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Oh man. I'm going to let out a secret about Indian people, for all people here, all people watching, wherever you are
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Good night India. This is a message to you on behalf of all Indian people.
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Hope my brown people don't get upset that I am letting out our secret.
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But just so you guys know, Indian people are fully aware of what their accent sounds like.
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We don't actually need you. We know exactly what it sounds like.We know it's not the coolest accent in the world you know.
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You're never going to see two Indian guys in a club standing around going "Hey man, aren't we cool?"
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"Don't we sound really hip. We're going to meet all the bitches tonight. I'm pimping."
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That's not going to happen. We know what it sounds like you know.
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And don't think for one minute that we don't know that you're mocking us when we're not around It's an accent- we're not deaf.
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Don't think when we walk into Home Depot and go "Hello, I'm looking for paint?"
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"Yes it is right down that isle over there Sir." (laughs)
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"Hey Jim, did you hear that guy- he's looking for paint. Paaaaint ( long "a" used to make fun of Indian accent)
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"Now let's go have a cigarette and talk about this for half an hour".
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We know your doing it you bastards.
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But Indian people know what their accent is good and what it's not good for. We know it's limitations.
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We know its not good for getting laid. It's not going to help you- "Hello baby" (said by Peters with Indian accent)
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Nothing is gong to happen for you.
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But you know what the Indian accent is good for- cutting tension.
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You got a tense situation. Pop in the Indian accent. Tension is gone.
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Picture a serious courtroom drama. "Your honour, my client would like to plead guilty". Tension is gone.
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But white people, Let me talk to you for a minute. White Canadian people especially.
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Canadian white people. When I say Canadian I mean you're Canadian, your parents are Canadian, your grandparents are Canadian- you're really Canadian.
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Canadian white people- you have an accent! And they are completely oblivious to it.
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You do. I don't know if you are aware of it Sir? You may not have it- you look like a rich Canadian white guy... you're a minority
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But Canadians people have an accent. And it is funny when you watch white Canadian people talk, especially white Canadian guys
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They have this funny ass way of talking. The way they speak they make everything sound like the most matter of fact thing you have ever heard in your life.
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And when they talk to you it looks like they can't control their head. It looks like they are part bobble head when they say stuff to you.
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Cause they'll come up to you and go " Jesus Christ. Did you get a load of the jugs on that one?"
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Hey dude, it's funny to watch. And white people are sitting there going " no we don't have an accent- what are you talking about"
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I can prove to you white folks that you have an accent. It's a pretty bold statement for a brown man.
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But I can prove to you. White people- when you swear- you sound like donkeys.
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You do. Because you'll say stuff like "fuck off" , "bullshit" - hey haw, hey haw
