0:00:00.000,0:00:01.330
So if you missed my last video,

0:00:01.358,0:00:02.718
I filled you in on how I recently

0:00:02.718,0:00:03.748
got a boyfriend,

0:00:03.748,0:00:04.852
broke up with him,

0:00:04.852,0:00:05.628
got another one,

0:00:05.628,0:00:07.298
started a new university degree doing

0:00:07.298,0:00:08.383
PHILosophy

0:00:08.383,0:00:09.423
and that all took place

0:00:09.423,0:00:11.580
in my alternative universe Bitlife!

0:00:11.580,0:00:13.395
So we’re gonna jump back in with Philly age 18

0:00:13.395,0:00:14.850
– can I keep myself alive?

0:00:14.850,0:00:16.904
(until a lovely, grand old age)

0:00:16.904,0:00:18.164
I think 96 would be good.

0:00:18.164,0:00:20.482
So to fill you in, I’ve got Joshua Glasscock

0:00:20.482,0:00:22.062
who’s my boyfriend.

0:00:22.062,0:00:22.860
He likes me quite a lot,

0:00:22.860,0:00:24.590
despite the disappointing bedroom action.

0:00:24.590,0:00:25.840
Can we try and do a bit better,

0:00:25.840,0:00:27.800
second time lucky?

0:00:27.800,0:00:28.550
No!

0:00:29.390,0:00:30.675
That’s even worse!

0:00:30.675,0:00:32.185
This isn’t everything in a relationship,

0:00:32.185,0:00:33.135
but it might not last.

0:00:33.135,0:00:34.612
Oh, wait, you spend time with everyone?

0:00:34.612,0:00:35.422
That saves so much time.

0:00:35.672,0:00:37.432
“You invested in nine of your relationships.

0:00:37.432,0:00:38.802
Your stepmom and stepdad refused

0:00:38.802,0:00:40.244
to spend time with you”?

0:00:40.244,0:00:42.182
Oh my God! F you, stepdad.

0:00:42.182,0:00:43.542
I’m gonna insult him.

0:00:44.755,0:00:46.395
I called him a maniac.

0:00:46.814,0:00:47.994
I’m insulting her as well.

0:00:48.552,0:00:49.952
Yeah, take that, blockhead!

0:00:50.366,0:00:50.796
Alright- (game character: Ow!)

0:00:51.251,0:00:51.771
AH!

0:00:51.771,0:00:52.961
She attacked me, what the hell?

0:00:53.049,0:00:56.031
“She elbowed my knee and spanked my forearm”?!

0:00:56.031,0:00:57.911
(smack) Bad adult son!

0:00:57.911,0:00:59.201
Okay, we’re aging up.

0:00:59.201,0:01:01.035
Oh, and my mom and stepdad just had a baby boy

0:01:01.035,0:01:02.830
named Jayden, my new half brother–

0:01:02.830,0:01:04.078
Jayden Rogers.

0:01:04.078,0:01:05.698
AW, I’ve got a bro!

0:01:05.698,0:01:07.837
Will I be an insightful and protective big brother?

0:01:07.913,0:01:09.893
I always wondered what I would've been like,

0:01:09.893,0:01:10.683
if it were the other way around.

0:01:10.683,0:01:11.523
Probably not.

0:01:11.523,0:01:13.323
“He was conceived on a Caribbean cruise,”

0:01:13.323,0:01:15.123
they go on so many boujee holidays without me!

0:01:15.123,0:01:16.833
Right, let’s make friends with the bay-bae.

0:01:16.833,0:01:18.670
Oh, the only thing I could do is recruit him to a cult

0:01:18.670,0:01:19.333
(ominous noise)

0:01:19.333,0:01:20.219
No, I’m not gonna do that.

0:01:20.219,0:01:22.060
Alright, let’s do some extracurricular drama.

0:01:22.180,0:01:22.720
AH

0:01:22.720,0:01:23.406
NO

0:01:23.406,0:01:25.068
I quit it by accident! (sad horn sounds)

0:01:25.288,0:01:26.555
I didn't mean to press that!

0:01:26.558,0:01:28.345
Let me back in! (sad horn sounds)

0:01:28.345,0:01:29.945
They refused to let me back in!

0:01:29.945,0:01:31.316
Aw.. frick.

0:01:31.316,0:01:32.496
Okay, I’ll do another one.

0:01:32.496,0:01:33.348
I'm gonna join the tennis team,

0:01:33.348,0:01:34.808
maybe I can be in my Challengers era?

0:01:34.808,0:01:35.628
(sad horn sounds again)

0:01:35.628,0:01:36.881
Rejected again?!

0:01:36.881,0:01:37.976
Zendaya, you’ve already got two men–

0:01:37.976,0:01:41.221
okay, somethin’, somethin’s gotta let me in!

0:01:41.221,0:01:42.296
The debate team.

0:01:42.296,0:01:43.519
I’m gonna be a yapper.

0:01:43.519,0:01:45.704
Yes! Okay, right, what can I do now that I’m an adult?

0:01:45.704,0:01:47.349
Ooh, play the lottery. Come on.

0:01:47.349,0:01:48.799
Let’s get one ticket.

0:01:48.799,0:01:49.632
I did not win.

0:01:49.632,0:01:50.442
Oh :( great :,(

0:01:50.442,0:01:53.652
Hit up the casino, just havin’ a gambling moment.

0:01:53.652,0:01:55.132
I’m gonna go to “Peak Resort”.

0:01:55.132,0:01:55.387
uh??

0:01:55.387,0:01:56.632
I’m not paying 600 quid?!

0:01:56.632,0:01:58.662
Alright, I’m gonna bet 50 quid.

0:01:59.232,0:02:00.772
I don’t know how Blackjack works.

0:02:00.772,0:02:02.452
Alright you have to get “21 without going over”.

0:02:02.452,0:02:05.020
I’ve got 19, I’m gonna stay with 19.

0:02:05.020,0:02:06.660
(yippeee! sound effect) YES!

0:02:06.660,0:02:07.340
Right, one more try.

0:02:07.340,0:02:09.140
100 POUNDS.

0:02:10.261,0:02:11.131
(gasp) I’ve got 20!

0:02:11.331,0:02:12.261
I’ll stand.

0:02:12.692,0:02:13.238
(sad horn) >:(

0:02:13.238,0:02:14.568
No! I’ve lost–

0:02:14.568,0:02:15.658
I’m down 50 quid!

0:02:15.658,0:02:17.190
Right, do not gamble!

0:02:17.190,0:02:19.035
In life, I’m still up on the Gremlin slot machine

0:02:19.035,0:02:20.950
where I got like 600 quid on my first go.

0:02:22.211,0:02:23.061
Dan: Bloody hell.

0:02:23.627,0:02:24.497
D: Explain-

0:02:24.497,0:02:25.807
D: explain. Phil: I don’t know how it happened!

0:02:25.807,0:02:26.617
P: It just happened.

0:02:26.617,0:02:27.527
D: You’re hacking, aren’t you?

0:02:27.527,0:02:27.797
P: Yeah

0:02:27.797,0:02:28.621
I’m never doing it again,

0:02:28.621,0:02:29.959
the Bellagio hates me.

0:02:29.959,0:02:30.949
Ooh, I can go clubbing.

0:02:30.949,0:02:32.138
What sounds the most gay,

0:02:32.138,0:02:34.438
I’m gonna go with “Essence Disco”...

0:02:34.528,0:02:35.550
that would be like the Willow in New York,

0:02:35.550,0:02:37.198
but will they give us prawn crackers here?

0:02:37.198,0:02:38.818
I didn’t love it that much.

0:02:38.818,0:02:40.510
(gasp) “Even though you have a boyfriend,

0:02:40.510,0:02:42.334
you have an opportunity to have a one night stand

0:02:42.334,0:02:44.113
with a dude named Charles Waddle."

0:02:44.729,0:02:45.429
DO him?!

0:02:45.429,0:02:45.909
Oh my God.

0:02:45.909,0:02:47.761
Look, I would normally be against cheating but

0:02:47.761,0:02:49.883
I think because we’ve had such a bad time in the bedroom,

0:02:49.883,0:02:52.129
(sad horn) maybe this is just to test out

0:02:52.129,0:02:54.009
if everything’s okay or not.

0:02:54.009,0:02:56.149
I’m tempted just for the messiness of this video.

0:02:56.149,0:02:57.109
I did it, I’m sorry.

0:02:57.109,0:02:59.149
“Things are getting hot and you’re thinking about being safe-”

0:02:59.149,0:03:01.006
yes! (gasp)

0:03:01.006,0:03:02.745
“You walk around with a pep in your step the next day.”

0:03:02.745,0:03:04.231
Okay, we both really enjoyed that.

0:03:04.231,0:03:06.081
Not sure if me and Glasscock are compatible.

0:03:06.081,0:03:07.871
(scary noise) Oh, no he found out!

0:03:07.871,0:03:10.381
Now he’s mad, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.

0:03:10.381,0:03:11.972
Right, let’s go to couple’s counseling.

0:03:11.972,0:03:13.242
150 quid?!

0:03:13.242,0:03:17.392
I cheated, so I’ll ask him to go.

0:03:17.392,0:03:19.002
Oh no, he doesn’t want to go.

0:03:19.002,0:03:20.156
Let’s try again.

0:03:20.562,0:03:23.522
No, I think as we’ve not been…enjoying ourselves,

0:03:23.522,0:03:25.152
we might not be compatible.

0:03:25.152,0:03:27.102
We gotta break up. I’m sorry, Joshua.

0:03:27.102,0:03:29.407
Okay, single and ready to mingle!

0:03:29.407,0:03:30.417
Let’s age up!

0:03:30.417,0:03:31.827
(scary noise) NO!!!

0:03:33.201,0:03:36.111
I hate this game, WHY?! MARLEY!!

0:03:36.111,0:03:38.561
That was such a jumpscare, I didn’t see it

0:03:38.936,0:03:40.818
The cruelness of life, “Your Welsh corgi,

0:03:40.818,0:03:44.928
Marley, died at the age of 14. He perished after losing his last fight,

0:03:44.928,0:03:45.958
against old age.

0:03:45.958,0:03:47.947
Mourn his death or have him taxidermied,”

0:03:49.089,0:03:50.499
I’m gonna get him taxidermied.

0:03:51.209,0:03:53.189
Yes. Stuff the dog!

0:03:53.189,0:03:56.290
“The taxidermist successfully taxidermied your Welsh corgi, Marley!

0:03:56.290,0:03:57.600
He looks fresh as a daisy.”

0:03:57.600,0:03:58.343
Amazing.

0:03:58.343,0:04:00.090
We can’t interact with him, though…

0:04:00.090,0:04:01.570
it’s just a late pet.

0:04:01.570,0:04:02.552
Alright, I’m bummed out now,

0:04:02.552,0:04:03.913
I need a massage or something..

0:04:03.913,0:04:05.916
Go to the movies, just don’t watch Marley and me,

0:04:05.916,0:04:06.566
comedy.

0:04:07.516,0:04:09.396
Yes. Okay, we’re getting better.

0:04:09.396,0:04:10.596
Alright, we’re getting a haircut, that’ll cheer him up-

0:04:10.596,0:04:12.346
I actually need one right now as well.

0:04:12.346,0:04:14.006
“Select this style,”

0:04:14.006,0:04:15.283
That’s what I should’ve done in university

0:04:15.283,0:04:16.918
when I was walking around lookin’ like this!

0:04:16.918,0:04:18.608
No wonder there weren’t many Glasscocks in my life.

0:04:18.608,0:04:19.248
AGE.

0:04:19.248,0:04:20.933
“Your friend, Emily, has invited you to indulge in a

0:04:20.933,0:04:23.407
six year old bottle of triple sec her parents have been saving."

0:04:23.407,0:04:24.434
I’m in.

0:04:24.434,0:04:25.943
I did not enjoy that.

0:04:25.943,0:04:27.376
Right, as university is coming to an end, I think

0:04:27.376,0:04:28.505
I need a part time job.

0:04:28.505,0:04:30.665
Wait, the best paying thing is a Mall Santa?

0:04:31.774,0:04:32.164
I’m in.

0:04:32.164,0:04:34.534
I’m gonna be the youngest looking Mall Santa ever.

0:04:34.534,0:04:36.104
They don’t want me. Damn it.

0:04:36.104,0:04:38.474
Not sure if I trust myself with chemicals, but let’s try Lab Assistant.

0:04:39.194,0:04:40.672
Yes! I got the job. Alright.

0:04:40.672,0:04:42.852
It must be so bad at school to be given one of those nicknames

0:04:42.852,0:04:44.232
that just sticks with you forever.

0:04:44.232,0:04:45.852
Someone in my house was taking chemistry and he

0:04:45.852,0:04:47.852
spilled some chemical on his hand, called bromine,

0:04:47.852,0:04:48.882
and literally all the lads in my class just called him

0:04:48.882,0:04:50.492
“Bromine” for the next three years.

0:04:50.492,0:04:51.962
Before we age Philly up again,

0:04:51.962,0:04:55.529
I wanted to thank the wickedly talented sponsor of today’s video,

0:04:55.529,0:04:57.299
Opera Browser!

0:04:57.299,0:05:00.590
Do you want a browser that is satisfying as a sloth slowly

0:05:00.590,0:05:03.430
climbing up your body and falling asleep in your clavicle?

0:05:03.430,0:05:06.760
Well, I have the browser just for you!

0:05:06.760,0:05:08.690
Firstly, you’ve got the “tab islands” feature,

0:05:08.690,0:05:09.940
which is so sexy,

0:05:09.940,0:05:11.640
it just clumps ‘em all together.

0:05:11.640,0:05:13.750
So, when you’re looking at somethin’, you have a little group,

0:05:13.750,0:05:14.730
have another little group.

0:05:14.730,0:05:16.680
It doesn’t turn into a squirrel’s nest.

0:05:16.680,0:05:18.247
I also really like the "lucid" feature,

0:05:18.247,0:05:19.963
which is useful if you’re watching a YouTube video

0:05:19.963,0:05:21.193
and it looks a little blurry.

0:05:21.193,0:05:22.083
Look at those little babies.

0:05:22.083,0:05:22.873
Watch this–

0:05:22.873,0:05:24.263
lucid!

0:05:24.263,0:05:26.213
Ooh, Daniel,

0:05:26.213,0:05:27.522
Never seen you so sharp!

0:05:27.522,0:05:29.510
I’m also a fan of the “snapshot” feature.

0:05:29.510,0:05:31.320
Some browsers are so clunky,

0:05:31.320,0:05:32.310
trying to do a snapshot.

0:05:32.310,0:05:33.930
Opera’s just got a nice camera button,

0:05:33.930,0:05:35.306
and you can crop in then and there,

0:05:35.306,0:05:37.287
and add some of your own little bits to it.

0:05:37.287,0:05:38.047
There’s a whole heap of

0:05:38.047,0:05:39.037
other features as well,

0:05:39.037,0:05:41.147
so if this has inspired you

0:05:41.147,0:05:42.457
to give Opera Browser a go,

0:05:42.457,0:05:43.367
you can click the link below,

0:05:43.367,0:05:45.037
it’s completely free,

0:05:45.037,0:05:48.047
and feel like this sloth…

0:05:48.047,0:05:48.967
on my body.

0:05:48.967,0:05:49.757
Age up!

0:05:49.757,0:05:50.777
I graduated!

0:05:50.777,0:05:52.334
With a degree in Philosophy.

0:05:52.334,0:05:53.714
Now I need an actual job.

0:05:53.714,0:05:54.654
Hello, Job Recruiter.

0:05:54.654,0:05:56.124
That is so expensive.

0:05:56.124,0:05:58.032
No, I’m gonna do it myself. (gasp)

0:05:58.032,0:06:00.364
Right. This is where it gets serious.

0:06:00.364,0:06:01.774
There’s so many choices!

0:06:01.774,0:06:02.876
You can be an exorcist?!

0:06:02.876,0:06:03.586
I’m tempted.

0:06:03.586,0:06:05.405
A junior marine biologist sounds cool!

0:06:05.405,0:06:06.675
I actually really wanted to do that for a while,

0:06:06.675,0:06:08.525
but then I remembered I’m kind of scared of the sea.

0:06:08.525,0:06:10.300
There’s so much unexplored down there,

0:06:10.300,0:06:11.320
they just want to lick your leg.

0:06:11.320,0:06:12.270
When I was on holiday the other week, I was

0:06:12.270,0:06:15.551
just poodling along, snorkelin’ and I saw an urchin!

0:06:15.551,0:06:17.861
What in the frickin’ Pokemon is this,

0:06:17.861,0:06:19.371
ready to stab my legs out?

0:06:19.371,0:06:21.371
So I don’t want to know what the Ultra Urchin ™

0:06:21.371,0:06:22.635
is in the Mariana Trench. Anyway,

0:06:22.635,0:06:24.545
I’m gonna face my fears though,

0:06:24.545,0:06:25.425
I wanna do it.

0:06:26.135,0:06:26.635
Denied.

0:06:26.774,0:06:27.534
They heard me talkin’ sh-t.

0:06:27.705,0:06:29.235
What about exorcist?

0:06:30.215,0:06:31.835
“While being interviewed for the Exorcist position at the

0:06:31.835,0:06:33.705
Rossendale Community Church” –

0:06:33.705,0:06:35.601
I need this to become reality –

0:06:35.601,0:06:36.591
“How did you hear about this position?

0:06:36.591,0:06:38.295
Thorough research led me to it.”

0:06:38.295,0:06:38.885
YES!

0:06:38.885,0:06:40.505
I am now an exorcist.

0:06:40.874,0:06:42.195
I cannot see this ending well.

0:06:42.195,0:06:44.485
I got 17 grand for the year. Okay.

0:06:44.485,0:06:46.695
So fact about Rossendale, Pendle Hill was one

0:06:46.695,0:06:49.305
of the most haunted places in the UK. It’s also

0:06:49.305,0:06:51.625
UFO Alley where the most UFO sightings are,

0:06:51.625,0:06:53.328
maybe everyone’s just on a lot of drugs.

0:06:53.328,0:06:53.918
I don’t know.

0:06:53.918,0:06:56.025
Anyway, let’s see if I exorcise anything.

0:06:56.025,0:06:58.195
Wow, there are some big business happening in this exorcism church.

0:06:58.195,0:07:01.225
Wow, Benedict, look at that Ginger QUOFF on your head.

0:07:01.225,0:07:02.975
D’ja wanna be my friend?

0:07:04.232,0:07:06.498
Yes! I made a fellow exorcist friend.

0:07:06.498,0:07:09.218
We can make a Youtube channel together, kicking ghosts in the face.

0:07:09.218,0:07:11.740
Speaking of, shall we have a look at the social media?

0:07:11.740,0:07:14.000
Let’s get a Youtube channel and see what happens.

0:07:14.000,0:07:15.930
I’m gonna post an exorcism video.

0:07:15.930,0:07:17.760
“How To Exorcise A Demon”.

0:07:18.878,0:07:20.228
Oh, I got one view.

0:07:20.314,0:07:22.504
That’s how you always start on YouTube though!

0:07:22.504,0:07:23.919
In this universe, it’s still Twitter!

0:07:23.919,0:07:26.561
It’s the good timeline. Let’s get a Twitter as well.

0:07:26.561,0:07:28.605
Let’s post a sexy exorcism pic!

0:07:28.605,0:07:29.891
It got zero likes.

0:07:31.130,0:07:31.820
That is harsh.

0:07:31.820,0:07:33.941
What about a video of me playing Bitlife?

0:07:33.941,0:07:35.940
I don’t know what the Alphabet Challenge is, but

0:07:35.940,0:07:38.147
it got me 2 extra views and 2 subscribers.

0:07:38.147,0:07:39.607
Plastic surgery.

0:07:39.607,0:07:42.077
You can get p(dark bark)s enlargement surgery?

0:07:42.117,0:07:43.997
No, I’m beautiful the way I am.

0:07:43.997,0:07:46.527
I need an apartment, really. Can I get a mortgage on

0:07:46.527,0:07:47.741
this lovely condo?

0:07:48.287,0:07:51.607
Yes! I can get a pet! Okay, things are looking up.

0:07:51.607,0:07:53.077
Can I buy my own hamster (gasp)

0:07:53.077,0:07:54.919
Taz, a two year old guinea pig.

0:07:54.919,0:07:56.297
We’ve got a gerbil or a guinea pig..

0:07:56.297,0:07:57.347
I'm gonna get the guinea pig.

0:07:57.347,0:07:59.387
It’s another DUMB animal that is very healthy,

0:07:59.387,0:08:02.286
unlike Rollo, rest in peace my guinea pig Rollo.

0:08:02.286,0:08:04.557
We did not have a lot of time together.

0:08:04.557,0:08:07.987
“True love,” Aw! Yes! Oh, I can rename it. I mean, of

0:08:07.987,0:08:10.787
course you can, it’s not like...it's not it's gonna be like,

0:08:10.787,0:08:11.557
“That’s not my name.”

0:08:11.557,0:08:13.577
Garyy!! Gareh!

0:08:13.577,0:08:14.407
“That’s better,”

0:08:14.407,0:08:17.026
Right, we’re gonna spend the next 5 hours of this video with Gary.

0:08:17.104,0:08:17.604
“Treat,”

0:08:17.604,0:08:19.634
I gave him some pumpkin seeds.

0:08:19.634,0:08:22.314
Yes. More treats for you.

0:08:22.314,0:08:24.136
Nibble that peach.

0:08:24.136,0:08:25.436
Chomp it good.

0:08:25.436,0:08:26.940
Right, let’s spend some time together.

0:08:26.940,0:08:28.370
Okay, I feel content.

0:08:28.370,0:08:29.920
I’m a single man, I’m in my apartment

0:08:29.920,0:08:31.343
in Rossendale, and I’ve got a

0:08:31.343,0:08:33.193
guinea pig. Things are lookin’ up.

0:08:33.193,0:08:34.153
Time to get older!

0:08:34.153,0:08:36.264
“Your friend, Benedict, wants to become best friends with you.

0:08:36.264,0:08:38.259
But you are already best friend with Teddy Matthews.”

0:08:38.259,0:08:39.820
Sorry, get in the bin, Teddy!

0:08:39.820,0:08:41.519
I’m now friends with Benedict.

0:08:41.519,0:08:44.109
Is it friends to lovers scenario here?

0:08:44.326,0:08:45.406
Ask him out.

0:08:47.169,0:08:49.151
“Friendzoned to the max,” Oh no…

0:08:49.151,0:08:50.261
”I’m just not his type.”

0:08:50.261,0:08:52.874
Why wasn’t I more good looking in this life?

0:08:52.874,0:08:54.624
Maybe I could jump on the dating apps again.

0:08:54.624,0:08:56.784
“Celebrity dating app,” not an influencer,

0:08:56.784,0:08:58.224
imagine who’s on there? No.

0:08:58.224,0:08:59.594
I would like to date.

0:08:59.594,0:09:01.404
I’m torn between actor and royal.

0:09:01.404,0:09:03.604
I feel like the royals would have more money, but

0:09:03.604,0:09:05.614
it’s such a dusty life, living in that castle.

0:09:05.614,0:09:06.724
Let’s go with actor.

0:09:06.724,0:09:09.654
It’s a 100,000 pounds?! Okay, maybe not.

0:09:09.654,0:09:11.444
Let’s just get on a normal one instead!

0:09:11.444,0:09:12.764
Rodney Robinson!

0:09:12.764,0:09:14.294
Another crazy man.

0:09:14.294,0:09:15.264
Not sure about that.

0:09:15.264,0:09:16.487
Let’s try it again.

0:09:16.487,0:09:18.174
George Smiley! I like that name.

0:09:18.174,0:09:21.354
He’s hot and crazy, but he’s also dumb and he’s got no cash.

0:09:21.354,0:09:23.874
He’s a bisexual real estate agent, go on then.

0:09:24.404,0:09:26.064
Yes! I’ve hooked him in!

0:09:26.064,0:09:28.964
Okay, I’m gonna try to stay with this guy for more than 10 minutes.

0:09:28.964,0:09:30.609
Let’s go to the movies together.

0:09:30.609,0:09:31.919
We’re going to watch “I’m Dead!”

0:09:33.591,0:09:34.257
We loved it!

0:09:34.257,0:09:35.484
Okay, we got something in common.

0:09:35.484,0:09:36.417
Age up.

0:09:36.417,0:09:38.241
“Blowout Sale. While performing an exorcism,

0:09:38.241,0:09:40.777
you get a phone notification that your favorite shoe store is

0:09:40.777,0:09:43.567
having a blowout. What do you do? Focus on the evil spirits,

0:09:43.567,0:09:45.267
take a break and order some shoes,

0:09:45.267,0:09:46.177
or multitask.”

0:09:46.177,0:09:48.407
You can’t vanquish a demon while ordering some shoes!

0:09:48.407,0:09:51.467
“I ordered some sweet kicks while exorcising someone’s demons.”

0:09:51.467,0:09:53.867
I’ve not actually spoken to my brother who’s now age 5..

0:09:53.867,0:09:55.537
I’ll give him a gift.

0:09:55.537,0:09:56.997
Have a lil’ basketball.

0:09:57.367,0:09:57.997
Ah :)

0:09:57.997,0:10:00.337
After you get past age 24, your life just goes like

0:10:00.337,0:10:01.929
(clipclapclopclupclipclapclepclypclap)

0:10:01.929,0:10:04.169
so I think we need to start aging him up a bit faster now.

0:10:04.169,0:10:05.359
Here we go. 25.

0:10:05.359,0:10:06.529
Oh my God, best news.

0:10:06.529,0:10:09.119
Penelope divorced my father! He’s free!

0:10:09.119,0:10:11.673
From the one that nibbled my elbow, or whatever she did.

0:10:11.673,0:10:12.813
How’s it going with George?

0:10:12.813,0:10:14.583
Right, how compatible are we in the bedroom?

0:10:15.073,0:10:17.603
Great, okay! That’s-that’s fine.

0:10:17.603,0:10:19.823
I feel like I need to get some more money somehow.

0:10:19.823,0:10:21.426
Should we do the lottery again?

0:10:21.426,0:10:22.811
Let’s get 10 tickets.

0:10:23.072,0:10:24.962
No, I didn’t win. I wonder if you can actually win.

0:10:24.962,0:10:27.392
The prize is 642,000 pounds?!

0:10:27.591,0:10:29.211
Oh my God, age up again!

0:10:29.905,0:10:30.943
No! Gary…

0:10:32.066,0:10:33.016
This is so cruel!

0:10:33.016,0:10:34.586
You age up so fast,

0:10:34.586,0:10:35.646
I loved him.

0:10:35.856,0:10:37.817
“He sadly died peacefully in the night,”

0:10:37.817,0:10:40.097
I’ll have to get him taxidermied as well.

0:10:40.097,0:10:40.890
Katrina…

0:10:40.890,0:10:43.782
”There was an issue…he apologized for the way he’s posed.”

0:10:43.782,0:10:44.891
How is he posed?!

0:10:45.550,0:10:47.024
What’s he doing with those lil’ paws?

0:10:47.024,0:10:50.084
I think what I need to do is hit the gym and then get OnlyFans.

0:10:50.084,0:10:51.774
Let’s see how that goes.

0:10:51.774,0:10:53.124
“Work out at the gym,”

0:10:54.113,0:10:55.103
I love the gym.

0:10:55.103,0:10:56.814
Oh God. I got skin blisters!

0:10:56.814,0:10:58.514
“While drying yourself off after a swim in a swimming pool,

0:10:58.514,0:11:00.414
you notice blisters all over your neck.

0:11:00.414,0:11:02.114
You’re dealing with red bumps on your skin."

0:11:02.173,0:11:03.277
I’m gonna go to the doctor.

0:11:03.277,0:11:04.851
Doctor…Baggin’s!

0:11:04.851,0:11:07.251
I’ve got a staph infection from the gross swimming pool?

0:11:07.746,0:11:09.986
Alright, "thanks to the UK’s free healthcare system,"

0:11:09.986,0:11:11.106
that’s a nice touch.

0:11:11.106,0:11:12.416
Treat me.

0:11:12.416,0:11:13.156
I’m cured.

0:11:13.156,0:11:14.476
Thank God for that.

0:11:14.476,0:11:15.565
Alright, one more gym…

0:11:16.860,0:11:17.802
I’m swole.

0:11:18.310,0:11:19.570
Now I got nasal congestion.

0:11:19.570,0:11:21.029
This gym is manky!

0:11:21.029,0:11:22.399
Right, I hope I won’t be getting any diseases from it.

0:11:22.399,0:11:23.999
I’ve got “pressure in my nose and ear,”

0:11:23.999,0:11:25.677
right, let’s go back to the doctor.

0:11:25.677,0:11:27.067
Baggin’s! I’ve got the flu?

0:11:27.067,0:11:28.207
Treat me.

0:11:29.767,0:11:31.107
I’m cured. Great.

0:11:31.237,0:11:32.727
I’m never going to that gym again.

0:11:32.727,0:11:34.017
OnlyFans. Here we go.

0:11:35.192,0:11:36.652
I’m in the top 99%.

0:11:37.226,0:11:39.382
Okay, is this going to be an income generator?

0:11:39.512,0:11:42.692
I’m purely cinematic butts, by the way. Nothing in the front.

0:11:42.692,0:11:45.412
77 subscribers. Let’s do a post.

0:11:45.412,0:11:48.710
It’s a first draft! I got zero likes.

0:11:48.710,0:11:51.418
I was “wearing edible underwear while lying by the pool.”

0:11:53.167,0:11:54.030
Let’s try that again.

0:11:54.030,0:11:56.650
This game is so hard to earn any kind of respect.

0:11:56.650,0:11:58.600
Let’s do a date simulation video.

0:11:58.600,0:12:00.690
Maybe it’s an ASMR exorcism video.

0:12:01.270,0:12:04.370
Two likes! I’m gonna cross remote it on my other socials.

0:12:04.653,0:12:05.303
Here we go.

0:12:05.303,0:12:06.673
No one subscribed.

0:12:06.673,0:12:08.023
Okay, sto-wha-okay..

0:12:08.023,0:12:09.693
my OnlyFans career is dead.

0:12:09.693,0:12:10.473
Age up!

0:12:11.036,0:12:12.836
“My boyfriend has identified as transgender.

0:12:12.836,0:12:14.376
She's changed her name to Grace.

0:12:14.376,0:12:17.067
How will you respond? Support her unconditionally,” of course!

0:12:17.067,0:12:17.977
Aw :D!

0:12:17.977,0:12:19.527
That was unexpected, but happy news.

0:12:19.527,0:12:21.787
I’m glad Grace is now comfortable in her skin.

0:12:21.787,0:12:22.897
My boyfriend is now a girlfriend.

0:12:22.897,0:12:24.427
I feel like we should have more of a conversation about this.

0:12:24.427,0:12:26.127
“We discussed how many lovers we’ve had.”

0:12:26.127,0:12:28.387
Okay? Did that go down well?

0:12:28.387,0:12:30.587
I feel like I need a better job than being an exorcist.

0:12:30.587,0:12:32.737
Right, I’m resigning from exorcism.

0:12:33.077,0:12:34.557
Let’s try and get some more monay!

0:12:34.557,0:12:36.057
There’s a little museum in Rossendale, actually.

0:12:36.057,0:12:39.147
I could work there, but I’m gonna try to be an airline pilot.

0:12:39.879,0:12:41.290
No. Okay. Fine,

0:12:41.410,0:12:43.040
let’s go to the museum.

0:12:43.040,0:12:43.880
Nope?

0:12:43.880,0:12:45.260
Oh God maybe I shouldn’t have resigned.

0:12:45.260,0:12:46.401
A P(dog bark)n cameraman?

0:12:47.257,0:12:50.407
I was offered to be a P(dog bark)n editor, uh,

0:12:50.407,0:12:53.527
when I was in university, maybe this is what it is for me now.

0:12:53.527,0:12:54.703
Rejected.

0:12:54.703,0:12:56.723
Am I going to have to be an apprentice beekeeper?

0:12:56.981,0:12:58.231
This is not going well.

0:12:58.231,0:13:00.661
“Which of these ‘Office’ characters did you relate to most?”

0:13:00.661,0:13:03.321
NONE of those are good options; I’m gonna go with Ryan,

0:13:03.321,0:13:04.831
because he’s a bit of an entrepreneur.

0:13:05.461,0:13:06.991
Yes! I’m a beekeeper now.

0:13:06.991,0:13:10.046
Let’s praise the Bitlife devs. Do I have to watch an ad?

0:13:10.046,0:13:11.022
(ad starts/ Lady: Hello everyone.

0:13:11.022,0:13:13.092
Yes. Okay. (L: While our cabin crew completes their final checks,

0:13:13.092,0:13:14.722
I wanted to tell you my favorite-”) Let’s hope it’s worth it.

0:13:14.722,0:13:15.731
(angels singing)

0:13:15.731,0:13:16.978
“Your prayers were answered!

0:13:17.588,0:13:19.422
While getting a coffee, the clouds above you parted and

0:13:19.422,0:13:21.546
dropped 8,000 pounds into your hands.”

0:13:21.546,0:13:22.666
I mean, I’m not gonna complain!

0:13:22.666,0:13:24.356
Did it fall out of a crashing plane, though, 'cus

0:13:24.356,0:13:25.466
I know everything comes with a price?

0:13:25.466,0:13:27.956
Right, let’s go on a holiday. We’re going to…

0:13:27.956,0:13:30.126
“Horneytown, North Carolina,”

0:13:30.793,0:13:32.953
Let’s go with Grace. Do it.

0:13:32.953,0:13:34.743
“You witness a man pickpocket a woman.”

0:13:34.743,0:13:36.453
I don’t think I want to get murdered by the pickpocketer, so

0:13:36.453,0:13:37.743
I’m gonna call the police.

0:13:37.743,0:13:39.503
That was our experience on holiday?!

0:13:39.503,0:13:42.063
Well, at least everything’s 100% now. Age up!

0:13:42.063,0:13:45.693
“Grace is arguing with you because you've got OnlyFans and is begging you to take it down.

0:13:45.693,0:13:48.233
What will you do?” Maybe I should have discussed it with Grace,

0:13:48.233,0:13:50.253
before making the account, but

0:13:50.253,0:13:52.393
I’m gonna apologize for not mentioning it.

0:13:52.393,0:13:55.213
Proposal?! Grace is proposing to me with a diamond ring

0:13:55.213,0:13:56.883
at a soccer game. I mean…

0:13:56.883,0:13:58.913
The soccer game is a red flag, Grace.

0:13:58.913,0:14:01.063
“We’ve been together 5 years..” I’m gonna accept!

0:14:01.063,0:14:03.053
I’m now engaged! That is a big life event.

0:14:03.053,0:14:04.513
(clapclapclapclapclapclap)

0:14:04.513,0:14:05.223
There we go.

0:14:05.223,0:14:07.560
“Have a bottle of hot sauce,” as the engagement gift?

0:14:07.560,0:14:08.834
She did not like that.

0:14:09.843,0:14:10.638
Age up!

0:14:11.131,0:14:13.831
“An OnlyFans creator named Gavin Dulwitch wants to collaborate.

0:14:13.831,0:14:15.101
He wants to record a video of you two eating

0:14:15.101,0:14:17.171
different cheeses”?? (doom sound)

0:14:17.171,0:14:17.881
WOT???

0:14:17.881,0:14:20.251
Of all the sexy things that I thought was going to appear then,

0:14:20.251,0:14:22.637
eating different cheeses…ouughh..

0:14:22.637,0:14:24.517
I’m gonna have to do it, I’m gonna have to do it.

0:14:24.517,0:14:27.797
Is this just the recreation of the eating cheese video I did with Dan?

0:14:27.797,0:14:30.628
(past Phil: Phil’s eating…moldy cheese. Oh no no no.)

0:14:30.647,0:14:31.550
Go on then.

0:14:31.550,0:14:33.110
“I received 4 pounds,”

0:14:33.110,0:14:34.282
That was not worth it.

0:14:34.282,0:14:36.831
What can we do in the Love category? “Set up a threesome?”

0:14:37.639,0:14:38.859
Let’s see if Grace wants a threesome.

0:14:38.859,0:14:39.881
“Not interested.”

0:14:39.881,0:14:41.286
The only option is to argue?

0:14:41.286,0:14:43.353
I was only curious what would happen! I’m sorry!

0:14:43.353,0:14:45.363
When I get given an option, I've gotta see what happens.

0:14:45.363,0:14:47.733
Let’s throw a house party. Yes.

0:14:48.863,0:14:51.287
“Nine guests come to the lovely house party at your condo.

0:14:51.287,0:14:52.747
The police showed up after your neighbors complained about the

0:14:52.747,0:14:54.664
noise.” I’m gonna argue with the neighbors.

0:14:55.014,0:14:56.604
“The police gave you a warning.”

0:14:56.604,0:14:58.684
I feel like if it’s a Friday night, you can’t have a little bit of a party

0:14:58.684,0:15:00.534
without your neighbors calling the police.

0:15:00.534,0:15:03.194
Right. Time for a third pet that’s hopefully gonna live more than a

0:15:03.194,0:15:05.654
year. Let’s rescue an animal. A rabbit!

0:15:06.171,0:15:08.811
But they don’t live long, I don’t want it to die straight away.

0:15:09.185,0:15:09.790
Let’s get a cat.

0:15:09.790,0:15:11.360
What’s the youngest cat they’ve got to adopt?

0:15:11.596,0:15:13.691
Levi the four year old cat is --

0:15:13.691,0:15:14.495
C r a z y .

0:15:15.903,0:15:16.876
Adopt him.

0:15:16.876,0:15:19.215
Yes! I like the name Levi, we’ll keep the name.

0:15:19.215,0:15:22.657
I kind of also want a rat, let’s get a rat.

0:15:22.657,0:15:25.127
Let’s get a DUMB but sensible rat.

0:15:26.147,0:15:26.907
Monty.

0:15:28.278,0:15:29.678
Time to age up!

0:15:29.678,0:15:32.102
“Collab: Charlie Foster wants to do an OnlyFans collab discussing

0:15:32.102,0:15:33.982
historical events,”

0:15:33.982,0:15:35.013
Do it.

0:15:35.185,0:15:37.575
3 pounds. This is not worth it at all.

0:15:37.575,0:15:40.095
I guess now that we’re engaged, we should start planning a wedding.

0:15:40.095,0:15:41.345
It’s gonna be on the beach,

0:15:41.345,0:15:42.667
in Area 51.

0:15:43.921,0:15:45.871
Oh, it’s 6,000 pounds? Do it.

0:15:45.871,0:15:47.641
“Grace demands signing a prenup."

0:15:47.641,0:15:50.941
There’s not that much difference in our cash! I mean, sure, whatever.

0:15:52.049,0:15:54.009
I married Grace at the beach.

0:15:54.009,0:15:56.915
Yes! We’re married. Right, I want a new job.

0:15:56.915,0:15:59.154
I’m not feeling the beekeeper life, I’m sorry.

0:15:59.154,0:16:01.784
Let’s quit that. Let’s get a special career.

0:16:01.784,0:16:02.494
Astronaut.

0:16:02.704,0:16:03.816
The Space Academy.

0:16:03.816,0:16:06.114
I didn't - I wasn't aware that there was a British Space Academy!

0:16:06.260,0:16:08.250
Sure. I need a student loan.

0:16:08.324,0:16:09.044
Mother!

0:16:09.820,0:16:12.647
Yes! My rich mom! I’ve enrolled!

0:16:12.647,0:16:14.437
Alright, let’s do some flight training.

0:16:14.632,0:16:16.362
OhmyGod, what?!

0:16:17.071,0:16:19.510
This is-I’m stressed. I’m stressed. Ah!

0:16:19.728,0:16:20.681
Oh, it’s hard to control.

0:16:20.681,0:16:21.391
Wait, down-

0:16:21.391,0:16:22.311
DOWN!

0:16:22.311,0:16:23.277
Ah! No!

0:16:23.867,0:16:26.097
I-I don’t wanna kill Phil in the rocket!

0:16:26.449,0:16:27.249
AH!

0:16:28.641,0:16:30.211
I crashed into an ackrenoid.

0:16:30.211,0:16:31.051
An ackrenoid? (record scratch sound effect)

0:16:31.051,0:16:33.001
I crashed into the a c k e r n o i d.

0:16:33.001,0:16:33.848
Let’s do it again.

0:16:34.737,0:16:37.203
Oh, God. Right. This-I’m not even gonna speak.

0:16:37.943,0:16:40.756
Christ. Let’s stay up here. 8 seconds left.

0:16:41.034,0:16:41.604
Down a bit, down.

0:16:41.604,0:16:42.554
Eugh, oo,

0:16:42.554,0:16:43.464
wAKL;SDJF

0:16:44.120,0:16:44.680
NO!

0:16:44.680,0:16:45.621
Come on…

0:16:46.488,0:16:50.808
Yeas! That was-that was it?

0:16:50.953,0:16:53.432
I’m still bad at this. Technical training.

0:16:53.432,0:16:55.442
“‘Which instrument measures the mix and concentration

0:16:55.442,0:16:57.870
of the air astronauts breathe inside a spacecraft?’”

0:16:58.075,0:17:00.800
The oxygen sensor. Yes. Okay,

0:17:00.907,0:17:03.066
“‘How many astronauts have set foot on the Moon?’”

0:17:03.221,0:17:06.479
There must’ve been a fair few, right? I’m gonna go..11? 12? 12.

0:17:07.059,0:17:09.383
Yes! Alright, that’s enough space training. Age up!

0:17:09.383,0:17:12.923
“Mark Y wants to learn how to use a rotary telephone,”

0:17:12.923,0:17:14.854
Yes. Six pounds!

0:17:15.303,0:17:16.113
Monty!

0:17:16.393,0:17:17.783
I only got it yesterday.

0:17:18.589,0:17:19.239
Mourn…

0:17:19.441,0:17:22.239
I flunked out of the space academy?? After all that?

0:17:23.021,0:17:24.861
No… Elizabeth unfriended me?

0:17:24.861,0:17:27.051
This is the worst year of my life ever. 32.

0:17:27.051,0:17:30.753
Everyone's unfriended me, I flopped space academy, right.

0:17:30.760,0:17:34.044
I’m back in the space academy. Let's no eff it up this time.

0:17:34.044,0:17:36.170
Right, just redid the whole space academy thing,

0:17:36.732,0:17:37.895
and now it’s green.

0:17:37.895,0:17:39.090
So, when I age up,

0:17:39.928,0:17:42.439
we’re gonna hope.. I get in, after all that

0:17:42.439,0:17:43.268
FAF.

0:17:43.268,0:17:46.107
It’d be easier to be a real astronaut, right, okay. Age up.

0:17:46.374,0:17:48.922
“Clubbing: Some of your friends are going to a local nightclub called

0:17:48.922,0:17:50.624
the Sunflower,” I feel like clubbing.

0:17:50.754,0:17:51.624
I hated it.

0:17:51.624,0:17:54.152
I’m 33. I’m too old for clubbing now.

0:17:54.442,0:17:56.903
My cat hates me. Oh my God, I forgot I had a cat.

0:17:57.041,0:17:57.742
Spend some time.

0:17:58.510,0:18:00.879
I hid a toy. Is that a nice thing to do?

0:18:00.879,0:18:01.908
How ya doing wife?

0:18:01.908,0:18:03.023
Ooh, nice hair!

0:18:03.539,0:18:06.523
How’s all my exes lookin' as well, did they have good lives?

0:18:06.523,0:18:10.523
I like Glasscock’s hair, Charles was a clown that I hooked up with,

0:18:10.523,0:18:14.038
Sally hates me and Samantha hates me.

0:18:14.038,0:18:16.388
Okay, cool. Grace, let’s make love.

0:18:16.388,0:18:17.673
(game: Yeaah)

0:18:17.673,0:18:20.758
Yeh. I went to a puppet show and watched YouTube with my cat.

0:18:21.188,0:18:22.032
Get older!

0:18:22.614,0:18:24.455
I “graduated from the Space Academy and can

0:18:24.455,0:18:26.507
now apply for a job at the Agency,”

0:18:26.507,0:18:27.630
Yes! Let’s do it.

0:18:27.630,0:18:30.170
“At 450 degrees Celsius, which planet is the hottest in

0:18:30.170,0:18:31.408
the solar system?”

0:18:31.408,0:18:32.878
It’s gotta be Venus. Yes!

0:18:32.878,0:18:35.847
I am a space cadet. Accept the position.

0:18:35.847,0:18:37.887
Incredible, what can we do, at the job?

0:18:37.887,0:18:39.558
Right, another flight simulation.

0:18:39.558,0:18:40.325
Here we go.

0:18:40.895,0:18:42.515
25 seconds now?!

0:18:42.515,0:18:45.968
If I’d known this was involved, still, I wouldn’t have taken the job.

0:18:45.968,0:18:48.309
Okay, 7 seconds. I can do this, I can do this.

0:18:48.952,0:18:50.566
Geese! No!

0:18:50.566,0:18:52.914
3..2..1..

0:18:53.762,0:18:55.996
Yes! Should we do a Spacewalk?

0:18:55.996,0:18:57.676
Let’s repair a satellite.

0:18:57.676,0:18:59.546
“Your friend, Lukas, begs you not to go into space.

0:18:59.546,0:19:01.746
He’s worried you’ll get cancer,” (muffled) Oh my God.

0:19:01.746,0:19:03.681
I’m only doing a little bit of space.

0:19:03.681,0:19:06.031
I’ll reassure him. Begin the mission.

0:19:06.031,0:19:08.591
“Your space shuttle just launched and it’s about to break free of

0:19:08.591,0:19:11.535
Earth’s gravitational pull when the sudden shift of extreme

0:19:11.535,0:19:13.010
g-force tickles your tummy.”

0:19:13.010,0:19:13.904
I’m gonna enjoy it.

0:19:13.904,0:19:16.135
“As you approach the Nebula Navigator, you notice that,

0:19:16.135,0:19:18.991
in addition to the cameras, you need to report other parts.”

0:19:18.991,0:19:20.838
Attempt to fix it. Oh my God.

0:19:20.838,0:19:22.758
I’m gonna fix the cameras, then the solar panels,

0:19:22.758,0:19:24.033
then the antennas.

0:19:24.033,0:19:25.040
All better now.

0:19:25.040,0:19:27.657
“Just as you are re-enter the Earth’s atmosphere, your crewmate is

0:19:27.657,0:19:28.977
recording a Tiktok.”

0:19:28.977,0:19:32.118
I’m gonna ask him to help! We’re literally landing the shuttle.

0:19:32.118,0:19:34.268
Woo! We survived.

0:19:34.268,0:19:36.677
Do I get more money for that? Or no? Okay.

0:19:36.677,0:19:40.677
Grace, have a gift. I’m back from space. You can have…

0:19:40.677,0:19:44.677
a popcorn machine. They don’t like these gifts. Age up.

0:19:44.677,0:19:46.327
I got a public appearance as an astronaut.

0:19:46.327,0:19:48.637
“When visiting a local primary school, one of the children

0:19:48.637,0:19:50.307
is crying because they think I'm an alien who has

0:19:50.307,0:19:53.191
body-snatched the real me. Prove you're human,”

0:19:53.191,0:19:54.231
I’m gonna…

0:19:54.231,0:19:55.533
eat my favorite snack?

0:19:55.533,0:19:57.023
I ate 10 Twinkies.

0:19:57.808,0:19:59.278
Thought that said something else for a second. Age up.

0:19:59.278,0:20:01.339
My mom discovered my OnlyFans page.

0:20:01.339,0:20:02.962
Oh, Mum! It’s alright.

0:20:02.962,0:20:05.792
I’m only showing tasteful butt pics. I apologize.

0:20:05.792,0:20:06.492
NO!

0:20:06.576,0:20:08.972
This is the worst part of this game. There should be a mod for

0:20:08.972,0:20:09.744
invincible pets.

0:20:09.744,0:20:11.829
Oh no, I got a fever, probably from space.

0:20:11.829,0:20:13.570
Go to the doctor. Baggin’s!

0:20:13.570,0:20:15.541
I’ve got the flu again. Treat me.

0:20:16.181,0:20:17.122
I’m cured!

0:20:17.122,0:20:18.641
Right, I’ve got so much money now! I think

0:20:18.641,0:20:21.461
it’s time to emigrate to another country. Let’s go to Sweden.

0:20:21.461,0:20:22.971
Where I’m going on tour by the way!

0:20:22.971,0:20:26.245
If you’re Swedish, come hang out with me, it’s gonna be a fun night.

0:20:26.245,0:20:28.368
Okay, res-request approval.

0:20:28.758,0:20:31.868
I’m emigrating to Sweden! I’m going to have to eat a lot of herring.

0:20:31.868,0:20:33.214
I got kicked out of the Space Academy?!

0:20:33.214,0:20:35.336
Now I’m gonna have to join the Swedish Space Academy!

0:20:35.336,0:20:38.464
Right, okay, I’m in the Swedish Space Academy, and my

0:20:38.464,0:20:41.847
performance is good so I should get to space in no time. Age up.

0:20:43.236,0:20:46.214
I’m joining Twitch? Sure. Sign up for Twitch.

0:20:46.214,0:20:47.507
“We’re live, gamers!”

0:20:47.507,0:20:50.837
Oo, I’m 37! What will the future hold after this?

0:20:51.351,0:20:54.967
Spend time with everyone…yes. And now I want to see if I can go

0:20:54.967,0:20:57.853
to space again. “One of my OnlyFans sent me a…

0:20:57.853,0:20:59.103
Nissan Titan?!”

0:20:59.398,0:21:01.441
I knew I got into the wrong business, right.

0:21:01.441,0:21:05.203
Accept it. Thank you, Jason Vigar.

0:21:05.583,0:21:08.753
“Apply for the European Space Agency.” Accept the position.

0:21:08.753,0:21:12.117
I’m a space cadet! Yes. Now let’s go on vacation.

0:21:12.117,0:21:14.547
Let’s go on a Caribbean cruise with an ocean view. “All the

0:21:14.547,0:21:17.159
toilets have stopped working, I’m going to have to pee overboard.”

0:21:17.915,0:21:18.805
I loved it.

0:21:19.588,0:21:23.045
Nothing like a scenic piss, age up. I’m 39.

0:21:23.741,0:21:26.531
I got another car from OnlyFans? This is incredible.

0:21:26.531,0:21:29.099
Right, I need to put something else for my OnlyFans subscribers.

0:21:29.099,0:21:30.510
“Sensual ASMR–

0:21:31.632,0:21:33.972
scratching my fingernails on a corkboard.”

0:21:34.256,0:21:35.006
Age up.

0:21:35.006,0:21:37.549
How am I looking at the moment? I feel like I need a dye job.

0:21:37.789,0:21:39.914
Let’s get this actual hair color now.

0:21:41.485,0:21:43.134
There we go, that's a bit more platinum.

0:21:43.134,0:21:44.224
Let’s get waxed.

0:21:44.224,0:21:45.688
I’m gonna get the “Brozillian Package.”

0:21:45.688,0:21:48.221
(game character: Ow) Oh! That was..

0:21:48.221,0:21:51.806
Alright, age 40, I just got a Brazilian Wax, and I’m an astronaut.

0:21:51.806,0:21:53.406
One more age up.

0:21:53.406,0:21:55.228
“Carl has tickets to Harry Styles,”

0:21:55.228,0:21:56.290
Yes, let’s go.

0:21:56.290,0:21:57.450
I didn't like it. Oh...

0:21:57.450,0:21:59.660
“Carl Sundin wants to be best friends.”

0:22:00.169,0:22:00.918
Go on, then.

0:22:00.918,0:22:02.028
D’ja know what? I think it’s time for a baby.

0:22:02.028,0:22:05.759
I’ve got a good career, a happy relationship, let’s adopt a child.

0:22:05.759,0:22:07.882
I need a well-behaved kid, Junaid.

0:22:08.172,0:22:11.342
A 6 year old Syrian boy. Yes! We’ll keep Junaid but let’s go

0:22:11.342,0:22:13.324
Junaid Lester, you’re part of the family now.

0:22:13.324,0:22:15.963
And to celebrate, that’s been 10 years, let's renew our vows.

0:22:16.683,0:22:17.475
Ahh.. <3

0:22:17.475,0:22:19.205
I really want a promotion. Age up.

0:22:19.205,0:22:21.101
My car is no longer usable.

0:22:21.101,0:22:23.674
Okay, well I got 4 from my OnlyFans subscribers, anyways.

0:22:23.674,0:22:25.584
Let’s transmit a message across space.

0:22:25.584,0:22:27.524
Any hot EILFs in this area?

0:22:28.224,0:22:29.014
Alright, age up.

0:22:29.263,0:22:31.413
“Do an OnlyFans pillow fight video,” Sure.

0:22:31.661,0:22:33.091
I’ve got 100% reputation

0:22:33.091,0:22:35.151
as an astronaut now. Spend time with everyone.

0:22:36.951,0:22:39.990
Wha-my SON doesn’t want to spend time with me? Why?

0:22:39.990,0:22:41.140
Have a yoyo.

0:22:42.010,0:22:44.444
Oh my God, my son hates me. Maybe he’s just adjusting

0:22:44.444,0:22:47.274
to the adoption process. My mum has constipation.

0:22:48.018,0:22:49.308
Age up. 46.

0:22:49.624,0:22:51.088
“Armageddon,” Oh my god.

0:22:51.088,0:22:53.738
There’s a meteor coming toward Earth. This is-

0:22:54.968,0:22:56.358
is this the end of Phil Lester?

0:22:56.358,0:22:58.050
“Tap the screen to blast the meteor.”

0:22:59.406,0:23:00.776
Ah! (shooting noises)

0:23:00.776,0:23:02.687
I’m tapping as fast as I can! (more shooting noises)

0:23:03.968,0:23:05.462
Oh my God.

0:23:05.689,0:23:08.149
Oh my god, please! It’s shrinkin!

0:23:08.459,0:23:09.119
aH!

0:23:11.175,0:23:13.600
Oh my God, come on, come on! I'll save the day!

0:23:13.600,0:23:16.000
(yippee sound effect) Yes!

0:23:16.000,0:23:19.554
“People around the globe celebrated. Your space agency director,

0:23:19.554,0:23:23.814
Viktor, gave you a cash reward of 35 million dollars.”

0:23:24.547,0:23:29.796
What the hell? I saved the world! Oh, my God. (clap)

0:23:29.796,0:23:32.286
That is a good point to end this video I think.

0:23:32.286,0:23:34.154
I am an astronaut hero.

0:23:34.154,0:23:36.836
That was stressful. I never tapped so fast for anything in my life.

0:23:37.230,0:23:39.380
I bet that would have killed me if I had f(dog bark)d it up.

0:23:39.380,0:23:41.760
Wow. “My mother no longer has constipation.”

0:23:41.760,0:23:43.620
and I saved the planet.

0:23:43.620,0:23:45.920
If you want to see more of the rest of my adult life,

0:23:45.920,0:23:47.544
with my son who hates me,

0:23:47.544,0:23:50.664
and my surprise wife, Grace, give me a thumbs up.

0:23:50.664,0:23:52.094
Maybe I should apply to NASA!

0:23:52.094,0:23:54.074
There’s still a lot of life ahead for me over here.

0:23:54.074,0:23:56.195
So, thanks again Opera Browser for sponsoring this video,

0:23:56.195,0:23:59.848
if you want to upgrade your browsing experience, you can

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click the link below, download it, it’s free.

0:24:02.492,0:24:05.219
And enjoy browsing in peace.

0:24:05.328,0:24:05.785
Ah…

0:24:05.785,0:24:09.059
Check out Dan and Phil Games if you wanna see some mayhem over there.

0:24:09.059,0:24:10.879
Subscribe if you haven’t already.

0:24:10.879,0:24:13.429
Come and see me and Danny on tour as well! It’d be lovely to

0:24:13.429,0:24:16.439
hang out with ya, it’s gonna be the best night of your life.

0:24:16.439,0:24:20.639
You avoid any asteroids heading towards your face.

0:24:20.639,0:24:21.480
Goodbye!