerk, you're being an asshole."
-
And then we'll say, OK,
am I being an asshole?
-
AG: This is the guy in charge.
-
His name is Ray.
-
RD: One of the biggest
tragedies of mankind
-
is people holding in
their opinions in their heads,
-
and it's such a tragedy because
it could so easily be fixed
-
if they put them out there
-
and stress tested them in the right way.
-
They would so raise their probability
of making a better decision.
-
Everybody's giving high fives,
they're all smiling at each other.
-
But they're not dealing with the things
they need to deal with.
-
AG: It's incredibly fun
to think about, like,
-
you can go around calling people assholes
-
and their default response
is supposed to be, "Tell me more."
-
Is that really how you want
people to react to criticism?
-
RD: Well, I want to put that
on the table together and look at that
-
because maybe I'm the one
who's being a jerk or misunderstanding.
-
AG: In the mid 1970s
-
Ray Dalio started a financial firm
called Bridgewater Associates.
-
At first, he was working
out of a barn with his friends.
-
He got really successful, really quickly.
-
And then he got cocky.
-
He placed a bad bet.
-
It tanked his firm.
-
He had to fire his friends.
-
RD: And I was so broke
-
that I had to borrow
4,000 dollars from my dad
-
to help pay for my family bills.
-
And that was extremely painful,
-
that turned out to be terrific.
-
AG: I'm sorry, you just said
it was terrific that is was so painful?
-
Because normal human beings
don't feel that way.
-
RD: I mean, like,
I was absolutely miserable.
-
But it gave me the humility that I needed
to deal with my audacity.
-
It made me want to find
the smartest people I could find
-
who disagreed with me.
-
AG: Ray realized that he crashed
-
because there wasn't anyone
around to check his ego
-
when he was on top of the world.
-
He only listened to himself
or people who constantly said yes.
-
Now, he was on his own.
-
RD: So that experience was the one
that really kind of, drove it home for me.
-
And I say, if you don't look back
on yourself and think,
-
"Wow, how stupid I was a year or two ago,"
-
then you must not have learned much
in the last year or two.
-
AG: Ray decided that
the next version of his company
-
would have a different kind of culture
-
where everyone would be
brutally honest with each other.
-
And that's what Bridgewater does today.
-
Ray calls it radical transparency.
-
Every criticism, every opinion,
out in the open.
-
You're comfortable just putting that
out there, transparently?
-
RD: Why shouldn't we be?
-
AG: Embarrassment, pain,
you know, ridicule, cruelty.
-
RD: OK, but it's not those
kinds of things, right?
-
We recognize that it can be
a difficult moment.
-
Before people come here,
we ask them do they want to do that.
-
Isn't this good,
-
to make them partners in that
self-discovery of what is actually true?
-
AG: Bridgewater Associates
is now considered
-
the most successful
hedge fund in the world.
-
And Ray believes that culture
is the driving force behind their success.
-
They manage 160 billion dollars in assets,
-
and Ray has become one
of the richest people on earth.
-
If you can't tell by now,
-
Bridgewater is also one of the strangest
workplaces I've ever seen.
-
Feedback is only one piece
of what makes them different.
-
I'm not here to analyze
all their practices,
-
dissect their performance
or suggest you copy them.
-
But I do believe that if we want
to get better at something,
-
we should go and learn from the extreme.
-
You know, the same way you might try
and pick up a workout tip
-
from an Olympic athlete.
-
Bridgewater goes
to the extreme on criticism.
-
They think you can learn
to dish it out and even crave it.
-
Over the years, they've had some
high profile senior leaders.
-
Including James Comey,
the recent FBI director.
-
He even talked about Bridgewater
at his Senate confirmation hearing.
-
James Comey: I went to Bridgewater
-
in part because of that
culture of transparency,
-
it's something that's
long been part of me.
-
AG: Today, about 2,000 people work there
-
and every single one of them is expected
to put criticism out in the open.
-
Even if the billionaire
founder is the target.
-
Here's an email Ray got one day
from a colleague named Jim Haskel.
-
"Ray, you deserve a "D-minus"
for your performance today.
-
You rambled for 50 minutes.
-
It was obvious to all of us
that you did not prepare at all.
-
Today was really bad,
we can't let this happen again."
-
When Jim sent his scathing review,
Ray decided to get a few more opinions.
-
He asked his colleagues
to rate his performance that day
-
on a scale from A to F.
-
Then he shared the feedback
with everyone else.
-
And let me tell you, Ray did not get
any As for that meeting.
-
RD: I sucked!
-
AG: I think a lot of people
in that situation
-
would have just sorted
the conversation out with Jim.
-
And you replied and you said,
-
"Hey, everybody else in the meeting,
I'm looping you in."
-
RD: No, the whole company.
-
AG: That went to the whole company?
RD: Yeah.
-
AG: A to F?
RD: It's very important.
-
AG: This kind of thing is happening
constantly at Bridgewater.
-
What would you do
if someone gave you a D-minus?
-
There are actual studies showing
that when coworkers criticize us,
-
we tend to drop them from our lives.
-
Or at least avoid them at all costs.
-
Instead, we go straight
to our cheerleaders
-
to complain and get reassurance.
-
Our friends, our favorite
like-minded colleagues, mom.
-
That's our support network.
-
But there's another kind
of network that we all need:
-
a challenge network.
-
A challenge network is the group of people
that you trust to push you to get better.
-
They tell you the stuff you don't want
to hear, but need to hear.
-
And Bridgewater is one big
challenge network.
-
RD: I want Jim's critiques.
-
Because I might be inclined to ramble,
-
and because I might be inclined
to not be prepared.
-
AG: So Ray made a promise to Jim:
he'd do better the next time.
-
RD: He said, "Listen,
I can't trust you to do that.
-
And I say, "Great, I can't trust me
to do that, either."
-
And so as a regular protocol,
he'll call me up,
-
because he understands
that it works well for both of us
-
and works well for the company.
-
AG: A challenge network can only
help you if you're ready to listen.
-
RD: It's particularly important for me
to be showing anybody what I'm doing,
-
including my failures, my successes.
-
Yes. Why would you not do that?
-
AG: Well, because
you're afraid of the answer.
-
RD: What are you afraid of?
-
AG: Of the emperor
being discovered to have no clothes.
-
RD: If your objective is to be
as good as you can possibly be,
-
then you're going to want that.
-
AG: I think a lot of people
would rather maintain a sort of,
-
at least the illusion of a decent image
than to actually improve.
-
RD: But then they care
more about their image
-
than they care about results.
-
AG: And you're not willing
to tolerate that.
-
RD: You know, life's much better
with good results.
-
AG: The idea of criticizing
each other this openly,
-
might sound terrifying.
-
I get that.
-
In lots of workplaces
it would be painful at best
-
and abusive at worst.
-
There's a bunch of work
by economists showing
-
that rankings generally demotivate people.
-
People, even who are the top, are like,
-
"Well, I expected
to be further at the top."
-
And everybody at the bottom
doesn't enjoy the experience
-
of comparing themselves negatively
to everyone else around them.
-
RD: In normal companies,
I suspect that they don't
-
prepare people, agree on it,
say, "Is this a good thing?"
-
AG: What about your workplace?
-
What would happen
if you just decided one day
-
to be radically transparent?
-
It might not go so well.
-
AJ: I was working at "Esquire"
magazine at the time,
-
and I said to my editor
in a meeting at one point,
-
"You know what, I really
would rather be at the "New Yorker,"
-
and if they offered me a job,
I would take that."
-
And he was stone-faced,
he did not like it.
-
AG: That's AJ Jacobs,
-
a writer who thinks it's fun
to live his life as an experiment.
-
For a story he was working on,
-
AJ committed to being 100 percent
transparent for a few weeks.
-
AJ: If you hate your boss,
tell your boss, "I hate you."
-
AG: AJ did that
with everyone he talked to.
-
His mother-in-law, elderly neighbors,
his kids, his wife's friends.
-
AJ: I was out with my wife
at a restaurant,
-
and we saw some friends of hers
that she hadn't seen since college.
-
And they were all excited
to see her and they said,
-
"Oh, we should all get together
and have a play date with our kids."
-
And I had to say what was on my mind,
-
which was, "You guys
seem like nice people,
-
but I really don't want to see you again."
-
And they were ... oh, yeah.
-
They were offended, rightly,
and my wife was furious.
-
So it was a disaster.
-
I mean, we never did see them again
-
so it is efficient, it was effective.
-
Kim Scott: (Laughter) So in my parlance,
-
saying something like that
is not radical candor,
-
it's obnoxious aggression.
-
AG: Kim Scott is an executive
coach in Silicon Valley.
-
She works with CEOs and managers
-
on being radically candid
in their feedback.
-
KS: Be a kick-ass boss
without loosing your humanity.
-
AG: I asked Kim how we can all
get better at providing criticism.
-
And guess what.
-
It's about just blurting out whatever
pops into your head, like AJ did.
-
KS: The idea of radical candor
-
is that you're caring personally
about the other person
-
at the same time that
you're challenging them directly.
-
AG: I guess then,
how do I get comfortable
-
you know, challenging directly?
-
When I do challenge,
how do I make sure that I show care?
-
KS: My biggest piece of advice
-
is eliminate the phrase
"Don't take it personally"
-
from your vocabulary.
-
It's OK if somebody's getting upset
or having an emotional reaction,
-
it's normal.
-
It is inevitable.
-
What you want to do is you want to react
with compassion to them.
-
If I had emotional Novocaine,
I would give it to you.
-
AG: I've seen so many people say,
-
"Alright, I'm really uncomfortable
challenging directly,
-
and so one of the ways
I'll show that I care personally,
-
is I'm going to deliver
a feedback sandwich:
-
you know, open up with some praise,
and then criticism comes in the middle,
-
and then a slice of praise again,
-
so we start and end on a high note.
-
And the research I've read on this
is pretty clear in saying
-
this is a bad idea, for two reasons.
-
One, when you lead with praise,
-
they're just waiting
for the other show to drop.
-
And it seem insincere.
-
And two is that people often
tune out what's in the middle.
-
And so, what's your preferred alternative
to the feedback sandwich?
-
KS: I agree, nobody
really likes a shit sandwich.
-
And so it's important
for both praise and criticism,
-
but especially for criticism,
-
is to go in being humble.
-
You may be wrong in what
you're saying and that's OK.
-
One of the most important things
you can do when offering criticism,
-
is to state your intention to be helpful.
-
AG: There's evidence to back this up.
-
It's something I heard a lot
at Bridgewater, too.
-
It's easier to take criticism
when you know it's meant to help you.
-
From the outside, it might sound harsh.
-
But they think it's good for them.
-
KS: If you know that it's healthy,
-
and you've experienced
firsthand the benefit,
-
you're going to keep seeking it,
-
just like, it still hurts
sometimes to go running,
-
but I know how important that is
to my well-being, so I'll keep doing it,
-
even though it's always kind of an effort
to get myself out the door.
-
I think it's the same with criticism.
-
AG: More on that after the break.
-
This is going to be
a different kind of ad.
-
In the spirit of exploring
creative ideas at work,
-
we're going to take you
inside Bonobos, our sponsor.
-
Like everyone else on earth,
I hate calling customer service.
-
It's hard to get a human on the line,
-
and if you do, they're usually
stuck reading from a script.
-
If you want to get anywhere,
you have to ask for the manager
-
over and over and over.
-
But that's not how things work at Bonobos.
-
They make great fitting men's clothes,
and if you call them with a problem,
-
you get a real person
empowered to actually help.
-
Bonobos calls them Ninjas.
-
Kelsey Nash: My actual title is Creative
Customer Engagement Lead.
-
I'm on the management team of the Ninjas.
-
AG: This is Kelsey Nash.
-
He and all the other Ninjas at Bonobos
-
have something pretty rare
in the world of customer service.
-
Freedom.
-
KN: Every Ninja is empowered
to take care of a customer
-
in the moment, in whatever way
that they think is necessary.
-
There's no real sending it
up the ladder and down the ladder
-
to find a resolution,
-
like, "We'll call you back
within 24 to 48 hours."
-
So every day, we ask Ninjas,
-
"What would you want
if you were the customer?
-
How would you feel?"
-
AG: Which can lead to some
surprising interactions.
-
Like one Kelsey handled himself.
-
KN: There was a guy named Derek
and he wrote in and he said,
-
"I had a fire at my house,
-
and one of my favorite
flannel shirts was damaged.
-
Do you know of some way
to recuperate this or repair it,
-
I see you don't really have any
on the website anymore."
-
AG: Kelsey at Bonobos
wrote back right away.
-
KN: "We're happy to replace your shirt,
-
I'm so sorry about that,
is everybody alright?"
-
He wrote back and said,
"Actually, everybody's fine,
-
except our 15-year-old dog
was trapped in the house
-
and we lost our dog
and that's been the only thing."
-
AG: Kelsey heard that
and went into Ninja mode.
-
KN: I got online and I found
his dog on his Instagram account.
-
So I got a picture of the dog,
I commissioned this portrait
-
and then I got a couple flannel shirts
and I sent it to the guy.
-
Derek (on the phone): I'm not
an emotional guy,
-
but with all that has happened
it was still very fresh,
-
I definitely cried
when I saw the painting.
-
AG: When I heard this story,
I had to get Derek on the phone.
-
Derek: You know, you're kind of
in a desperate situation.
-
Just any glimmer of something nice
happening to you at that point
-
goes a long, long way.
-
What they did wasn't necessary,
they didn't have to do it,
-
other than they thought
it was the right thing to do.
-
KN: What we pride ourselves on,
above everything, is that we're human.
-
Like, we deal with every contact
on a one-to-one basis:
-
as a human answering a phone call,
talking to another human like,
-
yeah, let's work this out.
-
AG: Which is what you need sometimes.
-
It clearly meant something to Derek,
who recently started a new job.
-
Derek: The only picture I've put up
on the wall so far is that painting
-
and it's right above my desk
on the wall above the window.
-
When I walk in the door every morning,
that's the first thing I see.
-
AG: Bonobos makes great clothes,
-
but my favorite part is that I don't
have to leave my house to get them.
-
I hate going shopping
-
almost as much as I normally hate
calling customer service.
-
Ordering on the Bonobos
website is super easy.
-
They ship fast and if it doesn't fit,
you can always call Kelsey.
-
You know, just to talk.
-
Try it today at bonobos.com/TED
-
and you'll get 20 percent
off your first order.
-
That's bonobos.com/TED
for 20 percent off.
-
When I was in college,
I was a springboard diver.
-
I was learning a new dive:
-
two and a half flips with a twist.
-
When I tried it out in a meet,
I thought it went OK.
-
Then I saw the judges' scores:
-
two, two and a half, and zero point five.
-
I don't think I'd ever even
seen that score before.
-
Anyway, when you're flipping
and twisting in mid-air,
-
you can't always gauge
your own performance.
-
And I think big parts of our
work lives are like that, too.
-
We're so immersed in the situation,
-
that we can't see ourselves objectively.
-
At that diving meet there were multiple
judges who all saw the same flaws.
-
When I watched the video
afterward, I saw them, too.
-
I'd executed a near-perfect belly flop.
-
If you've ever played sports,
-
you know the value
of reviewing the game tape
-
with coaches and colleagues
who keep you honest.
-
Why don't we do the same thing at work?
-
At Bridgewater, they do.
-
They're so obsessed
with radical transparency,
-
that they record video or audio
of almost every meeting.
-
If that sounds a bit like
Big Brother is watching,
-
well, he is.
-
But here's the difference --
everyone is watching.
-
They're constantly going back
to the tapes to learn.
-
This is what radical
transparency sounds like.
-
Here's Ray Dalio, the founder,
talking with a colleague.
-
RD: No, I'm not saying
all your advice is bad.
-
Colleague: Well, it sounds like
you think it's bad.
-
RD: Some of it is bad.
-
All he's saying to you.
-
You need to display that you know
that you don't know.
-
AG: In too many workplaces,
-
people keep those comments
behind closed doors.
-
Jen Healy: In general
hierarchical structures
-
you don't tell people
what you actually think.
-
AG: Jen Healy is a manager at Bridgewater.
-
JH: You're always managing
other people's perceptions of you
-
and what they of you
and trying to butter people up above,
-
trying to make sure that they
don't think anything is going wrong,
-
that you have all the answers.
-
AG: Radical transparency is designed
to solve for a deadly sin of work life:
-
office politics.
-
In too many places,
what happens in the meeting
-
doesn't matter nearly as much
as secret alliances and conversations
-
after the meeting.
-
JH: And so, you're able
to just say what you think
-
and also be held accountable
if what you're thinking is bad.
-
AG: But for it to work,
you need all of your colleagues
-
to get past their knee-jerk
reactions to criticism.
-
Which isn't easy, especially at first.
-
Eileen Murray: When I first became
acquainted with Bridgewater,
-
you know, I wasn't enamored.
-
AG: This is Eileen Murray.
-
EM: When I first came up
to Bridgewater for a meeting,
-
I guess it was a management
committee meeting
-
and someone was being probed,
-
basically asking people questions
until you get to a logical answer
-
as to what might be going on,
-
and I was like, "I can't wait
to get out of here,
-
I think I'm going to put my hair on fire.
-
These people are crazy."
-
AG: But now, Eileen is one
of the company's two CEOs.
-
Along the way, she came to hear
the criticism as tough love.
-
Kind of like what you’d get
from your family.
-
EM: I have a younger sister
who says things to me
-
that I sometimes can't believe I tolerate,
-
but I tolerate it because
she's trying to make me better.
-
And so once I understood the intention
was to understand what people are like,
-
for the purpose of them
understanding what they're like,
-
so that, you know, you basically
are aware of what you do well,
-
you're aware of what you don't do well,
so you can do things better in life.
-
RD: It's a little bit like Navy SEALs.
-
Take the Navy SEAL,
put them in the cold water.
-
If that's a difficult moment,
let's practice that, right?
-
AG: Every day at the firm is a new
encounter with your challenge network.
-
You learn to seek out
your trusted critics,
-
which means you've opted in.
-
And little by little, you get
more comfortable hearing hard truths.
-
Unless you don't.
-
About a third of Bridgewater's new hires
leave in the first year and a half.
-
It was right at that year-and-a-half mark
that Kiran Rao, the guy you heard earlier,
-
found himself being told
he was the company's worst manager
-
in front of 200 of his colleagues.
-
Kiran might have been prepared,
but it still hurt.
-
KR: I was probably turning as red
as my Indian complexion allows me to.
-
And I was describing it as like, basically
-
dressing for the beach one day,
-
in flip-flops and your swimwear
-
and you swing your door open,
and you're in a full-force winter storm.
-
AG: The thing you need
to understand about Kiran
-
is that before Bridgewater,
he'd already had a successful career.
-
Actually, several.
-
He was a doctor and worked
with the World Health Organization.
-
He was a principal in a consulting firm.
-
And he worked at a successful
investment firm.
-
He had never failed like this before.
-
But what happened next was something
I've never seen anywhere else.
-
Are you embarrassed, you know,
hide from everyone,
-
how did you move forward?
-
KR: No, I felt great.
-
AG: I'm sorry, what?
-
KR: I felt great.
-
AG: Do you realize
how strange that sounds?
-
KR: It does.
-
AG: You can hear this
in the tape of the meeting,
-
right after he found out his ranking.
-
KR (on tape): I'm Kiran Rao,
-
by now probably notorious/famous
number one on the list.
-
(Laughter)
-
I think it's a great list.
-
And I agree that I'm in that spot.
-
This leaves me more energized versus not.
-
I get energy from it and I look forward
to helping or leaving,
-
whichever is the right answer.
-
AG: So are you just
a glutton for punishment?
-
(Laughter)
-
KR: It's just data.
-
It's just data, objective data
about what I'm like.
-
I would rather know how bad the bad is,
-
and how good the good is
-
so I can do something with it.
-
AG: I think a skeptic, particularly one
with my training, might say,
-
this is just cognitive
dissonance reduction.
-
So you're like, this felt really bad,
but I decided to stay
-
and so it must have taught me something,
I must have grown from the experience,
-
otherwise, like, how the hell
do I justify this?
-
Do you ever wonder whether
you're just kind of rationalizing
-
the unpleasant experience?
-
KR: No.
-
But Bridgewater is not about
those dramatic moments, right.
-
The real challenge for people
-
to figure out if they're fit
for the culture or not,
-
is not the dramatic moments,
-
it's the daily experience of it.
-
Right?
-
That drama is incidental to the real work
of getting to know yourself.
-
I do believe I've experienced deep,
fundamental change at Bridgewater.
-
AG: It is interesting,
because it almost sound like
-
you're trying to rewire
or override an instinct.
-
KR: When I have somebody
tell me I did something badly,
-
my ego kicks in, right,
-
and so my composure
starts to become worse and worse.
-
"That is so wrong,
how can that possibly [be] true,
-
I've done all these things in my life
and how could I be that person?"
-
AG: That's what I call proving mode.
-
It's the primal, emotional reaction.
-
The lower-level you.
-
But your brain has another
higher-level setting.
-
Its improving mode.
-
That's your inner Olympic diver.
-
Who wants to know
exactly how good you are,
-
and every single thing
you can do to get better.
-
Improving mode means
you're always a work in progress.
-
At Bridgewater, the thinking is,
-
that if you're exposed
to feedback all the time
-
you get better at hearing
that improving voice.
-
KR: There is a much softer voice, right.
-
The logical person inside me who's saying,
-
"Yeah, it's been a rough year.
-
It hasn't been such an impactful year.
-
Kiran, you aren't really
accomplishing your goals.
-
That's not so surprising."
-
The difference, though,
is that those two voices
-
are very different
in amplitude at that moment.
-
The low-level me screaming,
-
the upper-level me is whispering.
-
AG: Interesting.
-
So the two yous will always
still be battling at some level.
-
KR: I think so.
-
And to me, the beauty is
I can see that now.
-
It used to take me a month or two
-
to recognize that
and come back to an even keel.
-
And with Ray, it takes a microsecond.
-
RD: Yes, it's almost exactly that quick.
-
I go, "Damn, I wish I would have..."
whatever that thing is,
-
and simultaneously, "Where's the lesson?"
-
And I think it's a habit.
-
AG: OK, that's weird.
-
Ray is suggesting he doesn't just
feel less pain than the rest of us,
-
when he gets criticized.
-
He's trained himself
so that the pain signal
-
is actually followed by a pleasure signal.
-
Over years of seeing
that negative feedback
-
leads to positive outcomes,
-
he sort of seems to enjoy hearing it now.
-
RD: When you're getting criticism,
how do you feel about it?
-
AG: So I think overall ...
-
I don't think I enjoy it most of the time,
-
but I crave it.
-
I started teaching
and was terrified of public speaking.
-
I remember one of the feedback forms said
-
that I was so nervous,
-
that I was causing the students
to physically shake in their seats.
-
At the time, I was like,
"Uh, I don't want to be that person."
-
But I need the feedback
in order to not be that person.
-
I think it was easier to take
because I asked for it.
-
I don't think I take criticism so well
when somebody just springs it on me
-
and I don't feel like
I've opted in to it first.
-
RD: That's beautiful, right?
-
And it's totally understandable
-
that when it's sprung on you
it takes you by surprise,
-
you know, because it's
an amygdala response.
-
And the amygdala is the fight or flight
and it is a very short-term thing.
-
But in some period of time,
that's going to fade
-
and then if at that moment you reflect,
-
pain plus reflection equals progress.
-
Because the pain is signaling you
that something is wrong,
-
the reflection helps
to produce that learning.
-
And if you do that over a period of time,
you can't help but learn.
-
AG: That's the goal.
-
But if you're like most people,
-
reflection gets hijacked
by your inner dictator.
-
Who immediately goes
into denial and attack.
-
We need a way to take
a more honest look in the mirror.
-
In the moment, that's hard to do.
-
So in psychology, we have a fun way
of making you a little more aware
-
of how you appear to others.
-
Imagine that you're sitting at a computer
to take a timed, multiple-choice test.
-
The instructions say to answer
question after question
-
until a timer goes off.
-
But what we haven't told you
-
is that we're recording your keyboard.
-
So if you submit an answer
after the timer, we know you're cheating.
-
It turns out, you're significantly
less likely to cheat
-
if there's a mirror in the room.
-
It reminds you to reflect
on how your behavior will look to others.
-
At Bridgewater, Ray is constantly
trying to look in the mirror,
-
so he can see himself
the way others see him.
-
Psychologists often talk
about a second score.
-
The idea being that you can't control
-
your unprepared, long-winded
meeting performance,
-
the D-minus is done,
that already happened.
-
The only thing you can do then is say,
-
"Alright, I can't control
that first score,
-
I can control the second, which is
how well did I take the first score."
-
Even if I got a D-minus
for my performance,
-
I can get an A-plus for how
I took the feedback of my performance.
-
Do you give yourself those kinds
of explicit evaluations?
-
RD: Everybody gives those.
-
AG: If people know
they're being evaluated
-
on how well they learn
and how well they take feedback,
-
then there's no stable image
to protect anymore.
-
RD: Well put, it's a good point.
-
AG: A second score.
-
Every time I get feedback,
-
I rate myself now
on how well I took the feedback.
-
That's a habit we can all develop.
-
When someone gives you feedback,
they've already evaluated you.
-
So it helps to remind yourself
that the main thing they're judging now
-
is whether you're open or defensive.
-
You don't always realize
when you're being defensive.
-
So call on your challenge network.
-
Ask them to give you a second score, too.
-
"How did I come across
when you gave me feedback?"
-
And then really listen to what they say.
-
And respond by saying thank you.
-
The best way to prove yourself
-
is to show that you're willing
to improve yourself.
-
Just ask Kiran.
-
KR: It's funny, I called my wife
on my way home and said this happened,
-
they put up the list of the worst managers
at Bridgewater and I was number one.
-
And I had an amazing, energizing day ...
-
And it felt great.
-
And she said, "That's wonderful,
Kiran, I'm proud of you."
-
AG: She said she was proud of you?
-
For being the worst
manager at Bridgewater?
-
KR: No, for looking in the mirror,
-
for not cringing from what I look like,
-
for being able to see reality
for what it is.
-
And I probably reached home by then.
-
It's a short commute.
-
AG: WorkLife is hosted by me, Adam Grant.
-
The show is produced by TED
with Transmitter Media
-
and Pineapple Street Media.
-
Our team includes Colin Helms,
Gretta Cohn, Gabrielle Lewis,
-
Angela Cheng and Janet Lee.
-
This episode was produced by Dan O'Donell
with help from Julia Alsop.
-
Our show is mixed by David Herman
with help from Dan Dzula.
-
Original music by Hahnsdale Hsu.
-
Special thanks to our sponsors:
-
Bonobos, Accenture,
JP Morgan Chase and Warby Parker.
-
Next time on WorkLife,
-
we're going inside the writer's room
at The Daily Show
-
to find out how they do
creative work under the gun.
-
Man 1: The first draft is not
meant to be the last draft.
-
Man 2: Yeah, that's why
they call it the first draft.
-
Man 1: That was the big part
of the naming process.
-
AG: That's next time on WorkLife.
-
In the meantime thanks for listening.
-
And if you like what you hear,
rate an review the show.
-
It helps other people find us.
-
See you next week.
-
Ray, this has been fun and interesting
-
and thought-provoking as always.
-
RD: So, now what criticisms do I get?
-
AG: Oh, I have to criticize you?
-
RD: Yeah.
-
AG: Do we have time for this?
-
You stay at the level
of abstract concepts and ideas
-
as opposed to moving down into
sort of, the experiences that you've had,
-
the stories that you can tell,
-
the emotions that are part of that
that really bring your ideas to life.
-
If you brought more
of the concrete, the emotional in
-
along with the abstract conceptual,
-
I think your communication
would be more effective.
-
RD: Well, thank you.