MAGIC iPOD

(elderly voice) Dial up Internet's fine!
I downloaded a whole song

- in just five hours!
- (Ian) SHUT UP!!!

Dude, are you sure this is a safe shortcut?

Yeah, man. My inner Christopher Columbus
is navigating us safely.

That's a terrible example, dude.

Christopher Columbus didn't even
end up in the right country.

And then he brought a bunch
of smallpox and death and all--

No, dude! Freedom.

He brought us all freedom.
I mean, look around you.

This is...

Really!

- Dude, it's an iPod Mini.
- (sighs)

Haven't seen one of these since 2004.

Yeah, that thing's ancient, okay?
Put it down and wash your hands.

It probably doesn't even work.

Hold on. Let me just try it.

What?! I'm the iGenie and since you woke
me up from my slumber, I'm gonna

grant you three wishes!
Yeeeah! Okaaaay!

Holy sh*t. Is this real?

What should we wish for?

Just think of your greatest desire.

Like, if it were me, I would wish
for a black president.

Okaaaay!

- Uh, yeah, about that--
- Okay, he's probably not up-to-date

about all the current events.
Probably been trapped

in this piece of sh*t since 2004.

Ooh, that's why he's doing
the Dave Chappelle/Little John thing.

Sorry, we've just been exposed to it
for a few years

and it's really f*cking annoying.

Um...well then, iGenie,
I wish for the biggest TV ever.

Hella kazam!
Alakazee!

Get these pretty-haired dudes
a big ass TV!

What the f*ck is that piece of garbage?

What did you wish for?
The biggest TV ever.

Look, it's state-of-the-art,
and it's easily the biggest on the market.

It weighs 300 pounds!
Yeeeeah!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

There's LCD screens way bigger than that!

Y'all got LCD?

Yeah.

Nah, bra. I can't do that anymore.

You raver kids are crazy!

Okay, um...how about we wish
for something a little smaller.

Okay.

- Give me the new iPhone.
- Yeah, yeah.

Alakazam!
Alakazone.

Get these tight bottom dudes
the most state-of-the-art phone!

- (chuckles)
- What?

Now, I don't know what an iPhone is,
but it can't be better than a Razr.

'Cause that's the sh*t!

Look, it flips and it's got
the best predictive text on the market.

But you can't even shoot
video on this piece of--

What?! A phone that can shoot video?

Okay, future space man guy.

No, seriously, they all do.
I can show you on YouTube.

What's YouTube?

You know, the place
where you watch videos?

Ooh, like Blockbuster Video.

Uh, no. Video rental stores
don't exist anymore.

Well, how do you rent your videos then?

The Internet?

Like where I send my emails from?

- Well, at least he knows email.
- Yes.

- Yes.
- That's a start.

Man, you know I love my hotmail.com!

(together) What?

I mean, it's totally cool if...
you want to look at...

males online, but--

What?! No, no, man! No.
HotMAIL.

Like the email site.

Oooh, I see.
When you put the emphasis

on MAIL it kinda sounds like
you're talking about hot dudes.

See, I don't know what
you guys are talkin' about.

I say Hotmail correctly.
You guys are sayin' it wrong.

- Hotmail.
- HotMAIL.

- Hotmail.
- HotMAIL!

- Hotmail.
- HotMAIL.

- Hotmail.
- HotMAAAAIL.

- Hotmail.
- HotMAIL.

- Hotmail.
- HotMAIL.

- Hot.
- Hot.

- Mail.
- MAIL.

- Hotmail.
- HotMAIL.

- (together) Hotmail!
- HotMAIL.

- Hotmail.
- HotMAIL.

You know what?
This is getting weird.

Is it cool if we just wish
for our last wish right now?

Yeah, go on.

Okay, I wanna go on a date
with Jessical Biel.

Uggh! The little girl from Seventh Heaven?!

Well, how about somebody hot,
like Lindsay Lohan!

Yeeeah!

- No!
- Ugh!

- God!
- Seriously?!

No!

Okay...uh, Amanda Bynes.

No, that's worse.

Okay, what about, um, my girl Avril.
I know she's still bangin', you know?

(singing) He was a skater boy.
She says, "See ya later, boy."

She married the dude from Nickelback.

Noooooooooo!

What?!

I give up! You guys do
your own last wish.

Really?

Yeah, I'm sick of this sh*t.

I think I'm gonna wish for something like
to become famous on YouTube,

for having absolutely no talent
except good hair.

Wait! No.

Haven't you seen Aladdin?

We have to use our last wish
to grant the genie his freedom.

You know what? You're right.

iGenie, I wish for you to have freedom!

Hey, what the f-ck is this sh-t!

Dammit, dude! Your idea
of freedom is smallpox!

Ah, goddamn it!
I'm just as bad as Christopher Columbus.

I hate me so much right now!

Just screw you guys.
Just get outta here!

You know what? It's kinda crazy
how quickly we forget about

all these things and they really
only happened a few years ago.

Yeah, it's like we're so obsessed
with the new technology

that we forget the classic stuff
that was just fine.

So you gonna keep that iPod?

Hell, no! It's an obsolete piece of sh*t!

(narrator) This video
was brought to you by Hotmail.

Hotmail. Remember us?

No?

Yeah...

No one does.

(Anthony) Hey, guys, so we somehow
got a calendar with our faces on it

in a bunch of real stores
and it's also available online,

so click here to get it if you want
our faces on your wall,

watching you every moment
of every day.

And if you wanna watch bloopers
from this video, and this...

..click that little box on the left.

(Ian) And if you haven't already,
click that subscribe button.

Yeeeah! What?!
Okaaay!

(Anthony) Oh my god! Shut up!
It's not 2004 anymore.

(Ian) Uh, okay.

[Captioned by Subtitle YouTube]