Healing and forgiveness | Dolph Lundgren | TEDxFulbrightSantaMonica
-
0:27 - 0:29I'd like to tell you a story.
-
0:29 - 0:31It's about a little boy
-
0:31 - 0:35who grew up in Sweden,
in the '60s and '70s. -
0:36 - 0:40His dad was this tall,
good-looking army officer. -
0:40 - 0:43His mom was this pretty but shy linguist.
-
0:44 - 0:49He had a brother and two sisters,
and they lived in suburb of Stockholm. -
0:51 - 0:53And that little boy was me.
-
0:57 - 1:00I think I remember
the first time my dad hit me. -
1:02 - 1:04I was around three or four, I think.
-
1:05 - 1:07I was walking in front of the TV
and he kicked me, -
1:07 - 1:09and I flew into some bookshelves.
-
1:10 - 1:13And I remember there was blood
and my mom was screaming. -
1:14 - 1:18You see, my dad had a lot of problems
and he took it out on me and my mom. -
1:18 - 1:21He never touched my brothers or sisters.
-
1:22 - 1:24And this started
when I was about three or four -
1:24 - 1:28and went on till I was about 11 or 12.
-
1:29 - 1:30It was a really hard part of my life
-
1:30 - 1:35because I had to go to school
with a black eye or, you know, -
1:35 - 1:38some of my hair was missing
because he'd been yanking my head. -
1:40 - 1:43I think some of you may know
what I'm talking about. -
1:44 - 1:46I understand how you're feeling.
-
1:48 - 1:50You see, when you get abused at home,
-
1:50 - 1:53you have two choices,
just like and animal: fight or flight. -
1:53 - 1:55You can either run away,
-
1:55 - 2:00which was impossible for me
because I was a little kid living at home; -
2:00 - 2:02or you can fight back,
-
2:02 - 2:05which I couldn't do because,
you know, I was just a little kid. -
2:05 - 2:07My dad was my size.
-
2:09 - 2:11But I learned later
there's a third choice: -
2:13 - 2:15you freeze.
-
2:15 - 2:18It's like a gazelle being taken by a lion.
-
2:19 - 2:24You just freeze and go dead;
all your emotions are bottled up inside. -
2:25 - 2:26I would just [lie] there.
-
2:26 - 2:29When he was hitting me,
I wouldn't even cry. -
2:31 - 2:35And, by the time I was 11 or 12,
I was smoking, I was drinking, -
2:35 - 2:38I was running away from home
on stolen motorcycles, -
2:38 - 2:41sleeping over in someone's garage,
-
2:41 - 2:44but my dad always found me.
-
2:45 - 2:47Back home for another beating.
-
2:47 - 2:49So, my grades at school were terrible,
-
2:49 - 2:52and my dad said,
"I've got to do something. -
2:52 - 2:55I've got get rid of this kid somehow
and get him out of here." -
2:55 - 2:58So, he decided to send me up north,
to his parents', my grandparents'. -
2:58 - 3:01And they lived in a small town
in the northern part of Sweden. -
3:01 - 3:05Now, Sweden is a country pretty far north.
-
3:06 - 3:10I mean, Stockholm in the winter
gets dark at 2:30 p.m.. -
3:10 - 3:15Stockholm was like Miami Beach,
compared to the place I was being sent. -
3:16 - 3:19But my grandparents were quite nice to me,
-
3:19 - 3:22and they took care of me
and my grades got better. -
3:23 - 3:26I discovered ice hockey,
and then weight training, and karate, -
3:26 - 3:28and I started to heal.
-
3:29 - 3:35And, by the time I was about 17 or 18,
I remembered something my dad had told me. -
3:35 - 3:37Because, you know,
my dad was this pretty smart guy, -
3:37 - 3:40he was very charming, he was a nice guy -
-
3:40 - 3:44most of the time,
when he wasn't going nuts. -
3:44 - 3:46And he told me, "Listen -
-
3:46 - 3:51Listen, kid, this socialistic country,
forget it, you can't do anything here. -
3:51 - 3:54If you want to be somebody,
you've got to go to America." -
3:54 - 3:55I always remembered that.
-
3:55 - 3:59So, I kind of got all the scholarships
I could because I didn't have any money. -
3:59 - 4:03I got a scholarship to WSU,
Washington State University; -
4:03 - 4:04another one to Clemson.
-
4:04 - 4:07Finally, I got a
Fulbright sholarship to MIT, -
4:07 - 4:09which is the reason I am standing here.
-
4:09 - 4:11And there was just one little snag -
-
4:11 - 4:15because, my forth year
to my last year as a master's, -
4:15 - 4:18I was in Sydney,
at the University of Sydney, -
4:18 - 4:21and I was studying engineering
on a scholarship, -
4:21 - 4:25and I was working extra as a bouncer
-
4:25 - 4:27because, you know,
that trauma is really helpful -
4:27 - 4:29when you get into a ring with somebody.
-
4:29 - 4:31So, I became a pretty good fighter.
-
4:31 - 4:36I was a karate champion and I had
what you call a "killer instinct." -
4:36 - 4:38So, me and my buddy
who was my sparring partner -
4:38 - 4:42got hired to do some special work
at a rock concert, different artists, -
4:42 - 4:47and one of them was
this beautiful black singer, -
4:47 - 4:50a statuesque lady named Grace Jones.
-
4:50 - 4:51We worked there and, afterwards,
-
4:51 - 4:55she hired some of us to do
especial security at her party -
4:55 - 4:59when she was going to go out
and hang out at the nightclubs in Sydney. -
4:59 - 5:04I didn't really realize right away why
she'd picked this tall, blond, buff guy -
5:04 - 5:06to be her special security.
-
5:06 - 5:09But, you know, I found out
later that evening. -
5:09 - 5:12(Laughter)
-
5:12 - 5:13I, uh -
-
5:13 - 5:15(Laughter)
-
5:15 - 5:17I ended up in a hotel room,
-
5:18 - 5:21missed a few classes
the next day, college - -
5:21 - 5:25And, you know,
she was a world-class artist, -
5:25 - 5:26totally out of my league.
-
5:26 - 5:29That's what I thought,
but she didn't agree, you know. -
5:29 - 5:31So, we ended up having this relationship.
-
5:31 - 5:35I went to Tokyo to do some karate,
she was there doing a commercial. -
5:35 - 5:37Then I ended up moving to New York.
-
5:37 - 5:40So, I had a couple of months
before I was going to start at MIT, -
5:40 - 5:44and those months literally changed my life
because my what happened was - -
5:44 - 5:47This was New York city, Studio 54 -
-
5:47 - 5:50I met David Bowie, Michael Jackson.
-
5:50 - 5:52First week I was there,
I went to some party. -
5:52 - 5:54There was a little guy with white hair.
-
5:54 - 5:57He came up to me and said,
"Hi! What are you famous for?" -
5:57 - 6:00He took a picture of me and I'm like,
"Nothing, as far as I know." -
6:00 - 6:03And he goes, "Hey, I want
to put you on my magazine." -
6:03 - 6:05Well, that was Andy Worhol,
Interview Magazine. -
6:05 - 6:11So, finally, when it was time to go back
to school, to Cambridge, MIT, -
6:12 - 6:16chemical engineering just didn't seem
as exciting, somehow. -
6:16 - 6:17(Laughter)
-
6:17 - 6:19So -
-
6:19 - 6:23But, anyway, I picked this big black
motorcycle I had bought, 1200CC, -
6:23 - 6:27threw Grace on the back,
all decked out in leather. -
6:27 - 6:28I got in my leather pants,
-
6:28 - 6:30I didn't wear a shirt
too often in those days. -
6:30 - 6:33I drove up to Cambridge,
-
6:33 - 6:37and I think the professors at MIT
had a slightly different idea -
6:37 - 6:39of who this Swedish star student was -
-
6:39 - 6:41(Laughter)
-
6:41 - 6:45So, when this thing just - "vroom" -
went past a window, -
6:45 - 6:47I think they were
sort of shocked, you know. -
6:47 - 6:49They expected somebody else,
slightly smaller, -
6:49 - 6:52maybe with some Coke-bottle
glasses or something, -
6:52 - 6:57but, anyway, they were as shocked
as I was not belonging there. -
6:57 - 7:01I felt that right away,
and three weeks later I was gone. -
7:01 - 7:03I went back to New York,
-
7:04 - 7:06got an agent - so all other actors -
-
7:06 - 7:09started studying, acting,
got up for a couple of movies. -
7:09 - 7:11One was a "boxing" movie.
-
7:11 - 7:15It turned out to be Rocky IV,
and I auditioned for it. -
7:15 - 7:17Finally, I got the role, moved out here.
-
7:17 - 7:22I was training with Sly Stallone
down here, about a mile away from here. -
7:23 - 7:28And the film was shot and opened
30 years ago, Memorial Day. -
7:28 - 7:32And I came out of the theater with Grace
and people were taking pictures of me, -
7:32 - 7:36and I'm like, "What happened?
Oh, I guess I'm a movie star. OK, great." -
7:36 - 7:40But, you know, the problem was this:
my troubles had only started, -
7:40 - 7:43because what happened
was that frozen part of me - -
7:43 - 7:44remember that I told you? -
-
7:44 - 7:46started coming out
and kind of running my life. -
7:46 - 7:49Because what happens is this:
when you have this trauma, -
7:49 - 7:52it's like a soldier
with post-traumatic stress. -
7:52 - 7:56You end up acting on something
called escape behavior. -
7:56 - 7:58You try to escape from something
you can't escape from -
7:58 - 8:00because it's inside of you:
-
8:01 - 8:07drinking, sexual affairs,
overeating, violence, you name it. -
8:08 - 8:11I did a lot of bad things to myself,
-
8:11 - 8:14and, 25 years later, 40 movies later,
-
8:14 - 8:17yeah, I was a movie star,
but I was miserable most of the time. -
8:18 - 8:19I had a failed marriage,
-
8:19 - 8:22two daughters who I loved,
but they didn't even know me. -
8:23 - 8:25My career was kind of rock-bottom.
-
8:25 - 8:27This was only five years ago,
-
8:27 - 8:30and I didn't know how to get out of it.
-
8:30 - 8:32Two things happened.
-
8:32 - 8:35I got a call from
my old buddy Sly Stallone, -
8:35 - 8:37"Hey, Dolph, how are you doing?"
-
8:37 - 8:39(Laughter)
-
8:39 - 8:41"I've got this script, so check it out,
see what you think." -
8:41 - 8:44Well, the script was called
The Expendables. -
8:44 - 8:48It was a big hit, I was back
in the big screen after 15 years. -
8:49 - 8:52The other thing is I met this girl,
fell in love with her, -
8:52 - 8:55and I knew I was going to embark
on the same stupid path -
8:55 - 8:57I'd been down before.
-
8:57 - 8:58Actually, something happened.
-
8:58 - 9:01Some girl was flirting with me,
I gave her my number - -
9:01 - 9:04The usual: the text,
the pictures; she saw it - -
9:04 - 9:05A few of you may have been there.
-
9:05 - 9:08She went nuts, we were about to break up,
-
9:08 - 9:11and I said, "I can't do this.
I've got to change my life somehow." -
9:11 - 9:14She'd told me before,
"Why don't you try therapy?" -
9:14 - 9:16I was like, "Forget about it.
It's for sissies." -
9:16 - 9:18"What about meditation?"
-
9:18 - 9:20"Ah, do I look like an Indian guru?
I don't think so." -
9:20 - 9:21(Laughter)
-
9:21 - 9:23So, to make a long story short,
-
9:23 - 9:26I took up therapy
three years ago, meditation, -
9:26 - 9:29and it totally changed my life.
-
9:30 - 9:33Suddenly, this fog
that I was living in lifted. -
9:33 - 9:36I did the therapy
where you go back in time, -
9:36 - 9:41you relive your experiences, you cry,
scream, you roll up in a little ball, -
9:41 - 9:43you hit the couch
with a baseball bat, you know, -
9:43 - 9:47anything you've got to do
to start to attack this part of you, -
9:47 - 9:50this frozen part of me
that was running my life. -
9:50 - 9:53And slowly it started to become
smaller and smaller, -
9:53 - 9:55and I could sort of see my life
come back to me. -
9:55 - 9:57And the meditation helped as well.
-
9:57 - 10:00So, the first thing I did:
-
10:01 - 10:03I went back to see my kids,
-
10:03 - 10:06and I asked them for forgiveness
for what I had done -
10:06 - 10:09because I told them
what happened with my dad, -
10:09 - 10:11and I was a guy who
didn't like what I'd done, -
10:11 - 10:13and they started crying right away.
-
10:13 - 10:16And I realized they had had a lot of pain,
and I cried with them. -
10:17 - 10:19I did the same with my ex-wife,
-
10:19 - 10:21and a few other people I had hurt.
-
10:22 - 10:26And, as a matter of fact,
I also, in my head, forgave my dad -
10:26 - 10:28for what he did,
-
10:28 - 10:30and my mom, for what she didn't do.
-
10:30 - 10:32And I started embarking on this new life.
-
10:32 - 10:35It was like a fight worth fighting,
to come to terms with yourself, -
10:35 - 10:37to heal yourself.
-
10:37 - 10:40But what I didn't realize
was there's another level to that, -
10:40 - 10:42because, once you start
healing yourself and feel better, -
10:42 - 10:46you see other people around you
who need help, who have pain. -
10:46 - 10:48And faith kind of came to me,
-
10:48 - 10:52and I wrote and produce a movie
about human trafficking, -
10:52 - 10:54called Skin Trade.
-
10:54 - 10:58And I learned about human trafficking,
which is a terrible crime. -
10:58 - 11:01There are 20 million slaves
in the world today. -
11:01 - 11:05It's a 20-billion-dollar industry,
second largest in the world. -
11:05 - 11:10These people are physically humiliated,
psychologically abused. -
11:10 - 11:13They have no self worth,
sort of like how I used to feel. -
11:13 - 11:16And kind of faith brought me
in contact with this, -
11:16 - 11:19with human trafficking and these victims.
-
11:19 - 11:23When I came back to LA,
I called an organization called CAST, -
11:23 - 11:25and asked them if I could help -
-
11:25 - 11:28Coalition to Abolish
Slavery and Trafficking. -
11:28 - 11:30Well, I've been helping them ever since,
-
11:30 - 11:34and it's a great feeling for me
to finally give something back. -
11:34 - 11:36You know, a lot of this human trafficking
-
11:36 - 11:40isn't just happening in, like, India,
and Africa, and over there. -
11:40 - 11:43As a matter of fact,
one of the most interesting cases -
11:43 - 11:46was a girl that was brought over
from a Third World country -
11:46 - 11:48by a very wealthy family.
-
11:48 - 11:51She was kept in a house,
they took her passport, -
11:51 - 11:54kept on the guard all the time,
threatened her with violence, -
11:54 - 11:55threatened her family.
-
11:55 - 11:57You know where the house was?
-
11:58 - 12:01In Brentwood, right here,
-
12:01 - 12:03about a mile from here.
-
12:03 - 12:05And she didn't know what to do.
-
12:05 - 12:08They brought this American nanny in
to take care of the little kid, -
12:08 - 12:11and they talked, and the American
nanny said she'd help her, -
12:11 - 12:15but nothing happened,
a week passed, a month passed - -
12:15 - 12:18Finally, they were coming back
from the park one day. -
12:18 - 12:22She was taking care of this kid,
and there was this security guy as usual, -
12:23 - 12:28and there were 15 FBI agents
outside of the house. -
12:28 - 12:30They took her inside and said,
-
12:30 - 12:32"Do you want to stay
or do you want to leave?" -
12:32 - 12:34She said, "I want to leave."
-
12:35 - 12:39CAST got her into a shelter,
re-educated her, brought her back. -
12:39 - 12:41She learned a job.
-
12:41 - 12:44She finally ended up
getting a green card. -
12:45 - 12:46As a matter of fact,
-
12:46 - 12:50she met this man from her home country,
that she fell in love with, -
12:50 - 12:53and they got married.
-
12:54 - 12:58And to be part of something
like that is just amazing. -
12:59 - 13:04As a matter of fact, Alice is also
pregnant with her new baby, -
13:04 - 13:08and towards the end of my talk,
I wanted to say hi to Alice. -
13:08 - 13:10Please stand up.
-
13:10 - 13:13(Applause)
-
13:18 - 13:20Anyway,
-
13:20 - 13:24I guess, for me, the experience
that I told you about is - -
13:25 - 13:28like, you have to come
to terms with yourself. -
13:28 - 13:32You have to love yourself so you can
appreciate those things in others. -
13:33 - 13:35If you heal yourself, you can heal others.
-
13:36 - 13:37And -
-
13:38 - 13:42I think if you take time
to look inside and find that little boy, -
13:43 - 13:46that little girl, inside yourself -
-
13:47 - 13:50then, you treat them well -
-
13:50 - 13:52and are you ready to look
-
13:52 - 13:56and see a little boy or a little girl next
to you that may need some help? -
13:56 - 13:58Because, if you do that,
-
13:59 - 14:00it's just
-
14:02 - 14:04the greatest feeling in the world.
-
14:05 - 14:06Thanks.
-
14:06 - 14:08(Applause)
-
14:19 - 14:21Thank you.
-
14:21 - 14:22(Applause)
- Title:
- Healing and forgiveness | Dolph Lundgren | TEDxFulbrightSantaMonica
- Description:
-
The movie Rocky IV turned Dolph Lundgren, aka Soviet boxer Ivan Drago, into a Hollywood star. Exactly 30 years later, the Fulbrighter Dolph Lundgren shares his personal fight worth fighting with a live audience at the Broad Stage in Santa Monica. “If you heal yourself you can heal others” is the message of this surprising TEDxFulbright talk about a fighter who became a social activist.
Best known for his performance in Rocky IV as Ivan Drago, Dolph has starred in over 50 films. He was awarded a Fulbright to MIT after graduating at the head of his class in chemical engineering at the Royal Institute of Technology in Stockholm. He also completed an exchange program with the University of Sydney.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 14:38
![]() |
Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for Healing and forgiveness | Dolph Lundgren | TEDxFulbrightSantaMonica | |
![]() |
Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for Healing and forgiveness | Dolph Lundgren | TEDxFulbrightSantaMonica | |
![]() |
Leonardo Silva approved English subtitles for Healing and forgiveness | Dolph Lundgren | TEDxFulbrightSantaMonica | |
![]() |
Mile Živković accepted English subtitles for Healing and forgiveness | Dolph Lundgren | TEDxFulbrightSantaMonica | |
![]() |
Mile Živković edited English subtitles for Healing and forgiveness | Dolph Lundgren | TEDxFulbrightSantaMonica | |
![]() |
Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for Healing and forgiveness | Dolph Lundgren | TEDxFulbrightSantaMonica | |
![]() |
Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for Healing and forgiveness | Dolph Lundgren | TEDxFulbrightSantaMonica | |
![]() |
Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for Healing and forgiveness | Dolph Lundgren | TEDxFulbrightSantaMonica |