Carina Haupt, Linus Neumann: Closing Event

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applause

Herald: Welcome to 32c3!

Unfortunately this is the last time
I am gonna say this

I feel honored to present you

Carina and Linus with the closing event.

Linus: To be fair,

nobody wants to do the closing event.

You want to start?

Carina: Especially not us.

L: So, we want to recapitulate on some of
the ideas

that we had for this event.

And the first question I would like to ask
is:

Who of you complied with the 6-2-1 principle?

laughter

C: He didn't.

L: I didn't.

C: But it is quite some of you. I'm proud.

So, great. Your little special effects. Just
blew the show.

Not much sleep.

I think that's the main problem for the most
of us.

At least I really could use some more.

And, to one of the reasons for so little sleep,

which we all got,

is that some of you really

appreciated our new concept for the bathrooms

and saw the possibilities in that:

Toilet parties!

applause

This is something just possible,
if you don't have

gender based toilets.

applause

applause
music

At this toilet party they also had these
nice glowing massage sticks, I think.

It was really amazing, I hope lots of you
enjoyed there and partied there.

At least for a little while, because
it was really hot.

L: You know at C3 events, there is one rule,
that has never been changed and that is:

Before you take a picture,
please ask people for consent.

And for several years now, we have somebody
here that is constantly being asked for consent,

to take a picture with his camera of people.

And that is one of the little highlights
from my end of this event.

applause

C: Something which happens at congresses
with this size,

is people lose their stuff.

Audience: It's a person!

C: It's a person?

OK, that's something we didn't knew
and I think most people not,

because everybody was thoughting:

Who lost his shoes?

laughter

So, I wanna say,
if you're missing stuff

you still can go to the info desk, there's
a lost and found

you can grab you stuff there

They will be there after the closing event

for a little while afterwards.

All the stuff goes to the logistics area.

So perhaps your friend is also there.
Some people brought him there.

laugher

But as we thought shoes is not
the only thing that went missing.

There is also this.

laugher

Audience: Same person

C: Same person! Seriously?!
OK!

L: I wouldn't recognise.
I wouldn't recognise.

C: Yes, so if you miss something,
coming back to

the serious part,

go to the info desk and ask if they found
it there.

It much easier to give it back from
here than to have to ship it

somewhere all through the world

Audience:
Do they have IP packets?

L: They have some IP packets left, but you
must prove

that it is yours and not spoofed.

laughter
applause

You came up with a couple of challenges among
them a challenge to every CERT angel.

That I witnessed last night!

laughter

C: I think this goes without more say.

L: And you remember our little challenge.

We have not prepared a price, because
we wouldn't think, that anybody would be able

to print this.

And the way it is, it was impossible.

You see the fleeting lines somewhere and I
think

3D printing is just not there yet.

But I think there is somebody in the audience
that would like to

present their attempt in 3D printing the logo.

applause

raging applause

L: Congratulations Obelix!

C: Congratulations!
Really nice.

L: I need to buy you a beer, or something.
I really didn't think,

that anybody would be that crazy.

laughter

It took 18 hours to print that thing.

And that was the time and effort tradeoff
to make

it until 7 today, so it would be here

for the closing ceremony.

C: We brought you the whole video.

applause

I don't know, exists there a whole video
for somebody,

who wants to enjoy the whole thing?

L: I don't know.

C: Something we also talked about
at the opening was the angels.

I heard, that when we showed you the logo
and

especially the URL,

they had a peak on their webserver.

Very nice.

In total we had,
can you give me the number,

1350 active angels

raging applause

These angels did more than
15000 work hours up to now

applause

I am really proud to say that we topped

the number from last year.

Like I wished at the opening.

What I learned afterwards, is that already
during the opening, we had topped

the number from last year.

applause

So, unluckily it was not our nice speech
which brought all of you,

but already you yourself signed up,
who signed up early. Very nice.

Yes, but, even if congress comes to an end
and this is the closing it is not over.

There's still a lot to clean up
in the whole house.

So, please if you go out here, help
where ever you can.

You don't need to be an angel for that.

Just ask where you can help, pick up stuff,
collect things, there's really much to do.

And everyone from us wants to finish early,
so that we can go to the after party tonight.

L: One little request from the clean up team
please don't just help in a way that

you think you're helping.

laugher

Please ask at heaven, what exactly it is,
that you could help with.

So now

We're going to do a little exercise.

C: No, no sports!

L: No sports!
(laughing)

applause

We are going
to take a little mental trip.

And I want you to now be totally silent.

Close your eyes.

And lean back in your chair.

I still hear noise.

And now you slowly breathe in,

and then breathe out,

and again breathing in,

and out.

In front of your inner eye

you see the chaos.

And you release the tension
from your left leg

and you release the tension
from your right leg

and you breath in

and out.

C: Remember,

when you first arrived at CCH

and Fairy Dust was there.

Waiting for you.

L: Remember,

when you saw that talk,
you had been waiting for

all the time.

C: Remember,

when you did not get into the talk,
you wanted to see

had to watch a different one.
And it was so awesome.

L: Remember,

when you first met someone,

you only knew
from the interwebz.

C: Remember,

when you had your first tasty drink
in the lounge.

L: Remember,

when you were getting ready to leave,
met someone and suddenly

the sun came up again.

C: Remember,

when you had two hours of sleep,
one meal

and six showers.

laugher

L: Remember,

when you learned something, that you thought,
that you would never understand.

C: Remember,

when you saw the joy in the eye
of a little kid,

that was soldering a robot.

L: Remember,

when you finally found that awesome sticker,
you had been searching for all day long.

C: Remember,

when you saw all the cool children toys
and were jealous,

because they were all used by children.

laughter

L: Remember,

that funny shirt, that one person wore.

C: Remember,

when you took
an involuntary nap during a lecture.

L: Remember,

all the inspiring, funny, thoughtful, and
nonsense

conversations.

and now, please, take the feeling

you have right now

and keep it in your heart

as an infinite source of energy.

C: And now, we want you to release this energy

to thank everybody, not only for
their work at congress

but also throughout the years.

L: On the count of three

let us ecstatically cheer
and applaud so loudly

that Lemmy Kilmister raises from the dead
to compain about the fucking noise.

laughter

C and L: one

two

three

raging applause

laughter

applause

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Female narrator: [German]
Die Digitalisierung durchdringt unsere Gesellschaft

und die Nutzung informationstechnischer Systeme
und des Internets

schreiten unaufhörlich voran.

Das bietet neue Chancen,
schafft Freiräume

und ermöglicht Synergien.

Das Netz beeinflusst unser gesamtes
öffentliches und privates Leben.

Über Branchengrenzen hinweg

sind mehr als die Hälfte
aller Unternehmen in Deutschland

vom Internet abhängig.

Male narrator: [German]
All diese Einrichtungen oder Firmen

könnten gehackt werden.

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Male narrator: [German]
Die Gefahr von Hacking ist aktueller denn je.

De Maiziere: [German]
Und dann bräuchte ich mal 'ne
Krisen-Nummer von Ihnen.

Third male narrator: [German]
Ja, und warum?

De Maiziere: [German]
Ja, um da anzurufen.

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Fourth male narrator: [German]
Ich vertraue meinem Provider nicht.

Ich vertrau, ich vertrau dem Anbieter nicht.
Ich vertrau dem Staat nicht.
Aber ich änder' mein Verhalten nicht.

Male narrator [German] (mixed):
Das ist definitiv gefährlich.

Ich vertrau Safe Harbor nicht.
Ich vertrau meinem Airbag nicht.

Ich vertrau dem Chaos Computer Club nicht.

De Maiziere: Und ehrlich gesagt,
dass nenn ich sorglos.

Maassen: Wir sind ein attraktiver Arbeitgeber

Male Narrator: Warum?

Maassen: in manchen Bereichen unseres Hauses,
kann man all das machen,

was man schon immer machen wollte,
aber man ist straflos.

Zum Beispiel Telekommunikations-Ueberwachung.

Narrator: Herr Range hat eine Pressekonferenz
einberufen und in der hat er gesagt,

dass der Justizminister unerträglich in die
Unabhängigkeit der Justiz eingegriffen hat.

Das kann man auch übersetzen
in den Satz,

Bitte entlassen Sie mich in den Ruhestand,
Herr Justizminister.

De Maiziere: Dann bräuchte ich dann mal 'ne
Krisen-Nummer von Ihnen.

Male narrator: Ja und warum?

De Maiziere: Ja, verstehen Sie bitte,
dass ich darauf

keine Antwort geben möchte.

Male narrator: Warum?

De Maiziere: Ein Teil dieser Antworten würde
die Bevölkerung verunsichern.

electronic music

De Maiziere: Lassen Sie es mich
an einem Beispiel sagen:

Sie können ein sicheres Auto haben,
mit Airbag

Sie können sich anschnallen

Sie können sich an die Verkehrsregeln halten,

wenn Sie aber trotzdem sorglos fahren,
produzieren Sie einen Unfall.

De Maiziere:
Und dann bräuchte ich dann mal

'ne Krisen-Nummer von Ihnen.

applause

Herald: [German] Mit einem lachenden und einem
weinenden Auge sage ich

vielen Dank für dieses tolle Closing Event.

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