Oh man. I'm going to let out a secret about Indian people, for all people here, all people watching, wherever you are
Good night India. This is a message to you on behalf of all Indian people.
Hope my brown people don't get upset that I am letting out our secret.
But just so you guys know, Indian people are fully aware of what their accent sounds like.
We don't actually need you. We know exactly what it sounds like.We know it's not the coolest accent in the world you know.
You're never going to see two Indian guys in a club standing around going "Hey man, aren't we cool?"
"Don't we sound really hip. We're going to meet all the bitches tonight. I'm pimping."
That's not going to happen. We know what it sounds like you know.
And don't think for one minute that we don't know that you're mocking us when we're not around It's an accent- we're not deaf.
Don't think when we walk into Home Depot and go "Hello, I'm looking for paint?"
"Yes it is right down that isle over there Sir." (laughs)
"Hey Jim, did you hear that guy- he's looking for paint. Paaaaint ( long "a" used to make fun of Indian accent)
"Now let's go have a cigarette and talk about this for half an hour".
We know your doing it you bastards.
But Indian people know what their accent is good and what it's not good for. We know it's limitations.
We know its not good for getting laid. It's not going to help you- "Hello baby" (said by Peters with Indian accent)
Nothing is gong to happen for you.
But you know what the Indian accent is good for- cutting tension.
You got a tense situation. Pop in the Indian accent. Tension is gone.
Picture a serious courtroom drama. "Your honour, my client would like to plead guilty". Tension is gone.
But white people, Let me talk to you for a minute. White Canadian people especially.
Canadian white people. When I say Canadian I mean you're Canadian, your parents are Canadian, your grandparents are Canadian- you're really Canadian.
Canadian white people- you have an accent! And they are completely oblivious to it.
You do. I don't know if you are aware of it Sir? You may not have it- you look like a rich Canadian white guy... you're a minority
But Canadians people have an accent. And it is funny when you watch white Canadian people talk, especially white Canadian guys
They have this funny ass way of talking. The way they speak they make everything sound like the most matter of fact thing you have ever heard in your life.
And when they talk to you it looks like they can't control their head. It looks like they are part bobble head when they say stuff to you.
Cause they'll come up to you and go " Jesus Christ. Did you get a load of the jugs on that one?"
Hey dude, it's funny to watch. And white people are sitting there going " no we don't have an accent- what are you talking about"
I can prove to you white folks that you have an accent. It's a pretty bold statement for a brown man.
But I can prove to you. White people- when you swear- you sound like donkeys.
You do. Because you'll say stuff like "fuck off" , "bullshit" - hey haw, hey haw