0:00:00.927,0:00:02.642
Who do you want to be?

0:00:03.317,0:00:05.295
It's a simple question,

0:00:05.319,0:00:07.071
and whether you know it or not,

0:00:07.095,0:00:10.360
you're answering it every day[br]through your actions.

0:00:10.971,0:00:15.444
This one question will define[br]your professional success

0:00:15.468,0:00:17.492
more than any other,

0:00:17.516,0:00:21.497
because how you show up[br]and treat people means everything.

0:00:22.116,0:00:26.318
Either you lift people up[br]by respecting them,

0:00:26.342,0:00:30.402
making them feel valued,[br]appreciated and heard,

0:00:31.029,0:00:35.970
or you hold people down[br]by making them feel small,

0:00:35.994,0:00:39.872
insulted, disregarded or excluded.

0:00:40.314,0:00:43.885
And who you choose to be means everything.

0:00:44.631,0:00:47.604
I study the effects[br]of incivility on people.

0:00:47.628,0:00:49.313
What is incivility?

0:00:49.337,0:00:51.285
It's disrespect or rudeness.

0:00:51.620,0:00:53.982
It includes a lot of different behaviors,

0:00:54.006,0:00:56.360
from mocking or belittling someone

0:00:56.384,0:00:58.923
to teasing people in ways that sting

0:00:58.947,0:01:00.806
to telling offensive jokes

0:01:00.830,0:01:02.639
to texting in meetings.

0:01:02.663,0:01:07.057
And what's uncivil to one person[br]may be absolutely fine to another.

0:01:07.414,0:01:10.082
Take texting while someone's[br]speaking to you.

0:01:10.106,0:01:12.268
Some of us may find it rude,

0:01:12.292,0:01:15.147
others may think it's absolutely civil.

0:01:15.171,0:01:16.831
So it really depends.

0:01:16.855,0:01:21.908
It's all in the eyes of the beholder[br]and whether that person felt disrespected.

0:01:22.748,0:01:25.537
We may not mean to make[br]someone feel that way,

0:01:25.561,0:01:28.498
but when we do, it has consequences.

0:01:29.736,0:01:31.630
Over 22 years ago,

0:01:31.654,0:01:35.162
I vividly recall walking into[br]this stuffy hospital room.

0:01:35.901,0:01:41.919
It was heartbreaking to see my dad,[br]this strong, athletic, energetic guy,

0:01:41.943,0:01:45.627
lying in the bed with electrodes[br]strapped to his bare chest.

0:01:46.548,0:01:49.374
What put him there[br]was work-related stress.

0:01:50.033,0:01:52.051
For over a decade,

0:01:52.075,0:01:55.435
he suffered an uncivil boss.

0:01:57.244,0:02:01.556
And for me, I thought he was[br]just an outlier at that time.

0:02:02.382,0:02:04.868
But just a couple years later,

0:02:04.892,0:02:07.782
I witnessed and experienced[br]a lot of incivility

0:02:07.806,0:02:09.520
in my first job out of college.

0:02:10.441,0:02:12.862
I spent a year going to work every day

0:02:12.886,0:02:15.227
and hearing things from coworkers like,

0:02:15.251,0:02:18.469
"Are you an idiot?[br]That's not how it's done,"

0:02:18.493,0:02:21.916
and, "If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask."

0:02:23.025,0:02:25.838
So I did the natural thing.

0:02:25.862,0:02:29.845
I quit, and I went back to grad school[br]to study the effects of this.

0:02:30.437,0:02:32.701
There, I met Christine Pearson.

0:02:33.218,0:02:36.870
And she had a theory[br]that small, uncivil actions

0:02:36.894,0:02:39.282
can lead to much bigger problems

0:02:39.306,0:02:41.408
like aggression and violence.

0:02:41.908,0:02:45.896
We believed that incivility affected[br]performance and the bottom line.

0:02:45.920,0:02:49.661
So we launched a study,[br]and what we found was eye-opening.

0:02:50.383,0:02:53.053
We sent a survey to business school alumni

0:02:53.077,0:02:55.468
working in all different organizations.

0:02:55.492,0:02:57.967
We asked them to write a few sentences

0:02:57.991,0:03:01.005
about one experience[br]where they were treated rudely,

0:03:01.029,0:03:03.619
disrespectfully or insensitively,

0:03:03.643,0:03:06.629
and to answer questions[br]about how they reacted.

0:03:08.621,0:03:12.393
One person told us about a boss[br]that made insulting statements like,

0:03:12.417,0:03:14.068
"That's kindergartner's work,"

0:03:14.772,0:03:19.278
and another tore up someone's work[br]in front of the entire team.

0:03:19.751,0:03:24.156
And what we found is that incivility[br]made people less motivated:

0:03:24.180,0:03:27.419
66 percent cut back work efforts,

0:03:27.443,0:03:30.462
80 percent lost time[br]worrying about what happened,

0:03:30.486,0:03:33.482
and 12 percent left their job.

0:03:34.506,0:03:38.177
And after we published these results,[br]two things happened.

0:03:38.201,0:03:40.892
One, we got calls from organizations.

0:03:41.503,0:03:43.281
Cisco read about these numbers,

0:03:43.305,0:03:47.849
took just a few of these[br]and estimated, conservatively,

0:03:47.873,0:03:51.112
that incivility was costing them[br]12 million dollars a year.

0:03:51.961,0:03:56.701
The second thing that happened was,[br]we heard from others in our academic field

0:03:56.725,0:04:01.369
who said, "Well, people are reporting[br]this, but how can you really show it?

0:04:01.393,0:04:03.931
Does people's performance really suffer?"

0:04:04.711,0:04:06.593
I was curious about that, too.

0:04:07.046,0:04:11.288
With Amir Erez, I compared[br]those that experienced incivility

0:04:11.312,0:04:14.088
to those that didn't[br]experience incivility.

0:04:14.112,0:04:17.791
And what we found is that those[br]that experience incivility

0:04:17.815,0:04:20.468
do actually function much worse.

0:04:21.571,0:04:23.983
"OK," you may say. "This makes sense.

0:04:24.007,0:04:27.362
After all, it's natural[br]that their performance suffers."

0:04:28.394,0:04:31.567
But what about if you're not[br]the one who experiences it?

0:04:32.202,0:04:34.284
What if you just see or hear it?

0:04:34.855,0:04:36.356
You're a witness.

0:04:36.380,0:04:38.920
We wondered if it affected witnesses, too.

0:04:39.809,0:04:41.080
So we conducted studies

0:04:41.104,0:04:44.701
where five participants would witness[br]an experimenter act rudely

0:04:44.725,0:04:47.178
to someone who arrived late to the study.

0:04:47.678,0:04:50.382
The experimenter said,[br]"What is it with you?

0:04:50.406,0:04:52.684
You arrive late, you're irresponsible.

0:04:52.708,0:04:55.944
Look at you! How do you expect[br]to hold a job in the real world?"

0:04:57.008,0:04:59.269
And in another study in a small group,

0:04:59.293,0:05:02.652
we tested the effects of a peer[br]insulting a group member.

0:05:03.442,0:05:05.825
Now, what we found was really interesting,

0:05:05.849,0:05:08.517
because witnesses'[br]performance decreased, too --

0:05:08.541,0:05:12.311
and not just marginally,[br]quite significantly.

0:05:14.159,0:05:16.025
Incivility is a bug.

0:05:16.576,0:05:18.197
It's contagious,

0:05:18.221,0:05:22.062
and we become carriers of it[br]just by being around it.

0:05:22.525,0:05:25.112
And this isn't confined to the workplace.

0:05:25.136,0:05:27.657
We can catch this virus anywhere --

0:05:27.681,0:05:32.133
at home, online, in schools[br]and in our communities.

0:05:33.069,0:05:37.588
It affects our emotions,[br]our motivation, our performance

0:05:37.612,0:05:38.975
and how we treat others.

0:05:39.531,0:05:43.314
It even affects our attention[br]and can take some of our brainpower.

0:05:44.283,0:05:47.859
And this happens not only[br]if we experience incivility

0:05:47.883,0:05:49.428
or we witness it.

0:05:49.452,0:05:53.267
It can happen even if we[br]just see or read rude words.

0:05:54.029,0:05:56.059
Let me give you an example of what I mean.

0:05:57.424,0:06:00.523
To test this, we gave people[br]combinations of words

0:06:00.547,0:06:02.028
to use to make a sentence.

0:06:02.591,0:06:04.318
But we were very sneaky.

0:06:04.850,0:06:10.333
Half the participants got a list[br]with 15 words used to trigger rudeness:

0:06:10.357,0:06:14.821
impolitely, interrupt, obnoxious, bother.

0:06:15.414,0:06:18.129
Half the participants[br]received a list of words

0:06:18.153,0:06:20.339
with none of these rude triggers.

0:06:20.950,0:06:23.714
And what we found was really surprising,

0:06:23.738,0:06:26.138
because the people who got the rude words

0:06:26.162,0:06:30.473
were five times more likely to miss[br]information right in front of them

0:06:30.497,0:06:31.854
on the computer screen.

0:06:32.671,0:06:34.741
And as we continued this research,

0:06:34.765,0:06:38.121
what we found is that those[br]that read the rude words

0:06:38.145,0:06:40.105
took longer to make decisions,

0:06:40.129,0:06:41.873
to record their decisions,

0:06:41.897,0:06:44.414
and they made significantly more errors.

0:06:45.263,0:06:46.975
This can be a big deal,

0:06:46.999,0:06:50.292
especially when it comes[br]to life-and-death situations.

0:06:50.887,0:06:54.646
Steve, a physician, told me[br]about a doctor that he worked with

0:06:54.670,0:06:56.396
who was never very respectful,

0:06:56.420,0:06:58.846
especially to junior staff and nurses.

0:06:59.381,0:07:02.784
But Steve told me about[br]this one particular interaction

0:07:02.808,0:07:05.552
where this doctor shouted[br]at a medical team.

0:07:06.544,0:07:08.337
Right after the interaction,

0:07:08.361,0:07:11.908
the team gave the wrong dosage[br]of medication to their patient.

0:07:13.289,0:07:17.120
Steve said the information[br]was right there on the chart,

0:07:17.144,0:07:20.387
but somehow everyone[br]on the team missed it.

0:07:21.307,0:07:24.960
He said they lacked the attention[br]or awareness to take it into account.

0:07:25.698,0:07:27.322
Simple mistake, right?

0:07:27.803,0:07:29.304
Well, that patient died.

0:07:30.462,0:07:33.640
Researchers in Israel have actually shown

0:07:33.664,0:07:36.149
that medical teams exposed to rudeness

0:07:36.173,0:07:39.606
perform worse not only[br]in all their diagnostics,

0:07:39.630,0:07:41.756
but in all the procedures they did.

0:07:42.607,0:07:45.775
This was mainly because[br]the teams exposed to rudeness

0:07:45.799,0:07:48.227
didn't share information as readily,

0:07:48.251,0:07:51.104
and they stopped seeking[br]help from their teammates.

0:07:51.128,0:07:55.010
And I see this not only in medicine[br]but in all industries.

0:07:56.581,0:07:59.635
So if incivility has such a huge cost,

0:07:59.659,0:08:01.668
why do we still see so much of it?

0:08:02.636,0:08:05.560
I was curious, so we surveyed[br]people about this, too.

0:08:06.068,0:08:08.934
The number one reason is stress.

0:08:08.958,0:08:10.669
People feel overwhelmed.

0:08:11.849,0:08:14.528
The other reason that people[br]are not more civil

0:08:14.552,0:08:17.326
is because they're skeptical[br]and even concerned

0:08:17.350,0:08:19.980
about being civil or appearing nice.

0:08:20.004,0:08:22.527
They believe they'll appear[br]less leader-like.

0:08:22.551,0:08:25.487
They wonder: Do nice guys finish last?

0:08:26.042,0:08:28.976
Or in other words: Do jerks get ahead?

0:08:29.000,0:08:30.303
(Laughter)

0:08:31.088,0:08:32.576
It's easy to think so,

0:08:32.600,0:08:35.525
especially when we see[br]a few prominent examples

0:08:35.549,0:08:37.515
that dominate the conversation.

0:08:38.466,0:08:41.253
Well, it turns out,[br]in the long run, they don't.

0:08:42.063,0:08:46.039
There's really rich research on this[br]by Morgan McCall and Michael Lombardo

0:08:46.063,0:08:48.702
when they were at[br]the Center for Creative Leadership.

0:08:48.726,0:08:53.535
They found that the number one reason[br]tied to executive failure

0:08:53.559,0:08:57.198
was an insensitive, abrasive[br]or bullying style.

0:08:58.428,0:09:02.794
There will always be some outliers[br]that succeed despite their incivility.

0:09:02.818,0:09:04.381
Sooner or later, though,

0:09:04.405,0:09:07.424
most uncivil people[br]sabotage their success.

0:09:08.217,0:09:10.210
For example, with uncivil executives,

0:09:10.234,0:09:13.282
it comes back to hurt them[br]when they're in a place of weakness

0:09:13.306,0:09:14.723
or they need something.

0:09:14.747,0:09:16.533
People won't have their backs.

0:09:17.795,0:09:19.716
But what about nice guys?

0:09:19.740,0:09:21.389
Does civility pay?

0:09:21.413,0:09:23.170
Yes, it does.

0:09:23.853,0:09:28.264
And being civil doesn't just mean[br]that you're not a jerk.

0:09:28.288,0:09:32.152
Not holding someone down[br]isn't the same as lifting them up.

0:09:32.605,0:09:35.840
Being truly civil means[br]doing the small things,

0:09:35.864,0:09:38.914
like smiling and saying[br]hello in the hallway,

0:09:38.938,0:09:41.821
listening fully when[br]someone's speaking to you.

0:09:42.260,0:09:44.291
Now, you can have strong opinions,

0:09:44.315,0:09:49.334
disagree, have conflict[br]or give negative feedback civilly,

0:09:49.358,0:09:50.846
with respect.

0:09:50.870,0:09:53.282
Some people call it "radical candor,"

0:09:53.306,0:09:54.794
where you care personally,

0:09:54.818,0:09:56.589
but you challenge directly.

0:09:57.612,0:10:00.025
So yes, civility pays.

0:10:00.474,0:10:03.369
In a biotechnology firm,[br]colleagues and I found

0:10:03.393,0:10:05.468
that those that were seen as civil

0:10:05.492,0:10:08.129
were twice as likely[br]to be viewed as leaders,

0:10:08.153,0:10:10.451
and they performed significantly better.

0:10:11.066,0:10:13.043
Why does civility pay?

0:10:13.067,0:10:17.815
Because people see you[br]as an important -- and a powerful --

0:10:17.839,0:10:21.542
unique combination[br]of two key characteristics:

0:10:21.566,0:10:24.641
warm and competent, friendly and smart.

0:10:25.184,0:10:29.684
In other words, being civil[br]isn't just about motivating others.

0:10:29.708,0:10:30.968
It's about you.

0:10:31.643,0:10:35.150
If you're civil, you're more likely[br]to be seen as a leader.

0:10:35.174,0:10:38.357
You'll perform better, and you're seen[br]as warm and competent.

0:10:39.722,0:10:43.430
But there's an even bigger story[br]about how civility pays,

0:10:43.454,0:10:47.472
and it ties to one of the most[br]important questions around leadership:

0:10:48.234,0:10:51.120
What do people want most[br]from their leaders?

0:10:51.993,0:10:55.706
We took data from over[br]20,000 employees around the world,

0:10:55.730,0:10:57.735
and we found the answer was simple:

0:10:58.933,0:11:00.145
respect.

0:11:00.711,0:11:03.917
Being treated with respect[br]was more important

0:11:03.941,0:11:06.437
than recognition and appreciation,

0:11:06.461,0:11:08.016
useful feedback,

0:11:08.040,0:11:09.977
even opportunities for learning.

0:11:10.675,0:11:14.382
Those that felt respected were healthier,

0:11:14.406,0:11:15.781
more focused,

0:11:15.805,0:11:18.311
more likely to stay[br]with their organization

0:11:18.335,0:11:20.373
and far more engaged.

0:11:22.123,0:11:23.798
So where do you start?

0:11:24.219,0:11:27.739
How can you lift people up[br]and make people feel respected?

0:11:28.411,0:11:31.478
Well, the nice thing is,[br]it doesn't require a huge shift.

0:11:31.977,0:11:34.523
Small things can make a big difference.

0:11:35.108,0:11:37.766
I found that thanking people,

0:11:37.790,0:11:39.256
sharing credit,

0:11:39.280,0:11:41.012
listening attentively,

0:11:41.663,0:11:44.092
humbly asking questions,

0:11:44.116,0:11:46.831
acknowledging others and smiling

0:11:46.855,0:11:48.243
has an impact.

0:11:49.497,0:11:53.232
Patrick Quinlan, former CEO[br]of Ochsner Health [System],

0:11:53.256,0:11:56.113
told me about the effects[br]of their 10-5 way,

0:11:56.137,0:11:58.395
where if you're within 10 feet of someone,

0:11:58.419,0:12:01.069
you make eye contact and smile,

0:12:01.093,0:12:02.765
and if you're within five feet,

0:12:02.789,0:12:04.082
you say hello.

0:12:04.721,0:12:07.381
He explained that civility spread,

0:12:07.405,0:12:09.811
patient satisfaction scores rose,

0:12:09.835,0:12:11.731
as did patient referrals.

0:12:12.916,0:12:17.212
Civility and respect can be used[br]to boost an organization's performance.

0:12:17.808,0:12:23.556
When my friend Doug Conant took over[br]as CEO of Campbell's Soup Company in 2001,

0:12:23.580,0:12:26.507
the company's market share[br]had just dropped in half.

0:12:26.531,0:12:28.206
Sales were declining,

0:12:28.230,0:12:30.839
lots of people had just been laid off.

0:12:30.863,0:12:34.687
A Gallup manager said it was[br]the least engaged organization

0:12:34.711,0:12:36.057
that they had surveyed.

0:12:36.969,0:12:39.894
And as Doug drove up[br]to work his first day,

0:12:39.918,0:12:43.892
he noticed that the headquarters[br]was surrounded by barbwire fence.

0:12:44.313,0:12:46.894
There were guard towers[br]in the parking lot.

0:12:47.775,0:12:51.412
He said it looked like[br]a minimum security prison.

0:12:51.436,0:12:53.247
It felt toxic.

0:12:54.771,0:12:57.721
Within five years, Doug[br]had turned things around.

0:12:58.182,0:13:01.740
And within nine years, they were setting[br]all-time performance records

0:13:01.764,0:13:04.719
and racking up awards,[br]including best place to work.

0:13:05.449,0:13:06.742
How did he do it?

0:13:07.416,0:13:09.843
On day one, Doug told employees

0:13:09.867,0:13:12.534
that he was going to have[br]high standards for performance,

0:13:12.558,0:13:14.643
but they were going[br]to do it with civility.

0:13:14.667,0:13:17.893
He walked the talk,[br]and he expected his leaders to.

0:13:18.805,0:13:23.520
For Doug, it all came down[br]to being tough-minded on standards

0:13:23.544,0:13:25.428
and tenderhearted with people.

0:13:26.119,0:13:29.332
For him, he said it was all about[br]these touch points,

0:13:29.356,0:13:32.563
or these daily interactions[br]he had with employees,

0:13:32.587,0:13:36.517
whether in the hallway,[br]in the cafeteria or in meetings.

0:13:37.064,0:13:39.742
And if he handled each touch point well,

0:13:39.766,0:13:41.894
he'd make employees feel valued.

0:13:43.089,0:13:46.604
Another way that Doug[br]made employees feel valued

0:13:46.628,0:13:49.024
and showed them that[br]he was paying attention

0:13:49.048,0:13:54.411
is that he handwrote over 30,000[br]thank-you notes to employees.

0:13:54.949,0:13:57.290
And this set an example for other leaders.

0:13:58.456,0:14:02.141
Leaders have about 400[br]of these touch points a day.

0:14:02.165,0:14:05.513
Most don't take long,[br]less than two minutes each.

0:14:05.537,0:14:09.844
The key is to be agile and mindful[br]in each of these moments.

0:14:10.933,0:14:12.663
Civility lifts people.

0:14:13.179,0:14:16.664
We'll get people to give more[br]and function at their best

0:14:16.688,0:14:17.846
if we're civil.

0:14:18.528,0:14:21.675
Incivility chips away at people[br]and their performance.

0:14:21.699,0:14:23.960
It robs people of their potential,

0:14:23.984,0:14:26.009
even if they're just working around it.

0:14:27.001,0:14:31.289
What I know from my research is that[br]when we have more civil environments,

0:14:31.313,0:14:36.769
we're more productive, creative,[br]helpful, happy and healthy.

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We can do better.

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Each one of us can be more mindful

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and can take actions[br]to lift others up around us,

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at work, at home, online,

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in schools

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and in our communities.

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In every interaction, think:

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Who do you want to be?

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Let's put an end to incivility bug

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and start spreading civility.

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After all, it pays.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)