What do you do when someone just doesn't like you? | Daryl Davis | TEDxCharlottesville

What do you do when someone just doesn't like you? I mean really, really not like you. And you know it. And what if that person, or those people, have made an open show of that dislike, without apology? What would you do? Davis is no stranger to this experience and has chosen a unique, and often viewed as controversial, approach to such ponderings. He uses his boogie woogie piano to open doors to conversations that few would venture to start. Daryl endeavors to improve race relations and does not shy away from "reaching across the aisle" to members of the KKK.

Daryl Davis is an American R&B and blues musician, author, actor and bandleader, known for his energetic style of boogie woogie piano. Davis has played with such musicians as Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, B.B. King, Bruce Hornsby and Bill Clinton. His efforts to improve race relations, in which as an African-American, he engaged with members of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK), have been reported on by media such as CNN, Newsweek Magazine and the Washington Post. Davis summed up his advice as: "Establish dialogue. When two enemies are talking, they're not fighting." Daryl received rave reviews for his stage roles in William Saroyan’s "The Time Of Your Life" with a famed cast of Marcia Gay Harden, Brigid Cleary, Richard Bauer, Dion Anderson, and Henry Strozier. Davis was a key player in "Elvis Mania," which was extended by two months due to popular demand in New York City at an off-Broadway theater. He appeared in two episodes of the critically acclaimed HBO series, "The Wire." Davis is the author of the nonfiction book "Klan-destine Relationships," and he is the subject of the documentary "Accidental Courtesy."

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

So a black guy walks into a bar -

sounds like the beginning of a bad joke;

I see people shifting around a little bit,

but it gets better -

and the first thing he sees
is everybody else in there is white.

So he sits down at the piano
on the stage with the band, to play,

and on the band break,

a white gentleman
comes up to him and says,

"You know, this is the first time

I ever heard a black man
play piano like Jerry Lee Lewis."

Well, the black pianist
tries to explain the black origin

of boogie woogie, rockabilly,
and rock and roll to this gentleman,

but he didn't buy it.

But he wanted to buy
this black guy a drink.

So they went back to the table.

He had a beer, the black guy
had a cranberry juice,

and they began talking.

And then the white gentleman says,
"You know, this is the first time

I ever sat down and had a drink
with a black man."

Well, the first thing
that occurs to the black guy is,

this guy is having a night of firsts.

And when he asked
the white gentleman why -

how can that be? -

the white gentleman revealed
that he was a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Well, this guy
was having a night of firsts.

My first experience with racism
occurred when I was 10 years old,

in 1968.

My family had just moved
to a place called Belmont, Massachusetts,

and I was one of two black kids
in my entire school.

Ten years old in fourth grade.

I joined the Cub Scouts,
and we had a parade, a march,

from Lexington to Concord, Massachusetts,
to commemorate the ride of Paul Revere.

Somewhere down the parade route,
as I was marching with my fellow scouts,

I began getting hit by bottles,
soda pop cans, rocks

and debris from the street

by a small group of white spectators
off to my right on the sidewalk.

I had no idea that I was
the only person getting hit

until my den mother
and other scout leaders

came rushing over and huddled
over me with their bodies

and escorted me out of the danger.

And they never explained
why this was happening to me.

And I had no clue.

When I got home,

my mom and dad were fixing me up
with Band-Aids and Mercuorchrome,

and they explained to me
why I was the target of these projectiles.

At the age of 10,
I formed a question in my mind,

and that question was,

How can you hate me
when you don't even know me?

So years later, here I am,

a college graduate
with my degree in music,

and I'm sitting at a bar

at a table with a member of the KKK.

I'd been seeking the answer
to that question for years,

unable to find it.

Now, here's my opportunity.

For who better to ask than someone
who would join an organization

who historically, their premise has been
hating those who do not look like them

and who do not believe as they believe?

Who better to answer that question,

How can you hate me
when you don't even know me?

I persuaded this Klan member
to give me the contact information

for the leader of the Ku Klux Klan.

He reluctantly provided it to me

on the condition that I not reveal
where I got it from.

The Klan leader's name was Roger Kelly.

I had my secretary contact Roger Kelly

because I decided
I wanted to write a book.

I wanted to sit down and interview
Klan leaders and Klan members

all around the country

and ask them that question.

So I was going to start right there
in Maryland, where I currently live.

So I had her contact Roger Kelly
and not tell him that I was black

but ask him if he would consent
to sitting down with her boss

and giving him an interview.

So he agreed.

I arranged a hotel room for us to meet in.

And when he arrived
with his armed bodyguard,

they were shocked to see that I was black.

And I could see apprehension on them.

And I stood up and went like this
to show I had nothing in my hands

and invited them in.

They came in, Mr. Kelly took a seat,

and the bodyguard
stood at attention to his right.

He had his sidearm
right here in his holster.

And we started this interview process.

Everything was going along fine.

He let me know that, indeed,
I was inferior

due to the color of my skin -

that made me inferior.

But I wasn't there to fight with him,
I was there to learn from him

where these perceptions came from.

Because in order to address something,

you have to learn how
they got there in the first place.

So I'm listening.

A little while later into this interview,

a strange noise occurred,
kind of a (Quack), and we all jumped.

And my eyes locked
with Roger Kelly's eyes.

I knew he had made that noise
because I didn't make it.

And my eyes were silently asking him,
"What did you just do?"

Well, his eyes had fixated on mine,

and he was silently
asking me the same question.

The bodyguard had his hand on his gun,

looking back and forth
between the Klan leader and myself,

silently asking, "What did
either one of you all just do?"

Well, my secretary realized
what had happened.

She had filled the ice bucket with ice
and put cans of soda in there

to be hospitable and offer
everybody beverages.

Well, the ice bucket
was sitting on top of the dresser.

The ice had begun melting,

and the cans of soda
cascaded down the ice,

and that's what made the noise,

and we all began laughing

at how ignorant we all were.

But this was a teaching moment.

I won't say anything
was learned at that moment,

but a lesson was taught.

And that lesson was this:

All because some "foreign" -

and underscore or highlight
the word "foreign" -

entity of which we were ignorant,

that being the bucket
of ice and cans of soda,

entered into our little comfort zone
via the noise that it made,

we became fearful
and accusatory of each other.

Thus, ignorance breeds fear.

If we don't keep that fear in check,

that fear, in turn, will breed hatred

because we hate
those things that frighten us.

If we do not keep that hatred in check,
that hatred will breed destruction.

We want to destroy
those things that frighten us

and that we hate.

But guess what.

They may have been harmless,
and we were just ignorant.

So we saw the whole chain
almost unravel to completion

had the bodyguard drawn his gun

and destroyed either myself
or my secretary.

So like I said, we all began laughing
and carried on with the interview,

and there were no more problems.

Over time, Mr. Kelly
would come down to my house

and continue these interviews.

He would even have dinner
and lunch at my table.

Or we would go out
and have dinner and lunch.

Now, this was somebody
who considered himself superior

and me inferior.

We continued this relationship.

He did not invite me to his house.

But after a couple of years,
he began inviting me to his home.

I would see his Klan den,

and I'd take some pictures
and some more notes for my book.

Then he began inviting me to Klan rallies.

I'd go to these Klan rallies
and watch these Klansmen and Klanswomen

in their robes and hoods

parade around this big,
20- to 30-foot cross,

set it on fire, and it would (Whoosh),

and they'd parade around
and give all these lectures -

take some more pictures and notes.

Well, CNN wanted to do a story on this.

They knew who I was through music,

and they knew who Roger Kelly was
through the Klan.

So I'm going to show you this clip
that was shown every hour for 24 hours

on CNN and on HLN all over the world.

And I want you to pay particular attention
to what Mr. Kelly says.

He says that even though he and I
would do different things together,

it did not change his views on the Klan,

because his views on the Klan
had been cemented in his mind for years.

And then he goes on to say how he believes
in separation of the races.

But also listen
to what he says about respect,

and then listen
to the commentary at the end

that the two CNN anchorpeople give.

Show the video please.

(Video) [CNN Sunday Morning]

Bob Cain: Welcome to this final hour
of CNN Sunday morning.

I'm Bob Cain, in today for Miles O'Brien.

Joie Chen: Good morning
to you all. I'm Joie Chen.

BC: Friendship can transcend
all kinds of boundaries.

JC: Just look at us.

And two men in the Washington area

are showing that even
an African American man

and a member of the Ku Klux Klan
can find common ground.

CNN's Carl Rochelle reports.

(Piano music)

CR: Daryl Davis plays a hot piano.

It's part of the show,
and it makes him stand out.

(Boogie woogie piano music)

He also stands out here.

Davis is one of the few African Americans
you will ever find attending a KKK rally.

More than attending, he is welcome.

Roger Kelly: I got more respect
for that black man

than I do you white niggers out there.

(Shouting)

CR: It's been a tough day for the Klan.

Their Maryland rally
found many local residents

rejecting the message of white separatism.

After it's over, Daryl Davis
hangs around backstage

with his friend, Klan wizard Roger Kelly.

(Chatter)

It's not unusual for blacks
and whites to be friends,

but it is unusual to find a black man
and a Klan leader chatting pleasantly

over an orange soda after a Klan rally.

The relationship started
over a book Davis was writing.

His secretary set up
an interview with Roger Kelly

but didn't tell him Davis was black.

They talked, and talked some more.

Davis learning about the Klan;
Kelly learning about Davis.

RK: We get to know one another,
and we do different things, you know.

It hasn't changed my views
about the Klan, you know,

because my views on the Klan's been
pretty much cemented in my mind for years.

CRF: Kelly and his Klan friends
go to hear Davis and his band.

(Boogie woogie band music)

And Davis goes to their rallies.

Daryl Davis: I sat on the front row,
and I listened to each Klansman speak.

Some things I agreed with;
other things I did not agree with.

CRF: Davis thinks that his presence
promotes badly needed understanding.

DD: Hate stems, I believe, from fear,

from fear of the unknown,

and I think this is all across the board,

regardless of whether
it's the Klansmen or anything else.

CR: But he has
no illusions about the Klan.

If he did, his friend
would be quick to disabuse them.

RK: I believe in separation of the races.

I believe that's in
the best interest of all races.

CR: Does he really?

Or has friendship
transcended the color barrier?

Listen to Kelly at a Klan rally.

RK: I will follow
that man to hell and back

because I believe in what he stands for,
and he believes in what I stand for.

A lot of times
we don't agree with everything,

but at least he respects me
to sit down and listen to me.

And I respect him
to sit down and listen to him.

CR: The strange relationship
of a KKK wizard and his black buddy.

In Washington, I'm Carl Rochelle,
CNN Sunday Morning.

BC: Strange.

It's a good adjective - strange.

JC: Certainly that.

(Video ends)

DD: Okay.

You heard the Klan leader say
that he respected me.

What's up with that?

He's the Klan leader. I'm a black guy.

He said, "We may not agree on everything,

but at least he respects me
to sit down and listen to me,

and I respect him
to sit down and listen to him.

Very important, folks.

If you have an adversary,

you don't have to respect
what they're saying,

but respect their right to say it.

And have that conversation.

We spend too much time
talking about each other,

at each other,

past each other,

and not enough time
talking with each other.

That is respect.

Okay?

(Applause)

Thank you.

And as a result of that respect,

over time,

Mr. Kelly began rethinking his ideology,

and that cement that held his ideas
together in his mind for so long

began to crack and crumble
and then fall apart.

And then just a few years back,

Mr. Kelly decided
to give up the Ku Klux Klan -

he renounced it
and gave me his robe and hood.

This is the robe of the Klan leader!

(Applause)

Right here.

This is the same robe
you saw him wearing in the video.

And of course, this is the hood and mask.

Keep in mind, when two enemies
are talking, they're not fighting,

they're talking.

They might be yelling and screaming,
but at least they're talking.

It's when the talking ceases

that the ground
becomes fertile for violence.

So keep the conversation going.

People learn racism through dialogue.

Somebody tells them about it.

So if you can learn it through dialogue,

you can also unlearn it through dialogue.

So a black guy walks into a bar,

sits down at the piano,

and then a conversation starts.

(Boogie woogie piano music)

Thank you all very much. Thank you.

(Applause) (Cheers)

That's -

Thank you.

(Applause) (Cheers)

Thank you.

(Applause) (Cheers)

Thank you.