-
Well now, Mr. Perkins, it was
good of you to come in
-
I realize that you're a busy man, but I
didn't think this matter could be
-
discussed over the electric telephone.
-
No, no, absolutely, headmaster.
-
I mean, if Tommy is in some sort of
trouble then I'd like to nip it in the bud
-
Well, quite frankly, Tommy is in trouble.
-
Recently, his behaviour have left
a great deal to be desired
-
Dear!
-
He seems to take no interest in
school life, whatsoever!
-
He refuses to muckin on the sports
field. And it's weeks since any master
-
has received any written work from him.
-
Oh, dear me!
-
Quite frankly, Mr. Perkins, if he
wasn't dead, I'd have him expelled.
-
(laugh)
-
I beg your pardon?
-
Yes, expelled!
-
If I wasn't making allowances for the
fact that your son is dead,
-
he'd be out in his ear.
-
Tommy is dead?!
-
Yes, he's lying up there in sickbay now,
stiff as a board and bright green...
-
and this is, I fear, typical of
his current attitude
-
You see, the boy has
no sense of moderation:
-
one moment he's flying around
like a paper kite...
-
and the next moment he's
completely immovable.
-
And beginning to smell.
-
But how did he die?
-
Well, is that important?
-
Oh yes, I think so!
-
Well... well... well, it's all got
to do with the library, you see.
-
We've had a lot of trouble recently with
boys taking out library books
-
... without library cards.
-
Your son was caught, and
I administered the beating,
-
... during which he died.
-
But you'll be glad to know...
you'll be glad to know
-
that the ringleader was caught.
-
So I don't think we'll be having more
trouble with library discipline.
-
You see, the library card system...
-
I'm sorry...
-
...was...
-
You beat my son to death?
-
Yes, yes, so it would seem.
-
Please, I'm not used to being interrupted.
-
You see, the library card
system was introduced...
-
Well, exactly what happened?
-
Well, apparently, boys were just slipping
into the library and taking the books!
-
No, during the beating!
-
Oh, that? Well...well, one moment he was
bending over, the next moment
-
he was lying down, I mean, er...
-
Dead?
-
Mmm... deadish! ...
-
Mr. Perkins I find this morbid fascination
of yours with son's death quite disturbing.
-
What I'm talking about is his attitude!
-
And quite frankly, I can see
where he gets it from.
-
Well, it wasn't me that beat him to death!
-
Well, that was perfectly obvious to me
from the first day he arrived here.
-
I wondered then, as I wonder now,
-
if he might not have turned out a very
different boy indeed if you had...
-
administrated a few fatal
beatings earlier.
-
Are you mad!?
-
I'm FURIOUS!
In order to accommodate the funeral,
-
I had to cancel afternoon
school on Wednesday!
-
This is preposterous!
-
Yes, it is. Or at least, it would be
-
if it were true
-
.... What?
-
I've been joking, Mr Perkins.
-
Pardon me, it's my strange academic sense
of humour. I've been pulling your leg.
-
Oh, thank god!
-
I wouldn't cancel afternoon
school to bury that little shit!
