Planting seeds of happiness the Danish way | Malene Rydahl | TEDxINSEADSingapore

This talk is about what you can learn from the Danes - among the happiest people in the world and planting seeds of happiness.

Author of the book “Heureux comme un Danois” (Happy as a Dane) and named one of the “24 women of 2012” according to the French magazine L’Express. She is part of the advisory committee for the Positive Economy Forum since 2012, an initiative lead by Jacques Attali under the sponsorship of the President of the French Republic. Watch her talk about what you can learn from the Danes - among the happiest people in the world!

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Now, most of us dream
of the perfect paradise.

I'm going to start
by taking you to my paradise.

This is what the weather looks like
when you wake up in the morning.

(Laughter)

This is how you get to work.

(Laughter)

And once you're done working ...

this is how much you pay in income tax.

(Laughter)

Well, then again, you're thinking,

"Paradise? It can't all be about work!"

So let me take you to a day
at the beach - in paradise.

(Laughter)

Something is missing?

Friends? Right?

This is probably what your neighbors
are going to look like.

Because in this place,
there are more pigs than people.

(Laughter)

Now, if you're thinking,

"My God, if this is paradise,
I don't want to go,"

let me tell you something about this place

that might make you change your mind.

The paradise is called

Denmark.

It is the country I was born in

and where I lived
for the first 18 years of my life.

It also happens that the Danish people

are amongst the happiest
people in the world.

Yes.

Despite the bad weather,

the high taxes

and the many pigs,

the Danish people express
being very content in life.

They have what we call
a good base of well-being.

The economists started measuring happiness
more than 40 years ago,

and ever since, Denmark has come
on the top of the list

of the happiest places
to live in the world.

When United Nations came out
with the first World Happiness Report

in 2012,

Denmark was again number one.

So what makes the Danes so happy?

Well, there are many reasons,

but I'm going to talk to you
primarily about three things.

I am going to try and give you
actionable things that you can do

and ways to plant seeds

that can actually grow into the happiness
as the Danes know it today.

I insist on planting seeds
because as we all know,

change takes time.

And it is actually planting seed
that will start that process.

Now, sometimes when I talk
about the Danish happiness,

I get the reaction from people saying,

"That's great, but I'm not Danish,
and I do not live in Denmark."

Even Hilary Clinton said it
recently in a debate:

"I love Denmark, but we are not Denmark."

So, let me tell you something.

I am Danish, but I have actually
been living in Paris

for the past 20 years.

But more importantly,
I've received letters from people

who read my book,
from all over the world -

Japan, Korea, Taiwan, France -

telling me that they also
live by these values

and they live good lives.

These are not Danish values.

They are human values.

They are owned by each one of us.

So I am going to talk to you
today about trust.

I'm going to talk to you
about the freedom to be you

and about finding purpose.

Now, trust in Denmark
is a full grown oak tree

at around 80%.

Eighty percent of Danish citizens
trust each other.

In most countries in the world,
it's not even a sprout,

at around 5% in the worst cases,

and on average in Europe at 25.

In Denmark, it gets
summed up in one image:

babies sleeping outside a restaurant.

Now, you would say,
"Well, nobody is watching the babies!"

Well, I would say, "Everyone is."

In Denmark trust is so high

that you can actually leave
your baby sleeping outside

while you're having lunch.

A Danish lady tried
to do this in New York.

She got arrested.

(Laughter)

Now ...

Trust ...

really comes down to something
quite elementary.

If we want to live in a world
of more trust in a community,

have a group of friends we trust,

it is going to have to start with you.

The first seed that you can plant
is to be a trustworthy person.

And as much as you can
to show trust in others.

This actually starts
at a very elementary place.

It starts by simply doing what you say

and saying what you do.

So what do I mean by that?

Well, I mean that when I say
I'm going to so something,

I do it.

And if I don't,

I say it.

The root of trust is as simple as this.

Now, I have travelled
to some of the counties in the world

with the lowest trust.

And I always say, if you want
to live in a community

or a world of more trust:

be a trustworthy person;

show trust in others.

And this applies in tons of ways
in our everyday lives -

from telling your friend

that you're going to help him
with something

and actually showing up.

Or agreeing with a colleague
that you are going to do something

and actually doing what you agreed on.

And if you change your mind,

say it!

I can take this to an even bigger scale

and talk to you about
the Noble Prize winner Muhammad Yunus,

who created Grameens Bank in Bangladesh,

a country with 5% trust.

He gave loans to thousands
of people, without guarantee.

Ninety-five percent
of them were paid back.

If he can do it under these circumstances,

it should be an inspiration to all of us.

Trust is actually a choice
made by each one of us every day.

Saying that this
and that person is not doing it

is in my world not a reason
not to apply it to yourself.

We can actually choose
to be part of the team

fostering a world of more trust.

Now the second seed
is the freedom to be you.

This is actually also about trust.

It's about trusting yourself to be you.

In Denmark,

the main purpose of education is
to develop the personality of the child.

We teach or children
that no matter what they are good at,

it's important to society.

You are not rated a better human being
because you are good at math

or foreign languages.

You can actually be top of the class
in creativity or cooking.

No matter what your talent is,

it's important; we value it.

Now this gives the young Danish people
an extraordinary base

of actually choosing a life
that corresponds to who they are.

Because they are taught at an early age

that no matter what that role is,
it's important to society.

Now, let me tell you a little story.

A few months ago, I had dinner
with some friends in Denmark,

and a lady looked
particularly happy that night,

and she explained to me
that she was so happy

because her son finally figured out
what he wanted to do in life.

And I said, "Well, so ... really?"

"He's jumping out of bed,
going to school every morning.

It's wonderful."

I said, "What's your son studying?"

She said, "He's studying
Techniques and Logistics."

I said, "Well, that's great.
What will he do after?"

And she looked at me,
and she said - and she smiled -

she said, "He'll be a garbage man."

(Laughter)

Now, admit that some of you
might be thinking,

"What parent would really be happy
that her son wants to be a garbage man?"

But guess what?

This is actually where a part of the key
to this whole big question lies:

When you're free to choose
what you want to do in life

without other people judging you.

And this includes,
by the way, parents,

who very often project
their own ambitions on their children.

What could possible bring more value
to your own person

than to have your child being
a mirror effect of yourself:

the Mini Me.

Now, some people might argue,

"Hm, well, the educational system
doesn't work that way

in my part of the world."

Maybe not.

But you are still free
to choose how you react

to other people's choices
of being themselves.

It is still your choice not to judge
but to encourage

and support other people's choices
of being themselves.

When it comes to your choice
and your freedom to choose your life,

I'm going to go back
to my seeds of happiness.

Because sometimes,

and I would say
actually most of the time,

we are not free.

We have tons of responsibilities:
paying rent, school fees,

having committed to a big project
that we need to finish.

Now, I know this

because most of the choices
that I've made in my life

have started with me
actually planting a seed

that has gradually grown into something
that I could choose.

The only reason why I am here
in front of you today

is that I planted a seed
two and a half years ago

when I started writing my book.

After 18 years in the corporate world,

I only left my job three months ago.

And to be honest,
while this seed was growing,

I didn't know where
it was going to take me.

But knowing, thinking
about that I planted it

made me feel happy.

The point is that
if you don't plant any seeds,

you're sure that nothing will happen.

It doesn't actually matter
how long it takes for your seed to grow.

What matters is that you have come
closer to becoming you.

This alone will actually add
significant well-being to your lives.

So, what can we do?

Well, we can spend time figuring out
when we stop being ourselves.

Find that dream and plant that seed,

and we can make sure that next time

we see somebody fighting the battle
of being free to choose their life,

we do not judge.

We support and we encourage them.

The last seed I am going to talk
to you about is purpose.

So what do I mean by purpose?

I mean this.

So, you wonder, maybe, who is behind that?

Let me introduce you to Ali.

Now you might see a dishwasher,

but if you ask any of Ali's colleagues,

they would say
that he is part of the team

running the best restaurant in the world.

When Noma won the prize
of the best restaurant in the world,

René Redzepi, the chef, decided
to take the whole team to London

to receive the prize on stage.

Ali, due to some paper
problems, couldn't go,

so the whole team ended up on stage
wearing a T-shirt with the photo of Ali.

For the people working at Noma,
it's about living a dream;

it's about living their passion.

It's about being part of a common project.

So what can we learn from them?

Well, this is of course closely linked
to the second seed

of actually doing something
that you feel passionate about.

Planting the seeds of your dreams
gives you a feeling of purpose.

Doing something that you love
gives you a feeling of purpose.

So, if you project this
on a country level,

what does that look like?

Well, in Denmark, seven
out of ten Danes like paying taxes

because they feel individually
responsible and committed

to the common project
of the welfare state.

It gives them purpose,

and it is part of what makes them
feel content in life.

They're not victims of the system.

They're part of it.

Lack of purpose can come from two things.

It can come from not doing
what you like in life,

but it can also come from
not feeling part of anything -

just basically executing
what you are told to do,

being a sort of victim
of your own existence.

So what can we do about it?

Well, we can find
that passion inside of us.

Find that dream and plant that seed

and make it our individual
responsibility to take care of it

so that it grows into something
that we can actually choose.

Planting the seeds of our dreams
gives us purpose,

it gives us hope,

and it makes us feel happy.

Now, I've talked to you about trust,
the freedom to be you,

and finding purpose.

But it's actually not
what is given to us in life

that really matters,

it's what we do with it.

Who cares if you are born in a country
with high trust, the freedom to be you,

with greater purpose

if you take this for granted,
if you don't use it the right way?

It is for us to choose
to live by these values,

little by little, as well as we can.

It is our individual responsibility

to make sure that if we want to live
in a world with more trust,

that we are a trustworthy person,

that we show trust in others.

Don't be sitting around

waiting for someone else
to come with that solution.

Be that solution.

Don't be part of the problem.

Be part of the solution.

These values are owned by all of us.

They are for us to choose,

and I hope I have illustrated
that you do not need to be Danish

nor to immigrate to Denmark
to find happiness.

It is within each one of us
and the choices we make

to plant these seeds of happiness

and to be and to choose

to incarnate the change
that we would like to see in the world.

Thank you.

(Applause)