Everyday leadership
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0:00 - 0:02How many of you are completely comfortable
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0:02 - 0:04with calling yourselves a leader?
-
0:05 - 0:08I've asked that question
all across the country, -
0:08 - 0:10and everywhere I ask it, no matter where,
-
0:10 - 0:13there's a huge portion of the audience
that won't put up their hand. -
0:13 - 0:16And I've come to realize
that we have made leadership -
0:16 - 0:18into something bigger than us;
something beyond us. -
0:18 - 0:20We've made it about changing the world.
-
0:20 - 0:22We've taken this title of "leader"
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0:22 - 0:25and treat it as something
that one day we're going to deserve. -
0:25 - 0:27But to give it to ourselves right now
-
0:27 - 0:30means a level of arrogance or cockiness
that we're not comfortable with. -
0:30 - 0:33And I worry sometimes
that we spend so much time -
0:33 - 0:35celebrating amazing things
that hardly anybody can do, -
0:35 - 0:39that we've convinced ourselves those
are the only things worth celebrating. -
0:39 - 0:41We start to devalue the things
we can do every day, -
0:41 - 0:44We take moments
where we truly are a leader -
0:44 - 0:47and we don't let ourselves take credit
for it, or feel good about it. -
0:47 - 0:49I've been lucky enough
over the last 10 years -
0:49 - 0:52to work with amazing people
who've helped me redefine leadership -
0:52 - 0:54in a way that I think has made me happier.
-
0:54 - 0:56With my short time today,
-
0:56 - 0:59I want to share with you the one story
that is probably most responsible -
0:59 - 1:00for that redefinition.
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1:00 - 1:02I went to a little school
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1:02 - 1:05called Mount Allison University
in Sackville, New Brunswick. -
1:05 - 1:08And on my last day there,
a girl came up to me and said, -
1:08 - 1:10"I remember the first time I met you."
-
1:10 - 1:13And she told me a story
that had happened four years earlier. -
1:13 - 1:16She said, "On the day
before I started university, -
1:16 - 1:18I was in the hotel room
with my mom and dad, -
1:18 - 1:21and I was so scared
and so convinced that I couldn't do this, -
1:21 - 1:24that I wasn't ready for university,
that I just burst into tears. -
1:24 - 1:25My mom and dad were amazing.
-
1:25 - 1:28They were like, "We know you're scared,
but let's just go tomorrow, -
1:28 - 1:32go to the first day, and if at any point
you feel as if you can't do this, -
1:32 - 1:34that's fine; tell us,
and we'll take you home. -
1:34 - 1:35We love you no matter what.'"
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1:35 - 1:37She says, "So I went the next day.
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1:37 - 1:39I was in line for registration,
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1:39 - 1:42and I looked around and just knew
I couldn't do it; I wasn't ready. -
1:42 - 1:43I knew I had to quit.
-
1:43 - 1:45I made that decision
and as soon as I made it, -
1:45 - 1:47an incredible feeling
of peace came over me. -
1:47 - 1:50I turned to my mom and dad
to tell them we needed to go home, -
1:50 - 1:53and at that moment, you came
out of the student union building -
1:53 - 1:56wearing the stupidest hat
I've ever seen in my life." -
1:56 - 1:57(Laughter)
-
1:57 - 1:58"It was awesome.
-
1:58 - 2:00And you had a big sign
promoting Shinerama," -- -
2:00 - 2:02which is Students Fighting
Cystic Fibrosis, -
2:02 - 2:04a charity I've worked with for years --
-
2:04 - 2:06"And you had a bucketful of lollipops.
-
2:06 - 2:09You were handing the lollipops out
to people in line, -
2:09 - 2:10and talking about Shinerama.
-
2:10 - 2:13All of the sudden, you got to me,
and you just stopped. -
2:13 - 2:15And you stared. It was creepy."
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2:15 - 2:17(Laughter)
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2:17 - 2:19This girl knows what I'm talking about.
-
2:19 - 2:20(Laughter)
-
2:20 - 2:24"Then you looked at the guy next to me,
smiled, reached into your bucket, -
2:24 - 2:26pulled out a lollipop,
held it out to him and said, -
2:26 - 2:29'You need to give a lollipop
to the beautiful woman next to you.'" -
2:29 - 2:33She said, "I've never seen anyone
get more embarrassed faster in my life. -
2:33 - 2:35He turned beet red,
he wouldn't even look at me. -
2:35 - 2:38He just kind of held
the lollipop out like this." -
2:38 - 2:39(Laughter)
-
2:39 - 2:42"I felt so bad for this dude
that I took the lollipop. -
2:42 - 2:45As soon as I did, you got
this incredibly severe look on your face, -
2:45 - 2:48looked at my mom and dad
and said, 'Look at that! Look at that! -
2:48 - 2:50First day away from home,
-
2:50 - 2:52and already she's taking candy
from a stranger?'" -
2:52 - 2:54(Laughter)
-
2:54 - 2:56She said, "Everybody lost it.
-
2:56 - 2:58Twenty feet in every direction,
everyone started to howl. -
2:59 - 3:02I know this is cheesy, and I don't know
why I'm telling you this, -
3:02 - 3:05but in that moment when everyone
was laughing, I knew I shouldn't quit. -
3:05 - 3:08I knew I was where I was supposed
to be; I knew I was home. -
3:08 - 3:11And I haven't spoken to you
once in the four years since that day. -
3:11 - 3:14But I heard that you were leaving,
and I had to come and tell you -
3:14 - 3:17you've been an incredibly
important person in my life. -
3:17 - 3:19I'm going to miss you. Good luck."
-
3:19 - 3:21And she walks away, and I'm flattened.
-
3:21 - 3:23She gets six feet away,
turns around, smiles and goes, -
3:24 - 3:25"You should probably know this, too:
-
3:25 - 3:27I'm still dating that guy,
four years later." -
3:27 - 3:29(Laughter)
-
3:29 - 3:31A year and a half
after I moved to Toronto, -
3:31 - 3:33I got an invitation to their wedding.
-
3:33 - 3:34(Laughter)
-
3:34 - 3:37Here's the kicker: I don't remember that.
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3:37 - 3:39I have no recollection of that moment.
-
3:39 - 3:40I've searched my memory banks,
-
3:40 - 3:44because that is funny and I should
remember doing it and I don't. -
3:44 - 3:46That was such an eye-opening,
transformative moment for me, -
3:46 - 3:50to think that maybe the biggest impact
I'd ever had on anyone's life, -
3:50 - 3:53a moment that had a woman walk up
to a stranger four years later and say, -
3:53 - 3:55"You've been an important
person in my life," -
3:56 - 3:58was a moment that I didn't even remember.
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3:58 - 4:00How many of you guys
have a lollipop moment, -
4:00 - 4:02a moment where someone
said or did something -
4:02 - 4:04that you feel fundamentally
made your life better? -
4:04 - 4:07All right. How many of you have told
that person they did it? -
4:08 - 4:09See, why not?
-
4:09 - 4:10We celebrate birthdays,
-
4:10 - 4:13where all you have to do
is not die for 365 days -- -
4:13 - 4:14(Laughter)
-
4:14 - 4:16Yet we let people
who have made our lives better -
4:16 - 4:18walk around without knowing it.
-
4:18 - 4:20Every single one of you
has been the catalyst -
4:20 - 4:21for a lollipop moment.
-
4:21 - 4:24You've made someone's life better
by something you said or did. -
4:24 - 4:26If you think you haven't,
-
4:26 - 4:28think of all the hands
that didn't go up when I asked. -
4:28 - 4:31You're just one of the people
who hasn't been told. -
4:31 - 4:33It's scary to think of ourselves
as that powerful, -
4:33 - 4:36frightening to think we can matter
that much to other people. -
4:36 - 4:39As long as we make leadership
something bigger than us, -
4:39 - 4:41as long as we keep leadership beyond us
-
4:41 - 4:42and make it about changing the world,
-
4:42 - 4:45we give ourselves an excuse
not to expect it every day, -
4:45 - 4:47from ourselves and from each other.
-
4:47 - 4:50Marianne Williamson said, "Our greatest
fear is not that we are inadequate. -
4:50 - 4:53[It] is that we are powerful
beyond measure. -
4:53 - 4:55It is our light and not our darkness
that frightens us." -
4:55 - 4:58My call to action today
is that we need to get over our fear -
4:58 - 5:01of how extraordinarily powerful
we can be in each other's lives. -
5:02 - 5:04We need to get over it
so we can move beyond it, -
5:04 - 5:07and our little brothers and sisters
and one day our kids -- -
5:07 - 5:09or our kids right now --
can watch and start to value -
5:09 - 5:11the impact we can have
on each other's lives, -
5:11 - 5:14more than money and power
and titles and influence. -
5:14 - 5:17We need to redefine leadership
as being about lollipop moments -- -
5:17 - 5:20how many of them we create,
how many we acknowledge, -
5:20 - 5:23how many of them we pay forward
and how many we say thank you for. -
5:23 - 5:25Because we've made leadership
about changing the world, -
5:25 - 5:27and there is no world.
-
5:27 - 5:29There's only six billion
understandings of it. -
5:29 - 5:31And if you change
one person's understanding of it, -
5:31 - 5:33understanding of what they're capable of,
-
5:33 - 5:36understanding of how much
people care about them, -
5:36 - 5:38understanding of how powerful
an agent for change -
5:38 - 5:40they can be in this world,
-
5:40 - 5:41you've changed the whole thing.
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5:41 - 5:44And if we can understand
leadership like that, -
5:44 - 5:46I think if we can redefine
leadership like that, -
5:46 - 5:48I think we can change everything.
-
5:48 - 5:51And it's a simple idea,
but I don't think it's a small one. -
5:51 - 5:54I want to thank you so much
for letting me share it with you today.
- Title:
- Everyday leadership
- Speaker:
- Drew Dudley
- Description:
-
We have all changed someone’s life -- usually without even realizing it. In this funny talk, Drew Dudley calls on all of us to celebrate leadership as the everyday act of improving each other’s lives. (Filmed at TEDxToronto.)
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 06:14
TED edited English subtitles for Everyday leadership | ||
Krystian Aparta commented on English subtitles for Everyday leadership | ||
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for Everyday leadership | ||
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for Everyday leadership | ||
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for Everyday leadership | ||
Thu-Huong Ha approved English subtitles for Everyday leadership | ||
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for Everyday leadership | ||
Morton Bast accepted English subtitles for Everyday leadership |
Krystian Aparta
The English transcript was updated on 6/3/2016.