What if we learned from future generations? | Ingrid DONNAT | TEDxAnnecy

Have you never dreamed of a world where you feel you are fully yourself, and you are listened to and respected ? Well, this world exists and you rub shoulders with it every day. You only have to take the time to observe children, their way of existing on their own, of playing, sharing, respecting each other, allowing themselves to be. This future generation has messages and especially insights to convey to us! So, are you ready to make this journey into the future?

As far back as she can remember, listening, sharing, helping each other, talking, have always been a part of Ingrid's life. It wasn't by chance that the vocation of therapist came to her. The day her life seemed to escape her, she met a psychotherapist who "changed" her destiny. This therapeutic monitoring, and a major questioning accompanied by a return to school have enabled her to realize that she could change her life, make it harmonious in a positive and long-lasting way, that she could aspire to a deep sens of well-being and reconnect with herself. Through the trials of life, through meetings, readings, meditation, she learnt that the most beautiful moments in life are those in the present moment. Life is simply beautiful, so let us take the time to rediscover ourselves, dare to venture out on our own path of enlightenment.

This presentation was given during a local TEDx event using the format of TED conferences but organised independently. To find out more : http://ted.com/tedx

For several months now,

I happen to sometimes
teleport myself into the future.

Yes, I know ...

(Laughter)

... Really, it's not stage fright,
I swear it's true.

And in this future,
quite unusual things are heard.

So today, I would like
to share them with you,

and maybe we will reach
together a certain reflection.

And I'll leave you all the time, all
your life afterwards to think about it.

I would really like to pass on
to you all these messages

that I've gotten from the future.

For example, in the future,
you can hear strange things like :

"Love is an emotion"

or "If I'm not nice with life,
life will not be nice with me,"

or "Presents are fine but useless
if we can't share them with those we love"

or even "Success is
when we're loved by others."

And do you know who gave me
these kind of messages?

Well, these beings from the future
are like you and me, no distinction:

they have two arms, two legs, a body,
a heart in perfect working order,

and a brain that works very well too.

The only difference is that they're
children between six and ten years old.

Now, I have some questions for you.

Have you ever taken the time
to really look at children?

Have you ever tried
to put yourselves in their place?

Or have you tried to think
like them when they're angry,

or when they are afraid or upset ?

Now obviously, hearing all these
questions, you're going to say,

"Of course I listen to my child,
I do that all day long !"

or "OK, fine, they're just kids!
They'll see when they'll get older."

The reality is that those kids
really have their own way of thinking,

their own opinions.

And you, adults who are before me -
and I really do not judge anyone -

you unconsciously put children
in a box, a checkbox of yours,

all because of your limiting beliefs
and your education.

However, children
are fully-fledged beings.

They have things to tell us.

They can think for themselves,
feel things for themselves,

they have their own ideas.

In the workshops
of the future that I lead -

yes because I'm also activity leader
in the workshops of the future

which are called "Philosophy workshops'" -

so during these suspended moments,
we really communicate with each other,

and the children share, exchange ideas
around a topic we discuss.

And they do so without the help
of screens, the internet, or the TV.

Yes, I swear that
that exists in the future!

Today, those kids are here,

and they manage to get
their true freedom of being,

to allow themselves
to express what they want.

Now to make all this work, two
fundamental values are necessary,

in my opinion at least :
respect and love.

Let me start with respect first.

Children respect each other
a lot more in my opinion than adults.

They are even great empaths,
and I'm going to give you an example.

This example, I've taken it
from a workshop of the future.

We were with a group of children
between eight and ten years old,

and we had chosen
a question that was:

"What is the purpose of a lovey?"

So they started to think about it,
to talk and share ideas.

And for five minutes,
it was very, very convivial.

Then suddenly, a little guy called Léo
started to cry his eyes out.

So me, what did I do?

As an adult, maybe due to a professional
bias. I tried to calm him saying,

"It's OK. What's wrong?"

So he explained to us that he lost
his lovey three years ago -

he was five - and
he never got over it.

All the children were there
staring at him,

and this little guy was inconsolable.

Then what did the others do?

Well, instead of going hug
and comfort him, they said to him,

"Hey, you know, we can lend you one!
I can give you one even !"

One of them even got up and said,
"How about we make him one ?"

At that moment, I really watched them,

and I saw that they had
this innate kindness within them.

They truly have this deep kindness
that they can offer us

and that we too can
offer them as adults,

To me, it is the key
to human relationships.

But let's go back
to the topic of kindness.

What is kindness?

It's a trendy topic right now
a little like letting go of things,

you got to be "benevolent."

Well kindness is not
to be like a Care Bear.

It doesn't mean
saying yes to everything, no!

To me, kindness implies an affirmation,

but an affirmation
based on the respect of others.

Now for all of this to work,

we must add the second
value that is love.

Children love to speak of love
and I love to listen to them,

and I love to speak about love too.

During those moments
in which they share things

with love and on the topic of love,

well, they have no filters,
they are authentic.

A little girl even drew
a picture of love

meaning that it could be given
between a man and a woman,

between two men or two women.

It was really a clear
piece of authenticity!

Children have no regard to skin color

until adults influence them.

They have their freedom of being,
they allow themselves to be,

with no filters or anything else.

Let me give you an example
from outside the Philo workshop.

A few weeks ago,
I went to New York,

and I was sitting on the steps
of a famous museum.

The weather was beautiful,
it was a really beautiful day.

So I was on the steps and
there was a saxophonist busking

who was playing perfectly well,
so I was listening to him.

And because of my education,

because of what I had heard at the time
about me singing badly, etc.,

I was humming inside my head
for fear of being judged.

I didn't want to be heard.

Suddenly to my left,
a group of children arrived.

They were going to cross,
and they listened of course.

They heard the saxophonist playing
and what do you think they did?

They began to sing,
to dance, to live, to laugh,

without worrying about other
people opinions, and I watched.

They were themselves,
they allowed themselves to be.

Therefore, I concluded from this

that when we dispense love,
kindness and respect,

then we also dispense smiles.

So these moments
I experience in these workshops

are extremely powerful.

Without love, a human being
is absolutely nothing

and the children have understood this.

During another workshop
with the youngsters, the six-years-old,

I also talked about love,
but a little guy said to me,

"Listen Ingrid,
still everyone needs love.'

I said, "Yes, indeed,
everyone needs love."

So he replied, "You know, the homeless
people who sleep in the street,

those who are all alone there,
they don't have any love,

and people who walk past them,
they don't give them any love.'

Me, adult, I go "OK."

He say, "Do you know
how they can find love?"

I say "No, I don't," so he replies,

"Well, they'll get a little companion,
a dog, and that way, they'll have love."

Then he ends by saying,
"Because without love, we die."

At this moment, it shook me.

I stayed speechless on my chair.

He went directly to my heart,
this little guy, and he was right.

These are really
extraordinary children,

but one of the experiences
that affected me the most

and has affected me in the deepest
of my heart for years,

is that these beings of the future
have something that we don't have,

that we don't allow ourselves as adults:

they allow themselves to dream.

Children have even dreams
bigger than themselves.

It helps them to develop themselves,
to be fulfilled, and to be themselves.

And so, speaking about dreams,

I asked them a question:

'"Do you believe that
all dreams can come true ?"

I was really scared of their answers
and of being thrown out of this future

with them saying "She's mad, obviously!"

but they told me, "Yes, all dreams
can be realized, all of them,

if we are given the freedom to be
and to dream whatever we want."

To dream whatever we want!

So I dared to steal a list from them

or at least a sample
of their list of dreams.

What you will hear

is not at all the list
you would expect to hear.

We are far from the letter to Santa.

Yes, I even stole the drawing.

For example, we hear :
"I dream of taking an airplane,"

"I dream of having a room all to myself,"
"I dream of playing all the time,"

"I dream of not going to school anymore,"
"I dream that all dreams come true."

But we also hear: "I dream that
my parents play with me more,"

"I dream that the planet gets better,"

"I dream that people
are nicer to each other,"

"I dream that my best friend
I miss return to France,"

'"I dream that my parents
get back together,"

"I dream that my mom
is cured and come back home."

Do you start to see the kind
of list it is? It's not that easy.

Now after I had collected all their
reflections, all their thoughts,

I became interested
in their modus operandi.

How are these beings
of the future able to think that way?

Well, there are seemingly
three keys, I'll say,

three fundamental keys to this thinking
and these universal thoughts.

The fist one is the practice
of mindfulness.

When they practice mindfulness, the
children connect with their own hearts,

they are in full consciousness,

they get rid of their mental agitation
like everyone here, daily,

they connect to their soul,

they allow, they express themselves,

and all that
in the greatest kindness.

The second key is they allow themselves
to express themselves and to dream.

Happiness is in the dreams
that come true.

The children understood that.

And the third one is that in order
to be able to express ourselves and dream,

we must take a positive attitude.

Let me ask you a question.

Are you not tired of being more
a spectator than an actor of your life?

Aren't you also tired of being constantly
polluted by dream breakers?

Happiness is truly
where dreams come true

and the children understood this.

Today, I would really like
for you to allow yourselves to be.

I am extremely lucky to spend
these moments in the future.

I make round trips and a few days ago,

they were with me
and I told them I was here,

So they asked me,
"Can you bring them a message?"

So let me give you their message.

I am extremely proud
to share it with you,

and it is the one that I've had
deep down during my entire life as well.

They told me, 'If we dream big

and we visualize this dream every day,

well one day, it will come true.

And for it to come true, we must
allow ourselves to be and become."

So I'll finish by asking you
two last questions,

you, the big children
that you are here before me

because you are all
big children -

well when was the last time
that you played ?

The last two questions are ...

(Laughing)

"What stops you
from dreaming big today?"

and "Who or what would
stop you from doing it?"

Thank you.

(Applause)