A river of ideas | Luciano Mellera | TEDxRíodelaPlata

Luciano Mellera laughs at the talks of TEDxRíodelaPlata 2017. Lucho left behind his career as an advertising creative to become one of the greatest exponents of Latin Stand Up. In 2015 he was nominated as a Revelation at the Estrella de Mar Awards and he did not win, but he does not care. It's a lie; he does a little bit. Together with Lucas Lauriente they made the first stand-up show of Argentina in a stadium, filling the capacity of the legendary Luna Park, and several times was part of the cast of Comedy Central.
He took part in TEDxRíodelaPlata on three occasions: one as a speaker and two as a comedian, closing the last two editions before more than 10,000 people at each opportunity. This year he was selected to record a Stand Up special for Netflix.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

Don't worry. Don't worry.

I know, it's hard to listen to me.

You all look like: We don't want
to learn anything else!

Don't worry.

My talk doesn't have
any kind of useful information.

I'm committed to not giving any da...

Audience: ...ta.

Very Good!

I just want to make you laugh for a wh...

Audience: ...ile.

I feel like Magdalena Fleitas.

No, not kidding.

I don't know if you lived this as I did
but along the day

something happened to me
and that's the shift of focus

of many ideas and preconceptions
I had before.

I believe that is the common thread
of the day:

the perspective shift;

to shift the focus.

I believe all the speakers,
over all the talks,

made their best, did a great job

to challenge our perspective
in different aspects.

Like Juli Garbulsky,
just graduated from high school,

he could put into words

something we all think about
schools and the education system.

I believe we could relate
to his suffering,

we were mirrored in his helplessness

for being in an institution
trying to get out of it,

anxious to leave.

And we all said "Poor Juli,"
until Andrea Casamento appeared

and she said her son was put in jail

with no reason and it was like
"Get out, Juli."

(Laughter)

As a kid, he drew on the wall at home.

He drew himself in jail
dreaming about planes.

And Andrea says:
Do you want to know about prison?

Come and have a coffee at Serrano square

and you'll see what prison is.

Do you like planes?

Come to Ezeiza and you'll see
the little planes.

(Applause)

Juli liked the Mathematical Olympiads
at school.

Do you know about Mathematical Olympiads
in prison?

Got a pair of sneakers?

Give it to me. How many left?

Good at Mathematics.

Want to know how many coins are there?

Get this, get out of here, kiddo.

Are you uneasy?

Go run in sandals
like Jorge Drexler's marathonist,

and see if you are uncomfortable.

Juli didn't like the way
he learned at school.

What about prison?

You learn like
in Magdalenas Fleitas' classes.

All sing together.

Give me the nine c...

Audience: ...oins

Get out of he...

Audience: ...re

Forget about the snea...

Audience: ...kers.

You have to start from the bo...

Audience: ...ttom.

Or I slap your f...

Audience: ...ace.

Good, all ready for prison.

Congratulations. You can learn.

Then, Pepe appeared.

Pepe Menéndez right from Spain

to change schools, to Juli's delight.

He said that one of his students set out:

how can exploitation
in child labor exist?

And I say, we know the answer,
it sucks but we know it:

kids are cheap and take up little space.

Because they are small.

It sucks, I know it sucks,

but we aren't for silly questions, dear.

(Laughter)

And also, at least, nowadays,

kids make sneakers, iPhones.

When I was a kid, I had to make

portraits, pencil holders, far from that.

Every Mother's day, Father's day,

no holidays

and no contributions, anything.

Shift of focus.

(Laughter)

Another one changing education,

in this case in Ecuador, was Gloria Vidal.

Gloria Vidal said people asked for work

even as a teacher in Ecuador.

Terrible, even as a teacher.

Terrible, it meant the lowest position
in the socioeconomic level.

In Ecuador, being a teacher is an insult.

But the awful part is
when she says that public education

was privatized at a certain moment.

And a voluntary contribution
had to be paid.

A voluntary contribution!

That is, if you want to, you have to pay,
if not, don't come to this school.

That sucks.

Like "car guards" that say:
"50 pesos, voluntarily."

It's an oxymoron.

"50 pesos voluntarily?

Yes, here you have, master.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

Gloria says that is good advise

to accept challenges and answer the calls.

And Andrea says mainly
if they are collect calls

from your son from prison,
don't make him hold on.

Then it was the turn of Teresa Punta,

in case five talks about education
weren't enough,

we're going to listen to a sixth one.

Teresa Punta, who gave
a beautiful talk as well.

Who talked about how her son
who behaved badly at school,

had a teacher who, instead of
excluding him, integrated him,

gave him extracurricular activities

and now, he teaches kids
who misbehave at school.

And she also talked about Ayrton.

Ayrton could only pay attention

for 45 minutes periods.

The same with me

and it's just time in this talk

so I don't have a joke with Teresa.

So sorry.

Anyway, I didn't worry because
then we had Diego Gutnisky

and he said we're about to get knowledge
put straight into our neurons.

And I say, you made me listen to
six talks about education...

(Laughter)

the shift of focus

should have been before that,
I believe so.

I would have woken up at noon...

How do they work?

Like a flash drive.

I don't know where they put the USB
to enter the information.

In the armpit, don't know.

Cool because they put it
and it's like zoom!

Because they can put data

but also what they want.

They can put advertisement, spam.

Have to be careful there... zoom!

Oh! I know integrals and derivatives

but I want to eat something now,
don't know what.

pate, mackerel, rice, peas.

I don't know. Sardine,
tuna, corn, lentils.

Something that spices up my life,

from the moment I wake up.

(Applause)

And Diego also said

that each neuron respects its labor union.

Each neuron has a union and obeys it.

That's why a study says

a stroke is just a pair of neurons
picketing,

setting on fire a pair of mitochondria

and the other neurons horn blowing

and yelling: "Hey! I'm late for work."

(Laughter)

In Argentina we must have
some neurons missing

because see how crazy we must be

that the talk about traffic

had to be done by a specialist
in psychiatry.

Do we really need a psychiatrist
to talk about how we drive?

I picture José Nesis

analyzing the average Argentine driver:

Isn't that honk the expression

of your frustration for not wanting
to go to your work?

Isn't that honk your
restricted dreams' projection

for having to make 40 coffees
to your nasty boss?

(Laughter)

Maybe you think you committed

a parking infraction and end up realizing

you want to bang your mother.

It's much deeper than we thought.

What José says is really good,

we have to start respecting ourselves

when we drive, now.

We don't have to wait for smart cars

because we have a lot ahead.

In fact, to me,

a car will start being considered smart,

every time you honk a girl

a hand from the airbag

will slap you for being a jerk.

I think there we might--

(Applause)

We honk for everything.

What the heck is wrong with us?

Everything.

There are people who still think

a traffic jam can be solved with a honk.

Do you think the ones ahead
are going to disintegrate

just because you honk?

We honk for everything.

A study says we honk,
most of the people honk,

because we are afraid of getting late
to places, above all, work.

Hypothesis refuted by taxi drivers,

the ones who honk the most
and already arrived at their work.

I don't know where they want to go,
really.

(Laughter)

A lot, a lot ahead for smart cars.

We have to be smart first.

Then, we can start developing

artificial intelligence,

as Diego Fernández Slezak stated,

who says has a PhD in Computer Science

and got a PhD by accident.

What? By accident!

I had a skull fissure as a kid

against a pot by accident
and I don't have a PhD.

I would say all the opposite.

Maybe, by accident you can be a comedian.

You can be one-armed by accident.

A father, if you want to,
but a PhD, first time ever.

(Applause)

I like it as Diego says:

There will be AI

because in Terminator,
they said there would AI--

What is he saying?

You are a scientist, a PhD.

I say it's kind of risky
to be based on fiction

to predict the future.

Because Alf already predicted
there's life in other planets

and they eat cats.

And Police Academy foresaw
an official can be such a jerk

to put in prison a boy
who didn't do anything,

he was at a café at Serrano Square,
that's it.

(Applause)

Diego says that computers
are more sharpie.

They diagnose patients only
based on their clinical record.

They say they beat us at Chess
for a long time.

Here, there's a very interesting
shift of focus.

So, with my brother Joan,
thanks to TEDxRíodelaPlata production,

we did a research.

A thorough experiment

to see other disciplines
where computers can beat us.

Soccer is their weakness.

Unperturbed.

There I missed it
but it was my lack of expertise.

It didn't move at any moment.

I'm celebrating a goal, yes.

It's not recorded but there
a nurse took me by the hand,

did the doping test
and saw a picket in the neuron.

Then, the antivirus was updated,
but it couldn't be protected

even from a right jab.

In chess they can beat us,
but not at boxing yet.

I'm so proud of this video.

And it diagnoses tennis elbow,
but it can't hit back a ball.

(Laughter)

I tried. I pitched slowly.

I pitched from the left, right,
with a backhand stroke.

There it hit back, but very slowly.

I got mad. Smash.

Obviously celebrating

because mankind won over computers.

(Applause)

I'm glad you take it as seriously
as it deserves.

But he says computers are smart,

and that artificial intelligence
is threatening us. I don't know,

until a computer or mobile
needs to be charged

every 12 hours at least,

I won't feel threatened at all.

But I rely on Victoria Flexer,

who's at la Puna with lithium and brine.

Which I thought were useful

for preserving olives.

But she took it to another level

making batteries for an entire nation.

More useful than with olives.

She says brines are 10 times saltier

than sea water in Mar del Plata

but not as salty --expensive-- as the rent
in the second half of January.

(Laughter)

I obeyed and now carry with me
two packets of salt.

So if I run out of battery
in my mobile,

I throw a little salt on top.

The bad news is: it doesn't work.

The good news:

I thought about a cool name
for her talk,

I mean, salt generating power
salt-generated power.

"Hyper-tension." She missed it.

She didn't see it. I stole it from her.

(Applause)

The one who actually saw things
was Gerónimo Villanueva,

who works in the NASA, got him?

Who boasts around about his telescope...

(Laughter)

Galileo Galilei from Lanus, come on!

He has a great telescope
but ultimately didn't say much.

He says he saw methane.

I mean... I don't know how.

He discovered that, apparently,

without jumping to conclusions,

if his estimates after 5 years
are right, in Mars,

someone or something would have...

farted?

(Laughter)

Is that what he said?
Did he talk about flatulence?

(Applause)

When someone from the NASA came here

I thought he'd talk about other rockets.

Fanaticism.

That started with a friend and a lighter.

He says: now I'm going to give meaning
to my career,

my life has a purpose,

will there be farts in another planet?

(Laughter)

He's the best.

And was hired at the NASA!

Incredible, but don't underestimate him.

He rocks. They were gases
but very far away...

In my building's consortium
they are still arguing about

who farted in the elevator.

Was it Irma or Jorge?

I know it was her,
she lives next door,

I smell what she cooks,
it was her harvest.

(Laughter)

Well, I joke about farts
and he is the one at the NASA

Please, allow me this.

And I don't totally agree with
Daniel Schteingart.

He talked about data.

He says losing an argument is winning.

I say "no," he says "yes."

No. Losing an argument is losing.

Lose $ 100 and you won't see $ 200
in your account.

You can learn something, but you lost.

Don't talk to me about paradoxes.

This is science, TEDxRíodelaPlata.

And another thing I didn't like was that
he argued a lot with his dad.

They argue a lot, but when they do
they stop for a while

have some rest, have a shower
then argue again.

I mean, how much information do you need
to notice that's weird?

Taking a shower with your dad
because you're arguing?

Who really raised her kids well,
unlike his dad, is Melina Furman.

She raised and educated her children well.

Instead of answering their questions
immediately, she makes them research,

find their own answers.

As in the worms, she unburied them,
made them run.

It might sound pedagogical
but it's somewhat cruel.

I mean, Meli, would you like it
if giant worms came here

dig you up and make you run races?

And they ask their mom:

Why human beings still crash
in the corners

and use paper bills?

And then their mother comes here

and gives a TEDxRíooftheWorms talk? No.

(Applause)

And another moving talk,
which I considered wonderful

was that of Georgina Orellano.

Georgina, sexual worker, head of AMMAR,

who told us about how her boss
made her do 40 coffees again

because the first ones were too cold.

Here the shift of focus

should be of some bosses and entrepreneurs
and start thinking

why are there so many girls running risks

working at dawn,
in unsafe neighborhoods,

exposing themselves, instead of
working in their hellish offices.

But what I liked about Georgina
is that I felt relatable to her.

Believe it or not a sexual worker's job
is similar to that of a comedian

because, I don't know if you realize it
I'm here with my body

laying my soul, pretending
to be having a great time

but you're making me joke

on very tough issues.

(Laughter)

All for you to have a happy ending.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

Then there was Luciana Mantero
also, to talk about fertility.

And she talked about early menopause
which may sound bad

but it's a cool name for a punk band.

(Laughter)

Early menopause!

(Laughter)

And alerted us on having to worry

about the future of our fertility today

above all, because it is expensive
and hard to freeze eggs.

Because you can't put them in the freezer

at your ice tray at home,
and your friends come,

make a Fernet and drink your kids,
Nooo, Valentino!

(Laughter)

I found, invented, a method

that is quite simpler and affordable

with which you can freeze up to 40 eggs.

You put one in each coffee
prepared by Georgina--

(Laughter)

It's really cool, right?

(Laughter)

Another focus shift was proposed
by Demian Reidel about the end of cash.

I don't quite agree.

If you want to get rid of cash, do it.

I'll be waiting there with a box,

you can leave it there for me
I handle its disappearance.

But what I didn't like

was that he says bills
enable money laundering.

The existence of bills favor
money laundering.

On the other hand,

as bills go from hand to hand,
they are really dirty.

I mean...come on, friend.

You don't like laundering
and then you nag about dirt.

When I was a boy, a little patience--

I once was six days without having a bath

and my parents didn't change me
for a virtual son.

I didn't arrive home and
they were raising Sims

because I was not up to
their standards of hygiene.

(Applause)

He says money is worse than weapons.

It hurts and kills more than weapons

How hard you have to throw a bill

for it to hurt you more than a gun?

It can cut you on the side,
maybe but not really--

The one who's afraid to weapons
is Teresa Bo.

Teresa, a "peace correspondent," she said.

War correspondent, come on!

War correspondent, no such thing
as a peace correspondent.

As a kid she wanted to do that,
she asked her parents

the "war correspondent" toy set.

That comes with a tiny helmet,
bulletproof vest, a camera.

Ovaries are sold apart,
because they are huge

so don't fit inside the tiny case.

(Applause)

Awful her Haiti story.

That the kids there ate mud cookies.

Do you recall that?

They ate mud cookies.

But the remarkable thing

was that it was full of Pitusas
and they chose mud cookies.

They are so horrible.

(Laughter)

But it is fishy... she says
she was in Iraq, Afghanistan,

Haiti, Venezuela, Mexico
everywhere there was trouble.

She's a bit of a jinx!

(Laughter)

The risk we're running here

is that hell may break loose
between the two sides

the two sides of the crack.

Those who think that they'd had enough
education talks for a day.

and those three of you
who would have preferred some more.

(Laughter)

I'm going to let you go
because you're tired now,

and don't want to hear anything else,
you're sleepy, I see it on your faces.

But before I go, I want to leave you
a last thought

It's great to change perspective.

But don't exaggerate;
those who came by car

don't let the 9000 people
who came on foot get first.

A little bit of common sense.

The best thing we can do is
to put ourselves in someone else's place,

unless it is a ramp or parking
for the disabled,

in that case, get out!

Don't take it too literal.

(Applause)

It is great to want to get rid of cash

let's get rid of cash, but gradually,

or else next year this will be called
TEDxRíooftheBitcoins

Let's take it slowly.

(Laughter)

But I know, I trust that
you'll do cool things

because you've been here,

and that's good of you,

not like those lazy people
watching via streaming.

And when I say lazy people
I mean the people who did it best,

because they were all afternoon
in underwear

and now won't have to leave with 10,000
at the same time

through the same door.

You just realize the drag, right?

(Laughter)

But well, summing up,

let's be nice
with the people of this planet

or any planet in which people fart.

Trust yourselves,
trust yourselves, except for you,

don't trust yourself,
it's the worst thing you can do.

I traumatized her and she wonders why.

Let's forget about preconceptions,
enjoy learning although it is tiresome.

Let's toast with cold coffee
for every second of freedom we have

and throw smiles as those you threw at me.

That it was easy for you
and you made me very happy.

Good thanks, many nights.

(Applause)