Your vagina is not a car | Clementine Ford | TEDxSouthBankWomen

Clementine shares her perspective on rape culture. She is a strong believer in talking about rape culture, even if this makes people feel uncomfortable. She believes people being uncomfortable talking about rape culture, is much better than being complacent about it.

What is rape culture?

If you haven't heard the term before,

rape culture is basically acknowledging
that we live in a society

that normalizes or diminishes rape
through the bombardment of images,

language, laws and social attitudes.

It's a culture in which victim blaming
is just not present but common -

and caveats like:
What did she expect going home with him?

And: "She was drunk, wasn't she?"

And: "She slept with him before,
look at that skirt she was wearing",

are routinely invoked
to excuse perpetrators

as having just done what everyone
would've expected them to do.

Done what a red-blooded
Aussie man would do.

I can't say it clearer than that,
she did go home with him

It's that kind of language.

it's the language of lawmakers
who use words like:

honest rape and forcible rape
and legitimate rape.

To portray the fact

that they believe there are
actually two kinds of rape:

there is the very small
incidence of real rape

and there are all the overwhelming
incidents of rape -

where women are actually
just lying about it -

because they are so embarrassed

by the fact they've allowed something
to enter their shame cave –

other than the Holy Spirit.

So that's rape culture.

I am just going to talk you through
a series of examples now

of what I think rape culture looks like.

Some of them are local
and some of them are international –

because rape culture exists everywhere.

We can all share it.

So rape culture is Peter "Spida" Everitt

after the 2010 AFL Grand Final
responding to allegations.

It is very important this word
"allegedly".

you'll speak to people who don't believe
that rape culture exists.

You'll speak to people who don't believe
that men can ever be charged with rape

because, of course,
women are always lying.

Very intend on protecting
the due process of the legal system -

only in case of sexual assault

when they remind you consitently
that "this just happened allegedly".

So, Peter "Spida" Everitt -

responding to the allegations
after the 2010 AFL Grand Final -

that, sexual assault had occurred
in the home of one of Collingwood players.

Now, that has since been resolved -

and if you do have a chance
do read Anna Krien's "Night games",

because it's a brilliant exploration
of sex, power, and culture.

But him responding to that
with the following tweet:

"GIRLS!!

When will you learn

that at 3:00 am when you go home
drunk with a guy

that is not for a cup of Milo?"

"Allegedly".

It's Kerrie-Anne Kennerley
responding to that tweet -

by inviting Peter "Spida" Everitt
onto her show

and sympathizing with him
over the poor fate of footballers

who have "strays" throw themselves
at them all the time

and get them in trouble.

It's Channel 9 responding
to the dismay and outrage

- and I'm grateful that it was given -

because not everyone wants
to talk out about rape culture -

But Channel 9 responding to that outrage

by issuing a statement that said:

"In regards to the segment
on Kerrie-Anne's show this morning,

what she was talking about

when she talked about "strays"
was alcohol-fueled situations

in which both, girls and guys,
must take the blame."

Rape culture is reducing rape
to an "alcohol fueled situation."

Rape Culture is Channel 9,

responding to these things
with such a dismissive tone -

that it reinforces to people
that it's an alcohol-fueled situation -

and not an actual assault on their bodies.

Looking further abroad,
rape culture is Daniel Tosh.

He is a comedian,
standing in front of a live audience

and responding to a woman

who had taken umbrage
at one of his jokes about rape,

by saying:

"Wouldn't it be funny if five guys just
came down and raped this woman right now?

Wouldn't that be hilarious?"

Rape culture is also his comedy mates
then defending him.

Because comedy is sacred,
and women's bodies aren't.

Rape culture is raising boys
in an environment and a society

that teaches them they have
an entitlement to women's bodies.

And that is how things like
Steubenville, Ohio happens.

That is how things like
the Roast Busters in Auckland happens.

Boys think that it's so much their right
to treat a woman's body as they please -

that not only would they do it
in front of all of their friends,

rape an unconscious woman repeatedly
but they'll film it.

They'll actually document the evidence

and put it on the Internet for everyone
to see what a big man they are.

In Auckland,

it's the police not doing anything
about it for years,

even though they knew about it
because they said:

"We couldn't do anything about it".

Rape culture is reinforcing to young girls

that they don't have the right
to feel safe.

Rape culture is people telling women

that protecting themselves from rape
is like property theft.

That, well, you know

It's not that I believe that rape is ok,

but if you're going to leave your car
parked on the street

with the keys in the ignition
and walk away,

can you really expect that someone
is not going to come along and steal it?

And I say to that, the two things
that I think when I think, you know -

people calling "property theft"
into account for this, is that:

One, my vagina isn't a car.

And if it was, I would have saved
a lot more money in taxis over the years,

and then I'd be able
to fix its break pads.

But secondly, we are not disembodied
from our bodies.

Our vaginas aren't cars
that we can walk away from and leave.

The only way that analogy works

is if I am sitting in the car
and you come and you open the car

you drag me out of it
and you steal my fucking car!

Your vagina is not a vehicle.

But this is what rape culture looks like.

Rape culture is pretending
rape culture doesn't exists.

It's people preferring to believe

that the women in their lives
are potential victims

rather than accepting that the men
in their lives are potential predators.

Because people like to talk
about rapists as these evil monsters

who lurk in the streets and shadows.

We, the women, have to protect ourselves
against them.

"I am not saying that rape is good, girls

I'm just saying, can't you just learn
to take care of yourselves?

Girls, when will you learn
that the world is full of evil monsters

and you have to protect yourselves?"

Rape culture is assuming

that we haven't been raised
protecting ourselves,

believing in the state of our own
vulnerability since the very days

that we were first walking out
away from our parents.

And on that note, actually -
and the evil monsters -

rape culture denies the reality of rape

that most of it doesn't happen on streets,
most of it happens in the home.

It's done to us by men we know,
men we love,

men we may even be related to.

That's what rape culture looks like.

So, that's a very sort of somber
view of the world that we live in.

But the world that people don't want
to talk about because rape is not nice.

We don't really talk about it,
it's not nice.

It's a hemorrhoid removal
operation on the television.

(Sigh)

I was pretty scared coming here
to do this talk today

because it's quite daunting
standing in a room full of people

and sharing your ideas on things.

Had a couple of nervous poos.

(Laughter)

Sorry, I forgot that women
aren't supposed to shit!

(Laughter)

See, I'm shaking!

We all get nervous.

(Applause)

But this is the thing.

It's that standing here
in front of people,

in front of an audience,

anyone doing that, it's scary
and it's a good kind of fear.

And I want to be liberated by my fear.

I don't want to be imprisoned by it
and this is what I think.

You know, Paul mentioned a comment
before talking about terrorism,

I do think it's an act of terrorism

to raise girls to believe
that the world is not safe for them.

Because what it does, is that it forces us
to diminish ourselves.

It means that we take up less space
than we're entitled to.

We live in a world where women are taught

they do not have the right to walk
down the street at night

because they don't have the access
to the same space as men.

And I think that's an act of terrorism

and I will not negotiate with terrorists
on those terms.

So, I do not engage people
in conversations about

why women need to protect themselves
or why our vaginas are like cars.

I just don't tolerate it and this is what
we all have to start doing.

I have a boyfriend,
which I know is kind of crazy,

because as an obviously
radical, separatist, lesbian feminist -

(Laughter)

as a lot of my fans in daily life call me,

I am not supposed to have a boyfriend.

But I did fashioned him out of
gingerbread and bring him to life

with a black voodoo magic swirling
around in my devil's datsun.

But he exists, now,

and it still counts.

And he often says to me:

"Can we just make it through one dinner

where you don't talk about rape?"

To which I reply:

"Can we just make it through

one of Earth's rotations around the Sun

where I can walk on the street
with as much right to safety as you

just because you have a penis?"

And actually, statistically speaking,

based on what we know on male
on male violence,

he is less likely to be safe
on the streets than me.

But that is not the way
that we talk about violence and safety.

It is convenient for people
to make women afraid,

because it keeps us controlled.

I understand that rape makes
people uncomfortable.

A lot of things make me uncomfortable,

For example,

I am uncomfortable with the fact

that millions of girls and women
are raped around the world each year.

And only a handful of them
will ever see justice prevail.

I am uncomfortable with the fact
that because of the work that I do,

I stand in front of an audience like this
and I automatically think:

"Which third of this audience

has experienced sexual assault
or violence or rape?"

And I'm uncomfortable with the fact

that of that proportion of the audience

all of them will have been socialized
at some point

that you don't talk about these things
in polite society.

And I'm uncomfortable with the fact

that as a white, middle-class woman
is hard for me to talk about rape,

but it's even more difficult
for a woman of color,

a disabled woman,

a woman who is a sex worker,

a woman who is living in poverty,

a woman who doesn't live here.

It's harder for those women
to talk about something

which is already hard for me to discuss.

I'm uncomfortable with those facts.

I get it.

Rape is uncomfortable.

But this is why

we need to keep talking about it

and we need to keep disrupting

people's comfortable lives with it.

Because the result of that
is that they actually do start to change.

In all of the time that I've been writing
and writing about rape,

in all the emails that I've gotten from,

you know, peeling through
the ones that say to me

that I am just jealous because
no one wants to rape me

because I'm too ugly.

Because, of course, the only thing worse
than being raped,

is being considered not pretty enough
to be raped.

Right, Tracy?

In all of that, I also get emails
from young girls that inspire me,

who tell me

that the things that I've written,

and things that other women
like me have written about rape

bringing this conversation
into the national dialog -

have let them realize

that they're not responsible
for what happened to them.

It's made them realize,
it's not their fault.

But even better than that,

it's the emails that I get from men,

who tell me that something about
this conversation we're having now,

has changed they way
they view the world.

It's made them realize
how privileged they are.

It's made them realize
how much entitlement

men generally have to space and safety

and it's made them want
to change things for the better.

I received an email from a friend of mine
the other day,

or I say friend, but we went
to school together,

so, you know, we haven't talked really
in 20 years

but we're Facebook friends,
that's how people catch up these days.

And he sent me an email out of nowhere

with a link to a meme,

and it was just a venn diagram
of "this is what causes rape"

and it's things like: alcohol,
clothing, attitudes, rapists.

And the rapists was in red
and the whole venn diagram was in red,

because the only thing common
to all experiences of rape, is a rapist.

That's the only thing we can say
causes rape.

It's the rapist.

And the way we talk about rape,

as if it's some kind of arbitrary
thing that just happens to women.

That we just walk out
of the door one day

and just accidentally step
in a puddle of it,

because we weren't paying attention.

that's how we remove responsibility
from the problem.

And I believe that to fix the problem,
you have to name the problem.

And I was really inspired
by that email that he sent me.

Because it showed me that this guy,

who, I would say, is kind of

pretty much your average Australian bloke,

you know, he likes sports,

and he is a pretty good guy,

he is kind of on the middle
of the fence politically.

He doesn't have to be
engaged in these topics

because society enables him
to not be engaged in them.

But he has chosen to become engaged

because of the things
that he's been reading

and because of the things
that he's been hearing.

And it means that he wants to change
the world around him for the better.

And I'm really inspired by that.

And I think that's why we need to keep
talking about these things.

Even though it makes
people uncomfortable,

Even though people
don't like to think about it.

Even though they like to pretend
that it doesn't exists.

Because I'd rather people
be uncomfortable about rape,

than be complacent about it.

Thank you.

(Applause)