3 things new parents should consider before going back to work

When I was pregnant I
just got very frustrated.

Don't eat deli meats, do this
particular pre-natal test,

well why did you make that choice?

Why didn't you make a different choice?

I felt like I was being told to do things,

and I never got the answer to why.

(upbeat New Age music)

Sometimes in the world of modern parenting

you just can't seem to win.

If you go back to work, I
spend less time with my kid.

What if that means they
don't get the attention

they need to adequately develop?

If I stay home with my kid,

and give up my income
stream, will I look back

when my kids are older
and regret my decision?

There's a lot of
conflicting advice out there

about whether to stay
home or go back to work,

so trying to make a choice between the two

can be confusing and emotional.

You love your kids and
want what's best for them,

but how do you determine what best means

when everyone has a different opinion?

There are many variations of parents

that a household can have,
and I think more families

should be asking the question
of whether it makes sense

for the male partner to
stay home, but the truth is

that in the current time,
most of the discussions

about stay at home parents
focus on women in particular.

And it's usually the
women who say they feel

that what they do during
the day is gonna determine

at a deep level what kind
of mom and person they are.

That is a huge weight to
put on yourself as a parent,

and when you're met with the
side eye after telling someone

you're going back to work or
not, it can really poke holes

in your confidence.

I decided to dig in and find out.

Is it truly better to stay
at home or go back to work?

It's an emotional decision,
yes, but as an economist

I've learned that we can
use data to help navigate

through those emotional
decisions and feel confident

we're making the best
decision for our family.

Specifically there are three main factors

you should consider before you decide.

First, you need to think
(upbeat tropical music)

about how this decision will
affect your family budget.

Let's do some numbers.

Say your total household
income is $100,000,

with you and your partner
making 50,000 each.

That means you bring home
about $85,000 after taxes.

If both of you work,
(light piano music)

and the family pays $1,500 a month

for childcare, your
total disposable income

would be $67,000 a year.

Are you with me so far?

Now, if you decide to stay
home, your family makes less

but you don't pay for childcare.

Your disposable income
goes down in this scenario,

but not by as much as
it would if you didn't

factor in the childcare.

It becomes more complicated if childcare

is more expensive in your area.

A full-time nanny can
run 40, $50,000 a year

depending on where you live.

If that's the case in your neighborhood,

in the scenario I outlined,
it would completely

wipe out one parent's income,
and you'd be better off

financially with one parent staying home.

Of course, this is only
a short term analysis.

Childcare is less expensive
sometimes when kids

are in school, and you may
make a higher income later,

so you wanna factor that in if you can.

Once you've done the math
you'll know what's possible

and what isn't and you'll
be able to make a more

informed choice, which
should feel empowering.

Second, it's time to
talk about what's best

for your child.

You may think this should be
the core of your decision,

but here's the most
important thing to know,

there's actually no right answer.

According to studies
from Europe and the US,

the decision to go back
to work or stay at home

won't actually make or break
your child's future success.

Research shows that two
parents working full-time

has a similar effect on your
child's future test scores

and income to one parent
working and one not.

What seems to be most
important is the environment

your child is in during their spare time.

As long as they're engaging
in enriching activities;

reading, practicing their motor skills,

interacting with other
kids, they're gonna thrive

whether or not you're at home
with them while they do it.

There is a bit of nuance in the data.

For example, studies have
found that if both parents work

kids from poor families
are impacted positively,

and kids from richer families

are impacted less positively.

So depending on your
household configuration,

the effects on your child
could be a little positive,

or a little negative, but the
overall impact is negligible.

Now I wanna call out an
exception; maternity leave.

There is a growing body of
evidence suggesting that

babies do better when their mothers

take some maternity leave.

The early days with your child can impact

their development, so
if you have paid leave

you should take it, and if
you don't, maybe consider

taking some unpaid leave
for those first few months

if your budget allows.

And finally, ask yourself,
(deep soft New Age rock music)

what do I want?

While this may seem
simple, it's the factor

that feels most taboo to explore.

In talking to parents I find
that when a woman chooses

to stay home, she often
feels obligated to say

she made this choice for her
children's optimal development.

Which, sure, can be part of
the reason, but a perfectly

acceptable answer is, "this
is the lifestyle I prefer,"

or, "this is what works for my family."

The same goes for the working mother.

Saying, "I like my job, and that's why

I went back to work," is enough.

If you wanna go back
to work, that's great.

You're lucky to have a job that you love,

and you have every right to keep it

once you become a parent.

Be honest with yourself
about what you'd really

like to do.

If you're upfront about
that, you're guaranteed

to feel happier, which
in turn will allow you

to be the best version
of a parent you can be,

and isn't that the whole point?

There is no right and wrong
when it comes to parenting.

The best decision is the
one that will make you

and your family the happiest.

Up to you to decide what's next.

By acknowledging that the
choice to stay home or not

is just that, a choice,
with factors pushing you

in various directions,
we can ditch the guilt

and enjoy doing what feels
best for our families.