Putting Meaning Into Life | Ajahn Brahm | 03-12-2010

Ajahn Brahm talks about putting meaning into your life

The topic which has come up for me this evening,

one of the few experiences over the last week or 2 weeks

sometimes people have called me up, about to talk with them,

cause life can sometimes be quite depressing,

things don't really go the way they should.

All these problems in your life,

and people keep asking me what's the purpose of all this?

What the heck is this life all about?

Can you please give me sort of some

great overview, the big plans,

so I know what the heck am I doing all this for,

why these things happen to me?

So this evening I am going to talk about the

very simple subject of "The meaning of life."

Or rather than that,

because even that subject

is like becomes theoretical,

it becomes like some sort of idea,

so there is not going to be the slant

which I am going to give to this talk.

The slant that I am going to give is

not finding the meaning of life

but putting the meaning into your life.

A totally different idea.

The meaning of life is describing to you some theory,

some religious view or spiritual view just to telling you

what to believe or how to look at life.

But no, I'm telling you

how you put meaning into your life.

Because if you don't put meaning into your life,

you'll find that life does become quite meaningless.

And if you just wonder what's this all about

what are you doing this for,

there is nothing which can really give any drive,

any passion in your life,

and I say this as a monk, because I'm a very passionate monk.

The compassionate one, at least,

but you know I really put a lot of energy into whatever I do.

That is for me what passion is because

you understand that

how to put something really important into your life,

some meaning into your life.

And I found out that most people in this life,

who they do get depressed, who do sort of get

negative, it is because

they haven't learned

how to put meaning, the real meaning,

the proper meaning into life.

Yeah, sure that people actually put a lot of energy

and struggle in their life just to getting

on in this world, to succeed.

The trouble is we don't know really what success is.

When you were a kid,

at school,

you think success is getting your grades at school,

or at exams or whatever.

And look, I mean that,

you should all know by now,

because how many of you did really well at school

and we can still be happy and find meaning in life?

Otherwise if you really have to just to be

the A-grade student, if they are the only ones

who have meaning in life, you might as well commit suicide

after grade 12 if you don't get to university which is a stupid idea.

But you find out that,

that is not the real meaning in life.

So you find out most people they find out,

and they try it , and

they assume that other people

know what the meaning of life is.

And they just follow other people like sheep,

and because they follow other people like sheep,

yeah, you do work hard at school

because that's what your parents and

teachers told you to do.

And think, if I do this right then I'll

find some meaning in life, I'll find happiness.

And then afterwards you go to work and you think

you can find meaning in just your bank balance

or your possessions or whatever else that you

start to attain life, and then

you start questioning that,

that doesnt really give you

what everyone promised you.

Certainly that was my life, you know, going to school,

I did really work, I did work hard, so I got

this great degree from Cambridge University.

I mean that was just a big downer afterwards.

Is this it?

You know, all this which I was promised,

all that hard work which I did to getting a big degree

from a big university?

So what?

And then one of the reasons I became a monk,

one of the reasons I never went further in

academic career

is because you could see at universities

like Cambridge where you socialised with

the lecturers and with the professors and with the dons.

Look some of those people have Nobel prizes.

I mean,

these were the top, the elite of academia.

You talk with them

and just realised that these people haven't got it together.

Yeah, they were brilliant in their field but

they were stupid in life.

You know just, I'm rambling on here,

but one of the people which we met here,

with Dennis, our president, Roger Pennrose came

into town some years ago and he's

Mr. Blackhole.

He's the guy who discovered black hole.

So Roger Pennrose, one of the greatest physicists of our age,

probably up there with Stephen Hawkings.

And he came and Dennis our president,

so we went to have dinner with him.

And, cause I'm well connected with the physicists

over here.

It's actually, it's really amazing,

all these dinner, all the other people there,

they were sort of from, they were NASA, they were

professor of Physics from all over the place,

and I was only, sort of, the Buddhist monk. [laughter]

But anyone from religion which actually shows

just how Buddhism and even just elite Physics,

we can actually melt together.

But you even look at this person who was so brilliant in his field

but you couldn't have a conversation with him.

And do you remember this Dennis?

We were all just talking with each other,

even I was just chatting about all sorts of stuff

with these people from NASA

and he was actually standing by himself,

no one was talking with him.

I was wondering that he is brilliant in front of the lecture theatre, apparently,

he's brilliant, you know, on a piece of paper

but he hasn't got his life together.

It was meeting people like that, I thought,

that's not the meaning in life, becoming a great academic.

It's not the meaning in life becoming really rich people.

Also at Cambridge, you know one of other people I knew,

he was real Lord, he was an Earl.

That's really great going around with a Lord, I mean a real Lord, an Earl.

I know a Viscount, I forget one, he was a real pain in the butt.

Why do you want to have these honours for if you don't just, [laughter]

a hopeless person to be around.

So, you know, for me, I ticked off boxes earlier on in life.

This was not why I was going to find my meaning in life.

And it was actually good, ticking off those boxes early.

You know, it's just fame, sort of, being a great academic,

or being, sort of, it was also these great sports people.

There was this college I was at in Man U.

It was. that time, it was like a sporting college

many top sports people went there.

And one of the people I befriended over there

was a guy called Majid Khan, he was an international

cricketeer, played for Pakistan and now I think he is

an international umpire.

I went to college with this guy.

Even that time, you know, he was playing for Pakistan

even though but he was in college.

And again, even those elite sportsman, actually, he was

actually more, had his act together.

He's a lot of fun to be with but still

there was something missing there.

And then later as you become a monk, you get

into all echelons of society as a monk.

The doors are opened to me which will be closed to all of you guys.

I can go into autopsies and see bodies being cut up.

You know, and that's really fascinating there.

I really recommend it, if you were looking

for something to do over Christmas period. [laughter]

We also actually go and meet these sort of, the top notch,

the very wealthy people.

I think I was, I'm pretty sure that when I went to this dinner over

in Canberra once, I going into the toilet,

I didn't recognise him at the time but seen pictures afterwards,

it was Lord Murdoch.

I wished I had taken a donation envelope with me for

the Bangladesh orphanage.

That's with Murdoch's son, you meet all these

wealthy people, presidents and stuff.

But you think, is that really what life is all about?

And it's not, it's something else there.

So when you look for meaning in life or when

you put meaning in life, make sure that what you're

really developing in your life is something

which really does have meaning.

And to me, just power, fame, wealth,

I've ticked off those boxes a long time ago,

and that has no real meaning,

it has no real satisfaction in the end for you.

Now to give you a story about that,

there're so many stories about just the, what might you call the disillusionment

which all comes when you get wealth.

There's so many stories about that.

The story which I mentioned a few days ago, I think, I'm not quite sure where I said this or what I've said .

Somebody sent me an email about this couple in UK who won the lottery.

They got instant about GBP40million.

So they bought this huge mansion, one year later they sold that mansion.

The reason they sold that mansion was they couldn't find their kids.

It was just too big.

So there they were in this dream mansion, just what sometimes, you'd drool over which sometimes

you see maybe in the TV or you see maybe in the magazines

or you may go past if you go driving down Peppermint Grove

Wow wouldnt it be amazing living in a huge place like that

with manicured gardens,

swimming pools, and with people to serve you whatever you needed.

But then, you think about what happens to a person in there.

And this was someone who'd been there and done that,

because the house had so many rooms, they could never find

their kids.

Always had to send a search party out to see which room they were in.

And because of that, they realised that something was terribly, terribly missing in their life.

Family, relationships, a bit of love.

I was in that many times.

Another time, this, talking about big mansions, we went to a blessing ceremony's big mansion

in Shelley by the river, one of these very huge ones.

When I went in there, was it a Thai or Chinese lady, I forget now.

But anyway when we went in there to do the blessing ceremony

for her new house, she just moved in, she wanted the monks to go in.

That was the time when I just come all the way from Serpentine from the monastery to Shelley,

one of the first things I did, I said,

"Can I use your toilet?"

And this is no joke, she had to draw me a map

of how to get to the toilet in her house. [laughter]

It's ridiculous.

But then afterwards when we were chatting together, after doing the ceremony,

I said, "How many people live here?"

She said, "Only me."

And that was, that wasn't funny, that really hurt me

cause you know, you have empathy for people.

You know, these are the people you care about.

And when she said, "Only me", you could see just the pain in that expression.

There was a woman filthy rich staying in a huge mansion,

all alone.

I asked her,"Why didnt anyone stay with you?"

and she said, "I'm afraid of my family.

I'm afraid they will ask me for money, ask me for a loan. I'm afraid of any friends.

I don't know if they are my friends, because I'm rich,

they want a loan or they want to borrow some or want a

gift or something.

Because I don't trust anybody, not even my family, that is why,

I'm alone."

And I thought that was a person who was imprisoned

by their wealth.

They weren't free at all.

If I was them, I'd say, "Take that wealth and burn it."

And have some freedom, cause what else, more meaning in life?

Being free and just being able to enjoy your family and friends and have a great time together

or having that great wealth.

So please in our life, forget about the lottery tickets.

You're not going to win anyway.

And if you do, that's even worse.

Forget about just getting the advancement in your work.

Because, yes, you sort of, get the upgrade in your work, and you get a bigger salary

but it means, you know, you have to work so much harder, so much longer, with more stress,

and you don't see your family, your health goes down.

Is that what you really want to do in life?

I'm very, very impressed with people who actually turn down the promotion.

So you know, this is enough for me.

I want to be home at 5 pm or 6pm to be with my kids.

I want to have those holidays where I don't have to worry

that you are going to sms me to come back to the office

because there is some important contract to fix up.

Cause at least they've got some understanding of

the meaning of life and they are putting that meaning

into their life.

I know many people talk about this, but

it really is up to you to take hold of your life

and not just be a victim and just go along with life

and just allow these things to happen to you.

You do have that choice.

As they say in Buddhism "You are the owner of your karma."

It's a very powerful statement which we don't really say enough

- you are the owner of your karma.

In other words, you know you have it in your hands.

You have in your hands to guide into your future

and really do put meaning into your life.

So yeah, I mean, you need some work

but please have great jobs, but fulfulling jobs, doesn't mean your bank balance

it means, when you go home at the end of the week,

yeah,you have got enough money to pay the bills.

You feel you're actually doing something useful for the world as well.

Cause in those days which I had at university,

it was fortunate that we did have time. We had time to reflect

and that's actually an important thing in your life

to take that time out, not to do things, but just to stand back and

just to reflect upon your life and which way it's going

and how it's going and

what is really important to you in life.

Because we are coming to the end of this year,

you know, December already.

And it's a great time, when things end,

it does give the opportunity to stop

and reflect because life goes on so fast,

it's like a train which never stops so you can't get out and think just,

"Where the heck am I and which way am I going?"

This time of the year is great for that.

You have holidays, and so don't fill your holidays up with all these activities.

Don't just think,

I have to get this out of the way, I have to get that out of the way,

all these jobs which have been building up for the year.

If just get jobs out of the way,

you'll find that life gets out of the way.

That's one of the things which I have seen myself doing in the monastery

cause I've got lots of business.

I've got lots of responsibilities and work to do.

Lots of things to fix up and to settle and to do.

But sometimes I catch myself,

I say, I've got to get this out of the way and that out of the way

and then I'll meditate.

And you find that you don't meditate at all, you don't stop.

So I decided, no, I get peace out of the way, first of all. [chuckle]

I get that done first of all then I do all my other jobs.

Reminds me of one of the old monk jokes.

They aren't actually real Buddhist jokes.

This is a joke about,

I may have told this a couple of weeks ago,

but I'm losing my mind, I don't mind

but if I've told last week what I told this week,

who cares anyway, but just a good joke. If you've heard it before,

it's a golden oldie.

- about the monk who was called up in his monastery by someone,

"Can you please come round to do a blessing at my house?"

The monk said, "I'm sorry, I'm busy, I can't come."

And the caller said, "What are you doing, monk?"

He said, "I'm doing nothing. That's what monks are supposed to do,nothing."

And the caller understood and he appreciate, "Monks are supposed

to be left the world and find peace and not just be in the monastery doing things all day.

That's the purpose of being a monk or a nun,

just sit out there and just to contemplate life

and to be still and to be peaceful and to let go of things

and just sit under a tree and just watch the trees grow, that's what we are supposed to be doing.

So the man actually understood that.

He said, "Ok, very good, monk."

So he rang the next day, he said, "Look, I really need you to do a blessing, can you come to my house?"

He said, "No, I'm busy."

"That's what you said yesterday, what are you doing?"

"I'm doing nothing" said the monk.

"But you said that's what you were doing yesterday!".

And the monk replied, "Yes, but I'm not finished yet." [laughter]

Now that's not just a funny joke.

There has a meaning to it, there has oomph behind it.

So, look, somebody, sort of your wife says you know, "Can you come give me a hand."

"Darling, but I'm busy."

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"How long is it going to take?"

"I don't know, maybe so, all my life."

[laughter]

Maybe that's going too far but isn't it really important?

Actually, it's to have this great opportunity actually, you do

nothing.

So you can actually stand back and just allow life to actually reflect itself on you.

Only when the water is still can you actually stand over and see your face clearly.

Now only when you stop rushing around doing things,

you can actually see what you are doing.

And see what the meaning of life truly is.

That is why, you know, we have monasteries where you can go and stay,

that's why we have retreat centres.

Retreat centres are not, so you can enlightened,

not so you can get jhanas.

The retreat centres are there, so you can stop

and just do nothing

and just see what's going on.

Cos everywhere else, you just,

if you do stop, people say, "What are you doing?"

"Do nothing?"

"Can you come give me a hand then?"

[laughter]

They don't allow you to be free.

They don't allow you to be still.

So, these are places where you can be still.

And it's in those stillnesses you find

what the meaning of life is.

And once you know what the meaning of life is,

you can put it into your life.

So when people get very depressed or they

lose their way in life,

please, you know, go to the monasteries

which we have over here, the great places

where you can just come,

sit, you don't have to stay the night,

you just go to the meditation hall,

and just sit and do nothing.

Don't ask the meaning of life, don't go seeking it.

Just be still so you can know it.

Because the point is the meaning of life is

not a theory.

It's not some sort of you,

you can write in a book, that's why we don't write books

in meditation monk monasteries,

it's not a bible, it's not a Koran,

as I've told you many, many times.

People ask me, when you go to schools or universities, and they say the old question,

yeah in Christianity we have the bible, in Judaism we the Torah or Capella,

in Islam we have the Koran,

so what do you have in Buddhism?

We have Arahant, that's what we read, that's our holy book,

right in here.

In other words you stop reading outside.

If you have a book, it's just a mirror so

you can experience what's inside.

So it's the experience, especially in stillness, that's our holy book.

That's why we don't argue so much.

That's why Buddhism doesnt really have wars,

I mean real Buddhism, not organised Buddhism.

Real Buddhism doesn't have wars.

How can you have a war over what you are reading in your own heart?

If it's out there on a piece of paper, yeah, you can argue with,

you can get theologians who are argue and try to

work out what it all means.

But experience, we know what experience is.

So meaning of life, what really has meaning for

you in life?

Straightaway you find it's not the fame or the

money or the other stuff,

the greatest meaning in life is when you really

serve and help someone.

It's not just thinking compassion, it's actually succeeded in compassion.

You cared for someone and it's changing.

I know that

it's been one of the greatest motivators of my life.

Now I learned that early on when I went to a

Buddhist talk when I was still a student,

and I had heard all these great professors and

monks give talks and quite frankly,

many times, I went to sleep.

Maybe with that experience was why I try

to give interesting talks, and if I find

you're getting dull,

that's when I tell jokes to wake you up.

Cos I've been there, listen to very boring

talks and just falling asleep myself.

But I remember one of the talks which I heard

which I would never forget, it didn't say

very much about Buddhism at all.

Not as I'd expected it, it didn't say about

four nobel truths or seven enlightenment factors

and all these other stuff which you can read in books anyway.

It was just this old English woman, who was

a Tibetan nun who was running an orphanage

with very poor kids in Sikkhim.

And the way that she described her compassion was very inspiring.

I realised at that time, Buddhism isn't a theory,

Buddhism is actually what you do,

how you behave, just your kindness, your virtue,

your peace, your forgiveness,

that's what Buddhism is.

It's not what you find in the books.

What you find in the interaction between two

very kind and caring people.

I didn't realise at that time.

But she taught Buddhism more eloquently than

any professor or any monk at that time

which I knew.

So that's why, the day after, I was so inspired,

I went to my bank and took GBP10 out of my account.

Now this was in 1969, I was a very poor student,

that was 2 weeks food money for me.

So I went hungry. I make up for it these days.

But you know, [laughter], I was really hungry,

I wasn't starving but I didn't have as much

as I would normally have, and it hurt.

And because it hurt, I got so much happiness

out of that, so much joy, I put GBP10 for

this little orphanage for poor kids.

That was meaning,

that was purpose, that was something which

made life have a resonance, and something very solid which I could respect.

It was a pointer to how I could find deeper meaning in my life.

Cause giving GBP10 to an orphanage,

yeah, it helps them, it's important.

There's also, this more you can do.

It's great to have donations and, look,

we've got, somebody's left this in here,

we must be doing the Bangladesh orphanage appeal soon,

also at Christmas, is it this week, Dennis?

Bangladesh orphanage appeal, look if you give whatever to

this orphanage we've been looking after

for a long time.

It just makes you so happy when you get the pictures

and see that these are kids,

boys and girls

who've got absolutely no parents and in

Bangladesh

of all the countries,

the poorest country in the world.

And they don't get government support.

And actually, this particular orphanage,

I think it's something like 95% funded by you guys.

So this is the one which we,the Buddhist Society

we look after

But you do that and you help someone,

and you sort of, you go and see them afterwards,

and you get tearing.

For those of you who've been here a long time,

remember we had the tsunami,

that we raised funds over here.

And when we raised the funds,

we didn't know exactly what organisation to give them to.

But the other organisation I am associated with

in Singapore, the Buddhist Fellowship,

they were also raising funds,

and the Singapore Red Cross,

they had this deal that,

if you would put, sort of, had, sort of,

any amount of money for the tsunami appeal,

in one of the countries there,

they would match it 4 to 1.

So, our Buddhist Society, we're very clever.

We sent our donation over to Singapore to

our Buddhist Fellowship, we donated to them

we joined in with them,

so for every dollar we collected here,

we got another 4 dollars from the Red Cross.

So I don't know how, it was a couple of million or something, eventually we got

So we looked after this orphanage,

I think it was in Khao Lak in Thailand, I think.

I know, there was, we did one,

building homes in Sri Lanka as well.

We did that too.

In Sri Lanka, forget the name of the village we looked after.

But also in the orphanage.

It was twice that I've been to that orphanage.

I went actually to just to see people's donations

and see little kids

and sweet little kids,

without mother and father

they have each other.

And see this huge family, about,

30 or 40 that every one from different parents,

just behaving like brothers and sisters

and having a whale of a time

and doing sort of a Thai dance

which was not properly done,

not like any professionals at all

it's kids

trying to do their very best.

But it makes you cry

it's just so sweet and beautiful

you've given them happiness

you've given them a life

you've given them a future.

So when I do that,

people say "You must be tired,

you're teaching retreat at the same time".

What do you mean, tired?

That's where you get your energy from

that's where you get your passion,

that's where you get your inspiration from.

So every time you do something like that,

you've found meaning.

Now it's because of that,

I've been telling people for a long time now

if any of you are in clinical depression,

or may be, or

extreme depression, go and get some pills.

But just ordinary depression or you are a bit fed up,

or your life isn't going well,

or like someone told me today,

"England aren't doing so well in the Ashes."

And always the other thing

Australia,

no Australia's not doing so well in the Ashes or something.

Someone's not doing so well in the Ashes,

someone's always depressed in sports.

The other thing, was that Australia never got the World Cup or whatever.

So instead of getting depressed,

cause life is like that in times.

For those of you who're really, really down,

just go and do some charity work.

Just get off your bumps,

and go to an old people's home,

or go to a hospital

or somewhere

and just serve.

It's a great thing to the able to serve.

Cause what it actually does,

not only does it teach you about what life is all about,

but it gives you this great sense of worth.

You're actually helping someone.

Again, just when I was at

university,

I was the only Buddhist,

I knew at that college.

So it's very lonely.

So, you had your friends

and you have great philosophical arguments.

There's one guy who was a very close friend,

he was Christian.

So we had these great discussions.

It wasn't sort of antagonistic,

it was animated.

And when I heard he was going to the local mental hospital

to do voluntary work,

I thought I'd better go along as well.

I'm a Buddhist, I'm supposed to be compassionate,

even though you are very busy and

all these other stuff you're supposed

to do at university,

I went.

And I enjoyed it so much.

But I kept going for 2 years,

those Christians, they just actually dropped out.

And I went for 2 years, sometimes,

"what you're trying to prove?" they asked me.

And I think about it,

actually it went way beyond doing service,

I wasn't there to do service,

I was actually getting joy out of this.

It gave my week meaning,

just to go and hang out

with down's syndrome's kids,

and that's really what I was doing.

I wasn't an expert,

I wasn't trying to do anything much with them,

except just trying to be with them.

And to this day,

I credit that with teaching me

what I call like "emotional language".

So if I'm a good teacher, 4 years,

not just the way you speak,

anyone can say words,

it's just where they come from.

These were kids who can't speak,

in the same way,

at least these kids,

were institutionalised,

couldn't speak the same way as I speak to you

if you come to ask me a question

or if you just talk to me or whatever.

They didn't have the vocabulary

or the way to articulate their thoughts.

But they communicate through their emotions,

through their hearts,

through their facial language.

My goodness, they were just so clever.

I remember many times, just going there

and they,

they sized me up straightaway,

if I was in a bad mood,

they'd know what's wrong.

They'd give me hug.

It was the first time

as a man,

I'd allowed a man to hug me.

I was a heterosexual.

I was afraid of, sort of homosexuality.

That's just the way I was conditioned

and they had to allow, as a male,

a young male in 1969 or 70,

allow another male to hug you.

That was tough,

you are English, stiff upper lip

and all that.

But it was so wonderful

for me to learn

just how to be loved.

I got so much from those kids.

I really thank them so much.

So I thought I was giving

when I first went there.

No, I got heaps and heaps,

I got enormous gratitude,

what I learnt when I gave

that's where you start to understand what meaning is.

I know I just, I do travel around a lot.

After teaching here, ok, on Sunday,

I'll travel to Bangkok

and just give this whole series of talks all day

to teach 9 retreats, like a meditation workshop,

and then you have an hour probably to shower

and then you have another talk in the evening.

Look, if you look to that schedule,

if I was member of the union,

Kevin... or whatever,

he would actually say,

no, you're exploiting Ajahn Brahm,

you can't do this,

this is too much work.

You know, no member of union would work as hard as I do.

But is it exploitation?

No, please, give me more.

I keep on saying to them.

Why?

Because youI get so much energy and joy out of this.,

because I am serving,

and I am being with people,

I am getting my meaning in life,

so I really thank you

for coming here and letting me get high

of giving a talk to you.

[laughter]

They can understand when you put this meaning in life,

it's amazing,

when you don't ask anything back in return,

but you, sort of give care,

you just give your energy,

non judgemental,

it's amazing just how much meaning you find

in just the ordinary things in life.

For just being with someone,

caring for them,

being with them,

just learning and growing from each other.

And it's never ever any idea of superiority.

It's never me better than you

or you better than me.

As I keep on saying,

the secret of any relationship,

even if it's just ,

talking with somebody on the bus,

it's never me,

it's never them,

it's always us.

Always try to remember that.

So it's not me talking down to that person,

or talking up to them.

It's never about me or you,

it's always about we, us.

It's a whole,

not the parts.

That changes the whole way we look at,

interactions,

it's not interactions, Thich Nhat Hanh says,

it's interbeing,.

which we have with each other.

And there you can try a great amount of meaning.

One of the reasons you have that extra amounts of meanings

because in those interactions,

when you disappear

and the other person disappears,

it's never self,

it's never about me.

That terrible, terrible idea in life about ego, me and mine,

it's unfortunate we learn when we're very young at school,

that's where we start gaining our personal identity

and thinking we are actually separate from other beings.

We get our name.

I remember I got my peg at the school yard where I had to hang my raincoat

and had my own name underneath it.

And I realised that I had to put my name on the books,

I developed my identity,

the thing which separated me from other beings.

I was told to go to males toilets

not female,

had the male playground,

the female playground in the primary school.

So that separation gave me identities.

You know how separation causes all the problems in this life.

I'm not saying that the men go and use

the female toilets tonight.

[laughter]

No, that'll get you into a lot of trouble,

when girls get into the men's toilets.

What I'm actually saying over there

is the separation into sort of you're a Buddhist,

you're a Catholic, you're a Muslim,

you're a boy,

you are old, you're doing this,

you're Australian, you're whatever.

That's where the suffering of

the Ashes cricket test comes from,

that's where the suffering of who gets the World Cup.

Cause we separate ourselves out into this nation,

and that nation, into this religion, that religion,

this race, that race.

It's not that Australia lost the World Cup.

It's that the world gained the World Cup.

The world won the Ashes cricket,

we won it

not someone.

That way, isn't there something very, very beautiful?

Instead of competition,

there is this beautiful sense of co-operation

in this world,

being with people,

rather than being against people.

And there you actually see the sense of ego and separation is,

and there you actually understanding what the

meaning of life is.

So in the meaning of life,

if you want to put meaning of life,

take yourself out, number one,

it's not about you anymore.

Take the other person out as well,

it's not about them.

I know that many people misunderstand

compassion in Buddhism.

They think compassion in Buddhism,

thinking about everybody else,

which means you get burnt out,

people use you as a rug,

a doormat, or whatever,

and you get abused,

you don't count,

cause you're always the self effacing person

in the sense that, you know,

you think about everybody else,

after a while you get burnt out,

you get depressed,

you get in a real mess.

That is not compassion,

about sacrificing yourself for other people.

Compassion is

looking yourself no more, no less,

looking at the whole, everybody,

it's all about us,

you disappear.

The other person disappears.

It's about community,

family,

a whole race,

a whole beings,

all sentient beings,

a whole earth looked upon as one organism,

with many different parts

like the ants' nest, all working together,

never thinking of yourself as an individual or the other.

It's amazing,

the ants' nest,

just how intelligent they are.

Years and years ago,

at our monastery in Serpentine,

there were many ants' nests,

there was this one visitor,

he decided to give the ants an intelligence test.

Cause you know, the ants' nest,

he put a sugar cube on top of the ants' nest.

The ants love the sugar.

It's like one of these hard cubes,

I wonder what they would do with this.

Would they break it up to take it into the small holes,

to take it into the centre of their nest?

But what would they do?

And he really couldn't believe their intelligence

their engineering prowess.

What the ants did,

they excavated under the sugar cube.

So day by day, the sugar cube got lower

and lower and lower and lower.

When the top got below the surface,

they put the earth on top again.

Now it's exactly the same way,

I think the Vietcong buried the American tanks,

during the Vietnam war,

they actually drew them underground.

That was just a community of ants,

who've never seen a sugar cube before,

ever.

Incredible intelligence

when we can work together.

Isn't it terrible that we work against each other so often?

Especially in our companies,

in our businesses,

in our religions?

We work against each other,

we never get anywhere,

we work together,

there's no end of successes.

So meaning in life,

giving you success

is learning

to work, not just me working with you,

always about us.

Change the whole mindset.

That's one of the reasons why

in Buddhism

we stress

sort of non-self,

we stress compassion,

the two go together.

It is not a theory,

it's actually where we experience life,

a different frame work for looking,

which is why that when you do service,

that's where you find meaning,

because you disappear.

You vanish.

But if you ever do any service,

and you think, I am doing this for my merit

for my good karma

you won't get very much out of that,

because it's again, personal,

it's just

what we call

what this monk call

"spiritual materialism".

It's a great word

because once you have the word

you can see so many things

which you can actually put under that

that umbrella, the spiritual materialism.

I can actually see you doing that sometimes.

I don't know how many people go on to a retreat

and they're really trying so hard

to get nimittas, these beautiful lights in the mind,

they try to get jhanas,

spiritual materialistic gain

I'm trying to get something.

That's one of the reasons why,

if you've ever gone on a retreat led by me,

I'll repeat something which Ajahn Chah,

he was a great teacher

said,

"You meditate not to get things

but to let things go."

Not to get

but to lose things

which is one of the reasons,

why I said at our monastery today,

I said, monks and nuns

we are biggest losers.

[laughter]

We've lost everything.

I've lost my degree,

I've lost, you know

any possibility of having a wife and kids,

I've lost sex, I've lost movies,

I've lost everything.

But you still can lose a bit more,

cause you can always lose a bit more

and you can see what it means

you're letting go more,

you're detaching more

and so, it's really incredible,

that we talk about the biggest loser

being like something very negative.

If you call someone a loser,

that's one of the worse things that you can call a person

in our modern society.

If someone calls me loser,

I'll say "Yeah, you've got it.

Thank you for that wonderful accolade and piece of praise.

I'll really try more to lose things

so thank you for calling me a loser."

That's, in monastic terms,

that's actually a compliment.

So if anyone on the street calls you a loser,

means your spiritual practice is going very well.

[laughter]

You know you'll get a lot of meaning in life,

to be free.

Have you ever felt freedom?

I don't mean thinking freedom.

Cause you can actually read the philosophical books

about freedom,

and the different ideas about freedom.

Have you ever felt free?

How does it feel like?

When did you feel like that?

You know one of the first times I felt free,

going back to my experience in childhood

I had this afternoon off school

and at lunch time,

I did all my homework.

So as I walked out those school gates,

and actually had nothing to do,

and nowhere to go,

I had no appointments,

no business which I needed to complete.

I remember that afternoon

even now

I was then about 13 or 14 at the time

it was my first experience of freedom.

I could do whatever I wanted,

go wherever I wanted

with no constraints at all

no force, no compulsion,

totally free.

It's a beautiful feeling.

Can you ever feel like that?

You don't have to achieve anything

you don't have to fulfill any duties,

complete any projects

and just be.

That told me what freedom was.

At least it gave me a taste of freedom.

That word, a taste of freedom,

you know that's an important Buddhist word.

Even actually, I think, Ajahn Chah's first book,

we gave it that title, "A taste of freedom."

Cause it's actually a term by the Buddha,

Vimutti rasa in Pali.

Cause I give these talks,

sometime I have to quote Pali,

just to say I know my stuff,

this is actually from the suttas,

I'm not just a monk who speaks from his own ideas,

this is all based on the Buddha's teachings.

So the taste of freedom

what actually is that?

If you understand the taste of freedom,

you understand a deeper meaning in life.

Where all of this craving

and wanting

and ill will

all these stuff which agitates the mind

and stops you being,

which is always making you do things,

and go places

and fix things

and mend things,

all that stuff

after a while

that just drives you crazy

when ever will there be an end

to all this having to fix up things?

That was one of the reasons why

another anecdote,

the former abbot of Bodhiyana monastery,

Ajahn Jagaro, he was a great monk.

When he disrobed,

and I was left looking after the monastery,

again, I would work very hard

cause I had all my ideas I'd like to do for that monastery,

I worked very hard.

So from Monday to Friday,

I'd work like a dog for that monastery,

building and looking after the place

and being the abbot at the same time.

Many of those buildings there,

I did,

built myself,

made the bricks,

Dennis knows that,

he's seen me down there,

he's our President,

and then on the weekend, I'd come here,

Friday, give the talk,

Saturday, Sunday, just counsel people,

talk with people, do ceremonies,

so go back late Sunday evening,

Monday morning, back to work again.

It was 7 days a week

and because of that

sort of I could never enjoy that monastery.

So much so, I thought, when people came,

you know you come sort of to visit the monastery

to being done,

you're all relaxed.

Because you relaxes it's your day off

and you come to the monastery

to feed the monks

and to feed the nuns

and have a peaceful time

maybe go to the meditation hall,

do a bit of meditation,

have a walk around, to relax

and I got jealous of you.

And so you come to the monastery

and you're relaxed and I've got all these jobs to do.

I've got to talk to you,

I've got to fix things up,

And I realised that there's something wrong with my life.

My life was always getting things done

and doing things.

So I remember just seeing that

having enough space

just to look back and seeing the mistakes that I was making in my life.

I made this resolution,

every Monday morning

when I, obviously Sunday, Saturday,

Sunday just working here,

Monday morning, I'd go back to that monastery

and that'll be,

a doing nothing morning.

And I'd walk around the monastery,

not looking for the things which needed to be fixed up,

not looking for the letters which need to be written,

not looking for the telephone calls which I had to make,

no, this was not my work time.

So I wanted to see that monastery

with the same eyes that a visitor on holiday

could see that monastery.

That was a hard thing to do,

but you learn to do that.

Cause when you go there,

you can't see all the things which need to be done.

It's not your monastery.

So I did that

and found,Wow, that's how I can be free.

Not with the fault finding mind,

but the opposite,

a mind of compassion,

which can accept things as they are

and see the value in things as they are.

To realise,

not everything

every moment needs to be fixed up.

It does not need to be changed,

you don't need to make it better

you don't need, to sort of,

push it forward,

leave it as it is,

for goodness sake!

And at first it was a tough thing to do,

to leave things as they are,

because you think, that's being lazy.

Our society,

it creates depression

and anxiety

because we don't allow people to be lazy.

I want to create a Lazy People Society.

So lazy people's rights,

so you have right to be lazy,

at least one day of a week

or one morning of a week.

So you can actually sit

and actually do nothing

and have permission to do nothing.

If you really want to

I'll give you a certificate.

Ajahn Brahm hereby gives you permission

to do nothing one morning a week.

You can show it to your partner,

I've got permission, so [laughter].

Cause if we don't do that,

you're not enjoying anything in life.

I could not enjoy the place which I lived,

cause it was also a work place for me.

I couldn't even enjoy my body,

always had to wash it, take it to toilet,

do something with it.

I could not never enjoy my life,

cause it was always something to improve.

You're missing out on the meaning of life,

when you're so active in doing things,

making things better.

So I left it alone,

you know what I found on those Monday mornings?

The monastery was beautiful,

why did I keep wanting to change it.

It's alright to do some duties and work

but not every moment of your life,

for goodness sake.

Please,

stop.

When you stop,

you realise life is much more beautiful

than you ever thought.

Please stop.

And you'll find your partner

is not as bad as you thought they were.

You stop

and you find out

my god, you're beautiful as well.

I realised,

the great insight,

I am good enough.

It's a beautiful thing to understand,

to realise, I am good enough.

I don't need to change and be perfect.

I am good enough.

If you want something to write,

on a piece of paper

and put by your bed,

so you can see it

every night before you go sleep

and every morning

the first thing you look at

when you wake up,

I am good enough.

Ahh, good people have been telling me all

my life, I'm not good enough.

Even I got good marks at university,

Come on, you can go higher,

you can work harder.

You're a genius,

you can be a super genius.

Come on you can do better

you give a good talk,

we can give a better talk.

You get meditation,

we can do better meditation.

You can levitate,

but not high enough.

Gee, where is the end

to all of this? [chuckle]

So it's a great wonderful thing to realise,

I am good enough.

I don't need to make things better any more.

I can actually have the taste of freedom.

My goodness, it tastes delicious,

to realise you don't have to change anything,

be anything, do anything.

I'm good enough.

The amazing thing is

once you say you are good enough,

you know just how many other people,

are also good enough,

which means you can love others.

Are you in love with someone?

If you want to change them,

you're not really in love with them.

If you try to make them better,

fix up their faults,

all those irritating things in life,

which really upset you,

your love hasn't made the grade.

If you look at your partner,

and say,

and you really mean it,

"You are good enough to love

and be my partner",

what a wonderful thing that is.

Your partner realise they don't have

to change for you

they are good enough.

You look at yourself,

you don't have to change,

this is me, who I am,

I am at peace with myself.

Peace,

coming from freedom.

That's to me,

one of the deepest meaning to life.

You know, people always want to find

peace of mind,

where the heck can you find peace of mind?

You have to make yourself perfect

before you have peace of mind.

You have to go through

therapy courses for the rest of your life

before you can get your act together.

You have to be wealthy, rich,

beautiful, have botox treatments.

Do you have to sort of

lose your weight before you can be perfect enough?

No, I'm good enough.

[chuckle]

It's beautiful, having a feeling

that you're good enough.

Cause then you find the taste of freedom,

is, the freedom from this,

being told you have to do this,

you have to go there,

you have to be something different,

and you really are?

Do you know how much suffering that is?

Thinking that you are not good enough,

and you have to change

and be different?

That's your life,

isn't it?

Being told by so many people

you're not good enough.

You come here

and you're told

you should meditate

get into deep jhanas

Ajahn Brahm says,

"you should get jhanas".

I'm not good enough,

I haven't got jhanas yet.

Now, please,

you are good enough.

I'm very proud and happy

and honoured that you are here this evening,

members of our Buddhist Society,

so you are all good enough.

I'll give you that certificate,

Good enough certificate.

If you don't believe it,

I'll sign one for you.

[laughter]

So you get this wonderful taste of freedom,

and how many other places

can you actually feel free?

How many other places

you think that someone's judging you,

they are sort of criticising you,

trying to sort of make you different,

at work, always having you to work harder,

at home,

please in a home,

love each other.

Don't always try and sort of

make each other different.

The rest of the world

try to make you do that.

Not at home,

please,

let that be a holy place,

your shrine,

your sacred area.

A home should be like a temple,

a temple of love,

where people are accepted,

and not criticised.

So if you can actually do that

you understand what

a taste of freedom is,

and then you do find these moments,

deep moments of peace in mind.

Just like that afternoon I had

free from school.

Totally peace,

nothing was missing,

I didn't need to do anything,

didn't fix anything up.

That's why I remember that,

first time I probably knew peace of mind.

Sitting there,

just being at peace

not needed to get anywhere

or do anything.

And please

when you meditate

that's how you meditate too.

These days

that's where I find the deepest meaning of my life.

You meditate there,

you're sitting in my cave

where I live,

you're sitting in your room

somewhere,

you're not thinking

what sort of talk

I'm going to give this evening.

I'm not sort of

thinking just what I'm to going to pack

for going to Thailand on Sunday.

I'm not

thinking of what talk I'm going to give

when I get there.

I'm not talking about how I can fix all the problems

in the Buddhist Society

or whoever.

I don't think like that.

I just, it'll sort itself out.

You know, a lot of times,

when you're totally irresponsible,

life goes on much better?

[laughter]

But when you actually try and get involved

and fix things up,

it gets worse?

Have you ever noticed that

in life?

I've noticed that too many times.

It's better I get out of the way.

I'm not indispensable.

In fact,

the more you dispense with me,

the better.

In other words,

get out of the way,

just let things roll on,

it's nature.

Life is like that.

So when I sort of,

just leave things alone,

there's a beautiful sense of peace.

I know how to meditate,

cause that's the biggest

skill which I developed

over these years.

I never meditate but

like this,

never,

please don't try

to be something,

or get somewhere.

Don't put forth this terrible effort.

Where does that effort come from?

What are you trying to achieve,

anyway?

"I want to be peaceful.

Come on,

be peaceful!

Be peaceful!!

Be peaceful!!!"

[laughter]

I just exaggerate there,

just to show what you are doing

when you meditate

which is why people don't get peace

in meditation.

How do you get peaceful?

Just put things down,

leave them alone!

Stop disturbing the process.

So you get out of the way,

you don't do anything,

just leave things alone.

Be kind to this moment.

Allow this moment to be.

So you're not trying to get anywhere,

do anything,

not striving or struggling,

try to make your mind different than it is,

if you've got a stupid mind

and it's all over the place

most of the time,

leave it alone!

It's none of your business.

Just like my monastery

Monday morning, it's none of my business.

I just look at it as if I am a visitor.

I don't try and change it.

Cause I didn't try and change it

I notice its beauty.

Just like you notice its beauty

when you visit there.

So with my mind

I stop to try and change it

I'm not the abbot of my mind,

I'm not the manager,

the controller, the boss,

so when I visit it,

I see it's beautiful as you see it

the beautiful monastery

in which our monks and nuns live.

Your mind is already beautiful,

why are you trying to change it for?

So change your attitude instead.

Very peaceful

your mind,

exactly as it is.

Just like me

I found my monastery

is so beautiful

I found peace of mind.

Not by trying to get peace of mind

but stopping the getting,

stopping the wanting

and realise peace of mind

was there all the time

when I've just been looking somewhere else.

Always trying to find peace of mind,

over here,

over there,

anywhere.

But instead of just at this moment,

my mind is just where it was.

That is the most powerful meaning of life,

stillness,

inner peace,

realising there's nothing to get,

nowhere to go,

the end of craving,

the end of wanting,

realises it's there for you all the time

you're just looking in the wrong place.

You're looking to try and achieve things

rather than letting go of all that

wanting to achieve.

That's real meaning of life.

So whatever I do

in my busy,busy life,

all of the struggles,

I have struggles as well,

you know I do a lot of work,

trying to push this Buddhist Society forward

and also all the other societies

which I get involved in.

I'm a very stupid monk,

people ask me to do things

and I usually say yes.

I get into big trouble all the time.

But that's part of my life

to try and push Buddhism,

the world life forward,

whether it's ordaining bhikkunis or

supporting euthanasia or

these other stuff

which I put out there,

sometimes I get criticised

but in the end

I just always just go into my meditation,

"Ok, my work is done,

I've done what I thought was right.

Now's the time, just to stop."

In stopping,

you find the deepest meaning of life.

Not just doing things

not trying to find meaning,

just stopping

and being the meaning

you're searching for.

Try it.

That's why Buddhism is such a successful

path for these many years.

Not just because it went on the path

of trying to achieve things.

But you have to stop all this craving

and wanting business.

Everytime you do that,

you find that what the monks and nuns' experience,

and you stop all this wanting

you stop all this searching

you stop all this spiritual materialism,

you'd find the deepest meaning of life,

stillness,

peace of mind,

nirvana.

You don't get nirvana

by running after it.

You get it through stopping.

I'll finish with one of my favourite similes,

which I usually only talk about

at retreats,

but it works here this evening.

It's a nice little story

just to finish with.

It's a story,

one of my favourite stories

of a donkey and the carrot.

Those of you who know the story

if you've been on the retreats,

this is also in the book of

"Mindfulness , bliss and beyond."

You know donkeys are very stubborn animals,

that's why they say in English -

as stubborn as a donkey.

You hit them with a stick,

they won't move.

So the only way you get donkeys to move,

is you tie the stick to their back,

so the front of the stick is about 2 feet,

in front of the donkey's head,

at the end of the stick you put a string,

on the end of the string, a carrot.

So there's this donkey,

seeing this carrot 2 foot in front it ,

craving is what drives the donkey,

not fear of punishment.

So there the donkey moves forward

to try and get the carrot

but because this carrot is

on the end of the stick,

and the stick is tied to the donkey,

it doesn't matter how fast

the donkey moves forward,

the carrot goes at the same speed.

There's always 2 foot in front of the donkey's head.

It's stupid enough to think,

well, if I run a bit faster I might catch that carrot.

You understand the simile -

that's call your life,

chasing a carrot.

Do you ever get it?

Now it's always 2 foot in front,

you almost get it, sometimes,

just perfection you know,

happiness,

even deep meditation,

it's almost there,

and you just go a bit further,

it goes further away from you.

But many donkeys have actually heard my talks

on youtube.

[laughter]

And they now know how to catch the carrot!

How to find meaning in life.

You know how you do that?

The donkey's already been running very fast,

and the donkey hears the word,

"stop"

stop chasing that carrot,

stop"

so the donkey stops.

You know what happens when you stop?

The carrot moves further away

than instead of being before him.

If you've got patience and

trust and faith,

you've heard Ajahn Brahm,

you actually believe he may be on to something,

so you,

stop.

And as soon as it's 4 foot away from you,

twice as far as it's ever been

you get a little bit of doubt,

is this going to happen,

is it true?

But then something amazing happens,

the carrot starts coming towards you.

As soon as it's in its normal position,

2 foot in front of your mouth,

but now it's coming at great speed

[laughter]

towards you,

you don't have to do anything,

you just sit there,

And just at the right moment,

you remember the most important phrase,

"The door of my mouth is now open to you, carrot"

[laughter]

And the carrot gets into your own mouth!

That's how you find meaning in life.

You stop,

the meaning just goes further away from you

at first,

but be patient,

then it comes towards you,

you don't chase it,

you stop.

At the right moment,

with a bit of compassion,

thank you,

that's how you become enlightened.

Thank you for listening.

[laughter]

So any questions or comments about

putting meaning into life and

finding meaning in life?

Any questions?

Going, going,

ok, gone.