I cheated on Joshua..

So if you missed my last video,

I filled you in on how I recently

got a boyfriend,

broke up with him,

got another one,

started a new university degree doing

PHILosophy

and that all took place

in my alternative universe Bitlife!

So we’re gonna jump back in with Philly age 18

– can I keep myself alive?

(until a lovely, grand old age)

I think 96 would be good.

So to fill you in, I’ve got Joshua Glasscock

who’s my boyfriend.

He likes me quite a lot,

despite the disappointing bedroom action.

Can we try and do a bit better,

second time lucky?

No!

That’s even worse!

This isn’t everything in a relationship,

but it might not last.

Oh, wait, you spend time with everyone?

That saves so much time.

“You invested in nine of your relationships.

Your stepmom and stepdad refused

to spend time with you”?

Oh my God! F you, stepdad.

I’m gonna insult him.

I called him a maniac.

I’m insulting her as well.

Yeah, take that, blockhead!

Alright- (game character: Ow!)

AH!

She attacked me, what the hell?

“She elbowed my knee and spanked my forearm”?!

(smack) Bad adult son!

Okay, we’re aging up.

Oh, and my mom and stepdad just had a baby boy

named Jayden, my new half brother–

Jayden Rogers.

AW, I’ve got a bro!

Will I be an insightful and protective big brother?

I always wondered what I would've been like,

if it were the other way around.

Probably not.

“He was conceived on a Caribbean cruise,”

they go on so many boujee holidays without me!

Right, let’s make friends with the bay-bae.

Oh, the only thing I could do is recruit him to a cult

(ominous noise)

No, I’m not gonna do that.

Alright, let’s do some extracurricular drama.

AH

NO

I quit it by accident! (sad horn sounds)

I didn't mean to press that!

Let me back in! (sad horn sounds)

They refused to let me back in!

Aw.. frick.

Okay, I’ll do another one.

I'm gonna join the tennis team,

maybe I can be in my Challengers era?

(sad horn sounds again)

Rejected again?!

Zendaya, you’ve already got two men–

okay, somethin’, somethin’s gotta let me in!

The debate team.

I’m gonna be a yapper.

Yes! Okay, right, what can I do now that I’m an adult?

Ooh, play the lottery. Come on.

Let’s get one ticket.

I did not win.

Oh :( great :,(

Hit up the casino, just havin’ a gambling moment.

I’m gonna go to “Peak Resort”.

uh??

I’m not paying 600 quid?!

Alright, I’m gonna bet 50 quid.

I don’t know how Blackjack works.

Alright you have to get “21 without going over”.

I’ve got 19, I’m gonna stay with 19.

(yippeee! sound effect) YES!

Right, one more try.

100 POUNDS.

(gasp) I’ve got 20!

I’ll stand.

(sad horn) >:(

No! I’ve lost–

I’m down 50 quid!

Right, do not gamble!

In life, I’m still up on the Gremlin slot machine

where I got like 600 quid on my first go.

Dan: Bloody hell.

D: Explain-

D: explain. Phil: I don’t know how it happened!

P: It just happened.

D: You’re hacking, aren’t you?

P: Yeah

I’m never doing it again,

the Bellagio hates me.

Ooh, I can go clubbing.

What sounds the most gay,

I’m gonna go with “Essence Disco”...

that would be like the Willow in New York,

but will they give us prawn crackers here?

I didn’t love it that much.

(gasp) “Even though you have a boyfriend,

you have an opportunity to have a one night stand

with a dude named Charles Waddle."

DO him?!

Oh my God.

Look, I’d normally be against cheating but

I think because we’ve had such a bad time in the bedroom,

(sad horn) maybe this is just to test out

if everything’s okay or not.

I’m tempted just for the messiness of this video.

I did it, I’m sorry.

“Things are getting hot and you’re thinking about being safe-”

yes! (gasp)

“You walk around with a pep in your step the next day.”

Okay, we both really enjoyed that.

Not sure if me and Glasscock are compatible.

(scary noise) Oh, no he found out!

Now he’s mad, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.

Right, let’s go to couple’s counseling.

150 quid?!

I cheated, so I’ll ask him to go.

Oh no, he doesn’t want to go.

Let’s try again.

No, I think as we’ve not been…enjoying ourselves,

we might not be compatible.

We gotta break up. I’m sorry, Joshua.

Okay, single and ready to mingle!

Let’s age up!

(scary noise) NO!!!

I hate this game, WHY?! MARLEY!!

That was such a jumpscare, I didn’t see it

The cruelness of life, “Your Welsh corgi,

Marley, died at the age of 14. He perished after losing his last fight,

against old age.

Mourn his death or have him taxidermied,”

I’m gonna get him taxidermied.

Yes. Stuff the dog!

“The taxidermist successfully taxidermied your Welsh corgi, Marley!

He looks fresh as a daisy.”

Amazing.

We can’t interact with him, though…

it’s just a late pet.

Alright, I’m bummed out now,

I need a massage or something..

Go to the movies, just don’t watch Marley and me,

comedy.

Yes. Okay, we’re getting better.

Alright, we’re getting a haircut, that’ll cheer him up-

I actually need one right now as well.

“Select this style,”

That’s what I should’ve done in university

when I was walking around lookin’ like this!

No wonder there weren’t many Glasscocks in my life.

AGE.

“Your friend, Emily, has invited you to indulge in a

six year old bottle of triple sec her parents have been saving."

I’m in.

I did not enjoy that.

Right, as university is coming to an end, I think

I need a part time job.

Wait, the best paying thing is a Mall Santa?

I’m in.

I’m gonna be the youngest looking Mall Santa ever.

They don’t want me. Damn it.

Not sure if I trust myself with chemicals, but let’s try Lab Assistant.

Yes! I got the job. Alright.

It must be so bad at school to be given one of those nicknames

that just sticks with you forever.

Someone in my house was taking chemistry and he

spilled some chemical on his hand, called bromine,

and literally all the lads in my class just called him

“Bromine” for the next three years.

Before we age Philly up again,

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Age up!

I graduated!

With a degree in Philosophy.

Now I need an actual job.

Hello, Job Recruiter.

That is so expensive.

No, I’m gonna do it myself. (gasp)

Right. This is where it gets serious.

There’s so many choices!

You can be an exorcist?!

I’m tempted.

A junior marine biologist sounds cool!

I actually really wanted to do that for a while,

but then I remembered I’m kind of scared of the sea.

There’s so much unexplored down there,

they just want to lick your leg.

When I was on holiday the other week, I was

just poodling along, snorkelin’ and I saw an urchin!

What in the frickin’ Pokemon is this,

ready to stab my legs out?

So I don’t want to know what the Ultra Urchin ™

is in the Mariana Trench. Anyway,

I’m gonna face my fears though,

I wanna do it.

Denied.

They heard me talkin’ sh-t.

What about exorcist?

“While being interviewed for the Exorcist position at the

Rossendale Community Church” –

I need this to become reality –

“How did you hear about this position?

Thorough research led me to it.”

YES!

I am now an exorcist.

I cannot see this ending well.

I got 17 grand for the year. Okay.

So fact about Rossendale, Pendle Hill was one

of the most haunted places in the UK. It’s also

UFO Alley where the most UFO sightings are,

maybe everyone’s just on a lot of drugs.

I don’t know.

Anyway, let’s see if I exorcise anything.

Wow, there are some big business happening in this exorcism church.

Wow, Benedict, look at that Ginger QUOFF on your head.

D’ja wanna be my friend?

Yes! I made a fellow exorcist friend.

We can make a Youtube channel together, kicking ghosts in the face.

Speaking of, shall we have a look at the social media?

Let’s get a Youtube channel and see what happens.

I’m gonna post an exorcism video.

“How To Exorcise A Demon”.

Oh, I got one view.

That’s how you always start on YouTube though!

In this universe, it’s still Twitter!

It’s the good timeline. Let’s get a Twitter as well.

Let’s post a sexy exorcism pic!

It got zero likes.

That is hard.

What about a video of me playing Bitlife?

I don’t know what the Alphabet Challenge is, but

it got me 2 extra views and 2 subscribers.

Plastic surgery.

You can get p(dark bark)s enlargement surgery?

No, I’m beautiful the way I am.

I need an apartment, really. Can I get a mortgage on

this lovely condo?

Yes! I can get a pet! Okay, things are looking up.

Can I buy my own hamster (gasp)

Taz, the two year old guinea pig.

We’ve got a gerbil or a guinea pig..

I'm gonna get the guinea pig.

It’s another DUMB animal that is very healthy,

unlike Rollo, rest in peace my guinea pig Rollo.

We did not have a lot of time together.

“True love,” Aw! Yes! Oh, I can rename it. I mean, of

course you can, it’s not like...it's not it's gonna be like,

“That’s not my name.”

Garyy!! Gareh!

“That’s better,”

Right, we’re gonna spend the next 5 hours of this video with Gary.

“Treat,”

I gave him some pumpkin seeds.

Yes. More treats for you.

Nibble that peach.

Chomp it good.

Right, let’s spend some time together.

Okay, I feel content.

I’m a single man, I’m in my apartment

in Rossendale, and I’ve got a

guinea pig. Things are lookin’ up.

Time to get older!

“Your friend, Benedict, wants to become best friends with you.

But you are already best friend with Teddy Matthews.”

Sorry, get in the bin, Teddy!

I’m now friends with Benedict.

Is it friends to lovers scenario here?

Ask him out.

“Friendzoned to the max,” Oh no…

”I’m just not his type.”

Why wasn’t I more good looking in this life?

Maybe I could jump on the dating apps again.

“Celebrity dating app,” not an influencer,

imagine who’s on there? No.

I would like to date.

I’m torn between actor and royal.

I feel like the royals would have more money, but

it’s such a dusty life, living in that castle.

Let’s go with actor.

It’s a 100,000 pounds?! Okay, maybe not.

Let’s just get on a normal one instead!

Okay, Rodney Robinson!

Another crazy man.

Not sure about that.

Let’s try it again.

George Smiley! I like that name.

He’s hot and crazy, but he’s also dumb and he’s got no cash.

He’s a bisexual real estate agent, go on then.

Yes! I’ve hooked him in!

Okay, I’m gonna try to stay with this guy for more than 10 minutes.

Let’s go to the movies together.

We’re going to watch “I’m Dead!”

We loved it!

Okay, we got something in common.

Age up.

“Blowout Sale. While performing an exorcism,

you get a phone notification that your favorite shoe store is

having a blowout. What do you do? Focus on the evil spirits,

take a break and order some shoes,

or multitask.”

You can’t vanquish a demon while ordering some shoes!

“I ordered some sweet kicks while exorcising someone’s demons.”

I’ve not actually spoken to my brother who’s now age 5..

I’ll give him a gift.

Have a lil’ basketball.

Ah :)

After you get past age 24, your life just goes like

(clipclapclopclupclipclapclepclypclap)

so I think we need to start aging him up a bit faster now.

Here we go. 25.

Oh my God, best news.

Penelope divorced my father! He’s free!

From the one that nibbled my elbow, or whatever she did.

How’s it going with George?

Right, how compatible are we in the bedroom?

Great, okay! That’s-that’s fine.

I feel like I need to get some more money somehow.

Should we do the lottery again?

Let’s get 10 tickets.

No, I didn’t win. I wonder if you can actually win.

The prize is 642,000 pounds?!

Oh my God, age up again!

No! Gary…

this is so cruel!

You age up so fast,

I loved him.

“He sadly died peacefully in the night,”

I’ll have to get him taxidermied as well.

Katrina…

”There was an issue…he apologized for the way he’s posed.”

How is he posed?!

What’s he doing with those lil’ paws?

I think what I need to do is hit the gym and then get OnlyFans.

Let’s see how that goes.

“Work out at the gym,”

I love the gym.

Oh God. I got skin blisters!

“While drying yourself off after a swim in a swimming pool,

you notice blisters all over your neck.

You’re dealing with red bumps on your skin."

I’m gonna go to the doctor.

Doctor…Baggin’s!

I’ve got a staph infection from the gross swimming pool?

Alright, "thanks to the UK’s free healthcare system,"

that’s a nice touch.

Treat me.

I’m cured.

Thank God for that.

Alright, one more gym…

I’m swole.

Now I got nasal congestion.

This gym is manky!

Right, I hope I won’t be getting any diseases from it.

I’ve got “pressure in my nose and ear,”

right, let’s go back to the doctor.

Baggin’s! I’ve got the flu?

Treat me.

I’m cured. Great.

I’m never going to that gym again.

Right, OnlyFans. Here we go.

I’m in the top 99%.

Okay, is this going to be an income generator?

I’m purely cinematic butts, by the way. Nothing in the front.

77 subscribers. Let’s do a post.

It’s a first draft! I got zero likes.

I was “wearing edible underwear while lying by the pool.”

Let’s try that again.

This game is so hard to earn any kind of respect.

Let’s do a date simulation video.

Maybe it’s an ASMR exorcism video.

Two likes! I’m gonna cross remote it on my other socials.

Here we go.

No one subscribed.

Okay, sto-wha-okay..

my OnlyFans career is dead.

Age up!

“My boyfriend has identified as transgender.

She's changed her name to Grace.

How will you respond? Support her unconditionally,” of course!

Aw :D!

That was unexpected, but happy news.

I’m glad that Grace is now comfortable in her skin.

My boyfriend is now a girlfriend.

I feel like we should have more of a conversation about this.

“We discussed how many lovers we’ve had.”

Okay? Did that go down well?

I feel like we can get a better job than being an exorcist.

Right, I’m resigning from exorcism.

Let’s try and get some more monay!

There’s a little museum in Rossendale, actually.

I could work there, but I’m gonna try to be an airline pilot.

No. Okay. Fine,

let’s go to the museum.

Nope?

Oh God maybe I shouldn’t have resigned.

A P(dog bark)n cameraman?

I was offered to be a P(dog bark)n editor, uh,

when I was in university, maybe this is what it is for me now.

Rejected.

Am I going to have to be an apprentice beekeeper?

This is not going well.

“Which of these ‘The Office’ characters did you relate to most?”

NONE of those are good options; I’m gonna go with Ryan,

because he’s a bit of an entrepreneur.

Yes! I’m a beekeeper now.

Let’s praise the Bitlife devs. Do I have to watch an ad?

(ad starts/ Lady: Hello everyone.

Yes. Okay. (L: While our cabin crew completes their final checks,

I wanted to tell you my favorite-”) Let’s hope it’s worth it.

(angels singing)

“Your prayers were answered!

While getting a coffee, the clouds above you parted and

dropped 8,000 pounds into your hands.”

I mean, I’m not gonna complain!

Did it fall out of a crashing plane, though, 'cus

I know everything comes with a price?

Right, let’s go on a holiday. We’re going to…

“Horneytown, North Carolina,”

Let’s go with Grace. Do it.

“You witness a man pickpocket a woman.”

I don’t think I want to get murdered by the pickpocketer, so

I’m gonna call the police.

That was our experience on holiday?!

Well, at least everything’s 100% now. Age up!

“Grace is arguing with you because you've got OnlyFans and is begging you to take it down.

What will you do?” Maybe I should have discussed it with Grace,

before making the account, but

I’m gonna apologize for not mentioning it.

Proposal?! Grace is proposing to me with a diamond ring

at a soccer game. I mean…

The soccer game is a red flag, Grace.

“We’ve been together 5 years..” I’m gonna accept!

I’m now engaged! That is a big life event.

(clapclapclapclapclapclap)

There we go.

“Have a bottle of hot sauce,” as the engagement gift?

She did not like that.

Age up!

“An OnlyFans creator named Gavin Dulwitch wants to collaborate.

He wants to record a video of you two eating

different cheeses”?? (doom sound)

WOT???

Of all the sexy things that I thought was going to appear then,

eating different cheeses…ouughh..

I’m gonna have to do it, I’m gonna have to do it.

Is this just the recreation of the eating cheese video I did with Dan?

(past Phil: Phil’s eating…moldy cheese. Oh no no no.)

Go on then.

“I received 4 pounds,”

That was not worth it.

What can we do in the Love category? “Set up a threesome?”

Let’s see if Grace wants a threesome.

“Not interested.”

The only option is to argue?

I was only curious what would happen! I’m sorry!

When I get given an option, I've gotta see what happens.

Let’s throw a house party. Yes.

“Nine guests come to the lovely house party at your condo.

The police showed up after your neighbors complained about the

noise.” I’m gonna argue with the neighbors.

“The police gave you a warning.”

I feel like if it’s a Friday night, you can’t have a little bit of a party

without your neighbors calling the police.

Right. Time for a third pet that’s hopefully gonna live more than a

year. Let’s rescue an animal. A rabbit!

But they don’t live long, I don’t want it to die straight away.

Let’s get a cat.

What’s the youngest cat they’ve got to adopt?

Levi the four year old cat is --

C r a z y .

Adopt him.

Yes! I like the name Levi, we’ll keep the name.

I kind of also want a rat, let’s get a rat.

Let’s get a DUMB but sensible rat.

Monty.

Time to age up!

“Collab: Charlie Foster wants to do an OnlyFans collab discussing

historical events,”

Do it.

3 pounds. This is not worth it at all.

I guess now that we’re engaged, we should start planning a wedding.

It’s gonna be on the beach,

in Area 51.

Oh, it’s 6,000 pounds? Do it.

“Grace demands signing a prenup."

There’s not that much difference in our cash! I mean, sure, whatever.

I married Grace at the beach.

Yes! We’re married. Right, I want a new job.

I’m not feeling the beekeeper life, I’m sorry.

Let’s quit that. Let’s get a special career.

Astronaut.

The Space Academy.

I didn't - I wasn't aware that there was a British Space Academy!

Sure. I need a student loan.

Mother!

Yes! My rich mom! I’ve enrolled!

Alright, let’s do some flight training.

OhmyGod, what?!

This is-I’m stressed. I’m stressed. Ah!

Oh, it’s hard to control.

Wait, down-

DOWN!

Ah! No!

I-I don’t wanna kill Phil in the rocket!

AH!

I crashed into an ackrenoid.

An ackrenoid? (record scratch sound effect)

I crashed into the a c k e r n o i d.

Let’s do it again.

Oh, God. Right. This-I’m not even gonna speak.

Christ. Let’s stay up here. 8 seconds left.

Down a bit, down.

Eugh, oo,

wAKL;SDJF

NO!

Come on…

Yeas! That was-that was it?

I’m still bad at this. Technical training.

“‘Which instrument measures the mix and concentration

of the air astronauts breathe inside a spacecraft?’”

The oxygen sensor. Yes. Okay,

“‘How many astronauts have set foot on the Moon?’”

There must’ve been a fair few, right? I’m gonna go..11? 12? 12.

Yes! Alright, that’s enough space training. Age up!