WEBVTT

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So if you missed my last video,

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I filled you in on how I recently

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got a boyfriend,

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broke up with him,

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got another one,

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started a new university degree doing

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PHILosophy

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and that all took place

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in my alternative universe Bitlife!

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So we’re gonna jump back in with Philly age 18

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– can I keep myself alive?

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(until a lovely, grand old age)

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I think 96 would be good.

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So to fill you in, I’ve got Joshua Glasscock

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who’s my boyfriend.

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He likes me quite a lot,

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despite the disappointing bedroom action.

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Can we try and do a bit better,

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second time lucky?

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No!

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That’s even worse!

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This isn’t everything in a relationship,

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but it might not last.

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Oh, wait, you spend time with everyone?

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That saves so much time.

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“You invested in nine of your relationships.

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Your stepmom and stepdad refused

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to spend time with you”?

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Oh my God! F you, stepdad.

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I’m gonna insult him.

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I called him a maniac.

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I’m insulting her as well.

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Yeah, take that, blockhead!

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Alright- (game character: Ow!)

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AH!

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She attacked me, what the hell?

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“She elbowed my knee and spanked my forearm”?!

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(smack) Bad adult son!

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Okay, we’re aging up.

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Oh, and my mom and stepdad just had a baby boy

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named Jayden, my new half brother–

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Jayden Rogers.

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AW, I’ve got a bro!

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Will I be an insightful and protective big brother?

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I always wondered what I would've been like,

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if it were the other way around.

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Probably not.

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“He was conceived on a Caribbean cruise,”

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they go on so many boujee holidays without me!

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Right, let’s make friends with the bay-bae.

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Oh, the only thing I could do is recruit him to a cult

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(ominous noise)

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No, I’m not gonna do that.

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Alright, let’s do some extracurricular drama.

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AH

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NO

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I quit it by accident! (sad horn sounds)

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I didn't mean to press that!

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Let me back in! (sad horn sounds)

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They refused to let me back in!

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Aw.. frick.

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Okay, I’ll do another one.

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I'm gonna join the tennis team,

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maybe I can be in my Challengers era?

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(sad horn sounds again)

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Rejected again?!

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Zendaya, you’ve already got two men–

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okay, somethin’, somethin’s gotta let me in!

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The debate team.

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I’m gonna be a yapper.

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Yes! Okay, right, what can I do now that I’m an adult?

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Ooh, play the lottery. Come on.

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Let’s get one ticket.

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I did not win.

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Oh :( great :,(

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Hit up the casino, just havin’ a gambling moment.

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I’m gonna go to “Peak Resort”.

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uh??

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I’m not paying 600 quid?!

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Alright, I’m gonna bet 50 quid.

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I don’t know how Blackjack works.

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Alright you have to get “21 without going over”.

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I’ve got 19, I’m gonna stay with 19.

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(yippeee! sound effect) YES!

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Right, one more try.

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100 POUNDS.

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(gasp) I’ve got 20!

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I’ll stand.

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(sad horn) >:(

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No! I’ve lost–

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I’m down 50 quid!

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Right, do not gamble!

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In life, I’m still up on the Gremlin slot machine

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where I got like 600 quid on my first go.

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Dan: Bloody hell.

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D: Explain-

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D: explain. Phil: I don’t know how it happened!

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P: It just happened.

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D: You’re hacking, aren’t you?

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P: Yeah

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I’m never doing it again,

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the Bellagio hates me.

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Ooh, I can go clubbing.

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What sounds the most gay,

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I’m gonna go with “Essence Disco”...

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that would be like the Willow in New York,

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but will they give us prawn crackers here?

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I didn’t love it that much.

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(gasp) “Even though you have a boyfriend,

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you have an opportunity to have a one night stand

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with a dude named Charles Waddle."

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DO him?!

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Oh my God.

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Look, I’d normally be against cheating but

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I think because we’ve had such a bad time in the bedroom,

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(sad horn) maybe this is just to test out

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if everything’s okay or not.

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I’m tempted just for the messiness of this video.

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I did it, I’m sorry.

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“Things are getting hot and you’re thinking about being safe-”

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yes! (gasp)

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“You walk around with a pep in your step the next day.”

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Okay, we both really enjoyed that.

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Not sure if me and Glasscock are compatible.

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(scary noise) Oh, no he found out!

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Now he’s mad, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.

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Right, let’s go to couple’s counseling.

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150 quid?!

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I cheated, so I’ll ask him to go.

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Oh no, he doesn’t want to go.

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Let’s try again.

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No, I think as we’ve not been…enjoying ourselves,

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we might not be compatible.

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We gotta break up. I’m sorry, Joshua.

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Okay, single and ready to mingle!

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Let’s age up!

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(scary noise) NO!!!

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I hate this game, WHY?! MARLEY!!

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That was such a jumpscare, I didn’t see it

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The cruelness of life, “Your Welsh corgi,

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Marley, died at the age of 14. He perished after losing his last fight,

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against old age.

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Mourn his death or have him taxidermied,”

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I’m gonna get him taxidermied.

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Yes. Stuff the dog!

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“The taxidermist successfully taxidermied your Welsh corgi, Marley!

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He looks fresh as a daisy.”

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Amazing.

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We can’t interact with him, though…

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it’s just a late pet.

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Alright, I’m bummed out now,

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I need a massage or something..

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Go to the movies, just don’t watch Marley and me,

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comedy.

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Yes. Okay, we’re getting better.

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Alright, we’re getting a haircut, that’ll cheer him up-

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I actually need one right now as well.

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“Select this style,”

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That’s what I should’ve done in university

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when I was walking around lookin’ like this!

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No wonder there weren’t many Glasscocks in my life.

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AGE.

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“Your friend, Emily, has invited you to indulge in a

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six year old bottle of triple sec her parents have been saving."

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I’m in.

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I did not enjoy that.

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Right, as university is coming to an end, I think

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I need a part time job.

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Wait, the best paying thing is a Mall Santa?

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I’m in.

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I’m gonna be the youngest looking Mall Santa ever.

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They don’t want me. Damn it.

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Not sure if I trust myself with chemicals, but let’s try Lab Assistant.

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Yes! I got the job. Alright.

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It must be so bad at school to be given one of those nicknames

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that just sticks with you forever.

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Someone in my house was taking chemistry and he

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spilled some chemical on his hand, called bromine,

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and literally all the lads in my class just called him

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“Bromine” for the next three years.

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Before we age Philly up again,

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I wanted to thank the wickedly talented sponsor of today’s video,

00:04:55.529 --> 00:04:57.299
Opera Browser!

00:04:57.299 --> 00:05:00.590
Do you want a browser that is satisfying as a sloth slowly

00:05:00.590 --> 00:05:03.430
climbing up your body and falling asleep in your clavicle?

00:05:03.430 --> 00:05:06.760
Well, I have the browser just for you!

00:05:06.760 --> 00:05:08.690
Firstly, you’ve got the “tab islands” feature,

00:05:08.690 --> 00:05:09.940
which is so sexy,

00:05:09.940 --> 00:05:11.640
it just clumps ‘em all together.

00:05:11.640 --> 00:05:13.750
So, when you’re looking at somethin’, you have a little group,

00:05:13.750 --> 00:05:14.730
have another little group.

00:05:14.730 --> 00:05:16.680
It doesn’t turn into a squirrel’s nest.

00:05:16.680 --> 00:05:18.247
I also really like the "lucid" feature,

00:05:18.247 --> 00:05:19.963
which is useful if you’re watching a YouTube video

00:05:19.963 --> 00:05:21.193
and it looks a little blurry.

00:05:21.193 --> 00:05:22.083
Look at those little babies.

00:05:22.083 --> 00:05:22.873
Watch this–

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lucid!

00:05:24.263 --> 00:05:26.213
Ooh, Daniel,

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Never seen you so sharp!

00:05:27.522 --> 00:05:29.510
I’m also a fan of the “snapshot” feature.

00:05:29.510 --> 00:05:31.320
Some browsers are so clunky,

00:05:31.320 --> 00:05:32.310
trying to do a snapshot.

00:05:32.310 --> 00:05:33.930
Opera’s just got a nice camera button,

00:05:33.930 --> 00:05:35.306
and you can crop in then and there,

00:05:35.306 --> 00:05:37.287
and add some of your own little bits to it.

00:05:37.287 --> 00:05:38.047
There’s a whole heap of

00:05:38.047 --> 00:05:39.037
other features as well,

00:05:39.037 --> 00:05:41.147
so if this has inspired you

00:05:41.147 --> 00:05:42.457
to give Opera Browser a go,

00:05:42.457 --> 00:05:43.367
you can click the link below,

00:05:43.367 --> 00:05:45.037
it’s completely free,

00:05:45.037 --> 00:05:48.047
and feel like this sloth…

00:05:48.047 --> 00:05:48.967
on my body.

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Age up!

00:05:49.757 --> 00:05:50.777
I graduated!

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With a degree in Philosophy.

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Now I need an actual job.

00:05:53.814 --> 00:05:54.654
Hello, Job Recruiter.

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That is so expensive.

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No, I’m gonna do it myself. (gasp)

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Right. This is where it gets serious.

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There’s so many choices!

00:06:01.774 --> 00:06:02.876
You can be an exorcist?!

00:06:02.876 --> 00:06:03.586
I’m tempted.

00:06:03.586 --> 00:06:05.405
A junior marine biologist sounds cool!

00:06:05.405 --> 00:06:06.675
I actually really wanted to do that for a while,

00:06:06.675 --> 00:06:08.525
but then I remembered I’m kind of scared of the sea.

00:06:08.525 --> 00:06:10.300
There’s so much unexplored down there,

00:06:10.300 --> 00:06:11.450
they just want to lick your leg.

00:06:11.450 --> 00:06:12.270
When I was on holiday the other week, I was

00:06:12.270 --> 00:06:15.551
just poodling along, snorkelin’ and I saw an urchin!

00:06:15.551 --> 00:06:17.861
What in the frickin’ Pokemon is this,

00:06:17.861 --> 00:06:19.471
ready to stab my legs out?

00:06:19.471 --> 00:06:21.371
So I don’t want to know what the Ultra Urchin ™

00:06:21.371 --> 00:06:22.635
is in the Mariana Trench. Anyway,

00:06:22.635 --> 00:06:24.545
I’m gonna face my fears though,

00:06:24.545 --> 00:06:25.425
I wanna do it.

00:06:26.135 --> 00:06:26.635
Denied.

00:06:26.774 --> 00:06:27.534
They heard me talkin’ sh-t.

00:06:27.705 --> 00:06:29.235
What about exorcist?

00:06:30.215 --> 00:06:31.835
“While being interviewed for the Exorcist position at the

00:06:31.835 --> 00:06:33.705
Rossendale Community Church” –

00:06:33.705 --> 00:06:35.601
I need this to become reality –

00:06:35.601 --> 00:06:36.591
“How did you hear about this position?

00:06:36.591 --> 00:06:38.295
Thorough research led me to it.”

00:06:38.295 --> 00:06:38.885
YES!

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I am now an exorcist.

00:06:40.874 --> 00:06:42.195
I cannot see this ending well.

00:06:42.195 --> 00:06:44.485
I got 17 grand for the year. Okay.

00:06:44.485 --> 00:06:46.695
So fact about Rossendale, Pendle Hill was one

00:06:46.695 --> 00:06:49.305
of the most haunted places in the UK. It’s also

00:06:49.305 --> 00:06:51.625
UFO Alley where the most UFO sightings are,

00:06:51.625 --> 00:06:53.328
maybe everyone’s just on a lot of drugs.

00:06:53.328 --> 00:06:53.918
I don’t know.

00:06:53.918 --> 00:06:56.025
Anyway, let’s see if I exorcise anything.

00:06:56.025 --> 00:06:58.195
Wow, there are some big business happening in this exorcism church.

00:06:58.195 --> 00:07:01.225
Wow, Benedict, look at that Ginger QUOFF on your head.

00:07:01.225 --> 00:07:02.975
D’ja wanna be my friend?

00:07:04.232 --> 00:07:06.498
Yes! I made a fellow exorcist friend.

00:07:06.498 --> 00:07:09.218
We can make a Youtube channel together, kicking ghosts in the face.

00:07:09.218 --> 00:07:11.740
Speaking of, shall we have a look at the social media?

00:07:11.740 --> 00:07:14.000
Let’s get a Youtube channel and see what happens.

00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:15.930
I’m gonna post an exorcism video.

00:07:15.930 --> 00:07:17.760
“How To Exorcise A Demon”.

00:07:18.878 --> 00:07:20.228
Oh, I got one view.

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That’s how you always start on YouTube though!

00:07:22.504 --> 00:07:23.919
In this universe, it’s still Twitter!

00:07:23.919 --> 00:07:26.561
It’s the good timeline. Let’s get a Twitter as well.

00:07:26.561 --> 00:07:28.605
Let’s post a sexy exorcism pic!

00:07:28.605 --> 00:07:29.891
It got zero likes.

00:07:31.130 --> 00:07:31.820
That is hard.

00:07:31.820 --> 00:07:33.941
What about a video of me playing Bitlife?

00:07:33.941 --> 00:07:35.940
I don’t know what the Alphabet Challenge is, but

00:07:35.940 --> 00:07:38.147
it got me 2 extra views and 2 subscribers.

00:07:38.147 --> 00:07:39.747
Plastic surgery.

00:07:39.747 --> 00:07:42.077
You can get p(dark bark)s enlargement surgery?

00:07:42.117 --> 00:07:43.997
No, I’m beautiful the way I am.

00:07:43.997 --> 00:07:46.527
I need an apartment, really. Can I get a mortgage on

00:07:46.527 --> 00:07:47.741
this lovely condo?

00:07:48.287 --> 00:07:51.607
Yes! I can get a pet! Okay, things are looking up.

00:07:51.607 --> 00:07:53.077
Can I buy my own hamster (gasp)

00:07:53.077 --> 00:07:54.919
Taz, the two year old guinea pig.

00:07:54.919 --> 00:07:56.297
We’ve got a gerbil or a guinea pig..

00:07:56.297 --> 00:07:57.347
I'm gonna get the guinea pig.

00:07:57.347 --> 00:07:59.387
It’s another DUMB animal that is very healthy,

00:07:59.387 --> 00:08:02.286
unlike Rollo, rest in peace my guinea pig Rollo.

00:08:02.286 --> 00:08:04.557
We did not have a lot of time together.

00:08:04.557 --> 00:08:07.987
“True love,” Aw! Yes! Oh, I can rename it. I mean, of

00:08:07.987 --> 00:08:10.787
course you can, it’s not like...it's not it's gonna be like,

00:08:10.787 --> 00:08:11.557
“That’s not my name.”

00:08:11.557 --> 00:08:13.577
Garyy!! Gareh!

00:08:13.577 --> 00:08:14.407
“That’s better,”

00:08:14.407 --> 00:08:17.026
Right, we’re gonna spend the next 5 hours of this video with Gary.

00:08:17.104 --> 00:08:17.604
“Treat,”

00:08:17.604 --> 00:08:19.634
I gave him some pumpkin seeds.

00:08:19.634 --> 00:08:22.314
Yes. More treats for you.

00:08:22.314 --> 00:08:24.136
Nibble that peach.

00:08:24.136 --> 00:08:25.436
Chomp it good.

00:08:25.436 --> 00:08:26.940
Right, let’s spend some time together.

00:08:26.940 --> 00:08:28.370
Okay, I feel content.

00:08:28.370 --> 00:08:29.920
I’m a single man, I’m in my apartment

00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:31.343
in Rossendale, and I’ve got a

00:08:31.343 --> 00:08:33.193
guinea pig. Things are lookin’ up.

00:08:33.193 --> 00:08:34.153
Time to get older!

00:08:34.153 --> 00:08:36.264
“Your friend, Benedict, wants to become best friends with you.

00:08:36.264 --> 00:08:38.379
But you are already best friend with Teddy Matthews.”

00:08:38.379 --> 00:08:40.179
Sorry, get in the bin, Teddy!

00:08:40.179 --> 00:08:41.789
I’m now friends with Benedict.

00:08:41.789 --> 00:08:44.109
Is it friends to lovers scenario here?

00:08:44.326 --> 00:08:45.406
Ask him out.

00:08:47.169 --> 00:08:49.151
“Friendzoned to the max,” Oh no…

00:08:49.151 --> 00:08:50.261
”I’m just not his type.”

00:08:50.261 --> 00:08:52.874
Why wasn’t I more good looking in this life?

00:08:52.874 --> 00:08:54.624
Maybe I could jump on the dating apps again.

00:08:54.624 --> 00:08:56.784
“Celebrity dating app,” not an influencer,

00:08:56.784 --> 00:08:58.224
imagine who’s on there? No.

00:08:58.224 --> 00:08:59.594
I would like to date.

00:08:59.594 --> 00:09:01.404
I’m torn between actor and royal.

00:09:01.404 --> 00:09:03.604
I feel like the royals would have more money, but

00:09:03.604 --> 00:09:05.614
it’s such a dusty life, living in that castle.

00:09:05.614 --> 00:09:06.724
Let’s go with actor.

00:09:06.724 --> 00:09:09.654
It’s a 100,000 pounds?! Okay, maybe not.

00:09:09.654 --> 00:09:11.774
Let’s just get on a normal one instead!

00:09:11.774 --> 00:09:12.764
Okay, Rodney Robinson!

00:09:12.764 --> 00:09:14.294
Another crazy man.

00:09:14.294 --> 00:09:15.264
Not sure about that.

00:09:15.264 --> 00:09:16.694
Let’s try it again.

00:09:16.694 --> 00:09:18.174
George Smiley! I like that name.

00:09:18.174 --> 00:09:21.354
He’s hot and crazy, but he’s also dumb and he’s got no cash.

00:09:21.354 --> 00:09:23.874
He’s a bisexual real estate agent, go on then.

00:09:23.874 --> 00:09:26.064
Yes! I’ve hooked him in!

00:09:26.064 --> 00:09:28.964
Okay, I’m gonna try to stay with this guy for more than 10 minutes.

00:09:28.964 --> 00:09:30.609
Let’s go to the movies together.

00:09:30.609 --> 00:09:31.919
We’re going to watch “I’m Dead!”

00:09:33.591 --> 00:09:34.257
We loved it!

00:09:34.257 --> 00:09:35.617
Okay, we got something in common.

00:09:35.617 --> 00:09:36.417
Age up.

00:09:36.417 --> 00:09:38.241
“Blowout Sale. While performing an exorcism,

00:09:38.241 --> 00:09:40.777
you get a phone notification that your favorite shoe store is

00:09:40.777 --> 00:09:43.567
having a blowout. What do you do? Focus on the evil spirits,

00:09:43.567 --> 00:09:45.267
take a break and order some shoes,

00:09:45.267 --> 00:09:46.177
or multitask.”

00:09:46.177 --> 00:09:48.407
You can’t vanquish a demon while ordering some shoes!

00:09:48.407 --> 00:09:51.467
“I ordered some sweet kicks while exorcising someone’s demons.”

00:09:51.467 --> 00:09:53.867
I’ve not actually spoken to my brother who’s now age 5..

00:09:53.867 --> 00:09:55.537
I’ll give him a gift.

00:09:55.537 --> 00:09:56.997
Have a lil’ basketball.

00:09:57.367 --> 00:09:57.997
Ah :)

00:09:57.997 --> 00:10:00.337
After you get past age 24, your life just goes like

00:10:00.337 --> 00:10:01.929
(clipclapclopclupclipclapclepclypclap)

00:10:01.929 --> 00:10:04.169
so I think we need to start aging him up a bit faster now.

00:10:04.169 --> 00:10:05.359
Here we go. 25.

00:10:05.359 --> 00:10:06.529
Oh my God, best news.

00:10:06.529 --> 00:10:09.119
Penelope divorced my father! He’s free!

00:10:09.119 --> 00:10:11.673
From the one that nibbled my elbow, or whatever she did.

00:10:11.673 --> 00:10:12.813
How’s it going with George?

00:10:12.813 --> 00:10:14.583
Right, how compatible are we in the bedroom?

00:10:15.073 --> 00:10:17.603
Great, okay! That’s-that’s fine.

00:10:17.603 --> 00:10:19.823
I feel like I need to get some more money somehow.

00:10:19.823 --> 00:10:21.426
Should we do the lottery again?

00:10:21.426 --> 00:10:22.811
Let’s get 10 tickets.

00:10:23.072 --> 00:10:24.962
No, I didn’t win. I wonder if you can actually win.

00:10:24.962 --> 00:10:27.392
The prize is 642,000 pounds?!

00:10:27.591 --> 00:10:29.211
Oh my God, age up again!

00:10:29.905 --> 00:10:30.943
No! Gary…

00:10:32.206 --> 00:10:33.056
this is so cruel!

00:10:33.056 --> 00:10:34.586
You age up so fast,

00:10:34.586 --> 00:10:35.646
I loved him.

00:10:35.646 --> 00:10:37.817
“He sadly died peacefully in the night,”

00:10:37.817 --> 00:10:40.097
I’ll have to get him taxidermied as well.

00:10:40.097 --> 00:10:40.890
Katrina…

00:10:40.890 --> 00:10:43.782
”There was an issue…he apologized for the way he’s posed.”

00:10:43.782 --> 00:10:44.891
How is he posed?!

00:10:45.550 --> 00:10:47.024
What’s he doing with those lil’ paws?

00:10:47.024 --> 00:10:50.214
I think what I need to do is hit the gym and then get OnlyFans.

00:10:50.214 --> 00:10:51.874
Let’s see how that goes.

00:10:51.874 --> 00:10:53.124
“Work out at the gym,”

00:10:54.313 --> 00:10:55.103
I love the gym.

00:10:55.103 --> 00:10:56.814
Oh God. I got skin blisters!

00:10:56.814 --> 00:10:58.514
“While drying yourself off after a swim in a swimming pool,

00:10:58.514 --> 00:11:00.414
you notice blisters all over your neck.

00:11:00.414 --> 00:11:02.114
You’re dealing with red bumps on your skin."

00:11:02.173 --> 00:11:03.277
I’m gonna go to the doctor.

00:11:03.277 --> 00:11:04.851
Doctor…Baggin’s!

00:11:04.851 --> 00:11:07.251
I’ve got a staph infection from the gross swimming pool?

00:11:07.746 --> 00:11:09.986
Alright, "thanks to the UK’s free healthcare system,"

00:11:09.986 --> 00:11:11.106
that’s a nice touch.

00:11:11.106 --> 00:11:12.416
Treat me.

00:11:12.416 --> 00:11:13.156
I’m cured.

00:11:13.156 --> 00:11:14.476
Thank God for that.

00:11:14.476 --> 00:11:15.565
Alright, one more gym…

00:11:16.860 --> 00:11:17.802
I’m swole.

00:11:18.310 --> 00:11:19.570
Now I got nasal congestion.

00:11:19.570 --> 00:11:21.029
This gym is manky!

00:11:21.029 --> 00:11:22.399
Right, I hope I won’t be getting any diseases from it.

00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:23.999
I’ve got “pressure in my nose and ear,”

00:11:23.999 --> 00:11:25.677
right, let’s go back to the doctor.

00:11:25.677 --> 00:11:27.067
Baggin’s! I’ve got the flu?

00:11:27.067 --> 00:11:28.207
Treat me.

00:11:29.767 --> 00:11:31.107
I’m cured. Great.

00:11:31.237 --> 00:11:32.727
I’m never going to that gym again.

00:11:32.727 --> 00:11:34.017
Right, OnlyFans. Here we go.

00:11:35.192 --> 00:11:36.652
I’m in the top 99%.

00:11:37.226 --> 00:11:39.382
Okay, is this going to be an income generator?

00:11:39.512 --> 00:11:42.692
I’m purely cinematic butts, by the way. Nothing in the front.

00:11:42.692 --> 00:11:45.412
77 subscribers. Let’s do a post.

00:11:45.412 --> 00:11:48.710
It’s a first draft! I got zero likes.

00:11:48.710 --> 00:11:51.418
I was “wearing edible underwear while lying by the pool.”

00:11:53.167 --> 00:11:54.030
Let’s try that again.

00:11:54.030 --> 00:11:56.650
This game is so hard to earn any kind of respect.

00:11:56.650 --> 00:11:58.600
Let’s do a date simulation video.

00:11:58.600 --> 00:12:00.690
Maybe it’s an ASMR exorcism video.

00:12:01.270 --> 00:12:04.370
Two likes! I’m gonna cross remote it on my other socials.

00:12:04.373 --> 00:12:05.303
Here we go.

00:12:05.303 --> 00:12:06.673
No one subscribed.

00:12:06.673 --> 00:12:08.023
Okay, sto-wha-okay..

00:12:08.023 --> 00:12:09.693
my OnlyFans career is dead.

00:12:09.693 --> 00:12:10.473
Age up!

00:12:11.036 --> 00:12:12.836
“My boyfriend has identified as transgender.

00:12:12.836 --> 00:12:14.376
She's changed her name to Grace.

00:12:14.376 --> 00:12:17.067
How will you respond? Support her unconditionally,” of course!

00:12:17.067 --> 00:12:17.977
Aw :D!

00:12:17.977 --> 00:12:19.527
That was unexpected, but happy news.

00:12:19.527 --> 00:12:21.787
I’m glad that Grace is now comfortable in her skin.

00:12:21.787 --> 00:12:22.897
My boyfriend is now a girlfriend.

00:12:22.897 --> 00:12:24.427
I feel like we should have more of a conversation about this.

00:12:24.427 --> 00:12:26.127
“We discussed how many lovers we’ve had.”

00:12:26.127 --> 00:12:28.387
Okay? Did that go down well?

00:12:28.387 --> 00:12:30.587
I feel like we can get a better job than being an exorcist.

00:12:30.587 --> 00:12:32.737
Right, I’m resigning from exorcism.

00:12:33.077 --> 00:12:34.667
Let’s try and get some more monay!

00:12:34.667 --> 00:12:36.057
There’s a little museum in Rossendale, actually.

00:12:36.057 --> 00:12:39.147
I could work there, but I’m gonna try to be an airline pilot.

00:12:39.879 --> 00:12:41.290
No. Okay. Fine,

00:12:41.410 --> 00:12:43.040
let’s go to the museum.

00:12:43.040 --> 00:12:43.880
Nope?

00:12:43.880 --> 00:12:45.260
Oh God maybe I shouldn’t have resigned.

00:12:45.260 --> 00:12:46.401
A P(dog bark)n cameraman?

00:12:47.257 --> 00:12:50.407
I was offered to be a P(dog bark)n editor, uh,

00:12:50.407 --> 00:12:53.527
when I was in university, maybe this is what it is for me now.

00:12:53.527 --> 00:12:54.703
Rejected.

00:12:54.703 --> 00:12:56.723
Am I going to have to be an apprentice beekeeper?

00:12:56.981 --> 00:12:58.231
This is not going well.

00:12:58.231 --> 00:13:00.661
“Which of these ‘The Office’ characters did you relate to most?”

00:13:00.661 --> 00:13:03.321
NONE of those are good options; I’m gonna go with Ryan,

00:13:03.321 --> 00:13:04.831
because he’s a bit of an entrepreneur.

00:13:05.461 --> 00:13:07.441
Yes! I’m a beekeeper now.

00:13:07.441 --> 00:13:10.046
Let’s praise the Bitlife devs. Do I have to watch an ad?

00:13:10.046 --> 00:13:11.022
(ad starts/ Lady: Hello everyone.

00:13:11.022 --> 00:13:13.092
Yes. Okay. (L: While our cabin crew completes their final checks,

00:13:13.092 --> 00:13:14.722
I wanted to tell you my favorite-”) Let’s hope it’s worth it.

00:13:14.722 --> 00:13:15.731
(angels singing)

00:13:15.731 --> 00:13:16.978
“Your prayers were answered!

00:13:17.588 --> 00:13:19.422
While getting a coffee, the clouds above you parted and

00:13:19.422 --> 00:13:21.546
dropped 8,000 pounds into your hands.”

00:13:21.546 --> 00:13:22.666
I mean, I’m not gonna complain!

00:13:22.666 --> 00:13:24.356
Did it fall out of a crashing plane, though, 'cus

00:13:24.356 --> 00:13:25.466
I know everything comes with a price?

00:13:25.466 --> 00:13:27.956
Right, let’s go on a holiday. We’re going to…

00:13:27.956 --> 00:13:30.126
“Horneytown, North Carolina,”

00:13:30.793 --> 00:13:32.953
Let’s go with Grace. Do it.

00:13:32.953 --> 00:13:34.743
“You witness a man pickpocket a woman.”

00:13:34.743 --> 00:13:36.453
I don’t think I want to get murdered by the pickpocketer, so

00:13:36.453 --> 00:13:37.743
I’m gonna call the police.

00:13:37.743 --> 00:13:39.503
That was our experience on holiday?!

00:13:39.503 --> 00:13:42.063
Well, at least everything’s 100% now. Age up!

00:13:42.063 --> 00:13:45.693
“Grace is arguing with you because you've got OnlyFans and is begging you to take it down.

00:13:45.693 --> 00:13:48.233
What will you do?” Maybe I should have discussed it with Grace,

00:13:48.233 --> 00:13:50.253
before making the account, but

00:13:50.253 --> 00:13:52.393
I’m gonna apologize for not mentioning it.

00:13:52.393 --> 00:13:55.213
Proposal?! Grace is proposing to me with a diamond ring

00:13:55.213 --> 00:13:56.883
at a soccer game. I mean…

00:13:56.883 --> 00:13:58.913
The soccer game is a red flag, Grace.

00:13:58.913 --> 00:14:01.063
“We’ve been together 5 years..” I’m gonna accept!

00:14:01.063 --> 00:14:03.053
I’m now engaged! That is a big life event.

00:14:03.053 --> 00:14:04.513
(clapclapclapclapclapclap)

00:14:04.513 --> 00:14:05.223
There we go.

00:14:05.223 --> 00:14:07.560
“Have a bottle of hot sauce,” as the engagement gift?

00:14:07.560 --> 00:14:08.834
She did not like that.

00:14:09.843 --> 00:14:10.638
Age up!

00:14:11.131 --> 00:14:13.831
“An OnlyFans creator named Gavin Dulwitch wants to collaborate.

00:14:13.831 --> 00:14:15.101
He wants to record a video of you two eating

00:14:15.101 --> 00:14:17.171
different cheeses”?? (doom sound)

00:14:17.171 --> 00:14:17.881
WOT???

00:14:17.881 --> 00:14:20.251
Of all the sexy things that I thought was going to appear then,

00:14:20.251 --> 00:14:22.637
eating different cheeses…ouughh..

00:14:22.637 --> 00:14:24.517
I’m gonna have to do it, I’m gonna have to do it.

00:14:24.517 --> 00:14:27.797
Is this just the recreation of the eating cheese video I did with Dan?

00:14:27.797 --> 00:14:30.628
(past Phil: Phil’s eating…moldy cheese. Oh no no no.)

00:14:30.647 --> 00:14:31.550
Go on then.

00:14:31.550 --> 00:14:33.430
“I received 4 pounds,”

00:14:33.430 --> 00:14:34.452
That was not worth it.

00:14:34.452 --> 00:14:36.831
What can we do in the Love category? “Set up a threesome?”

00:14:37.819 --> 00:14:39.059
Let’s see if Grace wants a threesome.

00:14:39.059 --> 00:14:39.881
“Not interested.”

00:14:39.881 --> 00:14:41.286
The only option is to argue?

00:14:41.286 --> 00:14:43.353
I was only curious what would happen! I’m sorry!

00:14:43.353 --> 00:14:45.363
When I get given an option, I've gotta see what happens.

00:14:45.363 --> 00:14:47.733
Let’s throw a house party. Yes.

00:14:49.133 --> 00:14:51.287
“Nine guests come to the lovely house party at your condo.

00:14:51.287 --> 00:14:52.747
The police showed up after your neighbors complained about the

00:14:52.747 --> 00:14:54.664
noise.” I’m gonna argue with the neighbors.

00:14:55.014 --> 00:14:56.604
“The police gave you a warning.”

00:14:56.604 --> 00:14:58.684
I feel like if it’s a Friday night, you can’t have a little bit of a party

00:14:58.684 --> 00:15:00.534
without your neighbors calling the police.

00:15:00.534 --> 00:15:03.194
Right. Time for a third pet that’s hopefully gonna live more than a

00:15:03.194 --> 00:15:05.654
year. Let’s rescue an animal. A rabbit!

00:15:06.171 --> 00:15:08.811
But they don’t live long, I don’t want it to die straight away.

00:15:09.185 --> 00:15:09.900
Let’s get a cat.

00:15:09.900 --> 00:15:11.360
What’s the youngest cat they’ve got to adopt?

00:15:11.596 --> 00:15:13.691
Levi the four year old cat is --

00:15:13.691 --> 00:15:14.495
C r a z y .

00:15:15.903 --> 00:15:16.876
Adopt him.

00:15:16.876 --> 00:15:19.215
Yes! I like the name Levi, we’ll keep the name.

00:15:19.215 --> 00:15:22.657
I kind of also want a rat, let’s get a rat.

00:15:22.657 --> 00:15:25.127
Let’s get a DUMB but sensible rat.

00:15:26.147 --> 00:15:26.907
Monty.

00:15:28.508 --> 00:15:29.678
Time to age up!

00:15:29.678 --> 00:15:32.102
“Collab: Charlie Foster wants to do an OnlyFans collab discussing

00:15:32.102 --> 00:15:33.982
historical events,”

00:15:33.982 --> 00:15:35.013
Do it.

00:15:35.185 --> 00:15:37.575
3 pounds. This is not worth it at all.

00:15:37.575 --> 00:15:40.095
I guess now that we’re engaged, we should start planning a wedding.

00:15:40.095 --> 00:15:41.345
It’s gonna be on the beach,

00:15:41.345 --> 00:15:42.667
in Area 51.

00:15:43.921 --> 00:15:45.871
Oh, it’s 6,000 pounds? Do it.

00:15:45.871 --> 00:15:47.641
“Grace demands signing a prenup."

00:15:47.641 --> 00:15:50.941
There’s not that much difference in our cash! I mean, sure, whatever.

00:15:52.049 --> 00:15:54.009
I married Grace at the beach.

00:15:54.009 --> 00:15:56.915
Yes! We’re married. Right, I want a new job.

00:15:56.915 --> 00:15:59.154
I’m not feeling the beekeeper life, I’m sorry.

00:15:59.154 --> 00:16:01.784
Let’s quit that. Let’s get a special career.

00:16:01.784 --> 00:16:02.494
Astronaut.

00:16:02.494 --> 00:16:03.816
The Space Academy.

00:16:03.816 --> 00:16:06.114
I didn't - I wasn't aware that there was a British Space Academy!

00:16:06.260 --> 00:16:08.250
Sure. I need a student loan.

00:16:08.324 --> 00:16:09.044
Mother!

00:16:10.130 --> 00:16:12.647
Yes! My rich mom! I’ve enrolled!

00:16:12.647 --> 00:16:14.437
Alright, let’s do some flight training.

00:16:14.632 --> 00:16:16.362
OhmyGod, what?!

00:16:17.071 --> 00:16:19.510
This is-I’m stressed. I’m stressed. Ah!

00:16:19.728 --> 00:16:20.681
Oh, it’s hard to control.

00:16:20.681 --> 00:16:21.391
Wait, down-

00:16:21.391 --> 00:16:22.311
DOWN!

00:16:22.311 --> 00:16:23.277
Ah! No!

00:16:23.867 --> 00:16:26.097
I-I don’t wanna kill Phil in the rocket!

00:16:26.449 --> 00:16:27.249
AH!

00:16:28.641 --> 00:16:30.211
I crashed into an ackrenoid.

00:16:30.211 --> 00:16:31.051
An ackrenoid? (record scratch sound effect)

00:16:31.051 --> 00:16:33.001
I crashed into the a c k e r n o i d.

00:16:33.001 --> 00:16:34.018
Let’s do it again.

00:16:34.737 --> 00:16:37.203
Oh, God. Right. This-I’m not even gonna speak.

00:16:37.943 --> 00:16:40.756
Christ. Let’s stay up here. 8 seconds left.

00:16:41.034 --> 00:16:41.604
Down a bit, down.

00:16:41.604 --> 00:16:42.554
Eugh, oo,

00:16:42.554 --> 00:16:43.464
wAKL;SDJF

00:16:44.120 --> 00:16:44.680
NO!

00:16:44.680 --> 00:16:45.621
Come on…

00:16:46.488 --> 00:16:50.808
Yeas! That was-that was it?

00:16:50.953 --> 00:16:53.432
I’m still bad at this. Technical training.

00:16:53.432 --> 00:16:55.442
“‘Which instrument measures the mix and concentration

00:16:55.442 --> 00:16:57.870
of the air astronauts breathe inside a spacecraft?’”

00:16:58.075 --> 00:17:00.800
The oxygen sensor. Yes. Okay,

00:17:00.907 --> 00:17:03.066
“‘How many astronauts have set foot on the Moon?’”

00:17:03.221 --> 00:17:06.479
There must’ve been a fair few, right? I’m gonna go..11? 12? 12.

00:17:07.059 --> 00:17:09.383
Yes! Alright, that’s enough space training. Age up!