FAKE FRIENDS EPISODE ONE: intro to parasocial relationships

[Voiceover: Strucci] Is it possible for
you to form a relationship with

someone who doesn't know you
and has never met you?

Or with someone who doesn't even exist?

Yes. You can. There's even a name for it:
A parasocial relationship.

[Nick Uhas] Creators find that the more
they give their audience,

the more their audience gives back to
them.

Think of it like having a conversation
with a friend. Or, a thousand of them.

- [Girl in audience] Woo!

[Bo Burnham] I'm giving you attention,
girl that's "woo"-ing. Are you happy now?

[Girl in audience] I love you!

[Burnham] You love me? That's very nice.
You love the idea of me.

You don't know me, but that's okay. It's
called a parasocial relationship.

It goes one way and is ultimately
destructive, but please --

keep buying all my shit forever.

- [Burnham in Voiceover]
Uh, and the best part about it, man,

you got all these young fans. Uh, and,
which is great, because young people,

they're very passionate, they're very
reliable consumers.

But what you gotta do, in order to
take your career to the next level,

you gotta cater more heavily to them.

- [Burnham] That's how it works.

Capitalism, I'm trapped.

It's terrible, I'm a horrible person.

- [Burnham singing]
♫ Art is dead ♫

♫ So people think you're funny ♫

♫ How do we get those people's money? ♫

- [Jon LaJoie talking]
Girl, I love you so much.

I wish we could be together.

Unfortunately we can't, because,

I'm rich and famous and you're not.

But, why don't you just

go out and buy my album?

And tell your friends about it too,

so that they also go out and buy it.

[Voiceover: Strucci]
This video will offer a basic definition

and exploration of the essay
that originated the concept and the term.

Part 2 will deal with parasocial
relationships with fictional characters,

and with real people, including
where that line is blurred.

Part 3 will expand on the research
covering these relationships,

along with their applications,
and how they have been deliberately

fostered and used, for better or for
worse.

And part 4 will be my own personal
conclusions and advice regarding them,

especially the phrase
"Don't meet your heroes."

This is something really important to name
and to think about, especially

with the way that these relationships
can be used to exploit vulnerable people,

or used in place of actual relationships
in a way that is unhealthy.

- [Burnham singing]
♫ I also hope that you don't see through ♫

♫ This cleverly constructed ruse ♫

♫ Designed by a marketing team ♫

♫ Cashing in on puberty
and low self-esteem ♫

♫ And girls' desperate need
to feel loved... ♫

♫ (Please love me!) ♫

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
And I feel like it's a topic

that's very rarely touched on. I only
became aware of the term about

a year and a half ago, despite being
obsessed with media. And I feel like this

is something all the people watching this
video have experienced,

even if you haven't ever really
thought about it or tried to name it.

Parasocial relationships have been
researched so extensively

that studying them and condensing
information about them down is daunting.

But they seem unheard of
in a wider context.

Normally, I can pull from other video
essays and documentaries

and interviews for supplementary clips,
but on YouTube for example,

there are just some TED and TEDx talks,
maybe a couple of video essays,

and a bunch of PowerPoint-style
school projects and vloggers and academics

talking into the camera.

The term "parasocial relationships" gives
about 900 results.

Other variations on the phrase
in an academic context give far fewer

results, and while "parasocial"
gives a ton of results,

most of them are not in English and have
nothing to do with the theory.

Compare this to auteur theory, which I did
an essay on a couple years ago,

which has over 10 times the results,

with a ton of video essays by well-known
YouTube editors and personalities

and interviews and documentaries with
famous filmmakers, and the like.

I will refer to what videos I did find
throughout this series,

but overall, I was surprised by the
difference between the dozens and dozens

of academic studies and essays I found,
and the lack of video covering them.

And I was compelled to try
to help bridge that gap,

and provide more accessible information
on these relationships.

- [Man speaking Chinese]

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
Also, please note that me talking about

a particular character or personality
in this series does not imply

that I'm endorsing them or their beliefs.

Parasocial relationships can be formed
with all sorts of people and all sorts of

characters, and me talking about a
persona in this series is certainly not

an endorsement of that persona.

Okay, so what are parasocial relationships

and why do I care so much about them?

- [Bo Burnham singing]
♫ I'm in magazines ♫

♫ Full of model teens ♫

♫ So far above you ♫

♫ So read them and hate yourself ♫

♫ Then pay me to tell you I love you ♫

(whispering) I love you.

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
In 1956, Donald Horton and Richard Wohl

published "Mass Communication
and Para-Social Interaction:

Observations on Intimacy at a Distance"
in the journal Psychiatry.

Note that while I'm leaving my excerpts
from the piece unaltered,

it was written in the 50s,

so keep that in mind when outdated and
potentially offensive words

like "invalid" or the million times
personas and spectators

are referred to as "he" come up.

Their essay opens
with the following paragraph:

"One of the striking characteristics
of the new mass media––

radio, television, and the movies --

is that they give the illusion of a
face-to-face relationship with

the performer. The conditions of response
to the performer are analogous

to those in a primary group.

The most remote and illustrious men are
met as if

they were in a circle of ones peers;

the same is true of a character in a story

who comes to life in these media

in an especially vivid and arresting way.

We propose to call this seeming
face-to-face relationship

between spectator and performer

a para-social relationship."

They refer to figures,
personalities whose existence

is a function of the media, as "personae:"

referring to "quizmasters, announcers,
and interviewers,"

who speak directly into the camera,

in an attempt to get the audience

to "consider that they are involved

in a face-to-face exchange,

rather than a passive observation."

They describe TV shows and radio shows
a persona would be on

as "personality programs."

They quote Dave Garroway, a radio and
television personality,

describing how he
"stumbled on the device":

"Most talk on the radio in those days was
formal and usually a little stiff.

But I just rambled along, saying whatever
came into my mind.

I was introspective.

I tried to pretend
that I was chatting with a friend

over a highball,
late in the evening."

- Dave was one of the first
that didn't say

"Ladies and gentlemen."

You know, the idea
when you were broadcasting,

to get on as though, you know,
there were millions of people out there,

so you say "Ladies and gentlemen!"

Well, you're not broadcasting
to "ladies and gentlemen."

You're broadcasting
to individuals or small groups,

in a home or in an intimate setting,

and that's the way Dave approached it.
It was kind of new to do that then.

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
"Then - and later - I consciously tried

to talk to the listener as an individual,

to make each listener feel
that he knew me, and I knew him.

It seemed to work pretty well
then and later.

I know that strangers often stop me
on the street today, call me Dave,

and seem to feel that we are old friends
who know all about each other."

- This is a man who was able to look

into that lens, as I am doing now,

and talk to people at home.

As if he was talking one-to-one with you.

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
Horton and Wohl describe parasocial

relationships as
"a simulacrum of conversational

give-and-take, in opposition
to ortho-social relationships,

the difference lying
in lack of affective reciprocity.

It is a relationship that is one-sided,
non-dialectical,

controlled by the performer, and not
susceptible to mutual development."

They also say that the persona "offers,

above all, a continuing relationship,

where its appearance as a regular
and dependable event

to be counted on, planned for,
and integrated

into the routines of daily life.

"To say that he is familiar and intimate

is to use pale and feeble language

for the pervasiveness and closeness

with which multitudes feel his presence.

And the persona's character
and pattern of action

remain basically unchanged,

in a world of otherwise
disturbing change.

It's a relationship
where the technical devices

of the media themselves
are exploited

to create illusions of intimacy,

with no challenge
to the spectator's self."

Horton and Wohl were talking about radio
and televison,

but all this applies even more so
to Internet personalities,

being that the techniques
of exploiting these relationships

have had time to be honed and refined
over the past 60 years.

The YouTube Creator Academy,
free courses available online

behind the scenes
to YouTube content creators,

give recommendations for techniques
that deliberately foster

parasocial relationships
with audience members,

using terms like "Be authentic,"
and "Make your community feel loved",

in the same courses as phrases
like "Long-term channel growth"

and "How can you capitalize on this?",

even encouraging YouTube personalities

to develop and play up catchphrases,

and give special names to fans.

Back to Horton and Wohl.

"All these devices are indulged in
not only to lure the attention

of the audience, and to create
the easy impression

that there is a kind of
participation open to them

in the program itself,
but also to highlight

the chief values stressed
in such 'personality' shows.

These are sociability,
easy affability,

friendship, and close contact -
briefly, all the values associated

with free access to,
and easy participation in,

pleasant social interactions
in primary groups.

Because the relationship
between persona and audience

is one-sided, and cannot
be developed mutually,

very nearly the whole burden

of creating a plausible imitation
of intimacy,

is thrown on the persona and on the show
of which he is the pivot.

If he is successful in initiating an
intimacy which his audience

can believe in..."

- [Man presenting award]
For giving generation upon generation

of children confidence in themselves.
For being their friend -

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
"... then the audience may help him

maintain it by fan mail,

and by the various
other kinds of support,

which can be provided indirectly
to buttress his actions."

A fun part of this study
is where Horton and Wohl posit

that "other attitudes than compliance

in the assigned role are, of course,
possible.

One may reject, take an analytical stance,

perhaps even find a cynical amusement

in refuting the offered gambit,

and playing some other role
not implied in the script ..."

- [Voiceover on TV]
Who's that Pokemon?

- [Man offscreen]
(screaming) IT'S PIKACHU!

- [Voiceover on TV]
It's Koffing!

- [Man offscreen]
(screaming) GOD DAMN IT! ARRGHH!

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
"... Or view the proceedings

with a detached curiosity, or hostility."

Which, of course,
is what I'm doing right here.

You could also see it
in the adversarial spectatorship

of Mystery Science Theater 3000,
especially in their educational shorts.

- [Character in film]
So, you never wanna see

another spring, eh? Okay, mister!
I'll fix it so you GET that way!

- [Crow]
... In HELL!

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
And in Red-Letter Media's Nerd Crew:

- Hello, and welcome to another
very special episode

of The Nerd Crew.
As always, I'm Mike.

- And I'm Jay, and I'm just someone
that really loves comic books,

and Star Wars. I didn't used to,
until it became commercially viable,

and now, me personally,
I love talking about Star Wars.

I thought it was fucking stupid,

but now I think it is
the most amazing thing in pop culture.

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
A series that is a vicious parody

of quote-unquote "Nerd Podcasts"
and videos

that exist to milk revenue
from fans of geek culture.

- And, today's sponsor, is Nerd Coffin.

That's right!
(loudly) It's a COFFIN for NERDS!

- The inside is lined with a material
featuring all of your favorite

pop culture characters.

You can choose from Star Wars, Marvel,
or DC characters

to stare at, while you lay in a coffin,
waiting for your body to rot.

- Nerd Coffin will install a WiFi-enabled
flatscreen television, directly

into your coffin. And when a new
geek culture movie is released,

it'll be streamed,
directly into your grave.

[Voiceover: Strucci]
Horton and Wohl differentiate between

the kind of identification a spectator
would have with a character in a play

or film, with a parasocial interaction.

When you're looking at a fictional
character as a part of a drama separate

from yourself, you certainly might
identify with that character,

even on a deep emotional level -
what they refer to as

"that loss of situational references and
self-consciousness".

With a parasocial relationship in a
personality program though,

the persona continually addresses the
spectator,

with these references serving to "remind
the spectator of their own independent

identity. The only illusion maintained is
that of directness and immediacy of

participation." With a drama, you
surrender control through identification.

With a parasocial relationship, you are
"called upon to make appropriate responses

which are complimentary to those of the
persona."

-[DORA] I need your help to stop Swiper!

You have to say "Swiper, no swiping!"

Say it with us!

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
Which is referred to as the "answering

role," described as, "to a degree, voluntary
and independent."

They describe watching a drama as a closed
system, with roles that are pre-determined

in their mutual relations, and a persona's
performance (which is open ended)

begging for a specific answering role to
give it closure.

They say "The 'personality' program – in
contrast to the drama –

is especially designed to provide
occasion for good-natured joking and

teasing, praising and admiring,
gossiping and telling anecdotes,

in which the values of friendship and
intimacy are stressed."

Horton and Wohl say of a parasocial
relationship that "the greatest pains

are taken by the persona to create
an illusion of intimacy.

We call it an illusion because the
relationship between the persona

and any member of his audience is
inevitably one-sided,

and reciprocity between the two can only
be suggested."

They speak of a general propaganda on
behalf of personae with the major theme

that "...the performer should be loved
and admired. Every attempt possible is

made to strengthen the illusion of
reciprocity and rapport

in order to offset the inherent
impersonality of the media themselves."

There is an emphasis on the ideal
performer having "heart" and

being "sincere," with a performance that's
"real" and "warm," so that the audience is

"entreated to assume a sense of personal
obligation to the performer."

They reference Robert K. Merton's

Mass Persuasion: The Social Psychology
of a War Bond Drive,

describing his "acute analysis of the
audience's demand for 'sincerity'

as a reassurance against manipulation."

The study was published in 1946, and
examined a radio entertainer

named Kate Smith's efforts to sell war
bonds on the CBS radio network.

An abstract for the study says that
"the emphasis in the analysis is

on the personal-social dynamics in the
individual which were stimulated to react

by the symbols presented by Smith. The
social and cultural context which gave

such a catalytic effect to Smith's type
of persuasion are considered in term

of the meanings which they had for the
listeners.

The moral implications for political
manipulators using this potent type of

radio technique is examined in the light
of the research findings."

Merton said "On every side, Americans feel
themselves the object of manipulation,

the target for ingenious methods of
control, through advertising which

cajoles, promises, terrorizes... Through
cumulatively subtle methods of

salesmanship which may simulate values
common to both salesman and client

for private and self-interested motives.
Listeners felt a magnified will to believe

in Kate Smith's sincerity as a consequence
of living in a society which has forgone

a sense of community and has substituted
the mere pretense of common values

in order to further private interests,"

and that "Techniques of persuasion are
known to have a long history,

and they have, probably, a longer
pre-history. But never before the present day

has the quick persuasion of masses of
people occurred on such a vast scale.

The trivial and the large, decisions alike
are made the object of deliberate control.

Large populations are brought to prefer
a given brand of soap,

or hair tonic, or laxative; or,
predisposed by their conditions of life,

large masses are persuaded to follow a
political leader who means many things to

many men. Loyalties are captured and
control of mass behavior temporarily

ensured."
Horton/Wohl mention that viewers are also

"...expected to benefit by his wisdom,
reflect on his advice, sympathize with him

with him in his difficulties, forgive his
mistakes, buy the products he recommends,

and keep his sponsor informed of the
esteem in which he is held."

That's part of the insidiousness of
parasocial relationships.

- [Jon LaJoie singing]
♫ They'll market this song to young, ♫

♫ impressionable, and insecure
teenage girls ♫

♫ 'Cause all you gotta say is "ooh, baby,"
"I love you" ♫

♫ or "girl, I need you in my world" ♫

- [Narration: Strucci]
It's one thing to feel a connection

to someone or something, even if it's just
one-way. It's another for that connection

to be deliberately fostered and then
exploited for monetary gain.

- [Bo Burnham singing]
♫And your parents will always come along ♫

♫ Because their little girl's in love,
and how could love be wrong? ♫

- [Group chanting]
♫ Make money, make money money ♫

- [Jon LaJoie singing]
♫ Rich men making money off ♫

♫ of their investments ♫

♫ Ooh, it's so sexual, baby ♫

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
This might sound hypocritical,

considering I make money off of Patreon,
but I'm asking for money from Patrons

to help me keep making videos, not asking
for donations from friends or for people

to buy from any corporate sponsors.
I know I might not always succeed...

- [Bo Burnham singing]
♫ I must be psychotic, I must be demented♫

♫ To think that I'm worthy of all this
attention ♫

♫ Of all of this money you worked really
hard for ♫

♫ I slept in late while you worked at the
drug store ♫

- [Narration: Strucci]
I do try to speak from a place of

approachable expertise and come across
more like a laid-back film school

instructor rather than a close friend, and
keep at least somewhat of a barrier up.

It's off-putting and disturbing when I see
other content creators who use

parasocial relationships to deliberately
and cynically manipulate audiences.

Horton and Wohls speak of personality
programs being

"...particularly favorable to the
compensatory attachments by the socially

isolated, the socially inept, the aged and
invalid, the timid and rejected."

Whereas "The persona himself is readily
available as an object of love- especially

when he succeeds in cultivating the
recommended quality of 'heart.'"

- [Bo Burnham singing]
♫ Yeaaah, we know it's not right ♫

♫ We know it's not funny
But we'll stop beating this dead horse ♫

♫ When it stop spitting out money. ♫

♫ But until then... ♫

♫ We will repeat stuff. ♫

- [Voiceover: Strucci]
I do think people who are more isolated

and vulnerable are more susceptible to
exploitative parasocial relationships.

I also think that, in modern day, the
quality of "heart" varies. Far-right

conspiracy theorists like Alex Jones
are seen by fans as "truth tellers"-

- [Interviewer]
But the thing that I will say in your

favor is you never, to me, come across as
insincere.

I believe that you mean what you say. And
I believe that you mean what you're doing.

[Alex Jones yelling]
GET AWAY FROM ME, RACISTS! SHE'S GOD!

[grunts and pants]

[Man behind camera]
He's on the loose. He's on the loose!

[Alex Jones]
YOU'LL NEVER STOP ME! RACIST!

[Interviewer]
I-It's, um, always heartening to me when

I find someone who's the same off-screen
as they are on...

[Voiceover: Alex Jones]
Gay bomb, baby!

[Interviewer]
'cause there's a sort of authenticity and

earnestness about you that I really like.

[Alex Jones]
I was told by a genetic engineer...

[distressed] They got humanoids crossed
with fish and stuff, I mean...

[Interviewer]
'Cause I know you mean it.

[Voiceover: Strucci]
And some people are fans of edgelords,

or fans of other cynical, hateful types
because their cynicism is read as sincere

and more "real" than kindness is.

Horrible white supremacist Baked Alaska
addresses his viewers as "fam" and wants

you to, quote, [imitating] "Remember to
subscribe, comment, share, smash that like

button, and smash that bell button,"
the exact same way any former Vine star

or other benign personality would.

Months and months ago, when I was first
researching for this essay,

I coincidentally came across this tweet
on my timeline. I had difficulty figuring

out its origin because it's an image that
has been posted again and again on the

internet, typically tagged "forever alone"
before it later became more associated

with podcasts and the like.
It encapsulates the feel and the allure

of parasocial relationships while also
plainly making fun of them, and

differentiating them from actual, two-way
relationships. Horton and Wohl point out

that "The encouragement of, not to say
demand for, a sense of intimacy

with the persona and an appreciation of
him as a "real" person is in contradiction

to the fact that the image he presents is
to some extent a construct – a facade –

which bears little resemblance to his
private character."

It's easy to feel that you know someone
if you're familiar with them through

their work. But unless you've actually
interacted with them, you don't know them.

You could watch every minute of every
video essay and review and short film

I put up, and read everything I've written
(including a frankly shameful number of

tweets), and on top of that I could start
a podcast and do hundreds of episodes

so you could have hundreds or thousands of
cumulative hours of me talking alone or

to friends to consume, and you could
consume every minute of it,

but you still wouldn't have a real
relationship with me.

You'd get my public persona– what I choose
to say while I'm being recorded–

which is removed from the realm of actual,
two-way social interaction.

Parasocial interaction theory is just as
valuable as auteur theory, if not more

valuable because it's an examination of
relationships that,

despite not being real, can have a
powerful emotional impact on anyone that's

ever been a big fan of any person, or of
any piece of art made by a person.

And any powerful emotional effect minus
rigorous examination and reflection can

lead to manipulation and exploitation
(which I'll talk about more in future

videos).
For this video, I just wanted to lay the

groundwork and give you incentive to
start examining parasocial relationships

you might have and how they might be
effecting your day-to-day life.

Thanks for watching! If you enjoyed this
video, please consider donating to my

Patreon. I also have plenty of other video
essays, film reviews, and comedy and

horror short films on my channel, so feel
free to check those out as well.

Look forward to part two of this series
coming soon! Thanks.