Mussolini Explains his emails

Mussolini Explains his Emails

I would rather talk about women's equality and that shameful letter that Roosevelt wrote to the Fuehrer,

but I know you have questions about my e-mails, so let me just say a few things.

First, when I became your Duce, I opted for convenience to use my personal email account because I thought it would be easier

to carry just one device for my work and for my love affairs instead of two. Looking back, it would have been better to have two

but at the time, it didn't seem like an issue.

Second, the vast majority of my work emails went to other Fascists at ther government addresses, which meant

that they were captured and preserved immediately at the foreign ministry.

Third, If I ever leave office, my work emails will be preserved at the Mussolini Memorial Library.

But not my private emails, you know, my correspondence with my wife, and that with my mistress, Clara Petacci

or funeral arrangements for my ex-foreign secretary, Count Ciano (who I had shot).

I mean nobody wants that stuff made public, right?

I am very proud, as you can see, of the work I have done during my years as your Duce,

you know, stuff like making the trains run on time.

Fourth, I have taken the unprecedented step of asking the Fascist party to turn over all of my work-related e-mails.

And who decides whether emails are work-related or personal? I do because I am Il Duce.

I have said time and time again that I have complied with all of the regulations of the Fascist party.

And I will be happy to have my black shirts explain the rules to you if you still have any questions.

I am confident that once the public begins to see the e-mails, they will have an unprecedented insight into a high

government official's daily communications which I think will be quite interesting. And I look forward to

having a discussion about that.

You ask about contributions to the Fundazione Mussolini. I'm glad you asked. Yes, we have received contributions from Germany.

Do I agree with everything that The Fuehrer does? Of course not. I have told him many times to get rid of that dopey mustache.

However, the Fundazione Mussolini makes great use of that money by fighting hunger in Ethiopia, for example.

So are there any questions? No? Good! I'm outta here. Thaaaank you.