How to love and understand your ancestors when you don't know them?

Question and answers with Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, May 2014.

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(Sister): Dear Thay,

we have two questions about
understanding our ancestors

whom we did not know.

They are expressed in this one question:

How can I heal
the suffering of my ancestors

when I don't know
how they suffered?

How can we deal with ancestors
in the case of being orphans

who have grown up without having
any contact with their blood family?

(Thay): I think the two questions
are related to each other.

We do not understand
the suffering of our ancestors.

How can we help

if we don't physically know

our father, our mother?

We do not have any connection with them.

How can we love them
and understand them?

There are people who
still have their father alive,

their mother alive.

And yet they cannot connect with them.

They cannot talk to them,
they cannot communicate with them.

And there are those who have lost
their father, their mother,

they do not know
who their father was,

who their father, their mother is.

There is no chance to connect
because they are no longer there.

How can we connect with them?

How can we understand
their suffering, their happiness?

How can we be really rooted
in our ancestors?

Because a person without roots

cannot be a happy person.

So the two questions
are related to each other.

With the practice
of meditation, looking deeply,

we can connect
with our father, our mother,

even if he is no longer there,
even if he refuses to see us.

We have a monastic here,
in our community,

whose father is still alive

bur he refuses to see her.

He is in a high position in the society.

But he wants to forget,

to entirely deny the past.

She wrote to him:

'Daddy, I am your child.

I want to meet you, connect with you.

To talk to you and sit close to you.'

He refused.

There are those of us who are orphans,

who have not had any chance
to see our father,

who do not know really
who is our father, our mother.

But with this practice we can connect.

Because looking into your body,
your feelings, your suffering,

you see the body, the sufferings,

the hopes of your parents.

Because the fact is that

you are the continuation
of your father, of your mother.

It is like the plant of corn that
is the continuation of the seed of corn.

Although the plant of corn
does not see the kernel of corn,

she knows that she is the continuation
of the kernel of corn.

The corn kernel.

She knows that in every cell of the plant

there is the existence of the corn kernel.

So with someone who
practices mindfulness, meditation,

she can touch her father, her mother,

much more deeply than those
who still have their parents

and who cannot talk to them.

They have the impression that
they know who their father is,

who their mother is,

but in fact, they don't know anything.

Connection is impossible
even if the father is still alive,

the mother is still alive.

The answer is that
if you practice looking deeply,

you can see your father in you,
your mother in you.

You look very much like your father.

You feel very much like your father.

We are made of
form, feelings, perceptions.

And your father has transmitted

quite a lot of his form,
feelings, perceptions to you.

Then you feel connected right away.

You are the continuation of your father.

You are your father.

Many years ago,
walking in the streets of London,

I saw displayed in a bookstore window

a book with the title:
'My mother, myself '.

I did not buy the book.

(Laughter)

Because I had the impression that
I knew what was in the book.

(Laughter)

We are the continuation of our mother,
we are our mother.

The connection is still there.

We only need to be aware.

So you can begin already to talk
to your father in you:

'Daddy, I know you are there.

I am full of you in my body.

You have had suffering,

you have had difficulties
transmitted to me.

Now I have encountered the Dharma
we shall practice together

and transform the negative things in us

and we shall develop
the wonderful things in us

that you have transmitted to me.

Maybe in your lifetime

you have not had the chance to develop
the positive, wonderful qualities in you.

But they are still there
already transmitted to me.

Now, with the Dharma, with the Sangha,

we shall practice together
and make them manifest.

We will be breathing together,
walking together, sitting together

and get the peace, the healing,
the transformation, the joy that we need.'

So you can talk
to your father, your mother,

even if you have not actually
seen your father physically.

It is like our spiritual ancestors.

You have not seen Jesus personally.

You have not met the Buddha personally.

But you have received their teachings.

You have put into practice
their teachings.

You have the Dharma body in you.

So Jesus is alive
in every cell of your body.

Buddha is alive
in every cell of your body.

You can talk to them.

'Jesus, I know that
you are there, in myself.'

You don't have to go
and look for Jesus elsewhere.

He is your ancestor
and you are a continuation.

You should know how to walk like him,

to break the bread like him,

to pour the wine like him, mindfully.

On the way to Emmaus,

the three travelers
did not recognize Jesus.

But once they came to the inn,

and the other person ordered dinner,

broke the bread and poured the wine,

by looking at him the recognized
that Jesus was not dead,

he is still alive.

So if you know
how to break the bread mindfully,

to enjoy the piece of bread
in your hand,

you touch the body of Jesus.

That is the essential of the Eucharist.

Jesus is available to you
24 hours a day

if you know how to walk like him,

to sit like him, to breathe like him,

to break the bread like him.

Then, you are with him all the time.

That is the deepest connection.

This applies to your blood ancestors,
biological ancestors,

and to your spiritual ancestors also.

I have never complained

that I was born a little bit too late,

2.500 years after the Buddha.

I have never complained like that.

(Laughter)

Because I know that the Buddha
is available in the here and the now.

Your father also.
Your mother also.

That is the insight you get

when you practice
mindfulness and concentration.

The answer is good enough?

(Laughter)

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