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I cheated on Joshua..

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    So if you missed my last video,
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    I filled you in on how I recently
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    got a boyfriend,
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    broke up with him,
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    got another one,
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    started a new university degree doing
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    PHILosophy
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    and that all took place
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    in my alternative universe Bitlife!
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    So we’re gonna jump back in with Philly age 18
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    – can I keep myself alive?
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    (until a lovely, grand old age)
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    I think 96 would be good.
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    So to fill you in, I’ve got Joshua Glasscock
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    who’s my boyfriend.
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    He likes me quite a lot,
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    despite the disappointing bedroom action.
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    Can we try and do a bit better,
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    second time lucky?
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    No!
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    That’s even worse!
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    This isn’t everything in a relationship,
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    but it might not last.
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    Oh, wait, you spend time with everyone?
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    That saves so much time.
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    “You invested in nine of your relationships.
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    Your stepmom and stepdad refused
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    to spend time with you”?
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    Oh my God! F you, stepdad.
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    I’m gonna insult him.
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    I called him a maniac.
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    I’m insulting her as well.
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    Yeah, take that, blockhead!
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    Alright- (game character: Ow!)
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    AH!
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    She attacked me, what the hell?
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    “She elbowed my knee and spanked my forearm”?!
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    (smack) Bad adult son!
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    Okay, we’re aging up.
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    Oh, and my mom and stepdad just had a baby boy
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    named Jayden, my new half brother–
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    Jayden Rogers.
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    AW, I’ve got a bro!
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    Will I be an insightful and protective big brother?
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    I always wondered what I would've been like,
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    if it were the other way around.
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    Probably not.
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    “He was conceived on a Caribbean cruise,”
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    they go on so many boujee holidays without me!
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    Right, let’s make friends with the bay-bae.
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    Oh, the only thing I could do is recruit him to a cult
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    (ominous noise)
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    No, I’m not gonna do that.
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    Alright, let’s do some extracurricular drama.
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    AH
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    NO
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    I quit it by accident! (sad horn sounds)
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    I didn't mean to press that!
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    Let me back in! (sad horn sounds)
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    They refused to let me back in!
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    Aw.. frick.
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    Okay, I’ll do another one.
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    I'm gonna join the tennis team,
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    maybe I can be in my Challengers era?
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    (sad horn sounds again)
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    Rejected again?!
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    Zendaya, you’ve already got two men–
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    okay, somethin’, somethin’s gotta let me in!
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    The debate team.
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    I’m gonna be a yapper.
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    Yes! Okay, right, what can I do now that I’m an adult?
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    Ooh, play the lottery. Come on.
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    Let’s get one ticket.
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    I did not win.
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    Oh :( great :,(
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    Hit up the casino, just havin’ a gambling moment.
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    I’m gonna go to “Peak Resort”.
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    uh??
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    I’m not paying 600 quid?!
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    Alright, I’m gonna bet 50 quid.
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    I don’t know how Blackjack works.
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    Alright you have to get “21 without going over”.
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    I’ve got 19, I’m gonna stay with 19.
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    (yippeee! sound effect) YES!
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    Right, one more try.
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    100 POUNDS.
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    (gasp) I’ve got 20!
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    I’ll stand.
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    (sad horn) >:(
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    No! I’ve lost–
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    I’m down 50 quid!
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    Right, do not gamble!
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    In life, I’m still up on the Gremlin slot machine
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    where I got like 600 quid on my first go.
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    Dan: Bloody hell.
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    D: Explain-
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    D: explain. Phil: I don’t know how it happened!
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    P: It just happened.
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    D: You’re hacking, aren’t you?
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    P: Yeah
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    I’m never doing it again,
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    the Bellagio hates me.
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    Ooh, I can go clubbing.
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    What sounds the most gay,
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    I’m gonna go with “Essence Disco”...
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    that would be like the Willow in New York,
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    but will they give us prawn crackers here?
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    I didn’t love it that much.
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    (gasp) “Even though you have a boyfriend,
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    you have an opportunity to have a one night stand
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    with a dude named Charles Waddle."
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    DO him?!
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    Oh my God.
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    Look, I would normally be against cheating but
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    I think because we’ve had such a bad time in the bedroom,
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    (sad horn) maybe this is just to test out
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    if everything’s okay or not.
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    I’m tempted just for the messiness of this video.
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    I did it, I’m sorry.
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    “Things are getting hot and you’re thinking about being safe-”
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    yes! (gasp)
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    “You walk around with a pep in your step the next day.”
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    Okay, we both really enjoyed that.
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    Not sure if me and Glasscock are compatible.
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    (scary noise) Oh, no he found out!
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    Now he’s mad, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.
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    Right, let’s go to couple’s counseling.
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    150 quid?!
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    I cheated, so I’ll ask him to go.
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    Oh no, he doesn’t want to go.
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    Let’s try again.
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    No, I think as we’ve not been…enjoying ourselves,
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    we might not be compatible.
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    We gotta break up. I’m sorry, Joshua.
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    Okay, single and ready to mingle!
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    Let’s age up!
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    (scary noise) NO!!!
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    I hate this game, WHY?! MARLEY!!
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    That was such a jumpscare, I didn’t see it
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    The cruelness of life, “Your Welsh corgi,
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    Marley, died at the age of 14. He perished after losing his last fight,
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    against old age.
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    Mourn his death or have him taxidermied,”
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    I’m gonna get him taxidermied.
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    Yes. Stuff the dog!
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    “The taxidermist successfully taxidermied your Welsh corgi, Marley!
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    He looks fresh as a daisy.”
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    Amazing.
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    We can’t interact with him, though…
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    it’s just a late pet.
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    Alright, I’m bummed out now,
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    I need a massage or something..
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    Go to the movies, just don’t watch Marley and me,
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    comedy.
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    Yes. Okay, we’re getting better.
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    Alright, we’re getting a haircut, that’ll cheer him up-
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    I actually need one right now as well.
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    “Select this style,”
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    That’s what I should’ve done in university
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    when I was walking around lookin’ like this!
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    No wonder there weren’t many Glasscocks in my life.
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    AGE.
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    “Your friend, Emily, has invited you to indulge in a
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    six year old bottle of triple sec her parents have been saving."
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    I’m in.
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    I did not enjoy that.
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    Right, as university is coming to an end, I think
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    I need a part time job.
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    Wait, the best paying thing is a Mall Santa?
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    I’m in.
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    I’m gonna be the youngest looking Mall Santa ever.
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    They don’t want me. Damn it.
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    Not sure if I trust myself with chemicals, but let’s try Lab Assistant.
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    Yes! I got the job. Alright.
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    It must be so bad at school to be given one of those nicknames
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    that just sticks with you forever.
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    Someone in my house was taking chemistry and he
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    spilled some chemical on his hand, called bromine,
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    and literally all the lads in my class just called him
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    “Bromine” for the next three years.
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    Before we age Philly up again,
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    I wanted to thank the wickedly talented sponsor of today’s video,
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    Opera Browser!
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    which is so sexy,
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    it just clumps ‘em all together.
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    So, when you’re looking at somethin’, you have a little group,
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    have another little group.
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    It doesn’t turn into a squirrel’s nest.
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    I also really like the "lucid" feature,
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    which is useful if you’re watching a YouTube video
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    and it looks a little blurry.
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    Look at those little babies.
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    lucid!
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    Ooh, Daniel,
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    Never seen you so sharp!
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    I’m also a fan of the “snapshot” feature.
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    Some browsers are so clunky,
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    trying to do a snapshot.
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    Opera’s just got a nice camera button,
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    and you can crop in then and there,
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    and feel like this sloth…
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    on my body.
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    Age up!
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    I graduated!
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    With a degree in Philosophy.
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    Now I need an actual job.
  • 5:54 - 5:55
    Hello, Job Recruiter.
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    That is so expensive.
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    No, I’m gonna do it myself. (gasp)
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    Right. This is where it gets serious.
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    There’s so many choices!
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    You can be an exorcist?!
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    I’m tempted.
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    A junior marine biologist sounds cool!
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    I actually really wanted to do that for a while,
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    but then I remembered I’m kind of scared of the sea.
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    There’s so much unexplored down there,
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    they just want to lick your leg.
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    When I was on holiday the other week, I was
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    just poodling along, snorkelin’ and I saw an urchin!
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    What in the frickin’ Pokemon is this,
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    ready to stab my legs out?
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    So I don’t want to know what the Ultra Urchin ™
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    is in the Mariana Trench. Anyway,
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    I’m gonna face my fears though,
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    I wanna do it.
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    Denied.
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    They heard me talkin’ sh-t.
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    What about exorcist?
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    “While being interviewed for the Exorcist position at the
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    Rossendale Community Church” –
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    I need this to become reality –
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    “How did you hear about this position?
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    Thorough research led me to it.”
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    YES!
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    I am now an exorcist.
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    I cannot see this ending well.
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    I got 17 grand for the year. Okay.
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    So fact about Rossendale, Pendle Hill was one
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    of the most haunted places in the UK. It’s also
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    UFO Alley where the most UFO sightings are,
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    maybe everyone’s just on a lot of drugs.
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    I don’t know.
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    Anyway, let’s see if I exorcise anything.
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    Wow, there are some big business happening in this exorcism church.
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    Wow, Benedict, look at that Ginger QUOFF on your head.
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    D’ja wanna be my friend?
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    Yes! I made a fellow exorcist friend.
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    We can make a Youtube channel together, kicking ghosts in the face.
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    Speaking of, shall we have a look at the social media?
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    Let’s get a Youtube channel and see what happens.
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    I’m gonna post an exorcism video.
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    “How To Exorcise A Demon”.
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    Oh, I got one view.
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    That’s how you always start on YouTube though!
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    In this universe, it’s still Twitter!
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    It’s the good timeline. Let’s get a Twitter as well.
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    Let’s post a sexy exorcism pic!
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    It got zero likes.
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    That is harsh.
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    What about a video of me playing Bitlife?
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    I don’t know what the Alphabet Challenge is, but
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    it got me 2 extra views and 2 subscribers.
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    Plastic surgery.
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    You can get p(dark bark)s enlargement surgery?
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    No, I’m beautiful the way I am.
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    I need an apartment, really. Can I get a mortgage on
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    this lovely condo?
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    Yes! I can get a pet! Okay, things are looking up.
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    Can I buy my own hamster (gasp)
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    Taz, a two year old guinea pig.
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    We’ve got a gerbil or a guinea pig..
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    I'm gonna get the guinea pig.
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    It’s another DUMB animal that is very healthy,
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    unlike Rollo, rest in peace my guinea pig Rollo.
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    We did not have a lot of time together.
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    “True love,” Aw! Yes! Oh, I can rename it. I mean, of
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    course you can, it’s not like...it's not it's gonna be like,
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    “That’s not my name.”
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    Garyy!! Gareh!
  • 8:14 - 8:14
    “That’s better,”
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    Right, we’re gonna spend the next 5 hours of this video with Gary.
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    “Treat,”
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    I gave him some pumpkin seeds.
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    Yes. More treats for you.
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    Nibble that peach.
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    Chomp it good.
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    Right, let’s spend some time together.
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    Okay, I feel content.
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    I’m a single man, I’m in my apartment
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    in Rossendale, and I’ve got a
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    guinea pig. Things are lookin’ up.
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    Time to get older!
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    “Your friend, Benedict, wants to become best friends with you.
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    But you are already best friend with Teddy Matthews.”
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    Sorry, get in the bin, Teddy!
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    I’m now friends with Benedict.
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    Is it friends to lovers scenario here?
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    Ask him out.
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    “Friendzoned to the max,” Oh no…
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    ”I’m just not his type.”
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    Why wasn’t I more good looking in this life?
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    Maybe I could jump on the dating apps again.
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    “Celebrity dating app,” not an influencer,
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    imagine who’s on there? No.
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    I would like to date.
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    I’m torn between actor and royal.
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    I feel like the royals would have more money, but
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    it’s such a dusty life, living in that castle.
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    Let’s go with actor.
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    It’s a 100,000 pounds?! Okay, maybe not.
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    Let’s just get on a normal one instead!
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    Rodney Robinson!
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    Another crazy man.
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    Not sure about that.
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    Let’s try it again.
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    George Smiley! I like that name.
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    He’s hot and crazy, but he’s also dumb and he’s got no cash.
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    He’s a bisexual real estate agent, go on then.
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    Yes! I’ve hooked him in!
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    Okay, I’m gonna try to stay with this guy for more than 10 minutes.
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    Let’s go to the movies together.
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    We’re going to watch “I’m Dead!”
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    We loved it!
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    Okay, we got something in common.
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    Age up.
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    “Blowout Sale. While performing an exorcism,
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    you get a phone notification that your favorite shoe store is
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    having a blowout. What do you do? Focus on the evil spirits,
  • 9:44 - 9:45
    take a break and order some shoes,
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    or multitask.”
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    You can’t vanquish a demon while ordering some shoes!
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    “I ordered some sweet kicks while exorcising someone’s demons.”
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    I’ve not actually spoken to my brother who’s now age 5..
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    I’ll give him a gift.
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    Have a lil’ basketball.
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    Ah :)
  • 9:58 - 10:00
    After you get past age 24, your life just goes like
  • 10:00 - 10:02
    (clipclapclopclupclipclapclepclypclap)
  • 10:02 - 10:04
    so I think we need to start aging him up a bit faster now.
  • 10:04 - 10:05
    Here we go. 25.
  • 10:05 - 10:07
    Oh my God, best news.
  • 10:07 - 10:09
    Penelope divorced my father! He’s free!
  • 10:09 - 10:12
    From the one that nibbled my elbow, or whatever she did.
  • 10:12 - 10:13
    How’s it going with George?
  • 10:13 - 10:15
    Right, how compatible are we in the bedroom?
  • 10:15 - 10:18
    Great, okay! That’s-that’s fine.
  • 10:18 - 10:20
    I feel like I need to get some more money somehow.
  • 10:20 - 10:21
    Should we do the lottery again?
  • 10:21 - 10:23
    Let’s get 10 tickets.
  • 10:23 - 10:25
    No, I didn’t win. I wonder if you can actually win.
  • 10:25 - 10:27
    The prize is 642,000 pounds?!
  • 10:28 - 10:29
    Oh my God, age up again!
  • 10:30 - 10:31
    No! Gary…
  • 10:32 - 10:33
    This is so cruel!
  • 10:33 - 10:35
    You age up so fast,
  • 10:35 - 10:36
    I loved him.
  • 10:36 - 10:38
    “He sadly died peacefully in the night,”
  • 10:38 - 10:40
    I’ll have to get him taxidermied as well.
  • 10:40 - 10:41
    Katrina…
  • 10:41 - 10:44
    ”There was an issue…he apologized for the way he’s posed.”
  • 10:44 - 10:45
    How is he posed?!
  • 10:46 - 10:47
    What’s he doing with those lil’ paws?
  • 10:47 - 10:50
    I think what I need to do is hit the gym and then get OnlyFans.
  • 10:50 - 10:52
    Let’s see how that goes.
  • 10:52 - 10:53
    “Work out at the gym,”
  • 10:54 - 10:55
    I love the gym.
  • 10:55 - 10:57
    Oh God. I got skin blisters!
  • 10:57 - 10:59
    “While drying yourself off after a swim in a swimming pool,
  • 10:59 - 11:00
    you notice blisters all over your neck.
  • 11:00 - 11:02
    You’re dealing with red bumps on your skin."
  • 11:02 - 11:03
    I’m gonna go to the doctor.
  • 11:03 - 11:05
    Doctor…Baggin’s!
  • 11:05 - 11:07
    I’ve got a staph infection from the gross swimming pool?
  • 11:08 - 11:10
    Alright, "thanks to the UK’s free healthcare system,"
  • 11:10 - 11:11
    that’s a nice touch.
  • 11:11 - 11:12
    Treat me.
  • 11:12 - 11:13
    I’m cured.
  • 11:13 - 11:14
    Thank God for that.
  • 11:14 - 11:16
    Alright, one more gym…
  • 11:17 - 11:18
    I’m swole.
  • 11:18 - 11:20
    Now I got nasal congestion.
  • 11:20 - 11:21
    This gym is manky!
  • 11:21 - 11:22
    Right, I hope I won’t be getting any diseases from it.
  • 11:22 - 11:24
    I’ve got “pressure in my nose and ear,”
  • 11:24 - 11:26
    right, let’s go back to the doctor.
  • 11:26 - 11:27
    Baggin’s! I’ve got the flu?
  • 11:27 - 11:28
    Treat me.
  • 11:30 - 11:31
    I’m cured. Great.
  • 11:31 - 11:33
    I’m never going to that gym again.
  • 11:33 - 11:34
    OnlyFans. Here we go.
  • 11:35 - 11:37
    I’m in the top 99%.
  • 11:37 - 11:39
    Okay, is this going to be an income generator?
  • 11:40 - 11:43
    I’m purely cinematic butts, by the way. Nothing in the front.
  • 11:43 - 11:45
    77 subscribers. Let’s do a post.
  • 11:45 - 11:49
    It’s a first draft! I got zero likes.
  • 11:49 - 11:51
    I was “wearing edible underwear while lying by the pool.”
  • 11:53 - 11:54
    Let’s try that again.
  • 11:54 - 11:57
    This game is so hard to earn any kind of respect.
  • 11:57 - 11:59
    Let’s do a date simulation video.
  • 11:59 - 12:01
    Maybe it’s an ASMR exorcism video.
  • 12:01 - 12:04
    Two likes! I’m gonna cross remote it on my other socials.
  • 12:05 - 12:05
    Here we go.
  • 12:05 - 12:07
    No one subscribed.
  • 12:07 - 12:08
    Okay, sto-wha-okay..
  • 12:08 - 12:10
    my OnlyFans career is dead.
  • 12:10 - 12:10
    Age up!
  • 12:11 - 12:13
    “My boyfriend has identified as transgender.
  • 12:13 - 12:14
    She's changed her name to Grace.
  • 12:14 - 12:17
    How will you respond? Support her unconditionally,” of course!
  • 12:17 - 12:18
    Aw :D!
  • 12:18 - 12:20
    That was unexpected, but happy news.
  • 12:20 - 12:22
    I’m glad Grace is now comfortable in her skin.
  • 12:22 - 12:23
    My boyfriend is now a girlfriend.
  • 12:23 - 12:24
    I feel like we should have more of a conversation about this.
  • 12:24 - 12:26
    “We discussed how many lovers we’ve had.”
  • 12:26 - 12:28
    Okay? Did that go down well?
  • 12:28 - 12:31
    I feel like I need a better job than being an exorcist.
  • 12:31 - 12:33
    Right, I’m resigning from exorcism.
  • 12:33 - 12:35
    Let’s try and get some more monay!
  • 12:35 - 12:36
    There’s a little museum in Rossendale, actually.
  • 12:36 - 12:39
    I could work there, but I’m gonna try to be an airline pilot.
  • 12:40 - 12:41
    No. Okay. Fine,
  • 12:41 - 12:43
    let’s go to the museum.
  • 12:43 - 12:44
    Nope?
  • 12:44 - 12:45
    Oh God maybe I shouldn’t have resigned.
  • 12:45 - 12:46
    A P(dog bark)n cameraman?
  • 12:47 - 12:50
    I was offered to be a P(dog bark)n editor, uh,
  • 12:50 - 12:54
    when I was in university, maybe this is what it is for me now.
  • 12:54 - 12:55
    Rejected.
  • 12:55 - 12:57
    Am I going to have to be an apprentice beekeeper?
  • 12:57 - 12:58
    This is not going well.
  • 12:58 - 13:01
    “Which of these ‘Office’ characters did you relate to most?”
  • 13:01 - 13:03
    NONE of those are good options; I’m gonna go with Ryan,
  • 13:03 - 13:05
    because he’s a bit of an entrepreneur.
  • 13:05 - 13:07
    Yes! I’m a beekeeper now.
  • 13:07 - 13:10
    Let’s praise the Bitlife devs. Do I have to watch an ad?
  • 13:10 - 13:11
    (ad starts/ Lady: Hello everyone.
  • 13:11 - 13:13
    Yes. Okay. (L: While our cabin crew completes their final checks,
  • 13:13 - 13:15
    I wanted to tell you my favorite-”) Let’s hope it’s worth it.
  • 13:15 - 13:16
    (angels singing)
  • 13:16 - 13:17
    “Your prayers were answered!
  • 13:18 - 13:19
    While getting a coffee, the clouds above you parted and
  • 13:19 - 13:22
    dropped 8,000 pounds into your hands.”
  • 13:22 - 13:23
    I mean, I’m not gonna complain!
  • 13:23 - 13:24
    Did it fall out of a crashing plane, though, 'cus
  • 13:24 - 13:25
    I know everything comes with a price?
  • 13:25 - 13:28
    Right, let’s go on a holiday. We’re going to…
  • 13:28 - 13:30
    “Horneytown, North Carolina,”
  • 13:31 - 13:33
    Let’s go with Grace. Do it.
  • 13:33 - 13:35
    “You witness a man pickpocket a woman.”
  • 13:35 - 13:36
    I don’t think I want to get murdered by the pickpocketer, so
  • 13:36 - 13:38
    I’m gonna call the police.
  • 13:38 - 13:40
    That was our experience on holiday?!
  • 13:40 - 13:42
    Well, at least everything’s 100% now. Age up!
  • 13:42 - 13:46
    “Grace is arguing with you because you've got OnlyFans and is begging you to take it down.
  • 13:46 - 13:48
    What will you do?” Maybe I should have discussed it with Grace,
  • 13:48 - 13:50
    before making the account, but
  • 13:50 - 13:52
    I’m gonna apologize for not mentioning it.
  • 13:52 - 13:55
    Proposal?! Grace is proposing to me with a diamond ring
  • 13:55 - 13:57
    at a soccer game. I mean…
  • 13:57 - 13:59
    The soccer game is a red flag, Grace.
  • 13:59 - 14:01
    “We’ve been together 5 years..” I’m gonna accept!
  • 14:01 - 14:03
    I’m now engaged! That is a big life event.
  • 14:03 - 14:05
    (clapclapclapclapclapclap)
  • 14:05 - 14:05
    There we go.
  • 14:05 - 14:08
    “Have a bottle of hot sauce,” as the engagement gift?
  • 14:08 - 14:09
    She did not like that.
  • 14:10 - 14:11
    Age up!
  • 14:11 - 14:14
    “An OnlyFans creator named Gavin Dulwitch wants to collaborate.
  • 14:14 - 14:15
    He wants to record a video of you two eating
  • 14:15 - 14:17
    different cheeses”?? (doom sound)
  • 14:17 - 14:18
    WOT???
  • 14:18 - 14:20
    Of all the sexy things that I thought was going to appear then,
  • 14:20 - 14:23
    eating different cheeses…ouughh..
  • 14:23 - 14:25
    I’m gonna have to do it, I’m gonna have to do it.
  • 14:25 - 14:28
    Is this just the recreation of the eating cheese video I did with Dan?
  • 14:28 - 14:31
    (past Phil: Phil’s eating…moldy cheese. Oh no no no.)
  • 14:31 - 14:32
    Go on then.
  • 14:32 - 14:33
    “I received 4 pounds,”
  • 14:33 - 14:34
    That was not worth it.
  • 14:34 - 14:37
    What can we do in the Love category? “Set up a threesome?”
  • 14:38 - 14:39
    Let’s see if Grace wants a threesome.
  • 14:39 - 14:40
    “Not interested.”
  • 14:40 - 14:41
    The only option is to argue?
  • 14:41 - 14:43
    I was only curious what would happen! I’m sorry!
  • 14:43 - 14:45
    When I get given an option, I've gotta see what happens.
  • 14:45 - 14:48
    Let’s throw a house party. Yes.
  • 14:49 - 14:51
    “Nine guests come to the lovely house party at your condo.
  • 14:51 - 14:53
    The police showed up after your neighbors complained about the
  • 14:53 - 14:55
    noise.” I’m gonna argue with the neighbors.
  • 14:55 - 14:57
    “The police gave you a warning.”
  • 14:57 - 14:59
    I feel like if it’s a Friday night, you can’t have a little bit of a party
  • 14:59 - 15:01
    without your neighbors calling the police.
  • 15:01 - 15:03
    Right. Time for a third pet that’s hopefully gonna live more than a
  • 15:03 - 15:06
    year. Let’s rescue an animal. A rabbit!
  • 15:06 - 15:09
    But they don’t live long, I don’t want it to die straight away.
  • 15:09 - 15:10
    Let’s get a cat.
  • 15:10 - 15:11
    What’s the youngest cat they’ve got to adopt?
  • 15:12 - 15:14
    Levi the four year old cat is --
  • 15:14 - 15:14
    C r a z y .
  • 15:16 - 15:17
    Adopt him.
  • 15:17 - 15:19
    Yes! I like the name Levi, we’ll keep the name.
  • 15:19 - 15:23
    I kind of also want a rat, let’s get a rat.
  • 15:23 - 15:25
    Let’s get a DUMB but sensible rat.
  • 15:26 - 15:27
    Monty.
  • 15:28 - 15:30
    Time to age up!
  • 15:30 - 15:32
    “Collab: Charlie Foster wants to do an OnlyFans collab discussing
  • 15:32 - 15:34
    historical events,”
  • 15:34 - 15:35
    Do it.
  • 15:35 - 15:38
    3 pounds. This is not worth it at all.
  • 15:38 - 15:40
    I guess now that we’re engaged, we should start planning a wedding.
  • 15:40 - 15:41
    It’s gonna be on the beach,
  • 15:41 - 15:43
    in Area 51.
  • 15:44 - 15:46
    Oh, it’s 6,000 pounds? Do it.
  • 15:46 - 15:48
    “Grace demands signing a prenup."
  • 15:48 - 15:51
    There’s not that much difference in our cash! I mean, sure, whatever.
  • 15:52 - 15:54
    I married Grace at the beach.
  • 15:54 - 15:57
    Yes! We’re married. Right, I want a new job.
  • 15:57 - 15:59
    I’m not feeling the beekeeper life, I’m sorry.
  • 15:59 - 16:02
    Let’s quit that. Let’s get a special career.
  • 16:02 - 16:02
    Astronaut.
  • 16:03 - 16:04
    The Space Academy.
  • 16:04 - 16:06
    I didn't - I wasn't aware that there was a British Space Academy!
  • 16:06 - 16:08
    Sure. I need a student loan.
  • 16:08 - 16:09
    Mother!
  • 16:10 - 16:13
    Yes! My rich mom! I’ve enrolled!
  • 16:13 - 16:14
    Alright, let’s do some flight training.
  • 16:15 - 16:16
    OhmyGod, what?!
  • 16:17 - 16:20
    This is-I’m stressed. I’m stressed. Ah!
  • 16:20 - 16:21
    Oh, it’s hard to control.
  • 16:21 - 16:21
    Wait, down-
  • 16:21 - 16:22
    DOWN!
  • 16:22 - 16:23
    Ah! No!
  • 16:24 - 16:26
    I-I don’t wanna kill Phil in the rocket!
  • 16:26 - 16:27
    AH!
  • 16:29 - 16:30
    I crashed into an ackrenoid.
  • 16:30 - 16:31
    An ackrenoid? (record scratch sound effect)
  • 16:31 - 16:33
    I crashed into the a c k e r n o i d.
  • 16:33 - 16:34
    Let’s do it again.
  • 16:35 - 16:37
    Oh, God. Right. This-I’m not even gonna speak.
  • 16:38 - 16:41
    Christ. Let’s stay up here. 8 seconds left.
  • 16:41 - 16:42
    Down a bit, down.
  • 16:42 - 16:43
    Eugh, oo,
  • 16:43 - 16:43
    wAKL;SDJF
  • 16:44 - 16:45
    NO!
  • 16:45 - 16:46
    Come on…
  • 16:46 - 16:51
    Yeas! That was-that was it?
  • 16:51 - 16:53
    I’m still bad at this. Technical training.
  • 16:53 - 16:55
    “‘Which instrument measures the mix and concentration
  • 16:55 - 16:58
    of the air astronauts breathe inside a spacecraft?’”
  • 16:58 - 17:01
    The oxygen sensor. Yes. Okay,
  • 17:01 - 17:03
    “‘How many astronauts have set foot on the Moon?’”
  • 17:03 - 17:06
    There must’ve been a fair few, right? I’m gonna go..11? 12? 12.
  • 17:07 - 17:09
    Yes! Alright, that’s enough space training. Age up!
  • 17:09 - 17:13
    “Mark Y wants to learn how to use a rotary telephone,”
  • 17:13 - 17:15
    Yes. Six pounds!
  • 17:15 - 17:16
    Monty!
  • 17:16 - 17:18
    I only got it yesterday.
  • 17:19 - 17:19
    Mourn…
  • 17:19 - 17:22
    I flunked out of the space academy?? After all that?
  • 17:23 - 17:25
    No… Elizabeth unfriended me?
  • 17:25 - 17:27
    This is the worst year of my life ever. 32.
  • 17:27 - 17:31
    Everyone's unfriended me, I flopped space academy, right.
  • 17:31 - 17:34
    I’m back in the space academy. Let's no eff it up this time.
  • 17:34 - 17:36
    Right, just redid the whole space academy thing,
  • 17:37 - 17:38
    and now it’s green.
  • 17:38 - 17:39
    So, when I age up,
  • 17:40 - 17:42
    we’re gonna hope.. I get in, after all that
  • 17:42 - 17:43
    FAF.
  • 17:43 - 17:46
    It’d be easier to be a real astronaut, right, okay. Age up.
  • 17:46 - 17:49
    “Clubbing: Some of your friends are going to a local nightclub called
  • 17:49 - 17:51
    the Sunflower,” I feel like clubbing.
  • 17:51 - 17:52
    I hated it.
  • 17:52 - 17:54
    I’m 33. I’m too old for clubbing now.
  • 17:54 - 17:57
    My cat hates me. Oh my God, I forgot I had a cat.
  • 17:57 - 17:58
    Spend some time.
  • 17:59 - 18:01
    I hid a toy. Is that a nice thing to do?
  • 18:01 - 18:02
    How ya doing wife?
  • 18:02 - 18:03
    Ooh, nice hair!
  • 18:04 - 18:07
    How’s all my exes lookin' as well, did they have good lives?
  • 18:07 - 18:11
    I like Glasscock’s hair, Charles was a clown that I hooked up with,
  • 18:11 - 18:14
    Sally hates me and Samantha hates me.
  • 18:14 - 18:16
    Okay, cool. Grace, let’s make love.
  • 18:16 - 18:18
    (game: Yeaah)
  • 18:18 - 18:21
    Yeh. I went to a puppet show and watched YouTube with my cat.
  • 18:21 - 18:22
    Get older!
  • 18:23 - 18:24
    I “graduated from the Space Academy and can
  • 18:24 - 18:27
    now apply for a job at the Agency,”
  • 18:27 - 18:28
    Yes! Let’s do it.
  • 18:28 - 18:30
    “At 450 degrees Celsius, which planet is the hottest in
  • 18:30 - 18:31
    the solar system?”
  • 18:31 - 18:33
    It’s gotta be Venus. Yes!
  • 18:33 - 18:36
    I am a space cadet. Accept the position.
  • 18:36 - 18:38
    Incredible, what can we do, at the job?
  • 18:38 - 18:40
    Right, another flight simulation.
  • 18:40 - 18:40
    Here we go.
  • 18:41 - 18:43
    25 seconds now?!
  • 18:43 - 18:46
    If I’d known this was involved, still, I wouldn’t have taken the job.
  • 18:46 - 18:48
    Okay, 7 seconds. I can do this, I can do this.
  • 18:49 - 18:51
    Geese! No!
  • 18:51 - 18:53
    3..2..1..
  • 18:54 - 18:56
    Yes! Should we do a Spacewalk?
  • 18:56 - 18:58
    Let’s repair a satellite.
  • 18:58 - 19:00
    “Your friend, Lukas, begs you not to go into space.
  • 19:00 - 19:02
    He’s worried you’ll get cancer,” (muffled) Oh my God.
  • 19:02 - 19:04
    I’m only doing a little bit of space.
  • 19:04 - 19:06
    I’ll reassure him. Begin the mission.
  • 19:06 - 19:09
    “Your space shuttle just launched and it’s about to break free of
  • 19:09 - 19:12
    Earth’s gravitational pull when the sudden shift of extreme
  • 19:12 - 19:13
    g-force tickles your tummy.”
  • 19:13 - 19:14
    I’m gonna enjoy it.
  • 19:14 - 19:16
    “As you approach the Nebula Navigator, you notice that,
  • 19:16 - 19:19
    in addition to the cameras, you need to report other parts.”
  • 19:19 - 19:21
    Attempt to fix it. Oh my God.
  • 19:21 - 19:23
    I’m gonna fix the cameras, then the solar panels,
  • 19:23 - 19:24
    then the antennas.
  • 19:24 - 19:25
    All better now.
  • 19:25 - 19:28
    “Just as you are re-enter the Earth’s atmosphere, your crewmate is
  • 19:28 - 19:29
    recording a Tiktok.”
  • 19:29 - 19:32
    I’m gonna ask him to help! We’re literally landing the shuttle.
  • 19:32 - 19:34
    Woo! We survived.
  • 19:34 - 19:37
    Do I get more money for that? Or no? Okay.
  • 19:37 - 19:41
    Grace, have a gift. I’m back from space. You can have…
  • 19:41 - 19:45
    a popcorn machine. They don’t like these gifts. Age up.
  • 19:45 - 19:46
    I got a public appearance as an astronaut.
  • 19:46 - 19:49
    “When visiting a local primary school, one of the children
  • 19:49 - 19:50
    is crying because they think I'm an alien who has
  • 19:50 - 19:53
    body-snatched the real me. Prove you're human,”
  • 19:53 - 19:54
    I’m gonna…
  • 19:54 - 19:56
    eat my favorite snack?
  • 19:56 - 19:57
    I ate 10 Twinkies.
  • 19:58 - 19:59
    Thought that said something else for a second. Age up.
  • 19:59 - 20:01
    My mom discovered my OnlyFans page.
  • 20:01 - 20:03
    Oh, Mum! It’s alright.
  • 20:03 - 20:06
    I’m only showing tasteful butt pics. I apologize.
  • 20:06 - 20:06
    NO!
  • 20:07 - 20:09
    This is the worst part of this game. There should be a mod for
  • 20:09 - 20:10
    invincible pets.
  • 20:10 - 20:12
    Oh no, I got a fever, probably from space.
  • 20:12 - 20:14
    Go to the doctor. Baggin’s!
  • 20:14 - 20:16
    I’ve got the flu again. Treat me.
  • 20:16 - 20:17
    I’m cured!
  • 20:17 - 20:19
    Right, I’ve got so much money now! I think
  • 20:19 - 20:21
    it’s time to emigrate to another country. Let’s go to Sweden.
  • 20:21 - 20:23
    Where I’m going on tour by the way!
  • 20:23 - 20:26
    If you’re Swedish, come hang out with me, it’s gonna be a fun night.
  • 20:26 - 20:28
    Okay, res-request approval.
  • 20:29 - 20:32
    I’m emigrating to Sweden! I’m going to have to eat a lot of herring.
  • 20:32 - 20:33
    I got kicked out of the Space Academy?!
  • 20:33 - 20:35
    Now I’m gonna have to join the Swedish Space Academy!
  • 20:35 - 20:38
    Right, okay, I’m in the Swedish Space Academy, and my
  • 20:38 - 20:42
    performance is good so I should get to space in no time. Age up.
  • 20:43 - 20:46
    I’m joining Twitch? Sure. Sign up for Twitch.
  • 20:46 - 20:48
    “We’re live, gamers!”
  • 20:48 - 20:51
    Oo, I’m 37! What will the future hold after this?
  • 20:51 - 20:55
    Spend time with everyone…yes. And now I want to see if I can go
  • 20:55 - 20:58
    to space again. “One of my OnlyFans sent me a…
  • 20:58 - 20:59
    Nissan Titan?!”
  • 20:59 - 21:01
    I knew I got into the wrong business, right.
  • 21:01 - 21:05
    Accept it. Thank you, Jason Vigar.
  • 21:06 - 21:09
    “Apply for the European Space Agency.” Accept the position.
  • 21:09 - 21:12
    I’m a space cadet! Yes. Now let’s go on vacation.
  • 21:12 - 21:15
    Let’s go on a Caribbean cruise with an ocean view. “All the
  • 21:15 - 21:17
    toilets have stopped working, I’m going to have to pee overboard.”
  • 21:18 - 21:19
    I loved it.
  • 21:20 - 21:23
    Nothing like a scenic piss, age up. I’m 39.
  • 21:24 - 21:27
    I got another car from OnlyFans? This is incredible.
  • 21:27 - 21:29
    Right, I need to put something else for my OnlyFans subscribers.
  • 21:29 - 21:31
    “Sensual ASMR–
  • 21:32 - 21:34
    scratching my fingernails on a corkboard.”
  • 21:34 - 21:35
    Age up.
  • 21:35 - 21:38
    How am I looking at the moment? I feel like I need a dye job.
  • 21:38 - 21:40
    Let’s get this actual hair color now.
  • 21:41 - 21:43
    There we go, that's a bit more platinum.
  • 21:43 - 21:44
    Let’s get waxed.
  • 21:44 - 21:46
    I’m gonna get the “Brozillian Package.”
  • 21:46 - 21:48
    (game character: Ow) Oh! That was..
  • 21:48 - 21:52
    Alright, age 40, I just got a Brazilian Wax, and I’m an astronaut.
  • 21:52 - 21:53
    One more age up.
  • 21:53 - 21:55
    “Carl has tickets to Harry Styles,”
  • 21:55 - 21:56
    Yes, let’s go.
  • 21:56 - 21:57
    I didn't like it. Oh...
  • 21:57 - 22:00
    “Carl Sundin wants to be best friends.”
  • 22:00 - 22:01
    Go on, then.
  • 22:01 - 22:02
    D’ja know what? I think it’s time for a baby.
  • 22:02 - 22:06
    I’ve got a good career, a happy relationship, let’s adopt a child.
  • 22:06 - 22:08
    I need a well-behaved kid, Junaid.
  • 22:08 - 22:11
    A 6 year old Syrian boy. Yes! We’ll keep Junaid but let’s go
  • 22:11 - 22:13
    Junaid Lester, you’re part of the family now.
  • 22:13 - 22:16
    And to celebrate, that’s been 10 years, let's renew our vows.
  • 22:17 - 22:17
    Ahh.. <3
  • 22:17 - 22:19
    I really want a promotion. Age up.
  • 22:19 - 22:21
    My car is no longer usable.
  • 22:21 - 22:24
    Okay, well I got 4 from my OnlyFans subscribers, anyways.
  • 22:24 - 22:26
    Let’s transmit a message across space.
  • 22:26 - 22:28
    Any hot EILFs in this area?
  • 22:28 - 22:29
    Alright, age up.
  • 22:29 - 22:31
    “Do an OnlyFans pillow fight video,” Sure.
  • 22:32 - 22:33
    I’ve got 100% reputation
  • 22:33 - 22:35
    as an astronaut now. Spend time with everyone.
  • 22:37 - 22:40
    Wha-my SON doesn’t want to spend time with me? Why?
  • 22:40 - 22:41
    Have a yoyo.
  • 22:42 - 22:44
    Oh my God, my son hates me. Maybe he’s just adjusting
  • 22:44 - 22:47
    to the adoption process. My mum has constipation.
  • 22:48 - 22:49
    Age up. 46.
  • 22:50 - 22:51
    “Armageddon,” Oh my god.
  • 22:51 - 22:54
    There’s a meteor coming toward Earth. This is-
  • 22:55 - 22:56
    is this the end of Phil Lester?
  • 22:56 - 22:58
    “Tap the screen to blast the meteor.”
  • 22:59 - 23:01
    Ah! (shooting noises)
  • 23:01 - 23:03
    I’m tapping as fast as I can! (more shooting noises)
  • 23:04 - 23:05
    Oh my God.
  • 23:06 - 23:08
    Oh my god, please! It’s shrinkin!
  • 23:08 - 23:09
    aH!
  • 23:11 - 23:14
    Oh my God, come on, come on! I'll save the day!
  • 23:14 - 23:16
    (yippee sound effect) Yes!
  • 23:16 - 23:20
    “People around the globe celebrated. Your space agency director,
  • 23:20 - 23:24
    Viktor, gave you a cash reward of 35 million dollars.”
  • 23:25 - 23:30
    What the hell? I saved the world! Oh, my God. (clap)
  • 23:30 - 23:32
    That is a good point to end this video I think.
  • 23:32 - 23:34
    I am an astronaut hero.
  • 23:34 - 23:37
    That was stressful. I never tapped so fast for anything in my life.
  • 23:37 - 23:39
    I bet that would have killed me if I had f(dog bark)d it up.
  • 23:39 - 23:42
    Wow. “My mother no longer has constipation.”
  • 23:42 - 23:44
    and I saved the planet.
  • 23:44 - 23:46
    If you want to see more of the rest of my adult life,
  • 23:46 - 23:48
    with my son who hates me,
  • 23:48 - 23:51
    and my surprise wife, Grace, give me a thumbs up.
  • 23:51 - 23:52
    Maybe I should apply to NASA!
  • 23:52 - 23:54
    There’s still a lot of life ahead for me over here.
  • 23:54 - 23:56
    So, thanks again Opera Browser for sponsoring this video,
  • 23:56 - 24:00
    if you want to upgrade your browsing experience, you can
  • 24:00 - 24:02
    click the link below, download it, it’s free.
  • 24:02 - 24:05
    And enjoy browsing in peace.
  • 24:05 - 24:06
    Ah…
  • 24:06 - 24:09
    Check out Dan and Phil Games if you wanna see some mayhem over there.
  • 24:09 - 24:11
    Subscribe if you haven’t already.
  • 24:11 - 24:13
    Come and see me and Danny on tour as well! It’d be lovely to
  • 24:13 - 24:16
    hang out with ya, it’s gonna be the best night of your life.
  • 24:16 - 24:21
    You avoid any asteroids heading towards your face.
  • 24:21 - 24:21
    Goodbye!
Title:
I cheated on Joshua..
Description:

more » « less
Video Language:
English
Duration:
24:21

English subtitles

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