Beat bullying; why young people hold the key | Alex Holmes | TEDxExeter

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Bullying is a problem, but arguably the biggest problem with bullying is when it’s not talked about. When we forget to listen. When the voices of young people are not heard.

Alex Holmes is Head of the Anti-Bullying Campaign at The Diana Award. He received a Diana Award in 2004 for tackling bullying in his school and community, having been bullied himself.

Under his leadership the Anti-Bullying Campaign has trained more than 16,000 Anti-Bullying Ambassadors in over 2,000 schools across the UK and Ireland since 2011. There are plans to expand the campaign into Europe.

Alex regularly works with bullied, bullies and bystanders to develop a whole school community holistic approach and works with a number of families to give bespoke support, intervention and advice. He is Vice-Chair of England’s National Anti-Bullying Alliance and a regular media commentator on bullying and has featured in a number of documentaries on teen issues.

This is me.

Alex, aged nine years old.

I look at myself, innocent
and excited by everything,

but I can't help but get the urge
to protect my younger self,

because at the age of just nine,
I was already experiencing something

that many young people
find themselves the victim of

at some early stage in their life -

bullying.

What advice would you give
to your younger self?

It's a question we often ask ourselves

when we're looking back
at painful or difficult times,

but today I can't help but wonder

what advice would my younger self give me,

and what might have happened,
if I had listened?

I've learned to listen to
and trust young people,

really listen,

to harness the power
that young people have

to help each other understand,
and to shape their world.

Now I work in schools to prevent bullying.

I've found that by far
the most powerful technique

is the power of peer.

Schools and playgrounds
are alive with the experts -

children.

They know better than us adults
could ever hope to

about how to influence each other,
shape attitudes and behaviors.

If we let young people
take the lead in tackling bullying,

they can not only shape
their culture, their school,

but hopefully, a better society.

A bit of context:

in the UK, we send
13 million children to school.

UNICEF states that there are
over 2.2 billion children in the world,

and most of them go to school,

some willingly,
some a little more reluctantly.

But by the time we are all 18,

we will have spent 11,000 hours
of our life at school,

which exerts a huge amount
of influence on our minds,

our behaviours, and our attitudes.

Actually by the time we're aged 18,

we would have spent more time
with our peers than with our parents.

And studies show that young people

are far more likely
to confide in their peers

than their educators or parents.

There is a deep current
of information and experience

running just underneath the surface
that adults are not aware of.

We need to understand that

in order to understand
what is going on in our schools.

Because bullying is a problem,

and by far the biggest problem
that is not talked about

when we forget to listen,

when the voices
of young people are not heard.

I was bullied at school
for being different.

For having a dad who was black,

and I would quite often go home in tears
because of the racist abuse.

I felt alone, I felt like I didn't belong

and the place that I went to
every single day,

was the place I dreaded going to
every single day.

You can perhaps define bullying

as the victimisation of difference,

and in a school
where there is a bullying culture,

difference is punished,
and individuality is seen as weird.

It is those kids who dare to be different,
think different, act different,

that are often
on the receiving end of abuse.

And if those behaviors and attitudes

are allowed to go unchallenged
in our playgrounds and our classrooms,

then it becomes the norm,
and difference is no longer celebrated.

We are often told as adults,
"Dare to be different,"

and that's a message that we need
to be telling our young people more.

School is the perfect place for us

to teach about respecting
and celebrating difference,

and to learn how to stand up to bullying.

We need to do something,
because bullying is endemic.

In fact, England is particularly bad
when it comes to bullying.

In a recent international comparison
looking at countries across the world

we came bottom when it came to unhappiness

and school experience of bullying.

In fact, at the Diana Award,
the organization that I work at,

we did some research in 2015,

where we polled 1,000 young people
about their experience of bullying.

Here are some of the results.

42% told us that the bullying
kept them up at night,

like Daniel, aged 11, from Derbyshire.

41% told us that the bullying resulted
in them changing their eating,

like Millie, aged 16, in London.

And nearly 1 in 4, 24%, said
that the bullying made them feel suicidal,

like Tom, aged 17, from Bedford.

Bullying is tragic.

It corrodes confidence,

and is it any wonder
the worry and the depression

that these young people
have to go through,

that many of them
don't fulfil their full potential?

I still remember that time
of being bullied at school.

And actually studies have shown

that it stays with you
long into your adult life.

King's College found that those
that had experienced bullying

at age 4 and 7 years old,

were much more likely

to be physically, psychologically,
and mentally disadvantaged,

compared to those who had escaped
bullying at school.

Many adults that I have spoken to
have found it incredibly hard

to shake off that label, "victim."

So I suppose bullying
not only becomes an issue

for our young people
but for our adults too.

You can understand maybe
why sometimes, as grown-ups,

we try and take control
when a young person is being bullied.

We take over the situation.

We tell them what they should do,
we go into school,

we sometimes even Facebook
the bully's parents;

don't do that, it's not a good idea!

(Laughter)

And by doing that, we assume
that we know best how to intervene,

and we limit the opportunity
for those young people

to be able to solve this for themselves

and make a difference to their peers,
their school, and their world.

When I was 16,

I had an idea that I wanted to test out

on my peers, my school, my world.

I was confused and isolated
because of the bullying

but what I saw was a real lack
of young people being empowered

to take the lead on changing things.

We didn't have a voice.

We were not part of the system
that was created to, ironically,

keep us safe.

So with the support of my headteacher,
I set about doing some research.

I collected hundreds of questionnaires,
some of the stories were quite harrowing,

and I attended a Governors' Meeting
which certainly opened up some eyes.

It was clear that my school
was not doing enough about bullying.

I gave myself a job:
Student Anti-Bullying Coordinator,

and with that came a mission
to get the whole school on board

with tackling bullying.

This was about bringing the whole school,

and I decided we needed
to recruit some former bullies.

These students were cheeky,
confident characters

that were able not only
to change their own behavior

but bring others on board,

and it made a real difference.

Here's another case point.

Levinson High School

was put in special measures
because of bullying.

I was invited to come in
and work with the students.

We trained them, listened to them,
and helped them come up with simple ideas

like a pledge read out
at every anti-bullying assembly

and patrols,

a "report abuse" button on every desktop,

and in less than a year, OFSTED came back,

and said that all students spoken to
felt safe in the school.

This had been led by students.

It was those simple things that worked,

that didn't cost a lot of money,

like compliment days or smile days,

smile at the person next to you.

See, it works!

(Laughter)

And these things changed the ethos
and the culture of the school,

and as a result, students felt empowered,

they felt part of the solution
and not part of the problem.

As awareness of the program began to grow,

and knowledge of these
anti-bullying ambassadors

that I created in my school,

I was invited by the government
to come and talk to them,

with a group of young people,
about what we were doing.

So I did.

The government listened,
learned, and loved it,

and as a result,

a few years later,

I was a teen with a full-time job

from something that had been a passion.

There are now 18,500
anti-bullying ambassadors

in the UK and Ireland
whose job it is to make sure

that people are safe online and offline.

My advice to teachers, to young people,

to parents, or teachers co-create
your anti-bullying policy with students.

Get their buy-in from the start,
then it becomes their rules,

and they're much more likely
to follow them.

Parents, go home today and ask your child

how they would like you
to deal with bullying

if they ever reported it to you.

Don't take over the problem, instead,
give them some of that power back

and work with them
to come up with a solution.

And young people, don't forget
just how powerful you are,

and how your peers rely on you.

You can make a huge difference

in shaping attitudes
and changing behaviors.

In the ten years or so
that I have been doing this work,

I have seen bullying
rise up the political agenda.

Even royalty has come on board.

I've seen young people
driving this change,

difference being celebrated
and not stifled,

and attitudes are changing.

So what would the 9-year-old me have said?

Well, a few years later,
he did dare to be different,

and unfortunately for him,

some of our youngest ambassadors
are now just five years old.

I dared to be different.

I took control back, and as a result,

there are now thousands of young people
across the UK and Ireland

that are really changing lives
for other people.

Thank you.

(Applause)