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When I was pregnant I[br]just got very frustrated.

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Don't eat deli meats, do this[br]particular pre-natal test,

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well why did you make that choice?

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Why didn't you make a different choice?

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I felt like I was being told to do things,

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and I never got the answer to why.

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(upbeat New Age music)

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Sometimes in the world of modern parenting

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you just can't seem to win.

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If you go back to work, I[br]spend less time with my kid.

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What if that means they[br]don't get the attention

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they need to adequately develop?

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If I stay home with my kid,

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and give up my income[br]stream, will I look back

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when my kids are older[br]and regret my decision?

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There's a lot of[br]conflicting advice out there

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about whether to stay[br]home or go back to work,

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so trying to make a choice between the two

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can be confusing and emotional.

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You love your kids and[br]want what's best for them,

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but how do you determine what best means

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when everyone has a different opinion?

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There are many variations of parents

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that a household can have,[br]and I think more families

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should be asking the question[br]of whether it makes sense

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for the male partner to[br]stay home, but the truth is

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that in the current time,[br]most of the discussions

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about stay at home parents[br]focus on women in particular.

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And it's usually the[br]women who say they feel

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that what they do during[br]the day is gonna determine

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at a deep level what kind[br]of mom and person they are.

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That is a huge weight to[br]put on yourself as a parent,

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and when you're met with the[br]side eye after telling someone

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you're going back to work or[br]not, it can really poke holes

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in your confidence.

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I decided to dig in and find out.

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Is it truly better to stay[br]at home or go back to work?

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It's an emotional decision,[br]yes, but as an economist

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I've learned that we can[br]use data to help navigate

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through those emotional[br]decisions and feel confident

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we're making the best[br]decision for our family.

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Specifically there are three main factors

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you should consider before you decide.

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First, you need to think[br](upbeat tropical music)

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about how this decision will[br]affect your family budget.

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Let's do some numbers.

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Say your total household[br]income is $100,000,

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with you and your partner[br]making 50,000 each.

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That means you bring home[br]about $85,000 after taxes.

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If both of you work,[br](light piano music)

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and the family pays $1,500 a month

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for childcare, your[br]total disposable income

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would be $67,000 a year.

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Are you with me so far?

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Now, if you decide to stay[br]home, your family makes less

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but you don't pay for childcare.

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Your disposable income[br]goes down in this scenario,

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but not by as much as[br]it would if you didn't

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factor in the childcare.

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It becomes more complicated if childcare

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is more expensive in your area.

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A full-time nanny can[br]run 40, $50,000 a year

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depending on where you live.

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If that's the case in your neighborhood,

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in the scenario I outlined,[br]it would completely

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wipe out one parent's income,[br]and you'd be better off

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financially with one parent staying home.

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Of course, this is only[br]a short term analysis.

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Childcare is less expensive[br]sometimes when kids

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are in school, and you may[br]make a higher income later,

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so you wanna factor that in if you can.

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Once you've done the math[br]you'll know what's possible

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and what isn't and you'll[br]be able to make a more

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informed choice, which[br]should feel empowering.

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Second, it's time to[br]talk about what's best

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for your child.

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You may think this should be[br]the core of your decision,

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but here's the most[br]important thing to know,

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there's actually no right answer.

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According to studies[br]from Europe and the US,

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the decision to go back[br]to work or stay at home

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won't actually make or break[br]your child's future success.

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Research shows that two[br]parents working full-time

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has a similar effect on your[br]child's future test scores

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and income to one parent[br]working and one not.

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What seems to be most[br]important is the environment

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your child is in during their spare time.

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As long as they're engaging[br]in enriching activities;

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reading, practicing their motor skills,

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interacting with other[br]kids, they're gonna thrive

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whether or not you're at home[br]with them while they do it.

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There is a bit of nuance in the data.

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For example, studies have[br]found that if both parents work

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kids from poor families[br]are impacted positively,

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and kids from richer families

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are impacted less positively.

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So depending on your[br]household configuration,

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the effects on your child[br]could be a little positive,

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or a little negative, but the[br]overall impact is negligible.

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Now I wanna call out an[br]exception; maternity leave.

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There is a growing body of[br]evidence suggesting that

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babies do better when their mothers

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take some maternity leave.

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The early days with your child can impact

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their development, so[br]if you have paid leave

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you should take it, and if[br]you don't, maybe consider

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taking some unpaid leave[br]for those first few months

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if your budget allows.

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And finally, ask yourself,[br](deep soft New Age rock music)

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what do I want?

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While this may seem[br]simple, it's the factor

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that feels most taboo to explore.

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In talking to parents I find[br]that when a woman chooses

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to stay home, she often[br]feels obligated to say

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she made this choice for her[br]children's optimal development.

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Which, sure, can be part of[br]the reason, but a perfectly

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acceptable answer is, "this[br]is the lifestyle I prefer,"

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or, "this is what works for my family."

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The same goes for the working mother.

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Saying, "I like my job, and that's why

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I went back to work," is enough.

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If you wanna go back[br]to work, that's great.

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You're lucky to have a job that you love,

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and you have every right to keep it

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once you become a parent.

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Be honest with yourself[br]about what you'd really

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like to do.

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If you're upfront about[br]that, you're guaranteed

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to feel happier, which[br]in turn will allow you

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to be the best version[br]of a parent you can be,

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and isn't that the whole point?

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There is no right and wrong[br]when it comes to parenting.

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The best decision is the[br]one that will make you

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and your family the happiest.

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Up to you to decide what's next.

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By acknowledging that the[br]choice to stay home or not

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is just that, a choice,[br]with factors pushing you

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in various directions,[br]we can ditch the guilt

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and enjoy doing what feels[br]best for our families.