Why Vegans WON'T Tell You They're Vegan

You may have heard some variation of the joke
"how do you know someone's vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you!"

Ironically, this joke captures one of the
reasons many—if not most—vegans actually

won't tell you they're vegan.

In this video we're not only going to look
into some of the reasons vegans hide their

veganism, but also how this self-silencing—and
its causes—harms all of us—vegan or not.

But the solution may not be what you expect.

Essentially, we need to evolve towards a world

without vegans.

(I promise I’ll explain that…)

Hi, it's Emily from BiteSizeVegan.org, where
you can find the article for this video with

my sources and more information.

While the first few sections of we'll cover
may sound like a commercial for why you should

never consider moving away from eating animals,
there is evidence things may be changing.

But before we can speak to the solutions and
signs of hope, we need to understand the fear

that disclosure their veganism holds for many vegans.

Research shows that negativity toward vegans
is not only widespread but also "largely accepted"

and not seen as a societal problem, unlike other forms of bias.

So, while vegans face bias and even outright
hate like other stigmatized groups, their

experience is compounded by the fact that
hating on vegans is generally acceptable—even

socially encouraged.

Documentary filmmaker Kelly Guerin's experience
of "coming out vegan" was so jarring that

she focused her Honors Thesis in Anthropology
on better understanding the source of the

aggression she encountered:

She said: “I expected my friends and family would
mock me as they had...when I became vegetarian.

What I did not expect was the hostility I
faced and the almost daily confrontations

in which I found myself forced to engage.

I was called “freak”, “naïve”, and
was even told by one roommate

“you should just do the world a favor and kill yourself”.

Shockingly, an old friend who had recently
turned vegan confided that he found it much

harder emotionally to tell people he was a
vegan than it was to come out as a homosexual

in a conservative middle school."

In my video and article "The Science of Why
People Hate Vegans," I explore what research—including

Guerin's thesis—has to say about what motivates
these kinds of responses.

I won't reiterate that entire video here,
but one of the key takeaways is that when

we take the time to understand the defenses
behind such negativity toward vegans, we can

see that they primarily arise from a place
of personal distress rather than intentional cruelty.

At the same time, understanding the source
of negativity or aggression doesn't always

make being on the receiving end of it any less distressing.

Nor does it make that negativity acceptable.

While it's helpful for us to lower our own
defenses in order to have more effective interactions

with people, it's equally important that we
validate how painful, isolating, infuriating,

and challenging it can be to be openly vegan in this world.

In understanding all sides, we start to see
the common threads of humanity

that run throughout our discord.

As we’ve discussed, one of the most common
reasons vegans self-silence is to avoid stigma

and stereotypes.

Essentially, vegans desire what most of us
desire: to be judged for who we are rather

than who people think we are.

Studies show that the most prominent negative
perception of vegans is that they're judgmental,

self-righteous, and arrogant.

Some people have had interactions with vegans
where they felt judged or attacked—and,

let’s be honest, they very well may have been.

At the same time, research shows that even
the gentlest message from a vegan is often

received as aggressive, and even just the
mention of a vegan can put people on guard.

People often anticipate being judged by vegans,
which raises their defenses—and vegans anticipate

being seen as judgemental, raising their defences as well.

Essentially, vegans can be prejudged as judgmental
out of the fear of being judged.

If they have to disclose their veganism, vegans
are put in the precarious position of trying

to preemptively defend themselves from the
assumption they're judgmental while not coming

across as judgmental in their defense.

Vegans may “soften” their veganism to
avoid conflict, being stereotyped, and/or

to make sure those around them don’t feel judged.

As one study participant put it, "I have to
defend myself and protect them at the same

time," speaking to the dual burden of “feel[ing]
responsible for making others feel comfortable

around her while at the same time…protecting
herself from verbal attacks.”

Many veg*ns feel they must also "balance the
tension between staying true to their...beliefs...and

fitting in socially," emphasising that they
are proud of who they are and what they believe in.

For some vegans, self-silencing is not so
much about fitting in socially as it is the

exhaustive demands of explaining themselves,
which we'll explore soon in a dedicated

(and, frankly, cathartic section).

Understandably, many vegans just avoid opening
the door in the first place.

Ironically, the self-silencing of vegans may
actually reinforce some of the very stigmas

and stereotypes they are trying to avoid.

After all, no one can experience a vegan positively
when they don't know they're vegan in the

first place.

You may have had many positively delightful
interactions with vegans and have absolutely no idea!

This is why some vegans take the approach
of letting people get to know them first before

disclosing that they're vegan.

But this isn't always possible and—for some
of us—it's the people who know us best that

have the most painful reactions.

Another reason vegans self-silence is due to the fear of being
rejected, mocked, or dismissed.

For many vegans, this fear comes from real-life painful experiences.

Rejection is something we humans take extreme measures to avoid.

The pain of rejection is significantly magnified
when it's in response to a core aspect of

our identity or a firmly held core value.

This adds an additional layer for vegans motivated
by ethical concerns for other animals,

the environment, human rights, and/or societal health.

Mockery and dismissal of their veganism feels
not only like a rejection of who they are,

but also like mockery and dismissal of the
very real suffering and exploitation of other

animals and humans alike, and of pressing
issues like the climate crisis.

Perhaps the most devastating magnifier of
rejection is when it comes from a central

figure in our life—especially from within our family of origin.

Nothing hits us quite like family does.

Disclosing veganism is often unavoidable with
family, and when that disclosure is met with negativity,

it often leads vegans to be vigilant
about not disclosing their veganism to other

people, or even returning to eating animals.

Now that we've covered some of the complex
pressures behind vegan self-silencing with

the sincerity and compassion they deserve,
let's take a moment to acknowledge a unifying

thread running throughout them all:
the fact that frankly, being openly vegan is exhausting.

This is a point that anyone can relate to on some level—vegan or not.

One of the reasons people can be uncomfortable
around vegans is that they feel they have

to defend themselves.

Well, for anyone openly vegan, this is a default
expectation at all times—and, it's just

the tip of the iceberg.

Imagine having to:

always be prepared to explain and defend every
aspect of veganism, and also

answer for every action of every vegan as
if you are somehow responsible for whatever

some vegan somewhere did, and also
have data and statistics for every potential

question, and also make sure your responses don't come across

as judgmental or combative—even if you were
approached with aggression, and even if you're

being actively judged and preached to while
being accused of being judgmental and preachy,

and also make sure that your responses are suited to

the exact individual and situation you're in, and also

preserve the relationship if with a friend,
family member, work colleague, or boss, and also

try not to bring in any emotional intensity

from your previous experiences of being rejected,
mocked, insulted, and disparaged for being

vegan, and also make sure not to reflect badly on all other

vegans and veganism itself, and also
try not to betray your own convictions, the

animals, the planet, or all of society, and also

do all of this with the knowledge that by
answering questions posed to you, you may

be accused of "talking about veganism all the time."

Being openly vegan can feel like having to
be a sociologist, psychologist, and walking

encyclopedia with expert "skills in emotional
and social negotiation" and infinite patience

and compassion.

Honestly, sometimes you just want to be a
person around other people.

Now again, this may sound like a commercial
for why you should never consider going vegan

or moving away from eating animals, but there
is evidence that things may be changing.

But before we get to that note of hope, let’s
look at how vegan self-silencing

—and its causes—actually harm all of us.

As I've hinted at throughout this video, the
pressures motivating vegans to self-silence—and

the act of self-silencing itself—have a
larger-scale impact than just individual vegans.

We as a society are becoming increasingly
concerned about climate change, workers' rights,

dangers to our community's health, food insecurity,
and what happens to animals in our food system.

The need for a societal evolution away from
eating animals is becoming more and more evident

for the well-being of our planet, our communities,
and of course, the animals themselves.

At the same time, we humans are social animals,
and we often look to what most other people

are doing to aid in our decision-making.

And most people are still eating animals.

So even if we feel discomfort about what animals
go through to get to our plate or we're concerned

about the climate, it doesn't look like other people are that worried.

Researchers behind the delightfully named
study ""How do you know someone’s vegan?”

They won’t always tell you” propose that
vegan self-silencing could reinforce this

perception that not eating animals is some
"niche phenomenon" only adopted by a few people

on the fringe of society.

While it may seem like a small matter for
individual vegans to stay silent about their

veganism, the study authors reference how
"[s]eemingly trivial differences in the number

of people that hold a certain personal preference
within smaller groups can, in the long run,

result in macro-level consequences for entire societies."

From this viewpoint, "[t]he tendency to self-silence
among veg*ans may prevent the onset of momentum

and[…]critical mass that is needed to achieve
a societal tipping point."

At the same time, simply asking vegans to
be more vocal about their veganism places

them in the Catch-22 of eliciting the very
stigma we’ve covered.

The problem isn’t so much vegan self-silencing,
but rather the reasons driving that silence.

As we've learned in this video, going against
social norms can have social consequences.

Research shows that the fear of receiving
the same treatment as vegans prevents other

people from taking steps to move away from
eating animals.

Steps they’d be open to exploring were it
not for the potential social backlash.

This may seem like an impossible gridlock
of necessary yet understandably resisted change.

But there is evidence things may be shifting.

Researchers, advocates, political leaders,
and organizations are becoming aware of the

importance of institutional support for a
societal evolution away from farming animals.

A shift in our collective relationship with
eating animals has to involve more than us

as individuals, and there are organizations
working at a systemic level in an effort that

none of us have to shoulder this alone.

For example, some universities, hospitals,
schools, governmental bodies, businesses,

and even fast-food chains serve plant-based
food as their default, with the option to

"opt-in" to animal-based food.

These programs have shown a significant decrease
in animal food consumption, and changing attitudes

about plant-based foods.

They’ve found that when not eating animals
is the norm rather than the deviation, people—including

meat-eaters—are more likely to enjoy eating plant-based meals.

In essence, rather than moving towards a world
where everyone is vegan, we need to move to

a world without vegans at all—where not
eating animals is simply our default.

Where we can all collectively act on our shared
values without fear of going it alone.

On an individual level, the less we stigmatize
and stereotype vegans—or anyone's effort

to move away from eating animals—the more
welcome people will feel to be open about

their choices.

And the more we see other people acting on
the things we also care about, the more welcome

we can feel to make our own changes.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this
topic in the comments.

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