FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S FANFICTION

Foxy the pirate would've done anything

to get his hands on the security guard.

There he is!

Not only did he refuse to wear his costume,

he was always stopping Freddy and Foxy's

other friends from partying.

Should we do that?

(Ken) We're stoppin' them!

Stop partying!

- (Ken) No more partying!
- No more.

Bonnie always got the door
slammed in his face.

I guess we should do that too, dammit.

And Chicka was always getting stuck
just outside the door.

Oh no, I'm stuck!

(chuckling)

Freddy wasn't even allowed
to get close to the right door.

Why not?

Poor Freddy!

- No!
- (Ken) Oh, no.

- Oh, gee--
- (Ken) Chicka!

(Ken laughs) Freddy, what're you doin'?

Foxy thought this was very mean.

(Ken) That's so mean.

- (chuckling)
- (Ken) I can't believe it.

(Ken) No, I just can't believe that.

Whenever he got the chance,
he would run as fast as he could

to make it to the left door.

Whooooo!

Sometimes he'd even shove
Bonnie out of the way

just to get there in time.

- (Ken grunts) Get outta my way!
- (chuckles)

You're supposed to run over here
at the same time.

(Ken) It threw me across the room.

(laughter)

But the door was always closed
when Foxy arrived in time.

- (Ken) Hello?
- (chuckling)

(Ken) H-Hello?
Is anybody in there?

(Ken) Knock, knock.

No matter how much he
pounded and squealed...

(Ken) Whoooooooo!

(Ken) Whoooo!

- He could never get inside...
- (Ken) Whooo!

..to get the security guard.

(Ken screaming in shrill voice)

(Ken screams)

This made Foxy very sad.

(Ken "sobs") I'm so sad!

He was the fastest animal
in the whole pizzeria.

(Ken) I was so fast! (sobbing)

And no matter how hard he tried,
he just couldn't catch

that rule-breaking security guard.

(Ken) I just can't catch that darn
rule-breaking security guard!

Sometimes Foxy would plot
to grab the guard

on his way to his office.

(Ken) I'm totally plottin'
about gettin' that guard

on his way to his office.
There's my chance!

- (laughter)
- (Ken) Nooooo!

(Ken) No, [inaudible].
Whoooo!

(Ken) Whoooo!

But with his eye patch
and curtains in the way,

it was very hard for Foxy
to see outside of Pirate Cove.

This is your pirate cove.
There it is.

Behind you.

(Ken) Everything's 2D.
I can't see out of here!

(Ken) I only got one eye.

It was very hard for Foxy
to see outside the pirate cove!

(Ken) I can't see anything!

(laughter) I don't even know.

And so Foxy the pirate, sole resident
of the hardy-argh-argh Pirate Cove,

sat quietly at his stage everyday.

(snickering)

The fuck is going on in there?

Waiting for darkness,
waiting for the day

that he could finally put
that meanie-guard back to his costume.

(Ken) I'm totally gonna get
that meanie-guard.

- Then--
- (Ken) Uh-oh.

Something very strange happened.

One day, when all was quiet
in the land of Freddy Fazbear,

Foxy awoke to rustling of curtains.

- (laughter)
- (Ken) Curtains!

- (laughter)
- (Ken) Curtains!

The first thing he thought
was that somebody was coming

to see him standing alone in Pirate Cove.

(Ken) Someone's comin' to see me
while standing alone in Pirate Cove!

This happened a lot to Foxy.

Little kids always thought it was cool
to see a former member

of the Fazbear crew.

(Ken) It's always trollin' me.

They thought that Foxy looked rather cool
with his rusty hook

and browning fur.

(Ken) Yarrgh!

Foxy did not think that he looked cool.

(Ken) I wish I had a hand.

(Ken) Everyone always talks about my hook.

(Ken chokes up) It hurts my feelings!

But today, there were no children
at the stage to gawk at Foxy.

No! Far from it.

It was the SECURITY GUARD!

Foxy was shocked.

(Ken) Gasp!
I'm shocked!

He wanted to reach out
with his hook hand

and grab the guard
before he could get away.

(Ken) I'm goin' to hook ya.

He want to stop him
before he could close the door.

- He wanted it more than anything...
- (Ken) No, come back!

- ..in the world.
- (Ken) Noooo!

But as a rule, Foxy was not allowed
to move until after dark.

(laughs) He can't move.

(Ken) It's still daylight.
Oh, it's still daylight.

- (Ken) Dang it.
- (laughs)

So Foxy was helpless as the man
he hated so set foot

into his beloved Pirate Cove.

(Ken) How dare you!
I am offended.

(Ken) This is my pirate booty.

(snickering) Pirate booty.

"You're looking kind
of down, Foxy, my friend," he said.

Foxy only blinked.

He was allowed to do that much.

What did this rule-breaker
know about friends?

He was a meanie.
Meanies don't have friends.

That much Foxy was sure of.

- (Ken) You're a meanie.
- (chuckles)

"Here, brought you a little something
to cheer you up,"

the security guard said.
Bring him.

(Ken) He's stuck.

Foxy was perfectly still as the man
pulled the black pirate hat

from behind his back.

Oh, it was a black pirate hat?

(Ken) Oh, my black pirate hat!

It had chalk-white drawing
of a smiling skull

and cross-bones in front of it,
the kind that Foxy

used to wear all those years ago,
back before...before this!

Then, with a gentleness of an angel,
the security guard

placed the hat on top of Foxy's head.

Gentleness of an angel.

- (Ken) Like an angel!
- Like an angel.

"Hey, not bad!
Looking sharp, Foxy."

It was very difficult for Foxy to deny
that the pirate hat

felt really, really cool on his head.

(Ken) Can't deny it!
I really like this hat.

(Ken) This is a good hat.

But he refused to believe
that this man, his sworn enemy,

the very reason that he
and the Fazbear crew stalked

the halls at night,
would ever be kind to him.

(Ken) How dare this rule-breaking
meanie be kind to me!

(Ken) I don't believe it.

Of course, that was until the man
pulled out a single screwdriver.

(Ken) What?
What do I screw?

(Ken) Is that a screwdriver in his pants,
or is he glad to see me?

- (Pewds grunts)
- (Ken) Oh my!

"Hold still, big guy!
This might tickle."

What the fuck?
Where is this story going?

(Ken) Where is he putting
that screwdriver?

There was the squealing sound
of bolts coming loose.

(Ken) Whoooo!
Whoooo!

The noise that metal makes
when rubbed against other--

- Oh, gee!
- (Ken) Whoooooo!

(laughter)

(beeping)

(Ken) Metal noises!

Um, rubbed against other metals.

And then a series of pings and clings
as Foxy felt his teeth

fall from his mouth.

(Ken) Ding, ding, cling,
cling, clang, clang.

- The man whistled--
- (Ken fox whistles)

Foxy did have very sharp teeth, after all.

That is why he had been
tucked away from the curtains

in the first place.

"I know it's a long shot,
but I'm gonna let you

give this a try."

Foxy wasn't sure what he meant by that,

but soon after this was said,
he felt a number of soft items

being pressed into the slots
where his teeth used to be.

(Ken) Yeah, I'm gettin' a grill.

(laughter) A pizza grill.

Foxy flexed his jaws,

- and tried to figure out...
- (Ken grunts)

..what was different,
but he couldn't.

(Ken grunts) Flex it!
Jaws, what's different?

"See ya in the morning, Foxy,"
the security guard said.

And with a friendly pat on the head...

- (Ken) Oh yeah...
- Yeah, Betty.

Oh, I'm Betty.

The security guard left
Foxy alone that night.

Confused and wondering, Foxy stayed
behind his curtain all night long.

- (Ken) "Ahoy!"
- Foxy bellowed,

staggering to and fro across the stage.

- (Ken) Ahoy!
- (laughter)

(Ken) Ahoy!
Ahoy.

The children laughed and squealed
as he approached them.

- (Ken) Ahoy!
- There's the children.

- (squealing)
- (Ken) Ahoy!

Foxy loved the sound of children.

(Ken) Welcome, me mateys!
Welcome!

You be [inaudible] through the one
and only hardy-argh-argh-argh Pirate Cove

"I don't know what you did, but you did it.

The kids fricking love him."

(Ken) What be this?

With a cocked head...

(chuckles)

He wobbled over to one
of the children nearest the stage.

He approached a little girl.

(Ken) And what's your name, young lass?

(childish voice) Abigail!

(Ken) That'd be a fine name.

(Ken) "Now, little Abby,
may I call you Abby?

Little Abby, you best be careful
out here in Pirate Cove.

If you try and steal
any of me treasure, well..."

He chomped down on her small fingers

with his brand new fuzzy stuffed teeth,
She giggled and squirmed.

(Ken) "Ye be walkin' the plank!"

"Soft teeth!"

His all heart, really, all he
wants to do is play pirate.

And so Foxy the pirate, sole resident
of hardy-argh-argh Pirate Cove,

was happy once again!

- (Ken) I'm happy!
- Now Foxy didn't want to catch

the security guard so much anymore.

(Ken) I don't even care about
the security guard anymore.

Sometimes, though, when Freddy,
Bonnie, and Chicka weren't trying

to get him into his costume,
Foxy would run down

to the security guard
as fast as he could, and then,

just before the rule-breaking meanie
could close the door,

Foxy would dash inside.

(Ken makes scary noises)

And bite his shoulder
with his new, soft teeth.

(Ken gnaws)

And give him a big Fazbear hug.

(laughter)

The end.

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