Why being respectful to your coworkers is good for business

Looking to get ahead in your career? Start by being nice to your coworkers, says leadership researcher Christine Porath. In this science-backed talk, she shares surprising insights about the costs of rudeness and shows how little acts of respect can boost your professional success -- and your company's bottom line.

Who do you want to be?

It's a simple question,

and whether you know it or not,

you're answering it every day
through your actions.

This one question will define
your professional success

more than any other,

because how you show up
and treat people means everything.

Either you lift people up
by respecting them,

making them feel valued,
appreciated and heard,

or you hold people down
by making them feel small,

insulted, disregarded or excluded.

And who you choose to be means everything.

I study the effects
of incivility on people.

What is incivility?

It's disrespect or rudeness.

It includes a lot of different behaviors,

from mocking or belittling someone

to teasing people in ways that sting

to telling offensive jokes

to texting in meetings.

And what's uncivil to one person
may be absolutely fine to another.

Take texting while someone's
speaking to you.

Some of us may find it rude,

others may think it's absolutely civil.

So it really depends.

It's all in the eyes of the beholder
and whether that person felt disrespected.

We may not mean to make
someone feel that way,

but when we do, it has consequences.

Over 22 years ago,

I vividly recall walking into
this stuffy hospital room.

It was heartbreaking to see my dad,
this strong, athletic, energetic guy,

lying in the bed with electrodes
strapped to his bare chest.

What put him there
was work-related stress.

For over a decade,

he suffered an uncivil boss.

And for me, I thought he was
just an outlier at that time.

But just a couple years later,

I witnessed and experienced
a lot of incivility

in my first job out of college.

I spent a year going to work every day

and hearing things from coworkers like,

"Are you an idiot?
That's not how it's done,"

and, "If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask."

So I did the natural thing.

I quit, and I went back to grad school
to study the effects of this.

There, I met Christine Pearson.

And she had a theory
that small, uncivil actions

can lead to much bigger problems

like aggression and violence.

We believed that incivility affected
performance and the bottom line.

So we launched a study,
and what we found was eye-opening.

We sent a survey to business school alumni

working in all different organizations.

We asked them to write a few sentences

about one experience
where they were treated rudely,

disrespectfully or insensitively,

and to answer questions
about how they reacted.

One person told us about a boss
that made insulting statements like,

"That's kindergartner's work,"

and another tore up someone's work
in front of the entire team.

And what we found is that incivility
made people less motivated:

66 percent cut back work efforts,

80 percent lost time
worrying about what happened,

and 12 percent left their job.

And after we published these results,
two things happened.

One, we got calls from organizations.

Cisco read about these numbers,

took just a few of these
and estimated, conservatively,

that incivility was costing them
12 million dollars a year.

The second thing that happened was,
we heard from others in our academic field

who said, "Well, people are reporting
this, but how can you really show it?

Does people's performance really suffer?"

I was curious about that, too.

With Amir Erez, I compared
those that experienced incivility

to those that didn't
experience incivility.

And what we found is that those
that experience incivility

do actually function much worse.

"OK," you may say. "This makes sense.

After all, it's natural
that their performance suffers."

But what about if you're not
the one who experiences it?

What if you just see or hear it?

You're a witness.

We wondered if it affected witnesses, too.

So we conducted studies

where five participants would witness
an experimenter act rudely

to someone who arrived late to the study.

The experimenter said,
"What is it with you?

You arrive late, you're irresponsible.

Look at you! How do you expect
to hold a job in the real world?"

And in another study in a small group,

we tested the effects of a peer
insulting a group member.

Now, what we found was really interesting,

because witnesses'
performance decreased, too --

and not just marginally,
quite significantly.

Incivility is a bug.

It's contagious,

and we become carriers of it
just by being around it.

And this isn't confined to the workplace.

We can catch this virus anywhere --

at home, online, in schools
and in our communities.

It affects our emotions,
our motivation, our performance

and how we treat others.

It even affects our attention
and can take some of our brainpower.

And this happens not only
if we experience incivility

or we witness it.

It can happen even if we
just see or read rude words.

Let me give you an example of what I mean.

To test this, we gave people
combinations of words

to use to make a sentence.

But we were very sneaky.

Half the participants got a list
with 15 words used to trigger rudeness:

impolitely, interrupt, obnoxious, bother.

Half the participants
received a list of words

with none of these rude triggers.

And what we found was really surprising,

because the people who got the rude words

were five times more likely to miss
information right in front of them

on the computer screen.

And as we continued this research,

what we found is that those
that read the rude words

took longer to make decisions,

to record their decisions,

and they made significantly more errors.

This can be a big deal,

especially when it comes
to life-and-death situations.

Steve, a physician, told me
about a doctor that he worked with

who was never very respectful,

especially to junior staff and nurses.

But Steve told me about
this one particular interaction

where this doctor shouted
at a medical team.

Right after the interaction,

the team gave the wrong dosage
of medication to their patient.

Steve said the information
was right there on the chart,

but somehow everyone
on the team missed it.

He said they lacked the attention
or awareness to take it into account.

Simple mistake, right?

Well, that patient died.

Researchers in Israel have actually shown

that medical teams exposed to rudeness

perform worse not only
in all their diagnostics,

but in all the procedures they did.

This was mainly because
the teams exposed to rudeness

didn't share information as readily,

and they stopped seeking
help from their teammates.

And I see this not only in medicine
but in all industries.

So if incivility has such a huge cost,

why do we still see so much of it?

I was curious, so we surveyed
people about this, too.

The number one reason is stress.

People feel overwhelmed.

The other reason that people
are not more civil

is because they're skeptical
and even concerned

about being civil or appearing nice.

They believe they'll appear
less leader-like.

They wonder: Do nice guys finish last?

Or in other words: Do jerks get ahead?

(Laughter)

It's easy to think so,

especially when we see
a few prominent examples

that dominate the conversation.

Well, it turns out,
in the long run, they don't.

There's really rich research on this
by Morgan McCall and Michael Lombardo

when they were at
the Center for Creative Leadership.

They found that the number one reason
tied to executive failure

was an insensitive, abrasive
or bullying style.

There will always be some outliers
that succeed despite their incivility.

Sooner or later, though,

most uncivil people
sabotage their success.

For example, with uncivil executives,

it comes back to hurt them
when they're in a place of weakness

or they need something.

People won't have their backs.

But what about nice guys?

Does civility pay?

Yes, it does.

And being civil doesn't just mean
that you're not a jerk.

Not holding someone down
isn't the same as lifting them up.

Being truly civil means
doing the small things,

like smiling and saying
hello in the hallway,

listening fully when
someone's speaking to you.

Now, you can have strong opinions,

disagree, have conflict
or give negative feedback civilly,

with respect.

Some people call it "radical candor,"

where you care personally,

but you challenge directly.

So yes, civility pays.

In a biotechnology firm,
colleagues and I found

that those that were seen as civil

were twice as likely
to be viewed as leaders,

and they performed significantly better.

Why does civility pay?

Because people see you
as an important -- and a powerful --

unique combination
of two key characteristics:

warm and competent, friendly and smart.

In other words, being civil
isn't just about motivating others.

It's about you.

If you're civil, you're more likely
to be seen as a leader.

You'll perform better, and you're seen
as warm and competent.

But there's an even bigger story
about how civility pays,

and it ties to one of the most
important questions around leadership:

What do people want most
from their leaders?

We took data from over
20,000 employees around the world,

and we found the answer was simple:

respect.

Being treated with respect
was more important

than recognition and appreciation,

useful feedback,

even opportunities for learning.

Those that felt respected were healthier,

more focused,

more likely to stay
with their organization

and far more engaged.

So where do you start?

How can you lift people up
and make people feel respected?

Well, the nice thing is,
it doesn't require a huge shift.

Small things can make a big difference.

I found that thanking people,

sharing credit,

listening attentively,

humbly asking questions,

acknowledging others and smiling

has an impact.

Patrick Quinlan, former CEO
of Ochsner Health [System],

told me about the effects
of their 10-5 way,

where if you're within 10 feet of someone,

you make eye contact and smile,

and if you're within five feet,

you say hello.

He explained that civility spread,

patient satisfaction scores rose,

as did patient referrals.

Civility and respect can be used
to boost an organization's performance.

When my friend Doug Conant took over
as CEO of Campbell's Soup Company in 2001,

the company's market share
had just dropped in half.

Sales were declining,

lots of people had just been laid off.

A Gallup manager said it was
the least engaged organization

that they had surveyed.

And as Doug drove up
to work his first day,

he noticed that the headquarters
was surrounded by barbwire fence.

There were guard towers
in the parking lot.

He said it looked like
a minimum security prison.

It felt toxic.

Within five years, Doug
had turned things around.

And within nine years, they were setting
all-time performance records

and racking up awards,
including best place to work.

How did he do it?

On day one, Doug told employees

that he was going to have
high standards for performance,

but they were going
to do it with civility.

He walked the talk,
and he expected his leaders to.

For Doug, it all came down
to being tough-minded on standards

and tenderhearted with people.

For him, he said it was all about
these touch points,

or these daily interactions
he had with employees,

whether in the hallway,
in the cafeteria or in meetings.

And if he handled each touch point well,

he'd make employees feel valued.

Another way that Doug
made employees feel valued

and showed them that
he was paying attention

is that he handwrote over 30,000
thank-you notes to employees.

And this set an example for other leaders.

Leaders have about 400
of these touch points a day.

Most don't take long,
less than two minutes each.

The key is to be agile and mindful
in each of these moments.

Civility lifts people.

We'll get people to give more
and function at their best

if we're civil.

Incivility chips away at people
and their performance.

It robs people of their potential,

even if they're just working around it.

What I know from my research is that
when we have more civil environments,

we're more productive, creative,
helpful, happy and healthy.

We can do better.

Each one of us can be more mindful

and can take actions
to lift others up around us,

at work, at home, online,

in schools

and in our communities.

In every interaction, think:

Who do you want to be?

Let's put an end to incivility bug

and start spreading civility.

After all, it pays.

Thank you.

(Applause)